So what does being Bisexual, mean to you ?

[Cin]

I lived with a women for six years who identified as bisexual. She always said that she loved the person and not the gender. She was attracted to both men and women, although her attraction surrounding women was restricted to those with a masculine presentation. For her, it was simply about whoever she fell in love with. She preferred monogamy and did not need both men and women in her life sexually at the same time.

She left me for a man. This threw me. It also forced me to confront some deep-seated issues. I became a better person because of that experience. Then she became involved with another woman. Threw me again she did. She married that woman and is still with her today. But when she went back with a woman I discovered some more issues I needed to work through. Apparently I have a number of issues. Fortunately she provided me with a unique opportunity to examine some deep-seated prejudices. I had to decide if I was ready to move past some of my less than useful beliefs as well as some of the biases that I had not been completely aware I carried. I did grow a lot because of this experience.

I’m not saying that involvement with someone who is bisexual will afford you an opportunity to grow as a person. Although it will, as will any relationship. I’m just saying I am grateful for the experience I had with this person. I found her to be one of the most honorable people I ever met. Her bisexuality was just a feature of who she was, like being a femme, or like her blonde hair and her blue eyes, or her honesty.

On another note, I have no problem with negotiated poly or open relationships. I have been involved in both in my life. But I would have a big problem if an open or poly relationship was being, for lack of a better word, DONE to me without my knowledge. It hurts just thinking about it.

[*Anya*]

Honor and integrity are the opposite of cheating or dishonesty.

Regardless of the sex/gender/identity/orientation, for me, the golden rule applies.

Tell me what you need, where your head and heart are at and allow me the choice to decide if I can live with it and accept it. If we can not negotiate or are in completely different places, I need to be given the choice to stay or to go.

For my soul and ability to live with myself (or with another), it really is just that simple. I am flexible about virtually everything in my life. Relationships to work, must have that as a core.

Honesty and truth about fidelity are not negotiable. That is a value of mine that I will never apologize for.

[imperfect_cupcake]

interesting question. I named myself bisexual from the age of 14 until the age of 27. previously, I had been sexually active with both sexes since I was about 10 (not full on fucking, I mean sexual).

Bisexuality, to me, in my barb self-naming universe, means being able to have long term relationships and to be in love with two or more sexes.

Being able to love and romantically realate only one sex, but have sex with two, to me is not bisexuality. That's heteroflexible or homoflexible. A lot of people are that way.

When I first ID'd as a dyke, I was told, quite bluntly, I was a "lesbian ID'd bisexual" and I was "a dime a dozen" (cheap and common, that's me! ) which hurt, because it the close friend who had been telling me for about 5 years that I wasn't a bi, I was a dyke. I think she expected me to "go butch" |(she said she always saw me as a butch dyke wanting to break free. well, I wish I had flipper and wings too. oh well.) and when I went femtastic, she was pissed off.

I don't see it as a sex thing. that's a different classification in my head. people can be hetero or homo flexible to varying degrees. depends on how flexible you are lol. But bisexuality - in my dictionary - involves *presently* as in, right now, havign the capacity or capability to fall in love with men or women. I don't care if they could 25 years ago, many people's sexuality is not for life, many people's shift over time (NOT EVERYONES m'kay? Mine did. I was never latently lesbian. I fell in love - head over heels with men and women. Now I don't think I could if my life depended on it. And I have zero interest in men's willies except as an aesthetic in porn. But not in real life, ta - only the kind inhabited by dyke dick).

Many of my mates were shades of heteroflexible, and some genuinely bisexual. A few were homoflexible on the less flexible end of that scale (they once in a very blue moon had sex with a gay male friend or they liked to strap on and fuck men for the odd kink thrill in a kinkclub)

I personally like the divisions between homo/heteroflexible and bisexual. I personally believe it give far more people room and credit.

[MsMerrick]

Originally Posted by honeybarbara

i
Bisexuality, to me, in my barb self-naming universe, means being able to have long term relationships and to be in love with two or more sexes.

Being able to love and romantically realate only one sex, but have sex with two, to me is not bisexuality. That's heteroflexible or homoflexible. A lot of people are that way.

................................................

I don't see it as a sex thing. that's a different classification in my head. people can be hetero or homo flexible to varying degrees. depends on how flexible you are lol. But bisexuality - in my dictionary - involves *presently* as in, right now, havign the capacity or capability to fall in love with men or women. I don't care if they could 25 years ago, many people's sexuality is not for life, many people's shift over time (NOT EVERYONES m'kay? Mine did. I was never latently lesbian. I fell in love - head over heels with men and women. Now I don't think I could if my life depended on it. And I have zero interest in men's willies except as an aesthetic in porn. But not in real life, ta - only the kind inhabited by dyke dick).

Many of my mates were shades of heteroflexible, and some genuinely bisexual. A few were homoflexible on the less flexible end of that scale (they once in a very blue moon had sex with a gay male friend or they liked to strap on and fuck men for the odd kink thrill in a kinkclub)

I personally like the divisions between homo/heteroflexible and bisexual. I personally believe it give far more people room and credit.

Thank you I think you may have been the only person who actually answered/gave your opinion , with detail and specificity, my original question ! Thanks !
I don't know if I agree or not, but you certainly gave me some ideas to chew on ...Not a big shock there..

[MsMerrick]

Btw, I didn't mean or want to minimize all of you, who posted your lives and tales, I did enjoy them all ; )

[Scrappy L'il Southpaw]

I will generally not discuss that I identify as bisexual because it seems to be such a fear factor in the lesbian community. My first girl friend flipped out when I shared with her that I identified as bi. Over the next year, any challenges in our relationship she would attribute to her fear of my identifying as bi. Including her schlepping off to a hotel room with her ex-girlfriend. Somehow that had to do with my identification...Right!

I'll share with you what I shared with her years ago and what I still stand by.
For me, bisexual means I'm attracted to you the person. Your gender and your genitals don't matter to me. If you stir my heart and tickle my fancy, you are the one for me. I am monogamous. Period. If I'm with you, I'm with you. I'm not going to fancy someone different for sex and cheat because I have an urge for a different gender.

May sound a little simplistic. There are enough other complications in relationships and the world. This is just how I feel about it.

All that being said, I've dated only women the last 5 years. I've had a couple of guy attractions but nothing driving or that I wanted to act upon.

That's me.

[AlexHunter]

I'm not bisexual, but... the majority of the women I've dated have been. I had a lesbian friend ask me, "Why do you bark up the bi tree so often?" Well, honestly, it's because - apart from the B-F community - the women who dig me and are amendable to what I like in the bedroom usually happen to swing that way. A lot of self-identified lesbians (again, not in this community, just in general) are not so keen on my cock-centric sexuality. Like many genderqueer, transgendered, and male ID'd butches, I bind, pack, and get read as a guy on a regular basis.

Derailed tangents aside:

"Being able to love and romantically relate only one sex, but have sex with two, to me is not bisexuality. That's heteroflexible or homoflexible. A lot of people are that way."

I agree with that one. In fact, I've said that myself for years.

I had a bisexual ex who told me she felt compelled to make up her mind for years. This caused her to have both a straight phase and a gay phase. She eventually "gave up" and realized she could be happy with either. She had friends who had seen her with both sexes, yet still would say things like, "Oh, so you're straight now" if she dated a man or, "Oh, so you're gay now" if she dated a woman.

When she told her parents, they said, "Oh, honey, it's just a phase. Everyone is bisexual. Everyone! That doesn't mean you're actually that way! Just focus on your attraction to men and you will be fine."

She brought me home and they didn't know what to think.

[Sassy]

Originally Posted by Scrappy L'il Southpaw

I will generally not discuss that I identify as bisexual because it seems to be such a fear factor in the lesbian community............ My first girl friend flipped out when I shared with her that I identified as bi...............Over the next year, any challenges in our relationship she would attribute to her fear of my identifying as bi.

Thank you for sharing this.