Attraction = physical, mental, emotional...

[SassyLeo]

Originally Posted by June

Hey, JennyBoo --

As you know, I am also partnered to a masculine appearing female who abjectly refuses to identify in any way. She also wears mens clothing and has close cropped hair. She gets called Sir a lot at stores, etc.

When I met her, she had shoulder length hair, and did for several years until one day, I got sick of her fussing with it all the time (shoving it out of the way and being pissed about it) and I took her to get her hair cut, telling her just to "Trust me". She did, and was pretty shocked at first, but then after that, she took control of her own hair and it started getting shorter and shorter.

I was attracted to her because of who she was, not how she looked, in that prior to her, I had always dated very masculine butches or Trans Men. Nearly 11 years later, I guess something worked.

I hope she'll come in and talk about this a little bit, because I don't want to tell her story, but I am pretty sure that if I said to her "You look pretty" she would get a bad face. I think she struggles with being feminized, or feeling feminized, and yet she is very much female ID'd.

"The heart wants what it wants"

xoxo
June

Oh yes, they are very similar in this way.

"I think she struggles with being feminized, or feeling feminized, and yet she is very much female ID'd."

Ren gets upset when people attach anything masculine to her, yet very much appears more masculine. It's a struggle for her. I sometimes forget that I can walk through the world and appear as your average straight woman, when she (and kat...and others) don't have the same experience or luxury (sort of???)...

I remember you telling me that story (and also the photo on the fridge) about her hair...and it's weird because I almost didn't realize it was her! It is interesting to me how much identity (or non) attachment there is to hair style or length...