You Knew You Were a Femme When...

[ArkansasPiscesGrrl]

Originally Posted by Starbuck

I've never been a girly girl. I've played sports, wear jeans and t-shirts as every day clothes, but I'm just now getting into "girl clothes" as my daughter puts it (she says she's proud of me ) and it still feels a bit strange; maybe I'm coming into my own as I age. But I've always been attracted to soft butch type women or lipstick lesbians because in a way they have a butchness about them and they look so good too...the best of both worlds, right?

Starbuck,

Thanks for your response. This has me wondering now too, since you ID (and others have too) as a "soft femme". What constitutes a "soft" femme?

Ann

[Starbuck]

Originally Posted by ArkansasPiscesGrrl

Starbuck,

Thanks for your response. This has me wondering now too, since you ID (and others have too) as a "soft femme". What constitutes a "soft" femme?

Ann

Not being a "girly girl", being more of a toolbelt femme, if you will. Does that make sense? I own more tools than some men. I'm a tom boy, I guess, but I have long hair, wear eye make up on occasion, starting to wear girlie tops with my jeans...not a "full" femme in my definition of it all. I don't know if that answers your question.

[Martina]

i discovered femme ID through wanting butches. i was pretty androgynous. In some ways, i still am. i am probably andro on the femme side if one is just using those terms descriptively.

i like the fact that i stretch the definition some. If someone butched me up, i probably could pass as a butch.

Still, i am femme even though i am not that feminine. i am femme even though i will date other femmes. i am femme because i decided i was femme at some point and made it mine.

[ArkansasPiscesGrrl]

Originally Posted by Martina

i discovered femme ID through wanting butches. i was pretty androgynous. In some ways, i still am. i am probably andro on the femme side if one is just using those terms descriptively.

i like the fact that i stretch the definition some. If someone butched me up, i probably could pass as a butch.

Still, i am femme even though i am not that feminine. i am femme even though i will date other femmes. i am femme because i decided i was femme at some point and made it mine.

This brings to mind the year that I "butched up" for a Halloween costume contest. White t-shirt, leather vest, black jeans, Daddy's cap, fake handlebar mustache, long flogger hanging from my belt. I actually won first place at that contest (noone could believe it was me!) I adopted a stance, adopted a very masculine stride, had a masculine PRESENCE!

What was REALLY hilarious with that get up is the story of me packing, and what happened for THAT! Now I think I am gonna have to hold on to THAT particular story till the Reunion this October. ROFL

[AlphaDrug]

Originally Posted by ArkansasPiscesGrrl

Starbuck,

Thanks for your response. This has me wondering now too, since you ID (and others have too) as a "soft femme". What constitutes a "soft" femme?

Ann

Thats the stone-femme vs. soft-femme for me at least. A stone-femme is girly girl 24-7, doesn't leave the house without makeup, wont do activities that might break a nail or mess her hair. Where as a soft-femme is more likely to go hiking, jump into the ocean, risk breaking a nail or fix a toilet, that kind of thing. XD

[The_Lady_Snow]

Originally Posted by AlphaDrug

Thats the stone-femme vs. soft-femme for me at least. A stone-femme is girly girl 24-7, doesn't leave the house without makeup, wont do activities that might break a nail or mess her hair. Where as a soft-femme is more likely to go hiking, jump into the ocean, risk breaking a nail or fix a toilet, that kind of thing. XD

I'm a stone femme till I'm not, it's more when I'm fucking, strapping that it's present. I don't want to be touched *I* want to be the one touching and fucking. If I'm getting blown no matter how deep down the throat my cock is he better keep his balance on his own since I forbid touch. My attire or cosmetics have nothing to do with my stone self. That's just another view of stone.


Lovin' this thread!

[ArkansasPiscesGrrl]

Originally Posted by The_Lady_Snow

I'm a stone femme till I'm not, it's more when I'm fucking, strapping that it's present. I don't want to be touched *I* want to be the one touching and fucking. If I'm getting blown no matter how deep down the throat my cock is he better keep his balance on his own since I forbid touch. My attire or cosmetics have nothing to do with my stone self. That's just another view of stone.


Lovin' this thread!

Snow, thanks for your clarification! That is what I thought the definition of Stone was, having more to do with sex than a mindset or look? I knew a woman years ago that ID'd as a Stone Butch, she always told me that was because she did NOT allow anyone to touch her, she only would be the one touching. It had nothing to do with her having a more masculine "look" with her short hair or her body language and stride or the clothing that she wore.
And as others have now written in this thread, being a "soft" femme or a "soft" butch, to Me, may just be the fact that they ID closer to the middle or centrist place on the spectrum, rather than to one extreme or another. Kind of like in politics, not the far right or far left, but a moderate. Does this make sense?

Part of me right now is wondering why we (me?) have such a NEED to pinpoint and label something like this. Put it in a box, so to speak. Do we think we will understand it better, if the idea is safely and tightly locked away inside that box? Silly, huh?

[Gemme]

Originally Posted by ArkansasPiscesGrrl

Snow, thanks for your clarification! That is what I thought the definition of Stone was, having more to do with sex than a mindset or look? I knew a woman years ago that ID'd as a Stone Butch, she always told me that was because she did NOT allow anyone to touch her, she only would be the one touching. It had nothing to do with her having a more masculine "look" with her short hair or her body language and stride or the clothing that she wore.
And as others have now written in this thread, being a "soft" femme or a "soft" butch, to Me, may just be the fact that they ID closer to the middle or centrist place on the spectrum, rather than to one extreme or another. Kind of like in politics, not the far right or far left, but a moderate. Does this make sense?

Part of me right now is wondering why we (me?) have such a NEED to pinpoint and label something like this. Put it in a box, so to speak. Do we think we will understand it better, if the idea is safely and tightly locked away inside that box? Silly, huh?

Stone doesn't just have to do with sex. It's most often about boundaries, whether sexual or not. It can also have to do with one's partner and who we will or will not partner with.

See? Diversity!

[Gemme]

Originally Posted by ArkansasPiscesGrrl

Part of me right now is wondering why we (me?) have such a NEED to pinpoint and label something like this. Put it in a box, so to speak. Do we think we will understand it better, if the idea is safely and tightly locked away inside that box? Silly, huh?

I had to address this individually. For me, it's not putting it in a box. It's creating a deeper understanding of ourselves imo. Some folks don't like labels and to poke and pry into one's identity and presenation and orientation and gender and...and....and....they sometimes feels as if they *are* going into that proverbial box and that the box is restricting them.

I'm an orderly person. OCD about a few things even. I like boxes. I like labels. I like compartmentalization. A lot of folks don't. For me, order helps me to break things down...to examine them...it's probably the one scientific strand of DNA I have exhibiting itself. It's a fashion of sorting, I guess you could say. Learning more about myself helps me learn and understand more about the rest of the world.

[The_Lady_Snow]

What a great way to describe it Gemme, I have many compartments to my Femme... To name a few..

Stone

Daddy

Leather

Master

They are all compartmentalized in their neat little tiny pieces of me who is the main vessel of Femme Fabulousity. Each tiny compartment is a piece of me. It's vital and important... I find Femme to be beautiful regardless of size, shape, race, presentation. We are fierce, feminine, masculine, strong, virile forces of nature... The high low hierarchy drives me bananas, because it leads to a better than and leaves our sister Femme's in a place of questioning.. I'm glad a bunch of us are in here displaying our differences proudly and talking about it, questioning, laughing, discussing and getting to know one another....

[Ms. Meander]

Long ago, I came to know “femme” as an adjective which I applied to myself. Now, I know myself to be Femme, a proper noun. It’s empowering to know who you are. Thank you all for reflecting back the many strong, beautiful, powerful faces of Femme.

[Gemme]

Originally Posted by AlphaDrug

Thats the stone-femme vs. soft-femme for me at least. A stone-femme is girly girl 24-7, doesn't leave the house without makeup, wont do activities that might break a nail or mess her hair. Where as a soft-femme is more likely to go hiking, jump into the ocean, risk breaking a nail or fix a toilet, that kind of thing. XD

I love the diversity of our community. For me, me being Stone has absolutely NOTHING to do with my physical presentation. I'm Stone 24/7, whether I'm in a dress and heels or barefoot in panties and a tank or while at work in sneaks and a less than desirable uniform.

My Stone identity is like my Femme identity to me. It's an essence, not a presentation. One feels it more than they see it.