Forgiveness

Chancie · 07-11-2011, 02:54 PM

I forgive you.

BullDog · 07-11-2011, 03:30 PM

If someone genuinely asks for my forgiveness then there is a very high chance I will forgive. Things may not be the same between us- for example if someone cheated on me- but I can acknowledge their genuineness and sincerity. People do make mistakes all the time. I know I do. When this happens I do my best to apologize and learn from my mistakes.

In the case of someone treating me in an abusive, very hurtful, manipulative or some other unhealthy manner, those people don't tend to be asking for forgiveness so I am not sure why I would need to expend energy trying to forgive them. For some it is a way of healing and moving forward. For me if I feel I have been wronged or am in an unhealthy situation, I need to figure out how to move forward and not let toxic people influence my life as much as possible. Forgiving someone doesn't really have much to do with it. I can't control how unhealthy people are going to treat me. I need to figure out how to heal and feel good about myself again. I need to learn from my mistakes and use better judgement of who I will let into my life.

princessbelle · 07-11-2011, 03:38 PM

The way i feel about forgiveness is this:

It is actually a gift i give to myself when i forgive others.

When i find that i want to forgive someone, it is not for them necessarily but for myself. It is the ease of the flow. I enjoy the positive of karma that it brings and the light out of the storm.

Sometimes it is done at the deepest levels and sometimes it is just a surface forgiveness, if that makes sense.

Either way it feels good and nurturing for myself, and that is always a healthy thing.

JustJo · 08-10-2012, 08:05 AM

Okay, so this may sound a little weird....but I don't believe in forgiveness. Not out of a "hanging onto anger" place, but just that I don't feel it's up to me. For me, saying "I forgive you" also implies, in a small way, that I have judged you and found you wanting.

When I have been hurt, I do my best to understand....understand what happened, understand my part in it, understand the other's part in it....and hopefully learn some lessons.

Then, I stick it all in a mental/emotional box, tie a ribbon around it, and stick it in a deep, dark closet in my head. It's still there....and I can revisit it if I must, or if I choose to.

Having said that....I grew up around angry, narcissistic, bullying people....and I never....ever....forget.

spritzerJ · 08-10-2012, 08:11 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by JustJo

Okay, so this may sound a little weird....but I don't believe in forgiveness. Not out of a "hanging onto anger" place, but just that I don't feel it's up to me. For me, saying "I forgive you" also implies, in a small way, that I have judged you and found you wanting.

When I have been hurt, I do my best to understand....understand what happened, understand my part in it, understand the other's part in it....and hopefully learn some lessons.

Then, I stick it all in a mental/emotional box, tie a ribbon around it, and stick it in a deep, dark closet in my head. It's still there....and I can revisit it if I must, or if I choose to.

Having said that....I grew up around angry, narcissistic, bullying people....and I never....ever....forget.

I don't forget either.
Forgiveness includes letting go of responsibility to fix it for others and myself. I made a mistake, acted badly, hurt someone. I repair and acknowledge what I can and can't fix.

KayCee · 08-10-2012, 08:36 AM

If something happened or was said that was really really hurtful that would need forgiveness but I can't ever forget, not even over time, no matter how much I try, then for me there is no forgiveness either.

Miss Scarlett · 08-10-2012, 08:55 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by KayCee

If something happened or was said that was really really hurtful that would need forgiveness but I can't ever forget, not even over time, no matter how much I try, then for me there is no forgiveness either.

i totally understand...i've had some seriously nasty, unfair, false and/or unjustified things said or done to me over my lifetime...just because i've forgiven does not erase the memory of what happened and forgiveness is not automatic or immediate for me...it takes time.

There is no right or wrong way, everyone must take their own path and do what is best or what works for them.

spritzerJ · 08-10-2012, 09:17 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by KayCee

If something happened or was said that was really really hurtful that would need forgiveness but I can't ever forget, not even over time, no matter how much I try, then for me there is no forgiveness either.

I no longer feel that forgetting and forgiveness need to go hand in hand. If I don't forget it means I learned from the situation or what was said.

Forgiveness comes when I can feel I've learned and the "hold" on me lessons. It (the event, what was said, etc.) becomes a memory, a moment in time, a touchstone a reminder of the lesson. Forgiveness is faith, trust that I've learned, let go of ill for myself or others, and moved on.

If I can't forgive I can't move on. And I really want to continue my journey.

BullDog · 11-12-2017, 01:36 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BullDog

If someone genuinely asks for my forgiveness then there is a very high chance I will forgive. Things may not be the same between us- for example if someone cheated on me- but I can acknowledge their genuineness and sincerity. People do make mistakes all the time. I know I do. When this happens I do my best to apologize and learn from my mistakes.

In the case of someone treating me in an abusive, very hurtful, manipulative or some other unhealthy manner, those people don't tend to be asking for forgiveness so I am not sure why I would need to expend energy trying to forgive them. For some it is a way of healing and moving forward. For me if I feel I have been wronged or am in an unhealthy situation, I need to figure out how to move forward and not let toxic people influence my life as much as possible. Forgiving someone doesn't really have much to do with it. I can't control how unhealthy people are going to treat me. I need to figure out how to heal and feel good about myself again. I need to learn from my mistakes and use better judgement of who I will let into my life.

Yes, exactly. I posted this over 6 years ago and is how I feel today as well. Forgiveness is very much a beautiful thing, but if someone is not sorry for what they did or not genuinely seeking it, then for me there is no point. Better for me to just get on with my life and become as neutral about the situation as possible.

cathexis · 11-12-2017, 02:52 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BullDog

Yes, exactly. I posted this over 6 years ago and is how I feel today as well. Forgiveness is very much a beautiful thing, but if someone is not sorry for what they did or not genuinely seeking it, then for me there is no point. Better for me to just get on with my life and become as neutral about the situation as possible.

What I try to do is limit what is considered a transgression against me. For example, I don't count getting "strange" (a chance, one time, sexual encounter) as a transgression.
A person must lie, truly cheat, or steal someone or something from me.

07-11-2011, 03:30 PM	#2
BullDog Infamous Member How Do You Identify?: Dominant Stone Butch Daddy Preferred Pronoun?: She Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: In A Healing Place Posts: 5,371 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 18,160 Thanked 22,640 Times in 4,463 Posts Rep Power: 21474857	If someone genuinely asks for my forgiveness then there is a very high chance I will forgive. Things may not be the same between us- for example if someone cheated on me- but I can acknowledge their genuineness and sincerity. People do make mistakes all the time. I know I do. When this happens I do my best to apologize and learn from my mistakes. In the case of someone treating me in an abusive, very hurtful, manipulative or some other unhealthy manner, those people don't tend to be asking for forgiveness so I am not sure why I would need to expend energy trying to forgive them. For some it is a way of healing and moving forward. For me if I feel I have been wronged or am in an unhealthy situation, I need to figure out how to move forward and not let toxic people influence my life as much as possible. Forgiving someone doesn't really have much to do with it. I can't control how unhealthy people are going to treat me. I need to figure out how to heal and feel good about myself again. I need to learn from my mistakes and use better judgement of who I will let into my life. __________________ Love consists in this, that two solitudes protect and touch and greet each other. - Rainer Maria Rilke

07-11-2011, 03:38 PM	#3
princessbelle Infamous Member How Do You Identify?: femme Preferred Pronoun?: femme ones Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Tennessee Posts: 6,100 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 29,380 Thanked 30,496 Times in 5,198 Posts Rep Power: 21474858	The way i feel about forgiveness is this: It is actually a gift i give to myself when i forgive others. When i find that i want to forgive someone, it is not for them necessarily but for myself. It is the ease of the flow. I enjoy the positive of karma that it brings and the light out of the storm. Sometimes it is done at the deepest levels and sometimes it is just a surface forgiveness, if that makes sense. Either way it feels good and nurturing for myself, and that is always a healthy thing. __________________ ~ I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel. ~ Maya Angelou

08-10-2012, 08:05 AM	#4
JustJo Infamous Member How Do You Identify?: pushy broad Preferred Pronoun?: she Relationship Status: Follow your heart; it knows things your mind cannot explain. Join Date: Jan 2010 Location: Southeast corner Posts: 5,633 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 24,417 Thanked 25,404 Times in 4,660 Posts Rep Power: 21474857	Okay, so this may sound a little weird....but I don't believe in forgiveness. Not out of a "hanging onto anger" place, but just that I don't feel it's up to me. For me, saying "I forgive you" also implies, in a small way, that I have judged you and found you wanting. When I have been hurt, I do my best to understand....understand what happened, understand my part in it, understand the other's part in it....and hopefully learn some lessons. Then, I stick it all in a mental/emotional box, tie a ribbon around it, and stick it in a deep, dark closet in my head. It's still there....and I can revisit it if I must, or if I choose to. Having said that....I grew up around angry, narcissistic, bullying people....and I never....ever....forget. __________________ I'm not tall enough to ride emotional roller coasters

07-11-2011, 02:54 PM	#1
Chancie Senior Member How Do You Identify?: queer femme-inist Relationship Status: I'm lucky. Join Date: May 2010 Location: Western Mass Posts: 3,774 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 9,518 Thanked 14,540 Times in 2,744 Posts Rep Power: 21474855	I forgive you.

08-10-2012, 08:36 AM	#6
KayCee Member How Do You Identify?: Multifaceted Queer Femme Preferred Pronoun?: It's a secret Relationship Status: And from my lips hye drew the hallelujah Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Somewhere over the rainbow clicking my heels Posts: 732 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 2,646 Thanked 1,722 Times in 521 Posts Rep Power: 8635875	If something happened or was said that was really really hurtful that would need forgiveness but I can't ever forget, not even over time, no matter how much I try, then for me there is no forgiveness either.