Parenting

[DapperButch]

Jess/christie,

I am assuming that the reason you are not grounding him from time with friends is because you want him to socialize, since this is new for him?

You say this is the one thing he values.

[Jess]

Originally Posted by DapperButch

Jess/christie,

I am assuming that the reason you are not grounding him from time with friends is because you want him to socialize, since this is new for him?

You say this is the one thing he values.

We have tried not to do that, however, we are both at the point of yes, we take away his privileges again until he gets it. In the past, his currency was the internet. I had no problem blocking him but he would call his mom at work every ten minutes so I would turn it back on , until she learned that she could just not answer the phone when he was having his little 7 year old tantrums. Now, he knows when I shut it off he doesn't need to bother doing the manipulation trip.

This evening, I made him aware that as of tomorrow morning, there will be no internet and no friends coming or going until his room is cleaned, he is bathed and his laundry done. Of course, he will do what he always does and ask me to leave it on while he is cleaning and of course, I will say no.

I think for me, I get very tired of the same argument, the same issues, over and over and I do just "throw up my hands". I get tired of the privilege, the apathy, the smart ass treatment he gives to his mother and fear becoming just as apathetic where he is concerned.

We'll see how it goes this weekend. We have also set time limits/ curfews for him being out at night and how late his friends can hang out unless it is a sleepover. As this is still "new" to him, the having friends thing, we have been trying to teach him things he would have learned years ago, had he the opportunity/ confidence then to be more social.

Thank you all for being so supportive. We'll just keep pluggin away!

[LaneyDoll]

@Jess, y'all just keep sticking to your guns. Whatever routine you establish, the main thing is consistency. If you say you are going to do it, do it. I know it is not always easy, I have my own moments where I want to just give in b/c I am tired or busy. But I have found that things I do not waiver on are rarely an issue.

And, if/when you need to vent, vent here-you seem to have a lot of support here

[christie]

Thank you all for your support and hanging in there with us.

The good news of the day is that he has chosen a job coach and it looks like we are well on the way to part-time employment!

Yay!

Happy weekend - ya'll keep an eye out for my impromptu monster truck show in our front yard!

[christie]

As with most things, its two forward and three back.

He did choose a job coach. Yay. I didn't have to have the monster truck run in the front yard. That made Jess happy - she wasn't looking forward to what I would have done to her perfect lawn!

We had some good talks WITH him and I was able to reiterate that this was me saying enough. Setting a boundary with consequences if he continued to be disrespectful and rude to me. I was on the verge of the Mommymelt, but managed to hold it in so that he could see just how emotionally charged I was about this but also that I was not reacting in an inappropriate way.

Was it a perfect weekend? Nope. Was it better than it has been? Yes.

I made a point to grab him and hug him yesterday - for no reason. We were having a good day. He was working on his laundry and had actually listened to Jess suggesting that when he finished his snack, to bring his dish back down to the kitchen and to get the load of clothes out of the dryer. When I went to the mudroom to remind him, he was walking around the corner with an arm full of clothes.

Its progress. Simple things that are often taken for granted by other parents. I felt like throwing a parade. Just to have 12 hours or so where it wasn't angst and tension.

Last night, I went to bed around 8 so I could get up at 2am to make my 4 hr commute, work till dark-thirty and come collapse before I have to be back at the office in the AM. Jess woke me around 11 to inform me that "the boy isnt in his room. He's left." I was ready to just curl under the covers and hope for the best.

I was surprised when I called him that he actually answered the phone. That he actually came home when I, not so June Cleaverly, demanded that he come home now. I went back to bed and Jess went to let him in and deal with it.

Jess was literally still up when I stumbled out of bed at 3am. Bratboy was also still up. I just didnt have it in me to start my 15 hr day with addressing the situation other than to remind him that 6pm on my "school nights" is the latest I wanted him to have company and that he should be in the house by 10. He did apologize and since Jess has had the conversation of. "Do we need to resort to locking deadbolts? Me sleeping downstairs in the guest room when your mom isn't home? What's it gonna take for you to keep yourself at home and not wandering about in the middle of the night?"

I am hopeful that he is just pushing boundaries to see what he can get away with - again, I think some of this is just him reaching certain levels of maturation - he should have been pushing these boundaries a couple of years ago if we look at age-appropriateness. Part of me is SO glad that he is reaching these stages. The rest of me wonders how my folks survived FOUR teenagers. No wonder my mother is medicated; alas, I digress. That's a WHOLE 'nother thread.

Here's hoping that its a good week. Jess could use a break.

[Lizzy]

I am sorry to hear that your dealing with this.I have my own version of this going on at home.My oldest son is 16 and was diagnosed with Bi-polar disorder after years of misdiagnosis.He was being treated for ADHD and yes ADHD meds helped a bit with his percieved hyper activity and he was able to focus on schoolwork but it left him completely emotionally unbalanced.He began to develop OCD and boy was he moody.At night I would pray for him to fall asleep because the meds gave him insomnia.Eventually after years of testing and therapy he was finally diagnosed correctlly.The hyper activity was actually the manic side of the bi-polar disorder.There is also some possiblity of some low level Aspergers which my sisters 17yr old son has as well.I have to stay on top of basic things most 16yr olds will do automatically like brushing teeth, using soap in the shower,using deoderent,not putting dirty clothes back on.....the list goes on.But with medication(Seroquel)he is like a totally different kid.If he misses just a few doses he is not ok.Just this weekend he was visiting with my mother and she didn't give him his medication.She said he told her I was saving them because they are expensive and for some reason she believed him.She stopped by my classroom today and says "God I am so tired, Michael was up at 5a.m chatting up the neighbors out for their morning walk".I knew right away he was off his meds.I had to tell her if she is not going to make sure he takes his meds he can't stay for overnight visits with her.Needless to say life isn't always easy but over the years we have developed some good stategies that make life easier.The best piece of advice I ever got was his body may be one age but his brain is much younger.This became more obvious to me as his almost 4yr younger brother can do so much more at 12.5 and how much more mature he is than his brother.He already feels at just 12 a huge sense of responsability for his brother.I wish you the best,hopefully things will get easier soon.