What does the "B-F Dynamic" mean to you?

[imperfect_cupcake]

Hi straps!

I think so too.

I'm really thinking about this. of course I can't answer for anyone else... only me and my expereinces.

every relationship, including butch-butch, femme-femme, non-ID-trans, kitchensink-genderqueer, is going to have a type of ying/yang, back-forth, tidal, mixing and moving of "energies."

I still am of the opinion that it's because of what/whom I'm attracted to, not the actual relationship dance, that's the distinction.

answer something for me straps... why do the femme-femme friends of yours "not get" your relationship? what's "not to get?" it's a relationship between people who care about each other.

Are they questioning your attractions? what exactly are they not "getting." I have plenty of non-butch-femme couple friends and it's not that they "don't get it" in that they don't understand my relationships... it's that they "don't give a shit" to most of a degree what my relationships are and that they "don't get" why I want only one kind (to them) partner. they don't care mind you, it's just not within their realm of expereince and they don't care enough to ask me about it - mostly.

when explaining it, it hasn't been me explaining the "butch-femme dynamic" as I don't think it's a universal, so why bother. However, it *has* been me explaining that my primary attraction is for X with a choice of varients in 1 through 600 different possibilites.

To be super honest, the only people I've run into in the past 7 years interested in the whys of butch-femme or even a particular ID has beeen those within the group in question.

Or newly out/very young

what exactly did they say to you that made you feel you wanted to explain your relationship dynamics with your girlfriends to them? (not an attack, just a wonder/sincere curiosity)

Nice to see you!!

[Strappie]

Originally Posted by honeybarbara

Hi straps!

I think so too.

I'm really thinking about this. of course I can't answer for anyone else... only me and my expereinces.

every relationship, including butch-butch, femme-femme, non-ID-trans, kitchensink-genderqueer, is going to have a type of ying/yang, back-forth, tidal, mixing and moving of "energies."

I still am of the opinion that it's because of what/whom I'm attracted to, not the actual relationship dance, that's the distinction.

answer something for me straps... why do the femme-femme friends of yours "not get" your relationship? what's "not to get?" it's a relationship between people who care about each other.

Are they questioning your attractions? what exactly are they not "getting." I have plenty of non-butch-femme couple friends and it's not that they "don't get it" in that they don't understand my relationships... it's that they "don't give a shit" to most of a degree what my relationships are and that they "don't get" why I want only one kind (to them) partner. they don't care mind you, it's just not within their realm of expereince and they don't care enough to ask me about it - mostly.

when explaining it, it hasn't been me explaining the "butch-femme dynamic" as I don't think it's a universal, so why bother. However, it *has* been me explaining that my primary attraction is for X with a choice of varients in 1 through 600 different possibilites.

To be super honest, the only people I've run into in the past 7 years interested in the whys of butch-femme or even a particular ID has beeen those within the group in question.

Or newly out/very young

what exactly did they say to you that made you feel you wanted to explain your relationship dynamics with your girlfriends to them? (not an attack, just a wonder/sincere curiosity)

Nice to see you!!

HB...

Well my friends and I are a very close group and they are learning along with me learning from them. For instance, in the last 6 months I've taken more of my friends "Shopping" to help their sex life with their partners. I love it, it's fun for me to teach my friends about the "Adult Toy" world, mainly "strap-ons." It's like a new world for them. We are very open about sex, relationships and life. We talk about things that my guess is some people wouldn't touch. So when they ask me what it is about the dynamic that makes it so wonderful for me, it's like I freeze and can't come up with the words.

Like how do you go about explaining to someone new that you'd like to date what your preferences are in sex, in life, in a relationship? Those are some questions that come up.

Sorry it's hard for me to express myself. Sometimes so many things come into my head and I can't always scrabble them to make it come out the way I need it to. (things I'm working) *smile*

[Strappie]

SuperFemme.....

Make me smile. Lavish me in your laughter. Split open your pain and bleed on me. Hold me whilst I bleed on you. Make me feel safe in a way that only you can. Surrender and let me love you....

Because nobody knows how many licks it takes to get to the center. Of anything.


Well said!!!

[imperfect_cupcake]

Like how do you go about explaining to someone new that you'd like to date what your preferences are in sex, in life, in a relationship? Those are some questions that come up.

oh! see that's much easier for me to answer than the word "dynamic" for me.

muuuuuuuuuuch easier lol

[Strappie]

Originally Posted by honeybarbara

oh! see that's much easier for me to answer than the word "dynamic" for me.

muuuuuuuuuuch easier lol

see I can't always get my point across from what it is I'm thinking.. lol

[NJFemmie]

I am still sitting with this question, because I really am not sure what the b/f dynamic (literally) means to me anymore. I am in a LTR that is not comprised of a b/f dynamic - yet, I find the ying/yang, back-forth, tidal, mixing and moving of "energies" is more or less the same as when I was in them. I certainly don't dismiss it or condemn it - because the reality is, if I were to be single, there would still be the attraction - but in my case, it boils down to:

I still am of the opinion that it's because of what/whom I'm attracted to, not the actual relationship dance, that's the distinction.

hmmm ....

[UofMfan]

I got caught up in the arcade and the MA elections so I forgot to reply to this post until now.

Originally Posted by SuperFemme

Oddly, I thought HB was saying the same thing as you UofM...

Of course I guess it is open to self interpretation. I think the one point we can all agree on is that the B/F dynamic works in our lives in very individualized ways. Snowflakes. No two are alike. It is always snowing on the Planet, no?

It is open to interpretation, as for me, the mere mention that it is not abut those things to HB simply implies that it comes down to those very same things, then what it came down to was sex. Again, to me this implies that the dynamic is about those things. HB simply stated that in HER relationship it wasn't about opening doors and such, but it is inferred that perhaps in another relationship it would be. I am sorry, I am a language geek and as such would not want language to diminish a dynamic that I hold so dear to my heart.

Originally Posted by NJFemmie

Yeah, so I'm confused because I too thought that was what honeybarbara was trying to impart ... that those particular things don't define the dynamic for her - (but then again, who's to say it doesn't for someone else...)

Interpretation is a slippery little sucker.

Again interpretation, read her post again and perhaps you can see what I saw, then again, perhaps not. I am not arguing with anyone here, I am stating my opinion based on my interpretation of her post. Of course, my interpretation is based not only on the language used but on the things that were implied by said usage.

Originally Posted by amiyesiam

Not how I took her post. The point is to move away from steriotyping folks.
Just cause of how you dress or do your hair has not a lot to do with how you ID. Have you ever stopped to notice how many straight women wear their hair very short? Jeans and tee shirts are worn by all kinds of people.

who opens doors isn't a butch or femme thing.

You obviously misinterpreted my post! Goodness, I feel as if I am speaking a different language. I will stick with the arcade, as I feel my style of communication is not understood here. Ami, I suggest you read my post again, then you may see how I may feel a little frustrated here.

Originally Posted by honeybarbara

thanks yes, that's what I ment. I see many people not into butch-femme dynamic opening doors, paying for meals, cleaning the house etc. Things that are often touted as a "butch-femme dynamic" (aka traditional 50's middle america stuff. That's not judgement by the way for those who dig it). That's not it for me *because* my partner and I don't do gender division of things. Butches take out the trash/femmes wash the dishes. That kind of thing. Nor is it "butch manners" because she doesn't have any. She spoils me, but not in any way that I don't see other couples doing for each other in non-butch-femme ID'd couples.

SO I can't say, for me, that butch-femme dynamic is about anything else but sex.

For someone else, that may be absurd. But since I can't point at my partner and say "oh it's cause she treats me with such care and she's such a gentleman..." cause, y'know, butch-femme doesn't have the corner on that. i've met a ton of non ID's and femmes I enjoy being spoiled and treated sweetly by in a... way that I used to think only butches did.

So I can't nail it to anything but the brass knobs, for me.

I have highlighted exactly why I responded the way I did to begin with. It still makes my heart ache and now maybe even my stomach turn. I will not try to explain it any further as I feel that I will be misunderstood, once more. it is difficult to discuss the BF dynamic with those who truly do not understand it and/or live it as I do.

Originally Posted by Strappie

Not at all UofMfan... I mostly just want to know how you all explain the dynamic.

Thanks for explaining strappie. I would love to do so but the dynamic is complex and very personal. You live it, feel it, breath it, it comes down to so much that is unexplainable. Perhaps later, when I feel less frustrated.

I want to thank those who sent reps You understood me!