Femmes: How do you like to be treated on a date?

[Toughy]

When walking somewhere, please, walk on the outside of the pavement offering me your arm.

from my butch perspective....

In a big city, depending on the street and who is on it, I may indeed prefer to walk between you and the buildings, rather than you and the street. I have been known to switch sides as we walk down the sidewalk more than once depending on what is ahead...

This custom comes from muddy dirty streets where stuff gets splashed onto the sidewalk from street traffic. The idea is that 'ladies' should be protected from getting their clothes dirty.

[Nadeest]

Quote:
Originally Posted by atomiczombie View Post
I was talking to someone in the chat room the other night and I made the remark that I can't afford date anyone right now. The femme I was talking to asked me why I feel that it takes money, and for me it comes down to how I treat a femme on a date.

For *ME*, it takes money to date a femme properly. No, I would never take a femme to McDonald's for a date. I may not take her to the fanciest place for dinner, but it should be nice. 60$ is not an unreasonable amount to spend on a nice meal with a girl. Then there is all the grooming. A fresh haircut every 2 weeks; getting a car wash before each date because who wants to be picked up in a dirty car??; Having freshly cleaned and pressed clothes that are dress-casual to dressy. (Jeans are fine if you have a dress shirt and tie to go with them.) And, bring her a small gift with each date, usually flowers, but it could be something else that she likes, such as candy or something else. Buy her drinks if you are at a bar.

Things that don't cost money but are essential to me are: Be freshly showered before each date! Open every door for her; pull out her chair for her; allow her to order her food first; ask her first if you want to hold her hand or kiss her (that's just good manners). If you like how she looks or her smile or how she smells or the things that she says, or wears, then tell her. Let her talk about herself, and don't dominate the conversation with things about you. Don't use a lot of swear words. Don't talk about your exes!! Don't be in a rush to get into bed; try to get to know her, who she is and what she is like. Listen to her. Ask her what kind of things she enjoys doing, what kind of food she likes, etc. so if she agrees to another date, you can plan your next date around things she enjoys. Don't do the same thing every single date - try to plan a variety of activities. Thank her for spending time with you, and if you really like her and want to see her again, don't wait more than 2 days to call her. Don't call her the very next day, either. Give room, but not too much room. Don't blow up her phone with text messages either, but saying you had a good time is important.

The person I was discussing this with said she had never been treated this way on a date, and I was kind of surprised. She told me I should start a thread about dating, so here it is:

Femmes, how do you like to be treated on a date? I think all of us people on the masculine spectrum should know what you ladies would like and what you think is important. I know not all femmes are the same and like the exact same things, so having as much feed back as possible is really appreciated! Also, some feed back about what NOT to do would be helpful too! Stories about both good dates and bad ones are welcome! I personally would really like to know how to be a better date so that someday, if I ever can afford to date again, I can do it better. Thanks in advance!

Atomic, what you do sounds wonderful, but I don't really need my date to spend a lot of money on me. Just going to a museum and sitting down with a soda or some other drink can be a lot of fun. The last person that I dated had absolutely no money and had been unemployed for a long time. We went and did something minor for our first date and I really enjoyed our time together.

[DapperButch]

Originally Posted by Toughy

from my butch perspective....

In a big city, depending on the street and who is on it, I may indeed prefer to walk between you and the buildings, rather than you and the street. I have been known to switch sides as we walk down the sidewalk more than once depending on what is ahead...

This custom comes from muddy dirty streets where stuff gets splashed onto the sidewalk from street traffic. The idea is that 'ladies' should be protected from getting their clothes dirty.

Yes to shifting which side to walk on the sidewalk, depending upon what is ahead.

In addition to the splashing streets, wasn't the whole chamber pot being poured out of windows another reason for walking on the outside...more chance of it hitting the man since the woman could be tucked in closer to the buildings?

[SweetJane]

I agree with most every suggestion here. I'm old school and love the idea of courtship, really getting to know someone, taking that time. That is the dance that is the most delightful....even after you have been together for an eternity, make it feel as if it's for the first time.

Though I love to be pampered with a fine dinner and an evening of dancing or going to a concert or to the opera, I find the small no-cost or little cost dates sometimes are the best. A walk along a pond in a park, a free day at a museum, a hot dog at a street fair and then watching the sunset, a hike in the woods, a visit to some place special to my date that hy wants to share with me (a view from the top of a building or hys favorite taco place or the stoop where hy used to play on as a child). I love intelligent conversation and discussions about life and lessons learned. I love sharing a creative experience with someone.

But most of all, I want to see my date as a real human being, intense, laid back, excited, content, thoughtful, in awe.... and who is willing to share that realness with me.

And I in turn will share my realness with hym.

And yes I do enjoy affection, especially when it comes from the joy of the moment, of being together, not because it's a prelude to asking for something more intimate.

[BugsAndKisses]

I'm not into eating out, I would love someone who thought a really great date was a picnic on an airboat in the middle of the glades. I want to pick cattails and kiss hidden behind sawgrass. I want to be taken where the wild things are and um...be wild!<3

[ScandalAndy]

I still love this thread!!! Sorry for the derail, but how awesome that there are so many different opinions and excellent suggestions!

[atomiczombie]

Originally Posted by ScandalAndy

I still love this thread!!! Sorry for the derail, but how awesome that there are so many different opinions and excellent suggestions!

Haha, that's no derail! And I feel the same way about this thread. Keep it up ladies, your responses are great!!

[Janny]

With impunity.

[BugsAndKisses]

Don't pick me flowers, plant me a tree.
Don't buy me candy, comb me a sea shell
Geodes are forever.........

Shower me with autumn leaves and I may fall for you

[morningstar55]

like a lady and with respect

[gaea]

treat me well and with respect like how you would want to be treated. talk with me as though its a fact i have a brain and not just a hope on your part that i do, chuckle when i order the most expensive thing on the menu, because I'm likely to, or if on a picnic i want my water right out of the bottle please no need for fancy cups. Have a conversation with me a meaningful one so that when the date ends there is no question that a second date will in fact happen, the world is a playground, lets play.

and please if you want my interest, do not lie to me..i pick up easily on that shit and i really dislike being lied to.

[Kenna]

On the way home, stop to pick me daffodils just to see me smile and show me your gentle, affectionate way.

[starryeyes]

Like a lady Nuff said.

[Lady Pamela]

I am sure that most of what I have to say, will have already been said.
But I also know, it doesn't hurt to reconfirm something so beautiful and sacred.

I am pretty much an old style femme when it comes to courting, dating and such. But I am an indapendant woman, who can think for myself, knows what I want and is willing to let it be known.

I love feeling special, romanced and looked after. Yet I am in no way one who needs to be directed. "Unless it fits the moment that is..smiles" However, if things go well and a connection happens, I also like to romance and make the person feel good and secure as well.

If someone chooses to get a gift for me, I would prefer something living like a plant that I can nurture. Or some lil gadget to remind me of the moment etc.
Or something that truely means something to me or between us.

I love honest open communication. But I need it to be done on a non brutal level. With compassion for each other.

I love nice places but I truely prefer a romantic get together...if that is a picnic,and nice place,etc. It doesn't matter to me the cost. So long as we both enjoy each other and make great memories together.

In short.

[sleeplessdancer]

OMG there is still romance out there!

Finally somewhere that gets it!

For me, it's simple. If you want my attention, sweep me off my feet! You don't have to spend a ton of money because it's the little things that mean the most! Pay attention and pick up on the small clues and you'll know exactly what to do.

Grooming, that's a given! If we're going out, then I am going to take the time to look good... (I am a femme after all), and I expect you to do the same. Smell good too, but wear something that's subtle enough that draws me in.

Do I expect you to go have your car detailed, no, but I also don't want to contend with fast food bags and whatever else that you have in there either.

Flowers are always welcome.

Come to my door, don't pull up and honk, I'm not waiting for a taxi service.

Take me by the hand and walk me to the car, open the door. Treat me like a lady because I AM!

Plan out something that will be fun for both of us! That comes back to paying attention to those little clues. If I am going out with you, we A. have things in common, and B. I'm interested! Picnics are awesome, long walks are great, things that we can do where we can spend time talking and getting to know each other are awesome!

I'm comfortable with my sexuality but please don't assume that means that you can grope, touch, kiss, fondle, or anything else. Ask first! Extend your hand and let me decide.

If we go to a bar, I don't expect you to buy my drinks all night but I do expect you to offer. I also don't expect you to think that you can get me drunk and think you're going to take advantage.

When you take me home, open my door, take my hand and walk me to the door. You can kiss me good night, but I don't need a tonsilectomy, start soft and we'll see from there.

The bottom line, Romance me!!! Sweep me off my feet!!!

[firegal]

Originally Posted by sleeplessdancer

OMG there is still romance out there!

Finally somewhere that gets it!

For me, it's simple. If you want my attention, sweep me off my feet! You don't have to spend a ton of money because it's the little things that mean the most! Pay attention and pick up on the small clues and you'll know exactly what to do.

Grooming, that's a given! If we're going out, then I am going to take the time to look good... (I am a femme after all), and I expect you to do the same. Smell good too, but wear something that's subtle enough that draws me in.

Do I expect you to go have your car detailed, no, but I also don't want to contend with fast food bags and whatever else that you have in there either.

Flowers are always welcome.

Come to my door, don't pull up and honk, I'm not waiting for a taxi service.

Take me by the hand and walk me to the car, open the door. Treat me like a lady because I AM!

Plan out something that will be fun for both of us! That comes back to paying attention to those little clues. If I am going out with you, we A. have things in common, and B. I'm interested! Picnics are awesome, long walks are great, things that we can do where we can spend time talking and getting to know each other are awesome!

I'm comfortable with my sexuality but please don't assume that means that you can grope, touch, kiss, fondle, or anything else. Ask first! Extend your hand and let me decide.

If we go to a bar, I don't expect you to buy my drinks all night but I do expect you to offer. I also don't expect you to think that you can get me drunk and think you're going to take advantage.

When you take me home, open my door, take my hand and walk me to the door. You can kiss me good night, but I don't need a tonsilectomy, start soft and we'll see from there.

The bottom line, Romance me!!! Sweep me off my feet!!!

I,m thinking Id rather not hear your worse date story!

All the above are the basics in my book.

[MrSunshine]

Wha??? No tonsillectomy? :0