Grieving

MsTinkerbelly · 06-03-2011, 10:08 AM

I am having a really tough time today with my Mom's loss....She and my Dad promised Amy that they would be there to see her graduate, come to find out she is grieving so badly she doesn't care whether she graduates or not!

How could I be so blind to her suffering?

CherylNYC · 06-03-2011, 11:01 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MsTinkerbelly

I am having a really tough time today with my Mom's loss....She and my Dad promised Amy that they would be there to see her graduate, come to find out she is grieving so badly she doesn't care whether she graduates or not!

How could I be so blind to her suffering?

The following is a hard thing for a grown adult to access, and even harder for a young person:

Sometimes things happen that are utterly out of our control. We can make promises that we're prevented from keeping, and it's not anyone's fault.

Fairness has absolutely nothing to do with it. If life was fair there are all sorts of politicians who would be dead, and our loved ones would still be here with us. Those who seek fairness in mortality will never find it, nor will they find peace.

I hope you and your daughter find solace. Please don't blame yourself for your daughter's suffering. It's natural to want to shield her, but she has her own journey. We each have to grieve in our own way, and it can be consuming.

choochoo-enginerd · 08-19-2011, 09:29 PM

With gratitude I find a thread exists about such heartfelt and pervasive issues. As I scroll through the posts, inevitably I recognize a commmon thread. Whether 2 months, five years or more, those of us who have lost someone with whom we were deeply connected continue to grieve however vocal or silent. I have asked myself on some days if the open hearted grief would dissipate, and over time the frequency of overwelming sadness lessened, a couple years following. Thank you to those who have shared their feelings and stories, and some day soon I shall unfold mine. Appreciating the present and gifts life's path provides upon occasion is the heightened realization at which I have arrived.

iamkeri1 · 11-22-2011, 12:05 AM

Today is my hubby's birthday. He would be 60 today if he was still alive. He died almost eight years ago. This year I am missing him very much. Like Andrew said (implied) some years are easier than others.
Keri

Mr. Moon · 11-22-2011, 04:14 PM

Keri I'm so sorry you're feeling the loss today.
But I know we feel it everyday, don't we?
And yes, some times are better than others...

My loss amazes me in how my "humaness" reacts....
if that makes any sense.

I just don't feel like myself anymore.

-Mr. Moon

Dean Thoreau · 11-22-2011, 04:34 PM

Andrew and Iamkerri, I so agree some years are just horrible.....and you feel the loss so much more.
In my case, today I could barely work....the "anniversary" of my daughter Lora's death is not until December 1st but I am already slipping....
walked around sniffling at work all day...maybe its the fact that its the 10 year mark i dont know....maybe its the fact that one of my grandkids..says words a lot like she use to BOP for stop.....lellow for yellow....
I just know that Lora should be turning 23 on Dec 24 and should be a nurse and driving a jeep liberty and meeting a lawyer (she had these plans) and getting married and adopting two children (she knew she could not give birth since she had AIDS, and did not want to give it to them)....and still 20 years since my son john died, 10 years since my daughter died and still no friggin cure for a disease that is killing adults and children..then i sink further think of son jack who was walking down a street....and in 2005 is killed.....
.so I cry, and cry some more
.....and miss her and my sons john & jackie and sink into a depression...
and some asshole says to me" ahh but they are in a better place, they are with the Lord....."
And I say..............
I guess i better stop before I offend someone...or something
Its hell outliving your children.....and people u love....

iamkeri1 · 11-22-2011, 07:32 PM

Dean
When hubby died, I joined widownet.org, an online grieving group that helped me so much. One thing "older" member recommended was to "tell your story." For me it was like ripping my guts out, and I did it only once. But for many it gave comfort. If you would find it comforting to talk about it, please tell us the story of the loss of your children... or just tell us about your children. They sound wonderful. I for one would be honored to hear about them.
Smooches,
Keri

08-19-2011, 09:29 PM	#3
choochoo-enginerd Member How Do You Identify?: butch Preferred Pronoun?: ------she they Relationship Status: ————— Join Date: Jun 2011 Location: In the locomotive from seattle to portland to seattle to portland to seattle and back...dichromatic Posts: 192 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 163 Thanked 286 Times in 75 Posts Rep Power: 2075017	Acknowledgement.... With gratitude I find a thread exists about such heartfelt and pervasive issues. As I scroll through the posts, inevitably I recognize a commmon thread. Whether 2 months, five years or more, those of us who have lost someone with whom we were deeply connected continue to grieve however vocal or silent. I have asked myself on some days if the open hearted grief would dissipate, and over time the frequency of overwelming sadness lessened, a couple years following. Thank you to those who have shared their feelings and stories, and some day soon I shall unfold mine. Appreciating the present and gifts life's path provides upon occasion is the heightened realization at which I have arrived.

11-22-2011, 04:34 PM	#6
Dean Thoreau Member How Do You Identify?: Ftm - Male- exfemale Preferred Pronoun?: He’s Him Relationship Status: Has a gf Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Philadelphia pa Posts: 889 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 251 Thanked 762 Times in 219 Posts Rep Power: 4529749	Andrew and Iamkerri, I so agree some years are just horrible.....and you feel the loss so much more. In my case, today I could barely work....the "anniversary" of my daughter Lora's death is not until December 1st but I am already slipping.... walked around sniffling at work all day...maybe its the fact that its the 10 year mark i dont know....maybe its the fact that one of my grandkids..says words a lot like she use to BOP for stop.....lellow for yellow.... I just know that Lora should be turning 23 on Dec 24 and should be a nurse and driving a jeep liberty and meeting a lawyer (she had these plans) and getting married and adopting two children (she knew she could not give birth since she had AIDS, and did not want to give it to them)....and still 20 years since my son john died, 10 years since my daughter died and still no friggin cure for a disease that is killing adults and children..then i sink further think of son jack who was walking down a street....and in 2005 is killed..... .so I cry, and cry some more .....and miss her and my sons john & jackie and sink into a depression... and some asshole says to me" ahh but they are in a better place, they are with the Lord....." And I say.............. I guess i better stop before I offend someone...or something Its hell outliving your children.....and people u love.... __________________ Dean Thoreau

06-03-2011, 10:08 AM	#1
MsTinkerbelly Timed Out - TOS Drama How Do You Identify?: ... Preferred Pronoun?: ... Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: ... Posts: 6,573 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 30,737 Thanked 22,907 Times in 5,017 Posts Rep Power: 0	I am having a really tough time today with my Mom's loss....She and my Dad promised Amy that they would be there to see her graduate, come to find out she is grieving so badly she doesn't care whether she graduates or not! How could I be so blind to her suffering?

11-22-2011, 12:05 AM	#4
iamkeri1 Member How Do You Identify?: femme woman Preferred Pronoun?: she Relationship Status: solo Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Central Florida Posts: 905 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 302 Thanked 2,153 Times in 659 Posts Rep Power: 16642920	Today is my hubby's birthday. He would be 60 today if he was still alive. He died almost eight years ago. This year I am missing him very much. Like Andrew said (implied) some years are easier than others. Keri

11-22-2011, 04:14 PM	#5
Mr. Moon Member How Do You Identify?: Butch Preferred Pronoun?: he, she, it, hey you Relationship Status: single Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Maryland Posts: 329 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 636 Thanked 1,160 Times in 229 Posts Rep Power: 10385664	Keri I'm so sorry you're feeling the loss today. But I know we feel it everyday, don't we? And yes, some times are better than others... My loss amazes me in how my "humaness" reacts.... if that makes any sense. I just don't feel like myself anymore. -Mr. Moon

11-22-2011, 07:32 PM	#7
iamkeri1 Member How Do You Identify?: femme woman Preferred Pronoun?: she Relationship Status: solo Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Central Florida Posts: 905 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 302 Thanked 2,153 Times in 659 Posts Rep Power: 16642920	Dean When hubby died, I joined widownet.org, an online grieving group that helped me so much. One thing "older" member recommended was to "tell your story." For me it was like ripping my guts out, and I did it only once. But for many it gave comfort. If you would find it comforting to talk about it, please tell us the story of the loss of your children... or just tell us about your children. They sound wonderful. I for one would be honored to hear about them. Smooches, Keri