Scaring straight women.. rawwrrr... lol

[Strappie]

Originally Posted by starryeyes

Last weekend I was on a working trip which required me to share a close space with a co-worker (I work on cruiseships, and we share an inside room). The two of us never met before, but she seemed nice and I felt it would be a great week sailing the seas! I did not openly discuss my sexuality with her initially, because, why should I?

Anyways, the first two days, we worked closely together, and she started asking me about which guys I liked in the ship, do I have a boyfriend, etc. I just blew it off, told her I am not looking, not wanting to get into my “lesbianism” with her, lol. Anyways, one night another co-worker (gay) and I were at the bar talking and she came up on our conversation about people we were dating. She looked at me funny, and I told her I was a lesbian. She immediately looked horrified and asked me “Do you think I am cute”? I knew it was downhill from there.

After that, sharing our space became a horrible awkward experience. Every time we were in the room, I could feel her looking at me out of the corner of my eye to make sure I was not looking at her changing (lol), and things of that nature. Wow, this was the first time I felt like a “Lesbian Predator”, lol. Being a femme, and being “invisible” most of the time, I have never had to deal with this. It really bothered me, so I just needed to vent.

Love you femme ladies!!
Starry

Welcome to a Butches world.... We or at least I go through this almost daily. Not being asked but the gesture's and the looks and yes even the "sir, you have the wrong bathroom."

It's every day living for me.

[Martina]

i kinda agree that this is not exactly the same as what butches deal with. There is that shock of betrayal because they assumed we were straight, and they identify with us more, find it harder to "other" us. They are more likely then to say inappropriate and intrusive things, even people who are not normally like that.

[Elijah]

Sorry folks, it was not My intent to negate or diminish starry's experience. I apologize. I posted because her experience resonated with Me, especially when I first came out. I didn't notice this was posted in "The Femme Zone" until after I had already replied.

~Elijah

[TickledPink]

My biggest gripe about the "straight woman finding out I'm queer" talk is when said person meets my partner, then later says, "I don't get it, they look like a guy, whey don't you just date guys?"

OY FUCKING VEY!

[starryeyes]

Originally Posted by TickledPink

My biggest gripe about the "straight woman finding out I'm queer" talk is when said person meets my partner, then later says, "I don't get it, they look like a guy, whey don't you just date guys?"

OY FUCKING VEY!

Agreed!

Starry

[DoReMiFemme]

Originally Posted by TickledPink

My biggest gripe about the "straight woman finding out I'm queer" talk is when said person meets my partner, then later says, "I don't get it, they look like a guy, whey don't you just date guys?"

OY FUCKING VEY!

Also agreed. This one of my biggest pet peeves. I will note that I seem to get this kind of commentary less from my straight female friends and more from my male friends (be they gay or straight). Not sure why that is?

[starryeyes]

Originally Posted by DoReMiFemme

Also agreed. This one of my biggest pet peeves. I will note that I seem to get this kind of commentary less from my straight female friends and more from my male friends (be they gay or straight). Not sure why that is?

My gay male friends also do not understand, or sometimes even respect my preferences for butches. The grab femmes in bars, introduce me to them, tell me that someday I will end up with a "pretty girl" etc. Such a weird dynamic. I still love my gays tho. I accept it more coming from them, and even laugh it off. I absolutely despise it coming from the straight world... I dunno why? Maybe I need to examine that.

Starry

[Merlin]

*sticks head round the door* I think all you femmes are amazing,the way you all stand by us makes me fuzzy inside.

You are amazing !!

[Heart]

I live in a place where there are many diverse queers and although I am most likely seen as straight initially, I have not had to deal with the kind of homophobic confrontations described here. But I have dealt with the rather odd phenomena of having straight women contact me via a few dating sites I have been on to say that they would like to talk to me about their needs/feelings about wanting to try sleeping with a woman. Has any other femme experienced this?

I have also had several straight women openly proposition me on dating sites. This is curious as I assume they'd go for more "butch" women. But who knows? I have ignored these messages since I am not in the business of talking to strangers about, nor satisfying, their queer-curiosity. It feels hugely intrusive since I'm on a dating site in order to date interesting out butches, as I clearly say.

Heart

P.S. I think this is an important discussion that has not been had before, to my recollection, and it has zip to do with butch experiences. Femmes have their own experiences.

[The_Lady_Snow]

Originally Posted by Heart

I live in a place where there are many diverse queers and although I am most likely seen as straight initially, I have not had to deal with the kind of homophobic confrontations described here. But I have dealt with the rather odd phenomena of having straight women contact me via a few dating sites I have been on to say that they would like to talk to me about their needs/feelings about wanting to try sleeping with a woman. Has any other femme experienced this?

I have also had several straight women openly proposition me on dating sites. This is curious as I assume they'd go for more "butch" women. But who knows? I have ignored these messages since I am not in the business of talking to strangers about, nor satisfying, their queer-curiosity. It feels hugely intrusive since I'm on a dating site in order to date interesting out butches, as I clearly say.

Heart

P.S. I think this is an important discussion that has not been had before, to my recollection, and it has zip to do with butch experiences. Femmes have their own experiences.

I've experienced uncomfortable "hey what's it like to lick on *****" or just ugly come at me at a dinner table cause I'm queer and want to have deep conversations on what it's like to be with women.

I don't mind sharing, answering questions sometimes though the straight women can be intrusive and down right crude with their questions and it almost feel like I am under a microscope so I won't participate if their intent is coming off that way.

Other than that straight girls stay away, I'm pretty Queer, as soon as I open my mouth you can tell I'm nothing like a straight woman.

As for measuring our experiences to that of butches.

I don't like it when we (Femmes) try to have conversations within our zone and then butches/guys come in with the whole "now you know" thing.

I don't nor will I my experiences as a Femme are different, still VALID, still REAL, they are what WE (Femmes) go through and sometimes we just wanna talk about it amongst ourselves and get tips or just have someone with commonality *listen*

I'm truly sorry this happened to you starry, sometimes it's hard to maneuver relationships with straight folk at work and other places, they have all the space in the world to be straight where we do not. I would definitely keep a journal of the happenings for work purposes in case this woman attempts to act out or continue to be weird and make your work space weird.

Thanks for sharing.

[Merlin]

Of course we experience things differently.

I did get a bit of a bad taste in my mouth when I read now you know what we go through.

It's not a p*ssing contest to see who has had a rougher deal in life.

[Chancie]

Originally Posted by Heart

<snip>

This is curious as I assume they'd go for more "butch" women.

<snip>

Why would you assume that, Heart?

[Heart]

Goooooood question Chancie. Hmmmmm....

I guess I assume that straight women are attracted to masculinity and would therefore gravitate towards butches.

Plus, I recall my own experience years ago as a straight-identified woman fascinated and attracted to masculine women.

And I think I've also internalized the whole straight woman/butch thing. You know the one I mean... how butches get hit on by curious straight women all the time and/or how butches are interested in "conquesting" straight women. (This aspect of femme invisibility is actually a very tender spot for me on a personal level). How many threads have we seen about butches and straight women? This is the first I can recall about femmes and straight women.

Anyway... I was surely making big assumptions. Thanks for calling me out on that.

Heart

[little_ms_sunshyne]

I once had to share a hotel room with a married woman while at a conference(wont get into the specifics). Half of the night she asked me what I thought was hot about her (oh yes) and the other half was asking me how I thought her ass looked. You can imagine I was not thrilled to answer these questions. I avoided them as best I could by giving generic answers like "yup, its ok" We had a few drinks...ok who are we kidding a whole bunch of drinks and before you know it she was trying to seduce me AS IF I was interested.

Ummmmm...I tucked her into bed and told her she would regret it in the morning

Funny how straight women just assume I am interested once they find out I am a lesbian...I have standards...SHEESH!

[princessbelle]

A long time ago i was in Gatlinburg with a bunch of people, some friends and some friends of friends. It had been brought up by one of my "friends* that i was gay and had been a topic of the day. The....what do you do when you have sex, if you like them butch why not just have a "man", where you born "this" way, were you abused as a child, on and on, the typical crap questions that most of us roll our eyes to and pray they end quickly.

We had decided to get one of those old time pictures made and 3 of us went into the dressing room at one time. I noticed two of the girls, i didn't know that well, were with me and were sorta huddled together in the corner of this big room where we dressed. I just thought, well they are sorta odd.

It did not OCCUR to me until DAYS later what they were probably thinking....i would galk at them or admire/want them cause i'm "gay". They were definately uncomfortable with me in there with them. When i figured out this was more than likely the reason for them acting so strange it hurt my feelings so bad and made me sick.

You know sometimes i still feel like an alien on this planet. Like someone that once it is "out" that i'm gay i am then some wild animal after anything in a skirt and will stop at nothing to get it.

I get so frustrated and shocked at how *some* straight people still see us. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.

[LaneyDoll]

Originally Posted by princessbelle

They were definately uncomfortable with me in there with them. When i figured out this was more than likely the reason for them acting so strange it hurt my feelings so bad and made me sick.

You know sometimes i still feel like an alien on this planet. Like someone that once it is "out" that i'm gay i am then some wild animal after anything in a skirt and will stop at nothing to get it.

I get so frustrated and shocked at how *some* straight people still see us. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.

That sucks!!! But laugh about it, you are not the one with a closed mind

~taking a moment to be thankful that most of my female friends are bi AND in some form of alt lifestyle~

[starryeyes]

Originally Posted by little_ms_sunshyne

I once had to share a hotel room with a married woman while at a conference(wont get into the specifics). Half of the night she asked me what I thought was hot about her (oh yes) and the other half was asking me how I thought her ass looked. You can imagine I was not thrilled to answer these questions. I avoided them as best I could by giving generic answers like "yup, its ok" We had a few drinks...ok who are we kidding a whole bunch of drinks and before you know it she was trying to seduce me AS IF I was interested.

Ummmmm...I tucked her into bed and told her she would regret it in the morning

Funny how straight women just assume I am interested once they find out I am a lesbian...I have standards...SHEESH!

yuck! That is so gross....

[Martina]

generally, i get the "oh i can see it now" when i come out to people because i am not that feminine. i don't do my nails, wear makeup. When i was thinner, i wore heels, and i do prefer skirts, but i am still very low maintenance. i do pass however.

But when i come out, they accept my identity. i don't get that stuff about something bad happened to me as a child or i just haven't met the right man.

i think there is enough andro in me that their gestalt shifts, and they say, "Ah. i see it now." i have a low voice too.

Anyway, you all online may find this hard to believe, but people tend to like me. And i do see people sort of grieve the person they thought i was. Usually i come out pretty fast, but sometimes for whatever reason, i get to know someone a litte before she learns i am gay. It's weird sometimes witnessing that sense of loss. i guess they can't be friends with a lesbian. Or drop their guard enough for whatever reason to be comfortable around one.

On the other hand, i have a great straight woman friend. She has other lesbian friends. i also have a good friend whose wife's best friend is a dyke. i feel super comfortable around her. i like the company of women. It's sad to feel cut off from that when they can't deal with the fact that i am a dyke.

[imperfect_cupcake]

Originally Posted by Martina

It's weird sometimes witnessing that sense of loss.

That. It usually takes a while for whatever office I'm working in (I temp a lot) for it to trickle round the office I'm a gayer. English people are pretty good at not letting a beat pass between "... my wife...." and the next sentence. It's a relief to not have to deal with the facial reactions any more. However, the subtle change of behaviour is sometimes a bit sad (if I care enough to notice). I do get some strange expressions of suprise when I talk about my wigs and my sky scraper heels and pictures on my phone of my wedding etc. I usually just laugh it off with "oh I'm really just a big ol drag queen inside." that either confuses them enough to never ever ask again or a light bulb goes on in some bizzare way. The straight girls who do get it are a hoot though.

[Talon]

I've always hated it when straight women find out, and then they start flirting with you, or want to experiment with you, as if that would even be an option.