Ask a trans person!

[Linus]

Originally Posted by J. Mason

Ok guys how do yall feel when someone uses a female pronoun to describe you to someone else?

Annoyed and disrespected but it does depend on who it is. If my grandmother does it, well.. *shrug*.. she's 80+. I cannot imagine how hard it is for her to change her thought process after using the same one for the last 80 years! That said, when colleagues do it, I gently remind them. I've had a few who have forgotten, realized it and apologized profusely (one of my closest colleagues and buddies does this on occasion but he self-corrects pretty quickly and feels really bad when he does his slips).

The question that may be asked is this: is it deliberate or a mistake? If it's a mistake, let it slide a little. If it's deliberate then you need to speak to them about it.

[Thinker]

Originally Posted by Linus

Annoyed and disrespected but it does depend on who it is. If my grandmother does it, well.. *shrug*.. she's 80+. I cannot imagine how hard it is for her to change her thought process after using the same one for the last 80 years! That said, when colleagues do it, I gently remind them. I've had a few who have forgotten, realized it and apologized profusely (one of my closest colleagues and buddies does this on occasion but he self-corrects pretty quickly and feels really bad when he does his slips).

The question that may be asked is this: is it deliberate or a mistake? If it's a mistake, let it slide a little. If it's deliberate then you need to speak to them about it.

Ditto

(10 character rule)

[J. Mason]

I am coming across this with some close friends of mine and they do correct themselves at times when I don't say anything right up front, I guess the silence tells them that I am perturbed about it.

I am not sure if its deliberate or by mistake, it is hard to tell sometimes.

I have been nice and gave them a list of terms to educate them but IDK if they even bother to listen to me or not.

[Linus]

Originally Posted by J. Mason

I am coming across this with some close friends of mine and they do correct themselves at times when I don't say anything right up front, I guess the silence tells them that I am perturbed about it.

I am not sure if its deliberate or by mistake, it is hard to tell sometimes.

I have been nice and gave them a list of terms to educate them but IDK if they even bother to listen to me or not.

How long has it been since you came out? How often do they see you? Keep in mind that you have felt this way your whole life but they were used to what you were before (as far as what they saw and what society thought you were). It make take them time.

[J. Mason]

I have been out about the last 3 years and the people I am referring to were the first to know, granted my family doesn't know a thing (which is another story in itself). I see them on a regular basis or talk to them on a regular basis as well.

[Linus]

Originally Posted by J. Mason

I have been out about the last 3 years and the people I am referring to were the first to know, granted my family doesn't know a thing (which is another story in itself). I see them on a regular basis or talk to them on a regular basis as well.

Then the time has come to have a little sit down with them and explain how this is hurting you. That it is important for them to be more proactive about keeping the right pronouns and that it could even jeopardize your safety if said near the wrong "company".

[J. Mason]

Originally Posted by Linus

Then the time has come to have a little sit down with them and explain how this is hurting you. That it is important for them to be more proactive about keeping the right pronouns and that it could even jeopardize your safety if said near the wrong "company".

Agreed!

(blick 10 character minimum)

[Thinker]

Originally Posted by J. Mason

I have been out about the last 3 years and the people I am referring to were the first to know, granted my family doesn't know a thing (which is another story in itself). I see them on a regular basis or talk to them on a regular basis as well.

Hey... Can I assume you have not taken any steps toward a medical/physical transition?

And please, please know there is NO judgment in asking that question. And please know it makes no difference to me and most others *here*.

However, if there aren't physical changes for them to *see* then it's most likely a very abstract thing for them so they're really struggling.

Society in general sees who they perceive to be "female" and use she/her, and they see who they perceive to be "male" and use he/him. And that's pretty much all they see and know. It doesn't make it right or good or bad or whatever......it's just the way it is in the mind's eye of most people you will encounter.

Based on my experiences, there's a pretty fine line between those who "slip up" and those who are being shitty. Most of us want to give people the benefit of the doubt. When you don't and you call them out on it, then they can always cop to just making a mistake and then all of a sudden *you* are the jerk. It's a tough road to navigate.

If these people are important to you, then just keep at it and give 'em a little more time. If you feel they are deliberately disrespecting you, then I would cut 'em loose.

[J. Mason]

Originally Posted by Thinker

Hey... Can I assume you have not taken any steps toward a medical/physical transition?

And please, please know there is NO judgment in asking that question. And please know it makes no difference to me and most others *here*.

However, if there aren't physical changes for them to *see* then it's most likely a very abstract thing for them so they're really struggling.

Society in general sees who they perceive to be "female" and use she/her, and they see who they perceive to be "male" and use he/him. And that's pretty much all they see and know. It doesn't make it right or good or bad or whatever......it's just the way it is in the mind's eye of most people you will encounter.

Based on my experiences, there's a pretty fine line between those who "slip up" and those who are being shitty. Most of us want to give people the benefit of the doubt. When you don't and you call them out on it, then they can always cop to just making a mistake and then all of a sudden *you* are the jerk. It's a tough road to navigate.

If these people are important to you, then just keep at it and give 'em a little more time. If you feel they are deliberately disrespecting you, then I would cut 'em loose.

I am very pre op, trying to get the money for the things I need to take the step in the right direction.

I try to be patient but patience isnt one of my virtues, but hell I am looking for support ya know.