Scaring straight women.. rawwrrr... lol

[swan]

Originally Posted by swan

Really? Girly girls can't be gay unless they're Femmy Gay Men? We have to all be KD Lang or Ellen types?

Note: this was not intended as a slam towards KD Lang or Ellen, or their "types"... I happen to think they're all Hottie McHottersons...

[imperfect_cupcake]

ugh god. this has happened plenty of times. Though I'm pretty vocal about being a big ol queer, I still have people suddenly reacting like "WHAT? you... omg." and getting angry about because I snuck past their radar for five minutes. Like I invaded some inner sanctum as a destructive spy. The other part is when later, they come on to you after a few drinks. gosh, that's fun.

Tbh, I get more comming onto me that being horrified. But they get really insulted when you aren't interested. Though one friend when she grabbed me in an alleyway and snogged the hell out of me (????!!! eh. ok. I'll wait for it to stop) when she finished I couldn't help but burst out laughing. She got a little indignant and said "WHAT?"
"oh c'mon, s, this is completely ridiculous, don't be silly. lets go back in and get another beer."

I think by far the worst has been when I was in some cabins when I was doing field research. I was in a room with 7 other girls. One was a navy gal who was serving part time and doing part time studies. When she found out I was lesbian (not like I *hid it* I openly talked about my partner at the time) she refused to get changed around me. To their benefit most of the other girls just rolled their eyes at her but some took up the same vigilant stance.

I came in once, to hose off after being in the mangrove swamp and she was in her jungle stained cotton sweaty knickers and she covered herself and *screamed*. I recall yelling "oh for god's sake. you wouldn't be my type if you were the last one alive" and sat down. She got all upset I was still there and went into the bathroom.

I left and I went into the court yard and bitched about it to one of my colleagues I was getting along with who stayed in a small two floor cabin. four guys on the bottom, four girls on the top. She said "oh. well that sucks. why don't you come and stay in our cabin? We're the naked bisexual cabin. we don't give a shit." That was SO nice. So I went and stayed with them.

and I became very good mates with the guys downstairs. it was a very happy ending indeed.

[imperfect_cupcake]

Originally Posted by Martina

It's weird sometimes witnessing that sense of loss.

That. It usually takes a while for whatever office I'm working in (I temp a lot) for it to trickle round the office I'm a gayer. English people are pretty good at not letting a beat pass between "... my wife...." and the next sentence. It's a relief to not have to deal with the facial reactions any more. However, the subtle change of behaviour is sometimes a bit sad (if I care enough to notice). I do get some strange expressions of suprise when I talk about my wigs and my sky scraper heels and pictures on my phone of my wedding etc. I usually just laugh it off with "oh I'm really just a big ol drag queen inside." that either confuses them enough to never ever ask again or a light bulb goes on in some bizzare way. The straight girls who do get it are a hoot though.

[*Anya*]

I always speak for myself when I post: I have had this happen so many times! Because I am femme and "pass"-they always assume I am straight. When I correct that assumption, straight girls either act like somehow I betrayed them because of their assumption or it changes the dynamic of the friend relationship because they assume I am then looking @ them sexually. Maybe I should make a pin to wear: I am a lesbian & only attracted sexually to butches! Femmes are my buddies, chat, gossip,go shopping with.,etc; not to bed!

[*Anya*]

Originally Posted by Semantics

Sometimes I scare straight women and sometimes I just scare their husbands.

This is so funny! I just laughed outloud @ work! Love it!

[foxyshaman]

It has been a very long road for me to access my Femme. I really do love being a dirt dog, but now I have decided my "label" myself as a spiritually minded dirt dog with Femme overtones.

I lived so long in the hetronormative reality as a single parent working hard to keep a roof over our head and... all that goes with that. The men I was attached to, in retrospect, were in need of a woman caretaker. I realized in my last hetro relationship that I was the masculine partner and I grew to resent that soooooo much it filtered in aspects of how I related to others. It was not until I was in a relationship with a woman that I really started to access my Femme. I love being Femme and feminine and all other aspects of what I feel I denied myself for so long. I guess I am finally at a place in my life where I can let my guard down and just be... It has been very hard on me and has led to idenity crisis' I did not know existed within me.

It is difficult in this praire, just north of the bible belt, town to be express my full on Femme. But the alternative is to bury that part of me again, and that is just not acceptable.

I can still use my power tools, even if they have diminshed <insert sad sigh>. I can still change my oil, tires and have a good idea what is wrong with my car. I can still fix the plumbing and all the other stuff I love to do. But now there is this beautiful part of me that I can express... joyfully.

[chefhottie25]

Originally Posted by starryeyes

Last weekend I was on a working trip which required me to share a close space with a co-worker (I work on cruiseships, and we share an inside room). The two of us never met before, but she seemed nice and I felt it would be a great week sailing the seas! I did not openly discuss my sexuality with her initially, because, why should I?

Anyways, the first two days, we worked closely together, and she started asking me about which guys I liked in the ship, do I have a boyfriend, etc. I just blew it off, told her I am not looking, not wanting to get into my “lesbianism” with her, lol. Anyways, one night another co-worker (gay) and I were at the bar talking and she came up on our conversation about people we were dating. She looked at me funny, and I told her I was a lesbian. She immediately looked horrified and asked me “Do you think I am cute”? I knew it was downhill from there.

After that, sharing our space became a horrible awkward experience. Every time we were in the room, I could feel her looking at me out of the corner of my eye to make sure I was not looking at her changing (lol), and things of that nature. Wow, this was the first time I felt like a “Lesbian Predator”, lol. Being a femme, and being “invisible” most of the time, I have never had to deal with this. It really bothered me, so I just needed to vent.

Love you femme ladies!!
Starry

What an experience you had. I have never been in that situation...but I have had the other possibilty happen. Straight women who suddenly want to know what it would be like to kiss or mess around with a lesbian. lol

[imperfect_cupcake]

Originally Posted by foxyshaman

It has been a very long road for me to access my Femme. I really do love being a dirt dog, but now I have decided my "label" myself as a spiritually minded dirt dog with Femme overtones.

I lived so long in the hetronormative reality as a single parent working hard to keep a roof over our head and... all that goes with that. The men I was attached to, in retrospect, were in need of a woman caretaker. I realized in my last hetro relationship that I was the masculine partner and I grew to resent that soooooo much it filtered in aspects of how I related to others. It was not until I was in a relationship with a woman that I really started to access my Femme. I love being Femme and feminine and all other aspects of what I feel I denied myself for so long. I guess I am finally at a place in my life where I can let my guard down and just be... It has been very hard on me and has led to idenity crisis' I did not know existed within me.

It is difficult in this praire, just north of the bible belt, town to be express my full on Femme. But the alternative is to bury that part of me again, and that is just not acceptable.

I can still use my power tools, even if they have diminshed <insert sad sigh>. I can still change my oil, tires and have a good idea what is wrong with my car. I can still fix the plumbing and all the other stuff I love to do. But now there is this beautiful part of me that I can express... joyfully.

I completely understand many aspects of the bolded part. I was VERY tomboy in my relationships with men. I even dressed several of them up like girls, strapped on and screwed the hell out of them (fun though! I can't help but like a little forced feminization once in a while in terms of consentual play. heh.) and my dad hated me to be feminine. He always told me I would never be taken seriously if I was too feminine.

And same with me, it wasn't until I left bisexuality and male partners that I felt able to be vunerable enough to celebrate my femininity. I feel like a fabulous drag queen at times and a pretty but strong woman at others. I still do most of the DYI cause I enjoy it (inki fixes the bikes, she much better at it) and my dad taught me everything he knows where as my partner's father hired people to do the fixing of things, so she never learned.

I love the dirt and camping and reptiles and fascinating bugs and getting sweaty and I used to be a complete jock (getting back into it). One femme friend I have is taking gladiator training (roman stylee!) and I'm so jealous. She's a real amazon that girl.

But it's so nice to be able to have these people who self ID as butches who see the vunerable bits and not mock them but love them and admire them. I think that's why I get so pissed off when femme jokes get made. It hurts the places that have been hidden for a long time for fear of being mocked.

[ScandalAndy]

Originally Posted by honeybarbara

But it's so nice to be able to have these people who self ID as butches who see the vunerable bits and not mock them but love them and admire them. I think that's why I get so pissed off when femme jokes get made. It hurts the places that have been hidden for a long time for fear of being mocked.

THIS!!!!!!!!!!!!


I was very masculine in college and loved fixing my car, rescuing damsels in distress and being the protector of many of my female friends (it didn't hurt that it helped me meet a lot of ladies, either).

These days I find myself reluctant to mention those aspects of myself because I feel it invalidates my femme identity. Does fixing a flat tire in heels make me less of a femme? I'm not sure, but I am certainly insecure about it. It's just another thing that causes some of my hetero friends to be reminded that I am "other" than them.

[foxyshaman]

Originally Posted by honeybarbara

I love the dirt and camping and reptiles and fascinating bugs and getting sweaty and I used to be a complete jock (getting back into it). One femme friend I have is taking gladiator training (roman stylee!) and I'm so jealous. She's a real amazon that girl.

But it's so nice to be able to have these people who self ID as butches who see the vunerable bits and not mock them but love them and admire them. I think that's why I get so pissed off when femme jokes get made. It hurts the places that have been hidden for a long time for fear of being mocked.

I understand that very well. I am a farmer's daughter and I helped fix whatever I could. And I still love to. I just did not always want to be the one who did it.

I still feel very vulnerable when I am out and about in all my Drag Beauty... I love my curves, and my hips and my abundant breasts... I still have to pull courage out of my ass sometimes to dress in my full on Femme. I find being dismissed being the most painful part. I have been mocked while out dancing, can I help it that being a drummer for 20 years has left me with a superior beat finder in my hips??

[Talon]

I've always hated it when straight women find out, and then they start flirting with you, or want to experiment with you, as if that would even be an option.

[JAGG]

Originally Posted by Talon

I've always hated it when straight women find out, and then they start flirting with you, or want to experiment with you, as if that would even be an option.

I don't mind it that much. Roflol.

[homoe]

I so agree! I think their thinking is we have no standards or morales and we'd jump at the chance to sleep with them! Thank you very much, but straight girls keep moving right along!

[thedivahrrrself]

Originally Posted by starryeyes

She looked at me funny, and I told her I was a lesbian. She immediately looked horrified and asked me “Do you think I am cute”? I knew it was downhill from there.

After that, sharing our space became a horrible awkward experience. Every time we were in the room, I could feel her looking at me out of the corner of my eye to make sure I was not looking at her changing (lol), and things of that nature. Wow, this was the first time I felt like a “Lesbian Predator”, lol. Being a femme, and being “invisible” most of the time, I have never had to deal with this. It really bothered me, so I just needed to vent.

I got outed in high school, so I've dealt with this much of my life, Oklahoma is a pretty conservative place.

Mostly I just make a joke out of it and tell women they have a really big head if they think every lesbian likes them. (I don't even try to explain why I ID as queer, not lez) If they don't get this, I start pointing at traditionally unattractive guys, and say something like, "You're straight, you like him, right? And him too, right? And him?"

And then I tell them I don't date women who wear makeup and heels, which inevitably leads to the "why don't you just date a man?" conversation (again, not going to approach the fact that I like trans guys too; it could blow their little minds), to which I've just come up with the simple reply of "They smell gross and have too much body hair. It icks me out." It's a gross oversimplification, but it shuts them up. Sometimes you have to consider your audience and tailor your answer to something they can understand.

[thedivahrrrself]

Originally Posted by Talon

I've always hated it when straight women find out, and then they start flirting with you, or want to experiment with you, as if that would even be an option.

OH my Lawd, this creeps me the hell out when women do this! It's only happened a few times, and I try to be sensitive (in my experience, they tend to be the girls with lower self-esteems, or higher blood-alcohol levels!), but explain I don't just mess around (period), and that coming out of the closet is a prerequisite to even kissing me.

[JAGG]

What bothers me is when they figure me out , and start rounding up their kids. Like if I'm in target or something. "Tommy, Susan, get over here, stay right here by me". I want to say in a fake cartoon evil voice, "Yeah the big bad butch might get you." Lol

[thedivahrrrself]

Originally Posted by JAGG

What bothers me is when they figure me out , and start rounding up their kids. Like if I'm in target or something. "Tommy, Susan, get over here, stay right here by me". I want to say in a fake cartoon evil voice, "Yeah the big bad butch might get you." Lol

Oh God, that's the worst! Makes you want to say, "That toddler is nice and plump. I ate one just like him for breakfast this morning. Took forever to bake."

Ah, bigots. Some are entertaining, some make you want to puke, but everywhere you look in Oklahoma, there's another one.

[Talon]

Originally Posted by JAGG

I don't mind it that much. Roflol.

*chuckle*

Yeah....why doesn't that suprise me, Jagg?

[JAGG]

Originally Posted by Talon

*chuckle*

Yeah....why doesn't that suprise me, Jagg?

Because you're smart like that ! I can't sneak anything by you. =)

[Talon]

Originally Posted by thedivahrrrself

OH my Lawd, this creeps me the hell out when women do this! It's only happened a few times, and I try to be sensitive (in my experience, they tend to be the girls with lower self-esteems, or higher blood-alcohol levels!), but explain I don't just mess around (period), and that coming out of the closet is a prerequisite to even kissing me.

E-X-A-C-T-L-E-Y....