A look at Polygamy - Future Family Model

[princessbelle]

Originally Posted by NorCalStud

After four years my partner said she wouldn't mind having a sister wife thing. In otherwords she would be fine if I took another wife because she would have a sister. I understand the benefit for her having a sister and I can't figure out how she is okay with me making love to someone else. I'm concerned we are now not on the same page!

I feel i should respond to this. I hope it is ok. I was thrown into a poly relationship after being in a monogamous relationship with a woman for seven years. I was a sister wife to this new wife but not by choice exactly. My ex wanted it, i did not. But, in the end, i truely loved her and wanted her happy, so i agreed and went along with it. Long story but, i tried it. It was not a good experience for many, many reasons.

One thing that stands out about that experience more than anything was this promise to me....

If it isn't for you we can stop and go back to being monogamous.

After the first night of my partner being in the next bedroom with her new gf, i knew i didn't want it and couldn't do it. I told her immediately, but it continued. So, the line above given to me was a lie. It went down hill from there.

Four months of me begging and pleading and crying in the fetal position for her to stop, i was packing everything i could into my car and heading East. I've never looked back.

I know poly can work for the right people. I know it. I've seen it work. Communication of course is a key. But, also true detailed what ifs should be set in stone. If it don't work for you, we will stop...very, very important.

Be careful, make sure it is not a fantasy but a true reality and be totally honest with yourself and your partner. Just wanting to fullfill the other one's dreams does not neccessarily mean you can do it in the long run.

I don't mean to be a "debby downer" and again i say it can work. But, the OP is asking for all sides. Just please remember it has to be something you BOTH want and one isn't being talked into it for the sake of the other.

Peace and luck to you both...

[NorCalStud]

No luck. I'm not into it. I'm for it. Way think it is a good practice. I'm very clearly not interested for myself.

[NorCalStud]

I want to thank the responses to some feelings. The explanations have an impact on me...a good one. It gives me a modicum of understanding and quite a lot of empathy!

[Gráinne]

Not poly myself, but I don't find it immoral. It's obviously right for many others. It's been my experience that when one partner brings up adding a third person, it's really code for "I want to date around, but don't want to break up". As PrincessBelle said, it's down the drain after that, because one of the partners isn't 100% in the relationship.

I would have to bring this subject up with a prospective partner, and no, if she came to me later, I couldn't do it. It's not just sexual jealousy, it's emotional jealousy, too.

[girl_dee]

((((( Belle )))))

I hate that this happened to you, I remember it breaking my heart when we talked about it years ago.

I feel this way,

You are either wired for poly or you are not, either way is fine but there is no wavering from the way you are wired, I don't think one can learn to be poly if it's not in the wiring.

You are either with someone who is wired for poly or they are not. Act accordingly.

[sweetfemme247]

I have never been in a poly relationship, not sure I would ever be in one. but I have seen from a far sassy's and another couple here in my town that are, they seem very happy, they all have goals in life, jobs, one even has a kid..... I think its a beautiful thing.

[princessbelle]

Originally Posted by sassy_girl

((((( Belle )))))

I hate that this happened to you, I remember it breaking my heart when we talked about it years ago.

I feel this way,

You are either wired for poly or you are not, either way is fine but there is no wavering from the way you are wired, I don't think one can learn to be poly if it's not in the wiring.

You are either with someone who is wired for poly or they are not. Act accordingly.

Yes my dear Sassy you are right. You dried a few (or more) tears for me back then. Thank God i had friends on these sites that were there for me.

What you have though, is so different.

It is beautiful and i know there is a huge difference.

I am happy for you, all of you.

[Sachita]

Hey Sassy I want to come live with you guys. Can I be the Mommy? We'd have a problem with the bathroom tho. But I'm a hell of an angler, great cook, gardener and outdoors woman.

[Apocalipstic]

I liked the question you asked about family...people living together sharing everything and not having sex....would that be poly?

I don't know for me. Maybe it would work and maybe that is something to consider.

I am the Momi too. For I long time I thought I might be a Femme Daddy, but I do know for sure now that I am a Momi. I am not submissive at all, but like having Daddy energy around in a Momi/Daddy kind of way and I like to have a baby or girl or pool boi..etc..who is submissive to me. Even if I have a one on one relationship with someone, I like having a sidekick to do stuff with or for me. I am a handful lol.

I am jealous when lied to and manipulated, but if all info is out on the table I am really not.

Jealousy is a horrible, mind killing thing....getting past it is beautiful.

I can see where this would work well logistically with a farm, but in city life it works well too. More income, another set of hands, more love, more fun....less pressure to be the perfect daughter in law....

It takes very very confident people to live this I can tell.

Thank all of you so much for sharing, I look forward to reading more!

[girl_dee]

More input:

I know it's just a reality show but the show Sister Wives on TLC opened my eyes to a LOT of things.

The wives have their own very solid relationship outside of the husband (butch in our case)

One is a outside the home worker who brings in a financial income, that is how she serves the family. When she gets home her kids have done their homework, dinner is ready for family. She gets to enjoy them !

Second also works outside the home, she also does lots of household stuff too, this feeds her soul and she is the typical soccer mom.

Third wife, the first wife is the domesticated wife. She loves to stay home, get the house clean and wait for kids to come home from school.

My point? Each has a place and they operate like a well oiled machine.

I am the domesticated wife, who also feeds her soul with healing and bringing in some financial support.

My Sister runs a very successful clinic in which she serves this family and others everyday. I make sure she has a wonderful love filled lunch and we have a family dinner everynight, that feeds my soul.
Is it perfect? No. Is it heaven? yes.

[Sachita]

Originally Posted by sassy_girl

More input:

I know it's just a reality show but the show Sister Wives on TLC opened my eyes to a LOT of things.

The wives have their own very solid relationship outside of the husband (butch in our case)

One is a outside the home worker who brings in a financial income, that is how she serves the family. When she gets home her kids have done their homework, dinner is ready for family. She gets to enjoy them !

Second also works outside the home, she also does lots of household stuff too, this feeds her soul and she is the typical soccer mom.

Third wife, the first wife is the domesticated wife. She loves to stay home, get the house clean and wait for kids to come home from school.

My point? Each has a place and they operate like a well oiled machine.

I am the domesticated wife, who also feeds her soul with healing and bringing in some financial support.

My Sister runs a very successful clinic in which she serves this family and others everyday. I make sure she has a wonderful love filled lunch and we have a family dinner everynight, that feeds my soul.
Is it perfect? No. Is it heaven? yes.

It would need to be a well oiled machine and everyone doing what inspires them in that dynamic. Some domestic, others not. If I had to do housework and laundry I think I'd get resentful and be a grumpy girl. But I am a good provider, good managing things and great at running a household as long as someone cleans.

I like Sister Wives but think they have too many damn kids!

[Sachita]

Originally Posted by apocalipstic

I liked the question you asked about family...people living together sharing everything and not having sex....would that be poly?

I don't know for me. Maybe it would work and maybe that is something to consider.

I am the Momi too. For I long time I thought I might be a Femme Daddy, but I do know for sure now that I am a Momi. I am not submissive at all, but like having Daddy energy around in a Momi/Daddy kind of way and I like to have a baby or girl or pool boi..etc..who is submissive to me. Even if I have a one on one relationship with someone, I like having a sidekick to do stuff with or for me. I am a handful lol.

I am jealous when lied to and manipulated, but if all info is out on the table I am really not.

Jealousy is a horrible, mind killing thing....getting past it is beautiful.

I can see where this would work well logistically with a farm, but in city life it works well too. More income, another set of hands, more love, more fun....less pressure to be the perfect daughter in law....

It takes very very confident people to live this I can tell.

Thank all of you so much for sharing, I look forward to reading more!

I think living collectively would be a type of commune. I think this is cool too and see myself living with a group of people. But I also think the concept of poly, people sharing intimate lives is really wonderful. I don't know what degree of this is for me. I'm just curious and you never know!

[girl_dee]

Originally Posted by Sachita

Hey Sassy I want to come live with you guys. Can I be the Mommy? We'd have a problem with the bathroom tho. But I'm a hell of an angler, great cook, gardener and outdoors woman.

LOL hahah.. oh my......

[Sachita]

Originally Posted by princessbelle

I feel i should respond to this. I hope it is ok. I was thrown into a poly relationship after being in a monogamous relationship with a woman for seven years. I was a sister wife to this new wife but not by choice exactly. My ex wanted it, i did not. But, in the end, i truely loved her and wanted her happy, so i agreed and went along with it. Long story but, i tried it. It was not a good experience for many, many reasons.

One thing that stands out about that experience more than anything was this promise to me....

If it isn't for you we can stop and go back to being monogamous.

After the first night of my partner being in the next bedroom with her new gf, i knew i didn't want it and couldn't do it. I told her immediately, but it continued. So, the line above given to me was a lie. It went down hill from there.

Four months of me begging and pleading and crying in the fetal position for her to stop, i was packing everything i could into my car and heading East. I've never looked back.

I know poly can work for the right people. I know it. I've seen it work. Communication of course is a key. But, also true detailed what ifs should be set in stone. If it don't work for you, we will stop...very, very important.

Be careful, make sure it is not a fantasy but a true reality and be totally honest with yourself and your partner. Just wanting to fullfill the other one's dreams does not neccessarily mean you can do it in the long run.

I don't mean to be a "debby downer" and again i say it can work. But, the OP is asking for all sides. Just please remember it has to be something you BOTH want and one isn't being talked into it for the sake of the other.

Peace and luck to you both...

Honey I don't think you're a debbie downer at all! What happened to you was not consensual and that is NOT what a loving relationship is about. I agree that you are with it or not. To each his/her own.

I am sure there are parameters and boundaries that are discussed but I also think that some people find it to be very natural.

I wonder if poly families are easier within a D/s context. Perhaps it is easier if someone is in control or the conductor so to speak? Anyone know?

[Chazz]

I've had two poly relationships. They worked for awhile. In the end, I found that poly relationships required more time, energy and emotional processing than I could manage.

Though I genuinely loved the people involved, I was never "in love" with any of them.

When I'm "in-love" with a woman, I'm wired for monogamy. For me, monogamy represents a kind of intimacy that allows me to flourish.

[Sachita]

Originally Posted by Chazz

I've had two poly relationships. They worked for awhile. In the end, I found that poly relationships required more time, energy and emotional processing than I could manage.

Though I genuinely loved the people involved, I was never "in love" with any of them.

When I'm "in-love" with a woman, I'm wired for monogamy. For me, monogamy represents a kind of intimacy that allows me to flourish.

you hit the nail on the head for me. Although I could live happily with people I love in a poly household, I most likely would look for a deeper connection with one I was in love with. When I'm in that space I see no one else.

but until then..... love the one your with!

[Apocalipstic]

Originally Posted by Chazz

How 'bout a farm with a McDonalds and a shoe store?

The shoe store might help and maybe a bagle place with great coffee? Oh and no actual farming, fishing, hunting...maybe a pool and a hot tub?

Originally Posted by Sachita

you hit the nail on the head for me. Although I could live happily with people I love in a poly household, I most likely would look for a deeper connection with one I was in love with. When I'm in that space I see no one else.

but until then..... love the one your with!

I have really deep connections with several people, I wonder if piling all that expectation on one person (me) is more than I can handle. Maybe if there were more than just me to help carry the load, I would not feel so guilty when I am not perfect, or all there, or traveling a lot...etc...

[girl_dee]

This is what I love about multiple partner marriages...

Syr and love fishing, my Sister well she likes to be in the boat but not so much of fishing..so she prefers not to go most times..

Syr and I go out fishing, Sister stays home minding the dog pack and doing her personal chores etc. We call her when we are on the way home and she makes warm coffee and crepes for us..

She is our little fishing cheerleader from home, very glad that Syr and I are doing what we like to do, and she is happy to help by minding the farm while we are out there...

That is what poly is about to me, everyone doing what they like to do and coming together at the end of the day...

[NorCalStud]

I like communal living. I have done it before. It works. I have a goal of being as loving toward people as possible...no holding bak. I'm into love and expressing it when felt. Not sexual love with others more spiritual. I notice as humans we seem afraid to show how we feel or if we do lovingly take someone's face in hands, look rite into their eyes and say I love you and you rock and that is it..love expressed thru voice and no sexual expression..then it seems confusing and generally needs talking about. We are learning, hopefully, how to be together in this wonderful lifetime. Xxoo

[Martina]

i am poly, but i am a submissive to both of the other people in the relationship. They are married to one another. They are both women, one butch and one femme.

i am not like Sassy in that i am not another partner. i also don't live with them.

Poly has been good for me. My last two relationships were poly. Poly works when the relationships work, i find. Just like any other relationship. If you are getting your needs met and are having a good time, the poly drama is usually not that distracting. If things aren't working out, it's just one more damn thing to make it miserable.