Reclaiming Lesbian Pride

[Heart]

Kobi - I'm a lesbian because I sleep with women, but I have also had erotic and sexual relationships with men. So, as I've been told, I'm not a "goldstar" lesbian. In your view, in order to be able to identify as a lesbian without somehow muddying the waters or detracting from your lesbianism, or threatening gay rights, does one have to be "goldstar?"

Also, I don't happen to be one of those that essentializes my lesbian identity. Meaning, its not as simple as "I was born this way." I think I was actually born with the capacity for a fluid orientation and I have landed on lesbian at this point in my life for a whole host of reasons. (And I don't happen to think that it not being a choice will in any way protect us from religious fanatics or anti-gay zealots). So, in order to support your status and rights as a lesbian, does one have to believe that it's not a choice?

I see that I am now basically asking the very same question that SA asked. "Am I lesbian enough for you?" Ironic.

[Martina]

Lots of lesbians have slept with men -- by choice -- pretty much as long as we've been free to live as lesbians.

Sexuality is like that. People do the unexpected where sex is concerned. Trying to argue about who people will fuck and what that means is not going to get us far.

[Kobi]

Originally Posted by Heart

Kobi - I'm a lesbian because I sleep with women, but I have also had erotic and sexual relationships with men. So, as I've been told, I'm not a "goldstar" lesbian. In your view, in order to be able to identify as a lesbian without somehow muddying the waters or detracting from your lesbianism, or threatening gay rights, does one have to be "goldstar?"

Also, I don't happen to be one of those that essentializes my lesbian identity. Meaning, its not as simple as "I was born this way." I think I was actually born with the capacity for a fluid orientation and I have landed on lesbian at this point in my life for a whole host of reasons. (And I don't happen to think that it not being a choice will in any way protect us from religious fanatics or anti-gay zealots). So, in order to support your status and rights as a lesbian, does one have to believe that it's not a choice?

I see that I am now basically asking the very same question that SA asked. "Am I lesbian enough for you?" Ironic.

Heart,

I enjoy your posts, your intellect, your knowledge.

I'm not quite as fond of the general flip flopping I see in them.

Makes it hard to get a handle on exactly what it is you stand for.

[atomiczombie]

Originally Posted by Kobi

Heart,

I enjoy your posts, your intellect, your knowledge.

I'm not quite as fond of the general flip flopping I see in them.

Makes it hard to get a handle on exactly what it is you stand for.

Are you really questioning what Heart stands for based on who she sleeps with?

[Kobi]

Originally Posted by atomiczombie

Are you really questioning what Heart stands for based on who she sleeps with?

Well lets see. I said:

Heart,

I enjoy your posts, your intellect, your knowledge.

I'm not quite as fond of the general flip flopping I see in them.

Makes it hard to get a handle on exactly what it is you stand for.

I dont see any mention of sleep partner.

[atomiczombie]

Originally Posted by Kobi

Well lets see. I said:

Heart,

I enjoy your posts, your intellect, your knowledge.

I'm not quite as fond of the general flip flopping I see in them.

Makes it hard to get a handle on exactly what it is you stand for.

I dont see any mention of sleep partner.

Mkay, so may I ask what you specifically mean by her flip-flopping?

[Heart]

Originally Posted by atomiczombie

Are you really questioning what Heart stands for based on who she sleeps with?

Yes, I do wonder what it is that Kobi sees as flip-flopping. I actually have no problem with people re-inscribing their identities any number of times in any number of ways. I never said I did. In fact, I asserted in this thread that I think people can and should self-identify, and I accepted SA's self identifying as a lesbian regardless of who she was sleeping with (transmen, etc). So I don't see where I flip-flopped. I think Kobi must have had some expectation or assumption about my lesbian identity that I did not fulfill. But that's not my problem.

There is one thing though that I will cop to just to be very clear about where my focus lies. Perhaps this will clear things up a bit for Kobi: What agitates me is not whether a lesbian sleeps with a man. What agitates me is the loss of people identifying as women in favor of trans/gender-queer/3rd-4th-5th gender identities. That's what gets to me. Since most of those abandoning the id of woman are in queer communities, it gets discussed in terms of queer identities, but for me, it's not the creation of ever newer and shinier queer identities, it's the lack of grounding in woman/female/feminism that makes me feel angry, afraid, and alone.

So, having said that as clearly as I can, I realize that its not about the thread topic of "lesbian pride," and I will bow out so as not to derail further.

Maybe I'll start a thread.

Peace,
Heart

[Chazz]

Originally Posted by Heart

....What agitates me is not whether a lesbian sleeps with a man. What agitates me is the loss of people identifying as women in favor of trans/gender-queer/3rd-4th-5th gender identities. That's what gets to me. Since most of those abandoning the id of woman are in queer communities, it gets discussed in terms of queer identities, but for me, it's not the creation of ever newer and shinier queer identities, it's the lack of grounding in woman/female/feminism that makes me feel angry, afraid, and alone.

So, having said that as clearly as I can, I realize that its not about the thread topic of "lesbian pride," and I will bow out so as not to derail further.

Maybe I'll start a thread.

Peace,
Heart

I don't feel alone. I'm blessed to have a strong Feminist and lesbian IDed women's community online and off. Truly blessed.

As to the "Reclaiming of Lesbian Pride".... I've come to realizations about that based on this thread and discussions with friends about it.

The Lesbian Pride I remember was a collective, mutually empowering celebration of female commonality and lived experience as lesbian women. One's social strata, race, background didn't matter. We held certain basic tenets in common: We were woman-centric, and personally/politically mobilized to fight against women's oppression and homophobia.

This mobilization and activism did NOT come at small cost. Patriarchy was not as accepting of uppity women or uncloseted lesbians in those days. Many of us were struggling to feed our children, ourselves, find and keep jobs, keep life and limb together, deal with homophobic families and friends - AND - exorcise our internalized sex-based gender mandates, patriarchal values and internalized homophobia. Things that don't seem to matter much anymore.

Yes, we looked forward to celebrating Lesbian Pride - formerly and informally. Those celebrations were the rare occasions when we could come together in our lesbian womanhood unsupervised, or penalized. It was powerful and empowering - heady stuff, indeed.

The days of Lesbian Pride based in shared, lived experience and commonality of purpose are, I suspect, over for good.... People can't even agree on what "female" or "lesbian" means, anymore.

How then, do woman IDed lesbians celebrate pride in our shared identity or lesbian HERitage? ....I suppose "we" could do a performance-based exercise in Lesbian Pride. Or, we could attend the Butch Voices conference and hope for a workshop or two that speaks to "our" lives.... Or, "we" could turn on the LOGO channel and hope for a show on woman IDed lesbians. They are few and far between these days, almost non-existent. It's pretty much trans everything, all the time, even there.... All of that is a poor substitute for the Lesbian Pride I remember.

Yep, we're pretty much marginalized these days - yesterday's news. Dinosaurs even. But dang, I'm not old yet and I remember the power and the passion, and the pride. I even remember how easy it was to meet a perspective partner who shared my Feminist sensibilities. Now, we're all sequestered in solitude, or endogenous communities, perusing online dating sites.

Yep, things sure have changed.... I understand that there are now infinite possible combinations of genitalia, clothing, mannerisms, sexuality, labels and roles within the neoLGBTQ "community". I understand that. Don't care much about it either way, really....

What I do care about is that I now have to put quotation marks around my identity - lesbian.... I care about the marginalizing/invisiblizing/censoring of lesbian women and Feminists.... I care about the appropriation and the presumption to naming others (including butch me) that is tolerated, even justified by many.... I care about the "good-girlism going on the LGBTQ community. The care-taking by "lesbians" of everybody but lesbians.... I care that all of this is being done in the name of "ally-ship".... This is not a politic I take pride in.

"We may recall some of the message of Mary Daly’s Gyn/Ecology (1984). A great deal of the machinery of men’s oppression and exploitation of women is mechanism by which women’s own energies and resources are turned against us [and one another], to suppress our spirits, cloud our judgment and consume us. And one of the most effective devices for this is the construction and manipulation of good and evil. It is a complex strategy. One part is the identification of certain things as good and others as evil-the naming of vices and virtues, and of sins. These are falsely and deceptively named. Almost anything that would strengthen or empower us or inspire us with the spirit of rebellion will be named “evil” or “sinful.” - Marilyn Frye

For me, Lesbian Pride is in large part about rebellion. It's not about exchanging one dogma for another, or embracing unfathomable theories authored by academics chasing tenure who are, admittedly or not, male-values-centric. Especially, not when said theory in NO tangible way addresses women's oppression. There are so few of us addressing women's oppression these days to begin with.

Off to start a rebellion....

[Cin]

Originally Posted by Chazz

How then, do woman IDed lesbians celebrate pride in our shared identity or lesbian HERitage? ....I suppose "we" could do a performance-based exercise in Lesbian Pride. Or, we could attend the Butch Voices conference and hope for a workshop or two that speaks to "our" lives.... Or, "we" could turn on the LOGO channel and hope for a show on woman IDed lesbians. They are few and far between these days, almost non-existent. It's pretty much trans everything, all the time, even there.... All of that is a poor substitute for the Lesbian Pride I remember.

Yep, we're pretty much marginalized these days - yesterday's news. Dinosaurs even. But dang, I'm not old yet and I remember the power and the passion, and the pride. I even remember how easy it was to meet a perspective partner who shared my Feminist sensibilities. Now, we're all sequestered in solitude, or endogenous communities, perusing online dating sites.

Yep, things sure have changed.... I understand that there are now infinite possible combinations of genitalia, clothing, mannerisms, sexuality, labels and roles within the neoLGBTQ "community". I understand that. Don't care much about it either way, really....

What I do care about is that I now have to put quotation marks around my identity - lesbian.... I care about the marginalizing/invisiblizing/censoring of lesbian women and Feminists.... I care about the appropriation and the presumption to naming others (including butch me) that is tolerated, even justified by many.... I care about the "good-girlism going on the LGBTQ community. The care-taking by "lesbians" of everybody but lesbians.... I care that all of this is being done in the name of "ally-ship".... This is not a politic I take pride in.

For me, Lesbian Pride is in large part about rebellion. It's not about exchanging one dogma for another, or embracing unfathomable theories authored by academics chasing tenure who are, admittedly or not, male-values-centric. Especially, not when said theory in NO tangible way addresses women's oppression. There are so few of us addressing women's oppression these days to begin with.

Off to start a rebellion....

I’m struggling to figure what is actually being said here. Is it that if there weren’t so such acceptance of trans people there would be more lesbians? Or is it that there are less women loving women to give their attention to other women and issues of misogyny and patriarchy? Is it the plethora of male identified people that is the issue or those who love them?

I guess I don’t understand. Is there something that leads one to believe that there could be less trans people and less women to love them if we would just expend our energy only on other women like 2nd wave feminists believed? Suppose trans people and those who love them don’t want to do that? It certainly doesn’t seem all that fair to me. Isn’t the issue more about getting others to recognize misogyny, sexism and the oppression of women and to fight against it. To get men and male identified people to recognize how male privilege works in their life. I get that like the politics of 2nd wave feminists trans politics are rather myopic. It’s kind of new for everyone. Hopefully things will become more balanced. Third wave feminism is much different from 2nd wave.

[dreadgeek]

Originally Posted by Miss Tick

I’m struggling to figure what is actually being said here. Is it that if there weren’t so such acceptance of trans people there would be more lesbians? Or is it that there are less women loving women to give their attention to other women and issues of misogyny and patriarchy? Is it the plethora of male identified people that is the issue or those who love them?

I'm trying to read this thread 'as if' what was being said isn't the above because I'm trying to walk my talk about giving one another the benefit of the doubt and not assuming, as a starting point, the *worst* possible motives on the part of others. I fear, though, that what is being expounded IS, in fact, that trans people are 'the Problem' and that if it weren't for 'them' then the larger 'we' of the lesbian community would be a more vibrant place.

cheers
Aj

[citybutch]

Hey Chazz.... I totally get what you are saying here... and really appreciate it!

One thing I just want to note ( and a small note at that), Mary Daly really didn't put a lot of emphasis on lesbianism, hers or others. That was rather immaterial to her. She cared about women... plain and simple. The connections she felt were the woman connections steeped in Background and Leaping Connections.

"lesbian schmesbian" as she would say....

Originally Posted by Chazz

I don't feel alone. I'm blessed to have a strong Feminist and lesbian IDed women's community online and off. Truly blessed.

As to the "Reclaiming of Lesbian Pride".... I've come to realizations about that based on this thread and discussions with friends about it.

The Lesbian Pride I remember was a collective, mutually empowering celebration of female commonality and lived experience as lesbian women. One's social strata, race, background didn't matter. We held certain basic tenets in common: We were woman-centric, and personally/politically mobilized to fight against women's oppression and homophobia.

This mobilization and activism did NOT come at small cost. Patriarchy was not as accepting of uppity women or uncloseted lesbians in those days. Many of us were struggling to feed our children, ourselves, find and keep jobs, keep life and limb together, deal with homophobic families and friends - AND - exorcise our internalized sex-based gender mandates, patriarchal values and internalized homophobia. Things that don't seem to matter much anymore.

Yes, we looked forward to celebrating Lesbian Pride - formerly and informally. Those celebrations were the rare occasions when we could come together in our lesbian womanhood unsupervised, or penalized. It was powerful and empowering - heady stuff, indeed.

The days of Lesbian Pride based in shared, lived experience and commonality of purpose are, I suspect, over for good.... People can't even agree on what "female" or "lesbian" means, anymore.

How then, do woman IDed lesbians celebrate pride in our shared identity or lesbian HERitage? ....I suppose "we" could do a performance-based exercise in Lesbian Pride. Or, we could attend the Butch Voices conference and hope for a workshop or two that speaks to "our" lives.... Or, "we" could turn on the LOGO channel and hope for a show on woman IDed lesbians. They are few and far between these days, almost non-existent. It's pretty much trans everything, all the time, even there.... All of that is a poor substitute for the Lesbian Pride I remember.

Yep, we're pretty much marginalized these days - yesterday's news. Dinosaurs even. But dang, I'm not old yet and I remember the power and the passion, and the pride. I even remember how easy it was to meet a perspective partner who shared my Feminist sensibilities. Now, we're all sequestered in solitude, or endogenous communities, perusing online dating sites.

Yep, things sure have changed.... I understand that there are now infinite possible combinations of genitalia, clothing, mannerisms, sexuality, labels and roles within the neoLGBTQ "community". I understand that. Don't care much about it either way, really....

What I do care about is that I now have to put quotation marks around my identity - lesbian.... I care about the marginalizing/invisiblizing/censoring of lesbian women and Feminists.... I care about the appropriation and the presumption to naming others (including butch me) that is tolerated, even justified by many.... I care about the "good-girlism going on the LGBTQ community. The care-taking by "lesbians" of everybody but lesbians.... I care that all of this is being done in the name of "ally-ship".... This is not a politic I take pride in.

"We may recall some of the message of Mary Daly’s Gyn/Ecology (1984). A great deal of the machinery of men’s oppression and exploitation of women is mechanism by which women’s own energies and resources are turned against us [and one another], to suppress our spirits, cloud our judgment and consume us. And one of the most effective devices for this is the construction and manipulation of good and evil. It is a complex strategy. One part is the identification of certain things as good and others as evil-the naming of vices and virtues, and of sins. These are falsely and deceptively named. Almost anything that would strengthen or empower us or inspire us with the spirit of rebellion will be named “evil” or “sinful.” - Marilyn Frye

For me, Lesbian Pride is in large part about rebellion. It's not about exchanging one dogma for another, or embracing unfathomable theories authored by academics chasing tenure who are, admittedly or not, male-values-centric. Especially, not when said theory in NO tangible way addresses women's oppression. There are so few of us addressing women's oppression these days to begin with.

Off to start a rebellion....

[Heart]

Originally Posted by citybutch

One thing I just want to note ( and a small note at that), Mary Daly really didn't put a lot of emphasis on lesbianism, hers or others. That was rather immaterial to her. She cared about women... plain and simple. The connections she felt were the woman connections steeped in Background and Leaping Connections.

"lesbian schmesbian" as she would say....

All hail Mary Daly!

[Chazz]

Originally Posted by June

Chazz --

....I still don't understand the fear, even after all these pages. I still don't understand the quest for space that seems readily available for those who seek and desire it. At any given time, I can invite ONLY Lesbians to my house for game night if I choose. Sometimes that happens, but only if my other friends, who I value just as highly can't make it.

Thoughtfully,

June

I don't understand the "fear", either. But then, I'm not given to "fear".