Forgiveness

AtLast · 07-11-2011, 03:47 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Nat

I ran across this today - thought I'd share:

"There are three aspects to the Buddhist idea of patience: patience-persistence, patience-under-insult and acceptance-of-truth.

The fourth is forgiveness...which in the Buddhist context is based more on Karma - the causal chain that's put into effect by your behavior. With karma, there is no external force or person or being that can intervene with your karma. There's nobody else responsible for your karma but you. So the idea of forgiveness of someone else is not as important as it is for you to do your own work. What forgiveness is really tied to in this context is releasing our anger we have toward others.

When I forgive you, I am no longer going to hold anger toward you. I can't free you from your karma, you're still going to have to work this out for yourself in some way, but you know now I'm a safe person for you. I'm no longer going to hold my anger against you and make things difficult.

One of the reason's it's so powerful to release our anger toward other people is that a healthy way to change the course of our own karma is to not hold onto anger."

Gil Fronsdal, Audio Dharma podcast

This way of thinking about my own work and forgiveness has always won out internally. I have to take responsibility for working through anger and hurt. Until then, I can't possibly meaningfully attempt to process with someone else.

Sometimes I wish I could do this more efficiently when I know that want to work through something with someone else that although we have had a rift, I want to make amends.

I have had far too many people I cared about die (family & friends) to not realize that my moving through my faulty reasoning slowly has caused me to miss the opportunity to experience the gift forgiveness can be.

StrongButch · 08-10-2012, 07:47 AM

You must forgive yourself first then you can forgive another. I believe there would be fewer breakups if people could forgive each other.

Tony · 08-10-2012, 07:54 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by StrongButch

You must forgive yourself first then you can forgive another. I believe there would be fewer breakups if people could forgive each other.

Well said. I feel forgiveness is for ourselves, not so much someone else unless they are asking for it. Even then, we have to forgive ourselves the pain & emotion that brought us to that place to begin with.
I absolutely agree with the break up statement. Forgiveness us such a raw emotion; you're baring your soul. If you can do that together, you still have the ability to move forward together.
My .02

spritzerJ · 08-10-2012, 08:04 AM

For me forgiveness is essential, a cornerstone. When I forgive I've opened the space for faith and trust (faith to me is trust mixed with hope).

Faith that I can handle where I am at. And faith comes from trust. Trust in myself and trust that another person can be who they are. I don't need to trust someone to "get" me. I trust and "get" myself.

Forgiveness is wishing the same faith and trust for them as I have found/opened up to for myself.

Miss Scarlett · 08-10-2012, 08:34 AM

Forgiving can be extremely difficult and for me learning to forgive myself was most difficult. But there is a peace and healing that comes from that.

Forgiving others is something else i had to learn...it too brings closure to me. i'm a Libra and as such crave balance. Forgiving myself and others helps bring that about.

i've forgiven those who have hurt me over the years...this takes great strength and isn't always easy but it's far better than letting things fester. It also doesn't always mean that there is a resumption of friendship or relationship...for me that depends on what happened and/or the other party. It's also better for me when to be able to discuss the matter with the other party but that's not always possible for various reasons. If unable to talk with them i will write them a letter that i do not mail. Rather i get everything out on paper and either bury or burn it and scatter the ashes. Bringing it out into the light negates the darkness of the hurt/anger...burning or burying separates me from it and thus sets me free.

i have some favorite quotations of the Dalai Lama i refer to daily:

"If you harbor ill will, it has a negative impact on yourself."

"The way to overcome negative thoughts and destructive emotions is to develop opposing positive emotions that are stronger and more powerful. This takes more than prayer or wishing. It requires deep analysis into the cause of harsh feelings like hatred and a conscious effort to shift perspective."

"Compassion, forgiveness, these are the real, ultimate sources of power for peace and success in life."

08-10-2012, 07:47 AM	#2
StrongButch Member How Do You Identify?: I see the world thru a lens Preferred Pronoun?: Yes Boss Relationship Status: Chillin out with awesome women Join Date: Jan 2010 Location: San Francisco Posts: 1,376 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 4,018 Thanked 4,183 Times in 1,180 Posts Rep Power: 21474853	Forgiveness You must forgive yourself first then you can forgive another. I believe there would be fewer breakups if people could forgive each other.

08-10-2012, 08:04 AM	#4
spritzerJ Timed Out - Permanent How Do You Identify?: Queer (gender), female (biological marker) Preferred Pronoun?: she will work as a default. Relationship Status: engaged to jac until 8/10/14 Join Date: Nov 2010 Location: Maine Posts: 3,154 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 30,307 Thanked 15,802 Times in 2,905 Posts Rep Power: 0	For me forgiveness is essential, a cornerstone. When I forgive I've opened the space for faith and trust (faith to me is trust mixed with hope). Faith that I can handle where I am at. And faith comes from trust. Trust in myself and trust that another person can be who they are. I don't need to trust someone to "get" me. I trust and "get" myself. Forgiveness is wishing the same faith and trust for them as I have found/opened up to for myself.

08-10-2012, 08:34 AM	#5
Miss Scarlett Infamous Member How Do You Identify?: Femme Relationship Status: . Join Date: Feb 2010 Location: . Posts: 5,530 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 4,478 Thanked 12,947 Times in 3,419 Posts Rep Power: 21474857	Forgiving can be extremely difficult and for me learning to forgive myself was most difficult. But there is a peace and healing that comes from that. Forgiving others is something else i had to learn...it too brings closure to me. i'm a Libra and as such crave balance. Forgiving myself and others helps bring that about. i've forgiven those who have hurt me over the years...this takes great strength and isn't always easy but it's far better than letting things fester. It also doesn't always mean that there is a resumption of friendship or relationship...for me that depends on what happened and/or the other party. It's also better for me when to be able to discuss the matter with the other party but that's not always possible for various reasons. If unable to talk with them i will write them a letter that i do not mail. Rather i get everything out on paper and either bury or burn it and scatter the ashes. Bringing it out into the light negates the darkness of the hurt/anger...burning or burying separates me from it and thus sets me free. i have some favorite quotations of the Dalai Lama i refer to daily: "If you harbor ill will, it has a negative impact on yourself." "The way to overcome negative thoughts and destructive emotions is to develop opposing positive emotions that are stronger and more powerful. This takes more than prayer or wishing. It requires deep analysis into the cause of harsh feelings like hatred and a conscious effort to shift perspective." "Compassion, forgiveness, these are the real, ultimate sources of power for peace and success in life."