Parenting

tapu · 08-10-2011, 06:25 AM

Hi, Christie.

A couple of things came to mind as I was reading your post...

First, I thought, eh, that's what a guy that age is like. But I figure you've got a handle on that and know that this goes beyond.

Another thing that I get out of it is that you do think he's capable of great improvement in this area. So it's not that he's completely limited in maturing this way. It just hasn't happened.

I assume you do the list thing because I can't imagine getting this far without such proven tools.

I wonder if setting him up in more of a space of his own would eventually lead to natural motivation to improve in this area. Like, I don't know your house set-up obviously, but if he has a bed/bath of his own, or even just a separated out bedroom, and you stop all housekeeping service in there.... Well, eventually he runs out of basketball shorts, too.

It might take a while, which could be blech-y. Most older teen guys just have basically bad hygiene so who wants to sit next to them? Eventually though, he may be motivated to clean up.

The other thing that can jumpstart a kid is developing an interest in romance. You may have to use only a band-aid right now.

I don't know if any of this would be helpful, but I really got into your post. Please give word of how it goes. tapu

RavynTuqiri · 12-04-2011, 08:35 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by tapu

Hi, Christie.

A couple of things came to mind as I was reading your post...

First, I thought, eh, that's what a guy that age is like. But I figure you've got a handle on that and know that this goes beyond.

Another thing that I get out of it is that you do think he's capable of great improvement in this area. So it's not that he's completely limited in maturing this way. It just hasn't happened.

I assume you do the list thing because I can't imagine getting this far without such proven tools.

I wonder if setting him up in more of a space of his own would eventually lead to natural motivation to improve in this area. Like, I don't know your house set-up obviously, but if he has a bed/bath of his own, or even just a separated out bedroom, and you stop all housekeeping service in there.... Well, eventually he runs out of basketball shorts, too.

It might take a while, which could be blech-y. Most older teen guys just have basically bad hygiene so who wants to sit next to them? Eventually though, he may be motivated to clean up.

The other thing that can jumpstart a kid is developing an interest in romance. You may have to use only a band-aid right now.

I don't know if any of this would be helpful, but I really got into your post. Please give word of how it goes. tapu

I have a daughter who is now 20....I don't think what you're describing is beyond the realm of normal. My daughter made the choice to move out in lieu of cleaning her room. She moved in with a roommate even more of a slob than she was.

She was much as you describe, very apathetic towards things that most adults would deem basic life skills.

She moved back in 3 months later...a changed child. She cleaned up after herself often without prompting. Living with a slob taught her more than I ever could.

Life is funny like that sometimes

RavynTuqiri · 12-04-2011, 10:56 AM

You know in reading the thread here about the struggles we face as parents with our children...I am struck by a few observations:

I see a lot of my own child's struggles in your posts...the clean clothes vs dirty clothes, putting toothpaste on the tooth brush, turning off lights, tv's, radio's, when your not in the room...or the house for that matter. Picking up trash, clothes, shoes, or anything else she felt inclined to drop between the front door and her bedroom.

The emotional maturity (or at times, the lack there of).

I do not feel my daughter has an underlying disorder not treated. I think my kid is well...normal. There are those children who mature emotionally more quickly than others. There are those who seem to have "old souls". If some children appear to have old souls, then others surely must have young souls.

My daughter is 20 and I think (I hope) is finally moving in the right direction. Her friends figured certain things out the year or two before...she's now starting to realize and accept certain things about life and is embracing them (finally) and her attitude shift has also impacted her basic life skills (cleaning, laundry, bills, etc).

I think in this society we are sometimes pegged to a defined age that makes an "adult" (18)....yet adulthood and maturity don't often go hand in hand (I have an ex that is a perfect example...hell at times, I can be a good walking example too).

I think some kids just take a little longer to get there and may take a different path at times (these are the paths that gives us parents grey hairs).

08-10-2011, 06:25 AM	#1
tapu Senior Member How Do You Identify?: Understated butch. Preferred Pronoun?: I Relationship Status: Party of One Join Date: Jun 2011 Location: Maine Posts: 1,654 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 1,324 Thanked 3,116 Times in 1,104 Posts Rep Power: 21474852	Hi, Christie. A couple of things came to mind as I was reading your post... First, I thought, eh, that's what a guy that age is like. But I figure you've got a handle on that and know that this goes beyond. Another thing that I get out of it is that you do think he's capable of great improvement in this area. So it's not that he's completely limited in maturing this way. It just hasn't happened. I assume you do the list thing because I can't imagine getting this far without such proven tools. I wonder if setting him up in more of a space of his own would eventually lead to natural motivation to improve in this area. Like, I don't know your house set-up obviously, but if he has a bed/bath of his own, or even just a separated out bedroom, and you stop all housekeeping service in there.... Well, eventually he runs out of basketball shorts, too. It might take a while, which could be blech-y. Most older teen guys just have basically bad hygiene so who wants to sit next to them? Eventually though, he may be motivated to clean up. The other thing that can jumpstart a kid is developing an interest in romance. You may have to use only a band-aid right now. I don't know if any of this would be helpful, but I really got into your post. Please give word of how it goes. tapu __________________ Really? That's not funny to you?

12-04-2011, 10:56 AM	#3
RavynTuqiri Member How Do You Identify?: Butch/Boi Preferred Pronoun?: Anything but it... Relationship Status: Hide n go Seek Join Date: May 2010 Location: Denver, CO Posts: 123 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 338 Thanked 223 Times in 74 Posts Rep Power: 1464163	You know in reading the thread here about the struggles we face as parents with our children...I am struck by a few observations: I see a lot of my own child's struggles in your posts...the clean clothes vs dirty clothes, putting toothpaste on the tooth brush, turning off lights, tv's, radio's, when your not in the room...or the house for that matter. Picking up trash, clothes, shoes, or anything else she felt inclined to drop between the front door and her bedroom. The emotional maturity (or at times, the lack there of). I do not feel my daughter has an underlying disorder not treated. I think my kid is well...normal. There are those children who mature emotionally more quickly than others. There are those who seem to have "old souls". If some children appear to have old souls, then others surely must have young souls. My daughter is 20 and I think (I hope) is finally moving in the right direction. Her friends figured certain things out the year or two before...she's now starting to realize and accept certain things about life and is embracing them (finally) and her attitude shift has also impacted her basic life skills (cleaning, laundry, bills, etc). I think in this society we are sometimes pegged to a defined age that makes an "adult" (18)....yet adulthood and maturity don't often go hand in hand (I have an ex that is a perfect example...hell at times, I can be a good walking example too). I think some kids just take a little longer to get there and may take a different path at times (these are the paths that gives us parents grey hairs).