Ask a trans person!

J. Mason · 09-27-2011, 09:29 AM

I have been out about the last 3 years and the people I am referring to were the first to know, granted my family doesn't know a thing (which is another story in itself). I see them on a regular basis or talk to them on a regular basis as well.

Linus · 09-27-2011, 10:17 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by J. Mason

I have been out about the last 3 years and the people I am referring to were the first to know, granted my family doesn't know a thing (which is another story in itself). I see them on a regular basis or talk to them on a regular basis as well.

Then the time has come to have a little sit down with them and explain how this is hurting you. That it is important for them to be more proactive about keeping the right pronouns and that it could even jeopardize your safety if said near the wrong "company".

J. Mason · 09-27-2011, 10:19 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Linus

Then the time has come to have a little sit down with them and explain how this is hurting you. That it is important for them to be more proactive about keeping the right pronouns and that it could even jeopardize your safety if said near the wrong "company".

Agreed!

(blick 10 character minimum)

Thinker · 09-27-2011, 10:23 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by J. Mason

I have been out about the last 3 years and the people I am referring to were the first to know, granted my family doesn't know a thing (which is another story in itself). I see them on a regular basis or talk to them on a regular basis as well.

Hey... Can I assume you have not taken any steps toward a medical/physical transition?

And please, please know there is NO judgment in asking that question. And please know it makes no difference to me and most others *here*.

However, if there aren't physical changes for them to *see* then it's most likely a very abstract thing for them so they're really struggling.

Society in general sees who they perceive to be "female" and use she/her, and they see who they perceive to be "male" and use he/him. And that's pretty much all they see and know. It doesn't make it right or good or bad or whatever......it's just the way it is in the mind's eye of most people you will encounter.

Based on my experiences, there's a pretty fine line between those who "slip up" and those who are being shitty. Most of us want to give people the benefit of the doubt. When you don't and you call them out on it, then they can always cop to just making a mistake and then all of a sudden *you* are the jerk. It's a tough road to navigate.

If these people are important to you, then just keep at it and give 'em a little more time. If you feel they are deliberately disrespecting you, then I would cut 'em loose.

J. Mason · 09-27-2011, 10:29 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Thinker

Hey... Can I assume you have not taken any steps toward a medical/physical transition?

And please, please know there is NO judgment in asking that question. And please know it makes no difference to me and most others *here*.

However, if there aren't physical changes for them to *see* then it's most likely a very abstract thing for them so they're really struggling.

Society in general sees who they perceive to be "female" and use she/her, and they see who they perceive to be "male" and use he/him. And that's pretty much all they see and know. It doesn't make it right or good or bad or whatever......it's just the way it is in the mind's eye of most people you will encounter.

Based on my experiences, there's a pretty fine line between those who "slip up" and those who are being shitty. Most of us want to give people the benefit of the doubt. When you don't and you call them out on it, then they can always cop to just making a mistake and then all of a sudden *you* are the jerk. It's a tough road to navigate.

If these people are important to you, then just keep at it and give 'em a little more time. If you feel they are deliberately disrespecting you, then I would cut 'em loose.

I am very pre op, trying to get the money for the things I need to take the step in the right direction.

I try to be patient but patience isnt one of my virtues, but hell I am looking for support ya know.

Thinker · 09-27-2011, 10:36 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by J. Mason

I am very pre op, trying to get the money for the things I need to take the step in the right direction.

I try to be patient but patience isnt one of my virtues, but hell I am looking for support ya know.

I totally understand, J. I hope you know that. And I hope you know we support you here!!

I was just trying to figure out why this might be so damn challenging for your pals. Like I said, it doesn't excuse it or make it better; but sometimes it helps to think about it at a different level......like what goes on with *most* people with regard to this topic and not just those in our immediate circle.

Like Linus said, a sit-down-heart-to-heart is definitely in order.

J. Mason · 09-27-2011, 10:39 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Thinker

I totally understand, J. I hope you know that. And I hope you know we support you here!!

I was just trying to figure out why this might be so damn challenging for your pals. Like I said, it doesn't excuse it or make it better; but sometimes it helps to think about it at a different level......like what goes on with *most* people with regard to this topic and not just those in our immediate circle.

Like Linus said, a sit-down-heart-to-heart is definitely in order.

Thank you guys for the understanding I am glad to have these threads on the forum.

I am in total agreeance a good heart to heart is in order.

The Oopster · 09-27-2011, 11:02 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Thinker

Hey... Can I assume you have not taken any steps toward a medical/physical transition?

And please, please know there is NO judgment in asking that question. And please know it makes no difference to me and most others *here*.

However, if there aren't physical changes for them to *see* then it's most likely a very abstract thing for them so they're really struggling.

Society in general sees who they perceive to be "female" and use she/her, and they see who they perceive to be "male" and use he/him. And that's pretty much all they see and know. It doesn't make it right or good or bad or whatever......it's just the way it is in the mind's eye of most people you will encounter.

Based on my experiences, there's a pretty fine line between those who "slip up" and those who are being shitty. Most of us want to give people the benefit of the doubt. When you don't and you call them out on it, then they can always cop to just making a mistake and then all of a sudden *you* are the jerk. It's a tough road to navigate.

If these people are important to you, then just keep at it and give 'em a little more time. If you feel they are deliberately disrespecting you, then I would cut 'em loose.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Thinker

I totally understand, J. I hope you know that. And I hope you know we support you here!!

I was just trying to figure out why this might be so damn challenging for your pals. Like I said, it doesn't excuse it or make it better; but sometimes it helps to think about it at a different level......like what goes on with *most* people with regard to this topic and not just those in our immediate circle.

Like Linus said, a sit-down-heart-to-heart is definitely in order.

I experience what thinker is talking about sort of in the reverse. Now that I have had top surgery and been on T for awhile despite the F on my drivers license and my feminine birth name(although it is more unique) I am most often sir'd. The only exception is on the phone and there it's about 50/50.

In fact i had an accident recently and the officer sir'd me and started to correct himself and I told him he had it right the first time. And he said he wondered but wasn't sure.

I have also found that the more confident I am in my masculinity the more I am also perceived that way. Again not implying anything on your part. The few times I think I am mammed, i am not even sure if that has happened it's where my mind space is.

As far as family and friends go. Family still she me and like linus said there are a few that just get a pass. My dad tries, even my mom has been better then expected. In fact if they run into a some of the peeps here with me in arkansas it will be interesting how that will effect them. Dad I think it will help seal the deal. Mom hopefully won't have a break down!

People on my periphel sometimes slip and now I correct them or just look at them and they correct themselves. I have given them a few years and now it's time to get it right.

Another thing to bring up and i'm not implying this with you at all it's just another observation I have made. Are we sometimes over sensitive to what people use as far as gender markers? Like I said sometimes I'm not sure what others have used and think it's where my brain is at. The reason I bring this up is because of a situation I had about a month ago. I approached these people for an interview. I saw 2 younger boys and two woman (masculine woman but yet at the same time I completely perceived them as female) I asked them if they would be willing? We have this method of who we are to ask and I said "So are you still willing to do the interview" All of a sudden two of the party landed on me for calling the one sir. I was blind sided. I didn't know where or how they thought I said that. It happened that the one woman was mtf. I apologized and said I don't know where or how sir came out becaust i'm trans and I totally saw her as a her. I hadn't even perceived her as trans until the others jumped on me. Later I realized that when I said "So are you" they thought I said "sir".

Hence I just wondered how often are we and those close to us over sensitive to what is used? Maybe react when there is no need to react?

EnderD_503 · 09-27-2011, 03:08 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by The Oopster

I apologized and said I don't know where or how sir came out becaust i'm trans and I totally saw her as a her. I hadn't even perceived her as trans until the others jumped on me. Later I realized that when I said "So are you" they thought I said "sir".

Hence I just wondered how often are we and those close to us over sensitive to what is used? Maybe react when there is no need to react?

I don't think transpeople are too sensitive when it comes to what people use as gender markers. I think bringing it down to oversensitivity opens us up to that being broadened to: "Well, that's not really transphobic, you're just too sensitive."

I think that the situation you described is one that doesn't occur frequently even if it might on a rare occasion, and so I don't think can constitute an oversensitivity, but the result of a reality. When we hear people are using the incorrect marker (even if, on a very slim chance, we've misheard), it's for a reason. Society does it consistently, and so I could see how even mishearing people can occur because of that consistency (you've come to expect it through experience, which can result on mishearing on a rare occasion).

09-27-2011, 09:29 AM	#1
J. Mason Timed Out How Do You Identify?: Banned 11/9/2011 - Previously banned member back under new name Preferred Pronoun?: He and His Relationship Status: Single Join Date: Aug 2011 Location: Texas/Oklahoma Posts: 861 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 250 Thanked 741 Times in 361 Posts Rep Power: 0	I have been out about the last 3 years and the people I am referring to were the first to know, granted my family doesn't know a thing (which is another story in itself). I see them on a regular basis or talk to them on a regular basis as well.