So what does being Bisexual, mean to you ?

[betenoire]

Originally Posted by SecretAgentMa'am

The lesbians I did manage to meet at the time wanted nothing at all to do with a bisexual woman, and I didn't know any other bisexuals.

Been there, done that. In fact, my first real girlfriend was SUPER mean about the whole thing. I can't believe I stayed with that jerkface for nearly 2 years. (Okay, maybe I can. Sometimes I think I stuck it out to prove a point.)

I didn't actually have a serious, committed, monogamous relationship with another woman until I moved to Oregon and met my wife. It was such a revelation to finally meet a woman who I was attracted to who was also attracted to me and didn't think that bisexual women are all just confused, selfish disease vectors. We've been happily together and monogamous for five years, with no end in sight.

Okay now I am seriously all kittens and puppies about you and your wife. I'm -this- close to demanding a set of commemorative spoons. (I like happy people.)

I can say with confidence that I would never, ever cheat on her. If something ever did happen that resulted in one of us being unable or unwilling to fulfill the other's sexual needs, we'd discuss it and work out a resolution we both could live with (like staying together but opening up the relationship).

Which I happen to think is the grown-up approach to that sort of situation.

I also get people giving me a sympathetic look and telling me that they were bisexual, too, before they finally came all the way out of the closet and admitted they were really a lesbian.

I used to get that a lot from people who I was acquainted with (like, ran with the same circle of friends and went to the same parties but nothing more than that) if they saw me with a man. But nobody who actually knew me well has ever pulled that crap, thankfully. I think it would have really hurt me.

[SecretAgentMa'am]

Originally Posted by betenoire

Been there, done that. In fact, my first real girlfriend was SUPER mean about the whole thing. I can't believe I stayed with that jerkface for nearly 2 years. (Okay, maybe I can. Sometimes I think I stuck it out to prove a point.)

None of the women I've been with have had a problem with my bisexuality, but my first relationship with a woman was a trainwreck. In hindsight, I really can't blame her for everything, though. My first relationship with a woman was as part of a triad with a married couple. It did not work out at all well. It was only after I'd finally left them for good (after the 4th breakup, when I finally refused to get back together yet again) that it occurred to me that if her husband had to go to great lengths to "convince her that it was okay to explore her bisexuality" that she most likely didn't really have any bisexuality *to* explore. She just had a husband who really, really wanted to have a lot of threesomes.

Okay now I am seriously all kittens and puppies about you and your wife. I'm -this- close to demanding a set of commemorative spoons. (I like happy people.)

Aww. I'm seriously considering doing actual holiday cards this year, complete with a family portrait of the two of us with the dog and all the cats and the lizard. If I actually get motivated enough to do it, I'll send you one.

I used to get that a lot from people who I was acquainted with (like, ran with the same circle of friends and went to the same parties but nothing more than that) if they saw me with a man. But nobody who actually knew me well has ever pulled that crap, thankfully. I think it would have really hurt me.

Yeah, I never heard that from anyone that I'm really close to. Just casual acquaintances who I didn't mind not seeing again if they couldn't act right.

[betenoire]

Originally Posted by SecretAgentMa'am

None of the women I've been with have had a problem with my bisexuality, but my first relationship with a woman was a trainwreck. In hindsight, I really can't blame her for everything, though. My first relationship with a woman was as part of a triad with a married couple. It did not work out at all well. It was only after I'd finally left them for good (after the 4th breakup, when I finally refused to get back together yet again) that it occurred to me that if her husband had to go to great lengths to "convince her that it was okay to explore her bisexuality" that she most likely didn't really have any bisexuality *to* explore. She just had a husband who really, really wanted to have a lot of threesomes.

Oh sweet mercy, that sucks. I'm really sorry. That makes me sad/mad.

[SecretAgentMa'am]

Originally Posted by betenoire

Oh sweet mercy, that sucks. I'm really sorry. That makes me sad/mad.

Me too, but mostly for her. It was really emotionally difficult for me (I was attracted to him and liked him, but I was ass over teakettle for her and constantly trying to figure out what I was doing wrong since she said she loved me but often acted like she couldn't even stand to be in the same room with me), and after I came to that realization I started to feel like I hadn't been her girlfriend so much as an accomplice in her husband's campaign of sexual coercion. That was the last time I ever had a relationship with a couple, even though I did identify as polyamorous for a couple more years after that.

[betenoire]

Originally Posted by SecretAgentMa'am

Me too, but mostly for her. It was really emotionally difficult for me (I was attracted to him and liked him, but I was ass over teakettle for her and constantly trying to figure out what I was doing wrong since she said she loved me but often acted like she couldn't even stand to be in the same room with me), and after I came to that realization I started to feel like I hadn't been her girlfriend so much as an accomplice in her husband's campaign of sexual coercion. That was the last time I ever had a relationship with a couple, even though I did identify as polyamorous for a couple more years after that.

*nod* absolutely. He sounds like a jerkface. I think that happens pretty frequently.

I've actually never been involved with a couple. I never wanted to be, it just always sounded a little complicated and negotiation-heavy. And I'm terrible at that sort of thing.

[SecretAgentMa'am]

Originally Posted by betenoire

*nod* absolutely. He sounds like a jerkface. I think that happens pretty frequently.

I've actually never been involved with a couple. I never wanted to be, it just always sounded a little complicated and negotiation-heavy. And I'm terrible at that sort of thing.

It was very much that. At one point, we had a huge dry erase calendar on their fridge to schedule when I was allowed to call, and when I would see either of them, and when they were going to have "primary couple time" during which I was not allowed to call or email or text either of them for any reason, and when I was supposed to get individual dates with each of them (which were almost always cancelled at the last minute), and when we were all supposed to have "stress-free alone time" which meant that she wanted time to herself during which she wasn't thinking about what he and I might be doing together without her.

And just about every time I saw one or both of them, I'd hear about another talk they'd had about our relationship when I wasn't there, and about the new rules they'd implemented without my input, which I was expected to follow. I'm really disgusted with myself now for putting up with it for as long as I did.

[betenoire]

Originally Posted by SecretAgentMa'am

I'm really disgusted with myself now for putting up with it for as long as I did.

I don't think you need to be disgusted with yourself, honestly. I mean live and learn I guess. I don't know how old you were then (or how old you are now, now that I think about it) but I do know when we're younger it's harder to draw lines and we tend to be less aware of what we deserve.