Scaring straight women.. rawwrrr... lol

[dixie]

I totally get what you are saying. Happens to me often for some reason. I just don't get it. With some I think it is a "horror" type thing, some are just apprehensive, and some are just down-right conceited.

I had a woman stand up in my social diversity class the other day when we were talking about folks who pass,etc and say "omg, every lesbian I've ever met wants me!" I'm sitting behind her, once again trying not to punch her in the back of the head (because she says stupid crap constantly). I interrupted her long enough to say "Darlin, trust me. I'm queer and wouldn't give you the time of day." (Which was much more polite than what I wanted to say.) The cute butch sitting next to her agreed my statement.

Now she's all pissy at us, and keeps asking "What, am I not pretty enough?" *blink blink* Seriously??

[Elijah]

Welcome to what it's like to be a butch...24/7. Uncomfortable, eh?

[starryeyes]

Originally Posted by ElijahRene

Welcome to what it's like to be a butch...24/7. Uncomfortable, eh?

Yes, it is, and it gives me more (if thats possible!) adoration for all you beautiful, amazing butches for being who you are and having to deal with such nonsense. Hugs to all of you on the spectrum.



Starry

[Mister Bent]

Originally Posted by ElijahRene

Welcome to what it's like to be a butch...24/7. Uncomfortable, eh?

Really?

It seems to me the femme experience (which is what I believed this thread to be about) has marked differences, and that the OP was speaking in part about the impact of the sudden lifting of the veil of invisibility, which is not a thing any masculine presenting person has to face.

I'm not butch, but as a masculine person, I wouldn't say I much relate to the OP's experience, though I have become the object (uncomfortably so) of others bi-curiosity. Perhaps it's because I'm not trying to occupy "female" space (for example, sharing a room during business travel), or maybe because I do not otherwise engage in "predatory" type behaviors, but I believe my indifference conveys exactly the message I wish.

I think Drew had good advice: "When a straight woman assumes you want every woman you see, ask her, well, do you want every man you see?"

Also, my apologies for sticking my nose in femme space. I'm curious about this aspect of femme invisibility, and the repercussions.

[Ebon]

How about the ones that ask if you are attracted to them then get offended when you say no. "Well why not?!!"


Sorry you have to go through this starry. Maybe she will come around and realize you are still the same person.

[Arwen]

Have had this happen.
I look them in the eye and tell them, "Sorry, but I won't date anyone who would wear my clothes or borrow my makeup on a regular basis."

I get a bit annoyed at the idea that I am so out of control with my sexual preferences that I would pounce on someone.

Agree with the sentiments expressed re: Do you want every man you see?

NO MAS!

[EnderD_503]

Originally Posted by Arwen

I get a bit annoyed at the idea that I am so out of control with my sexual preferences that I would pounce on someone.

This exactly. With the whole queer/lgbt spectrum the general public seem to have this idea that we're all a bunch of out of control sexual predators who are just waiting to pounce on straight people. Centuries of propaganda have done their work on the heterosexual psyche...

[Martina]

One of the weirder experiences i had was with a friend's sister. She would not give up. She is a married straight woman. She had had two affairs with women. Apparently her husband didn't care or didn't count affairs with women to be the same. Then she lost a lesbian friend of hers by constantly hitting on her. Then she ran me off too. In between hitting on us, she bitched about her husband. i am not sure whether we were supposed to fill a need he couldn't or wouldn't, or whether she was trying to convince us that the relationship wasn't that strong.

My god that women would not take no for an answer. i had to stop going to my friend's parties and events because she would be there.

So years later, i thought it must be safe and i went to one of his parties. She was there and introduced me to someone as the woman she almost married. *shaking my head* In her dreams.

[Gemme]

Originally Posted by dixielady

I totally get what you are saying. Happens to me often for some reason. I just don't get it. With some I think it is a "horror" type thing, some are just apprehensive, and some are just down-right conceited.

I had a woman stand up in my social diversity class the other day when we were talking about folks who pass,etc and say "omg, every lesbian I've ever met wants me!" I'm sitting behind her, once again trying not to punch her in the back of the head (because she says stupid crap constantly). I interrupted her long enough to say "Darlin, trust me. I'm queer and wouldn't give you the time of day." (Which was much more polite than what I wanted to say.) The cute butch sitting next to her agreed my statement.

Now she's all pissy at us, and keeps asking "What, am I not pretty enough?" *blink blink* Seriously??

Because she would have already tap danced on my last nerve with the other stuff she's said in your class, I think I would look her directly in the eye and say, "Frankly, no." and then walk away. Her insecurities would take care of the rest.

It doesn't matter that, to me, she'd fall into the 'too pretty' category. I'm just mean enough to prefer the other way.

[starryeyes]

Originally Posted by dixielady

I totally get what you are saying. Happens to me often for some reason. I just don't get it. With some I think it is a "horror" type thing, some are just apprehensive, and some are just down-right conceited.

I had a woman stand up in my social diversity class the other day when we were talking about folks who pass,etc and say "omg, every lesbian I've ever met wants me!" I'm sitting behind her, once again trying not to punch her in the back of the head (because she says stupid crap constantly). I interrupted her long enough to say "Darlin, trust me. I'm queer and wouldn't give you the time of day." (Which was much more polite than what I wanted to say.) The cute butch sitting next to her agreed my statement.

Now she's all pissy at us, and keeps asking "What, am I not pretty enough?" *blink blink* Seriously??

*rolls eyes*... yeah. I thought the same thing when she asked me if I thought she was cute... um NO. I told her I liked "girls who looked like boys" (I had to go elementary on her).. she still didn't get it and was asking me if every hot girl she saw was cute. When we left, I said "peace out".. and went back to my queer folks... ahhh... I don't ever wanna leave again!! :-D

[Dreams]

I try to have fun with the whole you "must want me cause i'm female" thing they have going on in their narrow little minds. once they get to where the subject is even broached about whether i am attracted to them, i simply state "i have standards and you just don't meet them"..i have almost brought a few to tears with that one. not that i need to but, I explain why should i bother with you when there are plenty of what does meet my standards available to me, women that get me.

the part i'm not sure i get is ..normally they will start to flirt with me..WTF is that about..LOL..

[Ms. Meander]

I think part of what scares them is that they didn't see us coming. They were hanging out with us, enjoying our company, thinking that we are pretty cool - and one of them.

Finding out that their neat little definitions of us are completely wrong and that we are the dreaded "other", throws them into a narrow-minded spin.

With such people, I know longer even try to explain to them what my type is, only that it is not them. If someone is already so ignorant, they are not going to get my fondness for gender-benders. Because the next thing out of their mouths is going to be something about what I really want is a real man but I don't know it because I am fucked up in some way. AT THIS POINT - someone is about to be slapped.

Of course, different situations call for different levels of disclosure. And maybe we can educate a few people in situations like these. But sometimes, it's just useless.

[atomiczombie]

When a straight woman assumes you want every woman you see, ask her, well, do you want every man you see? Mebbe then she will get it.

Oh, and sorry for posting here since I am not a Femme, just adding a suggestion.

[Martina]

The irony of that is straight women come on to dykes WAY more often than we come on to them.

i like feminine women too, but i have no desire to introduce someone to lesbian sex. What she probably thinks of as lesbian sex is not the kind of sex i like.

i really have had a number of straight women just express shock that i was not interested in fucking them.

i guess they think they're doing us a favor.

[LaneyDoll]

Originally Posted by dixielady

I had a woman stand up in my social diversity class the other day when we were talking about folks who pass,etc and say "omg, every lesbian I've ever met wants me!" I'm sitting behind her, once again trying not to punch her in the back of the head (because she says stupid crap constantly). I interrupted her long enough to say "Darlin, trust me. I'm queer and wouldn't give you the time of day." (Which was much more polite than what I wanted to say.) The cute butch sitting next to her agreed my statement.

Now she's all pissy at us, and keeps asking "What, am I not pretty enough?" *blink blink* Seriously??

OMG, something close happened to me! I was in a training class for my club and we went to eat lunch the last day. I was at a table with a visiting girl and her friend (a guy) and when she found out I was a lesbian she said "All lesbians tell me they can change me, that I would be one too, are you going to do that?" And I said "No, honey IF I wanted you, I would have had you by now." Her friend almost choked on his drink but it really did break the tension.

[Soon]

I can't believe this just happened to me about three or so weeks ago. I have been trying to put it words.

I am out to only a select few (LIKE TWO) people at work for various reasons.

So, when I came out to my friend about four or five months ago...she seemed to handle it ok. She had been involved in LGBT initiatives in our workplace etc...

About a month ago, I am talking to her about her wedding. She has been WAITING (ahem) for over three years for this dude to propose to her. So, here I am, all getting into it for her--talking about locations, dresses, etc. She really appreciated it b/c many friends were lost during a certain time in her life...enough said on that.

Anyway, we are driving in her car and I just HAPPENED to ask about her fiancee's roommate--I asked nothing except, "Oh, how does she feel about the wedding; did you and your fiancee tell her that she will have to move out? " etc. etc.

OUT OF THE BLUE: She says to me, "Well, I would introduce you to her (I DID NOT ASK TO BE!), but she is ...ummm....pause...."

My mind was at a loss.

Then it hit me.

I said to my friend, "Oh, is she a lesbian?"

Friend: (verbatim practically!): "Yes, and I wouldn't want to be the one who destroyed your marriage."


So..............b/c she found out I was queer, ANY woman was suspect--that I would FALL into bed with them and she would be responsible!

I can't even tell you how I reacted at this point except to say...I DIED. AND TRIED to make her understand...it goes on from there...

yep. as soon as i come out to ONE person, that is what happened. nice.


--------------------------

[starryeyes]

Originally Posted by HowSoonIsNow

I can't believe this just happened to me about three or so weeks ago. I have been trying to put it words.

I am out to only a select few (LIKE TWO) people at work for various reasons.

So, when I came out to my friend about four or five months ago...she seemed to handle it ok. She had been involved in LGBT initiatives in our workplace etc...

About a month ago, I am talking to her about her wedding. She has been WAITING (ahem) for over three years for this dude to propose to her. So, here I am, all getting into it for her--talking about locations, dresses, etc. She really appreciated it b/c many friends were lost during a certain time in her life...enough said on that.

Anyway, we are driving in her car and I just HAPPENED to ask about her fiancee's roommate--I asked nothing except, "Oh, how does she feel about the wedding; did you and your fiancee tell her that she will have to move out? " etc. etc.

OUT OF THE BLUE: She says to me, "Well, I would introduce you to her (I DID NOT ASK TO BE!), but she is ...ummm....pause...."

My mind was at a loss.

Then it hit me.

I said to my friend, "Oh, is she a lesbian?"

Friend: (verbatim practically!): "Yes, and I wouldn't want to be the one who destroyed your marriage."


So..............b/c she found out I was queer, ANY woman was suspect--that I would FALL into bed with them and she would be responsible!

I can't even tell you how I reacted at this point except to say...I DIED. AND TRIED to make her understand...it goes on from there...

yep. as soon as i come out to ONE person, that is what happened. nice.


--------------------------

Sorry you had to experience this from a friend. They are supposed to be the people that you trust, and it obviously backfired! This is ridiculous. From what I have gathered, people get afraid and go into "protection" mode because they do not understand.

I have even done this in my community... specifically with a butch who was into the leather community (something I knew nothing about!). I did some of the same things as stated above, asked stupid questions, was guarded, etc. It wasn't until we talked about it more, understood that she wasn't going to whip me, or force me into some satanic play (lol) that I realized I was just judging her off assumptions. Now, I have met one of the most wonderful, caring, sweet and amazing butches ever!! I am glad she didn't write me off immediately and gave me a chance! Education and conversation are definitely important!!

Just my thought for the day!

[smouldering]

This has happened to me a few times... As soon as a straight woman or a guy finds out that I am queer.. suddenly I am either a "challenge" or the woman is offended im not attracted to them or in one rare occasion I suddenly felt like a stripper pole ..
the only people who seem to know that I am queer are Butches.. but that may have something to do with the "hungry like a wolf" look I give them? *laughs*

[starryeyes]

Originally Posted by smouldering

This has happened to me a few times... As soon as a straight woman or a guy finds out that I am queer.. suddenly I am either a "challenge" or the woman is offended im not attracted to them or in one rare occasion I suddenly felt like a stripper pole ..
the only people who seem to know that I am queer are Butches.. but that may have something to do with the "hungry like a wolf" look I give them? *laughs*

LOL!!! love it.. :-D I know the feelings... butches... rawwr... Maybe us femmes can start scaring some butches.... in a good way, of course!! LOL

[smouldering]

Originally Posted by starryeyes

LOL!!! love it.. :-D I know the feelings... butches... rawwr... Maybe us femmes can start scaring some butches.... in a good way, of course!! LOL

I am totally game!! lol