Scaring straight women.. rawwrrr... lol

[imperfect_cupcake]

Originally Posted by foxyshaman

It has been a very long road for me to access my Femme. I really do love being a dirt dog, but now I have decided my "label" myself as a spiritually minded dirt dog with Femme overtones.

I lived so long in the hetronormative reality as a single parent working hard to keep a roof over our head and... all that goes with that. The men I was attached to, in retrospect, were in need of a woman caretaker. I realized in my last hetro relationship that I was the masculine partner and I grew to resent that soooooo much it filtered in aspects of how I related to others. It was not until I was in a relationship with a woman that I really started to access my Femme. I love being Femme and feminine and all other aspects of what I feel I denied myself for so long. I guess I am finally at a place in my life where I can let my guard down and just be... It has been very hard on me and has led to idenity crisis' I did not know existed within me.

It is difficult in this praire, just north of the bible belt, town to be express my full on Femme. But the alternative is to bury that part of me again, and that is just not acceptable.

I can still use my power tools, even if they have diminshed <insert sad sigh>. I can still change my oil, tires and have a good idea what is wrong with my car. I can still fix the plumbing and all the other stuff I love to do. But now there is this beautiful part of me that I can express... joyfully.

I completely understand many aspects of the bolded part. I was VERY tomboy in my relationships with men. I even dressed several of them up like girls, strapped on and screwed the hell out of them (fun though! I can't help but like a little forced feminization once in a while in terms of consentual play. heh.) and my dad hated me to be feminine. He always told me I would never be taken seriously if I was too feminine.

And same with me, it wasn't until I left bisexuality and male partners that I felt able to be vunerable enough to celebrate my femininity. I feel like a fabulous drag queen at times and a pretty but strong woman at others. I still do most of the DYI cause I enjoy it (inki fixes the bikes, she much better at it) and my dad taught me everything he knows where as my partner's father hired people to do the fixing of things, so she never learned.

I love the dirt and camping and reptiles and fascinating bugs and getting sweaty and I used to be a complete jock (getting back into it). One femme friend I have is taking gladiator training (roman stylee!) and I'm so jealous. She's a real amazon that girl.

But it's so nice to be able to have these people who self ID as butches who see the vunerable bits and not mock them but love them and admire them. I think that's why I get so pissed off when femme jokes get made. It hurts the places that have been hidden for a long time for fear of being mocked.

[ScandalAndy]

Originally Posted by honeybarbara

But it's so nice to be able to have these people who self ID as butches who see the vunerable bits and not mock them but love them and admire them. I think that's why I get so pissed off when femme jokes get made. It hurts the places that have been hidden for a long time for fear of being mocked.

THIS!!!!!!!!!!!!


I was very masculine in college and loved fixing my car, rescuing damsels in distress and being the protector of many of my female friends (it didn't hurt that it helped me meet a lot of ladies, either).

These days I find myself reluctant to mention those aspects of myself because I feel it invalidates my femme identity. Does fixing a flat tire in heels make me less of a femme? I'm not sure, but I am certainly insecure about it. It's just another thing that causes some of my hetero friends to be reminded that I am "other" than them.

[Ginger]

Originally Posted by ScandalAndy

These days I find myself reluctant to mention those aspects of myself because I feel it invalidates my femme identity. Does fixing a flat tire in heels make me less of a femme? I'm not sure, but I am certainly insecure about it. It's just another thing that causes some of my hetero friends to be reminded that I am "other" than them.

Scandal, You are the boss of your own identity.

If fixing a flat tire feels outside your identity comfort range, that's one thing.

But if fixing a flat tire makes you feel vulnerable to judgment by others—whether they are LGBT or BF folks policing the boundaries of gender expression, or straight people policing the boundaries of what is "other"—the problem is THEM, not you.

Life is hard enough, when we have our identity as home base.

Not even having that, is a kind of homelessness, like not having a place to regroup, lick our wounds, rest, rejuvenate and get centered, so we go out again to face the world.

[thedivahrrrself]

Originally Posted by IslandScout

Scandal, You are the boss of your own identity.

If fixing a flat tire feels outside your identity comfort range, that's one thing.

But if fixing a flat tire makes you feel vulnerable to judgment by others—whether they are LGBT or BF folks policing the boundaries of gender expression, or straight people policing the boundaries of what is "other"—the problem is THEM, not you.

Life is hard enough, when we have our identity as home base.

Not even having that, is a kind of homelessness, like not having a place to regroup, lick our wounds, rest, rejuvenate and get centered, so we go out again to face the world.

I agree. I can change my own tire. I can't do much else with a car, but my dad wasn't about to let me on the road without knowing how to do that. That doesn't mean that if I'm having a flat and a butch is there, I wouldn't rather see hym do it, though, because they look cuter doing it, and tire dirt is hard to get out from under my nails

I may be a femme, but I'm not helpless.

[foxyshaman]

Originally Posted by honeybarbara

I love the dirt and camping and reptiles and fascinating bugs and getting sweaty and I used to be a complete jock (getting back into it). One femme friend I have is taking gladiator training (roman stylee!) and I'm so jealous. She's a real amazon that girl.

But it's so nice to be able to have these people who self ID as butches who see the vunerable bits and not mock them but love them and admire them. I think that's why I get so pissed off when femme jokes get made. It hurts the places that have been hidden for a long time for fear of being mocked.

I understand that very well. I am a farmer's daughter and I helped fix whatever I could. And I still love to. I just did not always want to be the one who did it.

I still feel very vulnerable when I am out and about in all my Drag Beauty... I love my curves, and my hips and my abundant breasts... I still have to pull courage out of my ass sometimes to dress in my full on Femme. I find being dismissed being the most painful part. I have been mocked while out dancing, can I help it that being a drummer for 20 years has left me with a superior beat finder in my hips??