Fierce Femmes, Allies and Gender Expectations... - Page 5

greeneyedgrrl · 06-05-2011, 10:37 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by apocalipstic

I, for example, have way more in common with a 16 year old guy, than I do Betty Crocker!

I am not even sure what a feeling is.

I am very un-romantic.

I fall alsleep after sex.

I strap on.

I like to "run the show", as it were.

I like to be called Daddy

etc....

YES YES YES!

Quote:

Originally Posted by apocalipstic

Femmes are not just one thing, We can be so many things.

We can fix cars, we can use power tools, we are strong, we are proud.

I refuse to be told I can't know about cars, or pump my own gas, or drive because I am Femme.

I hate the mere suggestion that I have to be submissive about anything... EVER.

I hate the suggestion that a Butch is soft or somehow less Butch if they like Femmes like Me.

I don't need to be saved.

EXACTLY!! ..and tell me i CAN'T do something i want to do..and i'll show u i CAN! what now??

PumaJ · 06-19-2011, 12:13 AM

I totally claim/ID as High Femme. I love glam, bling, makeup, nail polish, jewelry & other "girlie" types of things. Not fond of frills, ruffles & lace much at all though. I can cook & sew, though I hate doing either one. I can & do use power tools, do most of my own landscaping, minor electrical & plumbing work. I've regrouted the tile in my kitchen & bathroom, stripped & re-stained my decks at least three times. I've held management positions for at least 2/3 of my professional life, generally in positions that required that I supervise others.

Intellectually, I'm quite the nerd.

I am a very Queer feminist Femme who is only romantically/ sexually attracted to very masculine of center women who bend gender & like to strap it on.

I am very fierce in my protection of those I love & was given the nickname of
Pumawoman by a Native American Butch/Two Spirit with whom I was lovers
for a few years, because of my fierceness.

To look at me, one might not get it because I am so "girl" in my appearance. But girl doesn't mean weak, or passive, or incompetent. Girl means strong and I am one very tough woman who is also very nurturing, very mothering at times.

I define myself as a Femme, no one else defines that for me. I embrace the fiercely powerful energy of the Feminine. IMO, A person who thinks that that energy means being soft & passive is either sadly misinformed or brainwashed by the patriarchal hierarchy.

It is my long held philosophy that we each get to define what Femme is for ourselves.

paintedleofemme · 09-07-2011, 03:19 PM

I am so loving this thread! So many butchs that i have dated assume that because I am femme I am submissive woman, oh how wrong they are, and I loved proving it to them, I am a switch, believe me, their are times that I love to take control in the bedroom, and sometimes out of their too. I like to tell people, just because I look femme don't think I cant become a dominant fierce woman in the blink of your eye!

lettertodaddy · 09-07-2011, 04:07 PM

I learned quickly not to assume that femme = bottom and that butch = top. That's probably why my description says "dorky queer femme bottom", because I know those terms aren't synonymous.

Starbuck · 09-07-2011, 08:56 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by lettertodaddy

I learned quickly not to assume that femme = bottom and that butch = top. That's probably why my description says "dorky queer femme bottom", because I know those terms aren't synonymous.

The same goes here. Femme on the streets, butch in the sheets...when I wanna be

Being submissive can also be a way of being fierce, because I let her have control of me when I want to. It's rather delicious.

I can work on my truck, say change a tire, change the oil and filter, lube the joints, check fluid levels and such and fill as needed, but beyond that I let someone else do it.

I keep my nails short and neat.

When I'm out with my gf, if I feel we are threatened, I bow up ready to fight for both of us. Yes I've been in fights. Yes I had to have a CT of my head to see if I had a head injury after a fight, but I never quit. I am a fierce femme!

What I'm trying to say is, looks can be deceiving and as dynamite comes in small packages, so do fierce femmes!

BugsAndKisses · 10-22-2011, 03:09 PM

I have decided this is my favorite thread, lol.... HERE are all my sisters, lol!

I am under 5ft tall
I wear skirts
my nails are always painted
I don't leave the house without eyeliner on
and yes...i giggle (and I will punch you if you poke fun)

BUT

I am the gross out QUEEN
I can make anyone jump given enough time to find a weakness
Dirt is my friend and bruises are my jewelry.
I don't care how much you work out, your not gonna out pace me cause my stamina/adrenaline is through the roof
I am not delicate and if you treat me as such your just gonna get a raw deal.

Apocalipstic · 10-22-2011, 03:42 PM

Some great new posts!

I went to the B-F reunion last weekend and being in the presence of so many strong women really got me thinking about how important it is that we see and empower and help one another.

I do want to say that I was not trying to imply that submissiveness is not fierce in my earlier posts. It so totally is. It is so totally brave in ways I mostly can't even face thinking about.

little_ms_sunshyne · 10-22-2011, 04:47 PM

You know, I am just coming into my own I think. A friend pointed me in this direction. I hate to say it but my own confusion of understanding who I am was hindered by stereotypes. If I am x, y, z then I should be x, y, z.

While I do not believe in such stereotypes I just continued to limit myself. CRAZYNESS!!!

I love being surrounded by such diversity. I love that each one of us has our own definition of what femme means to us. YET we all can agree on this ...FEMME=POWER=BADASS=BEAUTIFUL=CONFIDENCE...I could go on and on *sigh* That is all for now. More to come. Have had a million thoughts running through my mind today.

Apocalipstic · 10-22-2011, 05:25 PM

You come off so poised and elegant. You look like you invented Femme.

Breaking stereotypes is living the dream!

Quote:

Originally Posted by little_ms_sunshyne

You know, I am just coming into my own I think. A friend pointed me in this direction. I hate to say it but my own confusion of understanding who I am was hindered by stereotypes. If I am x, y, z then I should be x, y, z.

While I do not believe in such stereotypes I just continued to limit myself. CRAZYNESS!!!

I love being surrounded by such diversity. I love that each one of us has our own definition of what femme means to us. YET we all can agree on this ...FEMME=POWER=BADASS=BEAUTIFUL=CONFIDENCE...I could go on and on *sigh* That is all for now. More to come. Have had a million thoughts running through my mind today.

little_ms_sunshyne · 10-22-2011, 05:31 PM

lol Thank you! We needed to sit down and chat a bit more!
I am one of those terribly clumsy, trip on my own feet, no idea how to flirt, curse like a sailor femmes. YUP! Are there anymore that exist out there? lol

Poised and Elegant! Shoooot! I will take that!

Quote:

Originally Posted by Apocalipstic

You come off so poised and elegant. You look like you invented Femme.

Breaking stereotypes is living the dream!

Apocalipstic · 10-22-2011, 06:23 PM

Right there with ya on the cursing! Hell yeah!

Man I wish we lived closer!

Quote:

Originally Posted by little_ms_sunshyne

lol Thank you! We needed to sit down and chat a bit more!
I am one of those terribly clumsy, trip on my own feet, no idea how to flirt, curse like a sailor femmes. YUP! Are there anymore that exist out there? lol

Poised and Elegant! Shoooot! I will take that!

Kenna · 08-21-2013, 11:09 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Apocalipstic

I have been thinking about starting this tread for weeks, and I keep putting it off for lack of a catchy name.....

I in no way am trying to take anything away or diss Traditional Femme and Butch/FtM roles....

However,

I would like to hear from Femmes who ID differently. Alpha Femmes, Femme Daddy's, Femmes who feel like dudes, Femmes who wish they were men, Femme Tops...ALL Femmes who have ever thought "Hey, how come all we discuss is Butch and FtM gender?", "I don't exactly fit the stereotypes people seem to be having about what Femme is?" or even "I do fit every single stereotype, but wants to discuss anyway"...

Femme/Butch does not = Girl/Boy
Femme does not = submissive
Femme does not = bottom

So many expectations of what Femme is supposed to be. What have you faced?

Thoughts on any of this?

Everyone is welcome!!!

Ohhhh so happy to rediscover this thread !!
I recently had an experience that I'd like to learn from and move forward in my classic Alpha Femme style ...

Kenna · 08-21-2013, 11:27 PM

God I hate my new phone !

The experience I mention above stemmed from someone's perceptions of my physical appearance, using this to base their own definition of my Identity and making comments that left me feeling "less femme" in their eyes ...I won't lie, I got pissed...especially since they are a member of the LGBTQ community (however not of this site)... we had a long chat about their perceptions and misguided attempt to TELL me I appear "too butchy" because of my "tomboy tendencies"...

Since I joined the online community in 2006...I have come to embrace that I do not fit into certain peoples' definitions of Femme ... and I refuse to allow anyone to make me feel less than simply because of my appearance or notions that Femmes are not 'supposed to" be mechanically inclined ...etc.
I got fired up because I never expected someone that identifies such as this individual TELLING ME that I'm not Femme ...
I want to learn from this fire I feel and come to understand how to better address the issue if it ever comes up....It took me many years journey to embrace my way of Femme ...

thx
sighed,
Damn Happy to be an incredibly sexy, empowered Alpha Femme

Kenna · 08-21-2013, 11:39 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by little_ms_sunshyne

You know, I am just coming into my own I think. A friend pointed me in this direction. I hate to say it but my own confusion of understanding who I am was hindered by stereotypes. If I am x, y, z then I should be x, y, z.

While I do not believe in such stereotypes I just continued to limit myself. CRAZYNESS!!!

I love being surrounded by such diversity. I love that each one of us has our own definition of what femme means to us. YET we all can agree on this ...FEMME=POWER=BADASS=BEAUTIFUL=CONFIDENCE...I could go on and on *sigh* That is all for now. More to come. Have had a million thoughts running through my mind today.

OMG THIS ROCKS!
YOU'RE AWESOME

ProfPacker · 10-09-2013, 06:31 PM

I keep on finding threads on this site that make me want to say Yes, a place for me. I am femme but also like to pack, strap on and use butch and femme cock. I can take it and give it. I am soft and I can be edgy. I a cougar with a mnd and sex of a 30 year old.

GeeGina · 10-10-2013, 10:04 AM

I consider myself "femme, but flexible", which reserves me the right to express myself in the manner that feels authentic to me. I make no rules for others and will have no such rules placed on me.

So, I will:
Make the first move if I want to.
Smoke fat cigars while wearing lipstick.
Shave my head in the summer, then wear a sundress to a bbq.
Wax. Or not.
Appreciate the feel of the packed crotch of my partner's jeans against my capri pants.
Never change my own oil.
Bake like a grandmother.
Buy shoes.
Mani and Pedi.
Burp (though not in public).
Drink big beers at the bar.
Wear your oversized shirt around the house.
Ask you what you need.
Make soup.
Wear boots.
Get muddy, then take a bubble bath.
Actually catch a football.
Rock a cocktail dress and hit a buffet like I'm going to the chair the next morning.

Etc, etc, etc. My point - be who you are and who you want to be, not what society or culture or mores thinks you should be...

imperfect_cupcake · 10-10-2013, 10:57 AM

that seems totally femme in my books and not any different to the ones I've hung out with in the past 10 years.

Crow · 10-10-2013, 07:44 PM

My gosh...but you're the perfect girl.

LexiLove · 10-11-2013, 03:04 PM

I am a newbie but I had to post to this thread. I would consider myself a femme for the most part. I love makeup, lace, heels, lingerie, etc BUT I am not weak. I have no problem getting under a car, getting in the dirt, letting my hair get wet, have makeup smeared on my face. I am a chivalrous person and can be very masculine at times yet demure and "delicate" other times. I am so happy that there are other femmes that are like me. I am sort of newly "out" and reading these threads has made me feel far less alone.

Thank you.

Gemme · 10-12-2013, 05:26 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by LexiLove

I am a newbie but I had to post to this thread. I would consider myself a femme for the most part. I love makeup, lace, heels, lingerie, etc BUT I am not weak. I have no problem getting under a car, getting in the dirt, letting my hair get wet, have makeup smeared on my face. I am a chivalrous person and can be very masculine at times yet demure and "delicate" other times. I am so happy that there are other femmes that are like me. I am sort of newly "out" and reading these threads has made me feel far less alone.

Thank you.

Lexi!

Don't let anyone tell you that femme equates weak. The strongest, most fierce people in my life are femmes right here on this site. I'm glad you feel comfortable here and look forward to seeing you grow. Welcome to the site and please continue to embrace your femmedom.

06-19-2011, 12:13 AM	#82
PumaJ Member How Do You Identify?: High Femme Queer Feminist Preferred Pronoun?: she, her Join Date: Feb 2011 Location: Portland Metro, Oregon Posts: 200 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 1,419 Thanked 500 Times in 147 Posts Rep Power: 1652642	I totally claim/ID as High Femme. I love glam, bling, makeup, nail polish, jewelry & other "girlie" types of things. Not fond of frills, ruffles & lace much at all though. I can cook & sew, though I hate doing either one. I can & do use power tools, do most of my own landscaping, minor electrical & plumbing work. I've regrouted the tile in my kitchen & bathroom, stripped & re-stained my decks at least three times. I've held management positions for at least 2/3 of my professional life, generally in positions that required that I supervise others. Intellectually, I'm quite the nerd. I am a very Queer feminist Femme who is only romantically/ sexually attracted to very masculine of center women who bend gender & like to strap it on. I am very fierce in my protection of those I love & was given the nickname of Pumawoman by a Native American Butch/Two Spirit with whom I was lovers for a few years, because of my fierceness. To look at me, one might not get it because I am so "girl" in my appearance. But girl doesn't mean weak, or passive, or incompetent. Girl means strong and I am one very tough woman who is also very nurturing, very mothering at times. I define myself as a Femme, no one else defines that for me. I embrace the fiercely powerful energy of the Feminine. IMO, A person who thinks that that energy means being soft & passive is either sadly misinformed or brainwashed by the patriarchal hierarchy. It is my long held philosophy that we each get to define what Femme is for ourselves. __________________ PumaJ

09-07-2011, 03:19 PM	#83
paintedleofemme Junior Member How Do You Identify?: Femme Lesbian Preferred Pronoun?: She,her Relationship Status: Married Join Date: Sep 2011 Location: Yakima,Wa Posts: 47 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 15 Thanked 62 Times in 22 Posts Rep Power: 699880	I am so loving this thread! So many butchs that i have dated assume that because I am femme I am submissive woman, oh how wrong they are, and I loved proving it to them, I am a switch, believe me, their are times that I love to take control in the bedroom, and sometimes out of their too. I like to tell people, just because I look femme don't think I cant become a dominant fierce woman in the blink of your eye! __________________ The day I bow down to you is the day you can walk on water. Don't like me? Take a seat with the rest of the losers waiting for me to give a damn.

09-07-2011, 04:07 PM	#84
lettertodaddy Member How Do You Identify?: dorky queer femme bottom Preferred Pronoun?: feminine ones Relationship Status: single, dammit. Join Date: Aug 2011 Location: vancouver, bc Posts: 240 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 157 Thanked 715 Times in 158 Posts Rep Power: 8075873	I learned quickly not to assume that femme = bottom and that butch = top. That's probably why my description says "dorky queer femme bottom", because I know those terms aren't synonymous. __________________ "If I'm in a room full of cookies, the cookies ain't got no damn chance." - Charles Barkley The meaning behind my screen name:

10-22-2011, 03:09 PM	#86
BugsAndKisses Member How Do You Identify?: ladybug, lover of little things Preferred Pronoun?: she Relationship Status: Settled Join Date: Sep 2011 Location: florida Posts: 341 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 278 Thanked 864 Times in 215 Posts Rep Power: 10789160	I have decided this is my favorite thread, lol.... HERE are all my sisters, lol! I am under 5ft tall I wear skirts my nails are always painted I don't leave the house without eyeliner on and yes...i giggle (and I will punch you if you poke fun) BUT I am the gross out QUEEN I can make anyone jump given enough time to find a weakness Dirt is my friend and bruises are my jewelry. I don't care how much you work out, your not gonna out pace me cause my stamina/adrenaline is through the roof I am not delicate and if you treat me as such your just gonna get a raw deal. __________________ The past is history, the future is a mystery but today is a gift, thats why its called the present http://i77.photobucket.com/albums/j6...psdd598a2e.jpg

10-22-2011, 03:42 PM	#87
Apocalipstic Pink Confection How Do You Identify?: Femme Preferred Pronoun?: She, Her, Ma'am Relationship Status: Dating Myself Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Nashville Posts: 4,266 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 17,195 Thanked 11,362 Times in 2,838 Posts Rep Power: 21474856	Some great new posts! I went to the B-F reunion last weekend and being in the presence of so many strong women really got me thinking about how important it is that we see and empower and help one another. I do want to say that I was not trying to imply that submissiveness is not fierce in my earlier posts. It so totally is. It is so totally brave in ways I mostly can't even face thinking about. __________________

10-22-2011, 04:47 PM	#88
little_ms_sunshyne Senior Member How Do You Identify?: . Join Date: Oct 2010 Location: . Posts: 3,312 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 13,339 Thanked 12,241 Times in 2,541 Posts Rep Power: 21474854	You know, I am just coming into my own I think. A friend pointed me in this direction. I hate to say it but my own confusion of understanding who I am was hindered by stereotypes. If I am x, y, z then I should be x, y, z. While I do not believe in such stereotypes I just continued to limit myself. CRAZYNESS!!! I love being surrounded by such diversity. I love that each one of us has our own definition of what femme means to us. YET we all can agree on this ...FEMME=POWER=BADASS=BEAUTIFUL=CONFIDENCE...I could go on and on sigh That is all for now. More to come. Have had a million thoughts running through my mind today.

08-21-2013, 11:27 PM	#93
Kenna Senior Member How Do You Identify?: Fiery, Sassy, Tough As Nails, Femme Tomboy Preferred Pronoun?: She Relationship Status: I am your favorite hello and hardest goodbye. Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: NC & CO Posts: 4,806 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 4,624 Thanked 12,196 Times in 3,779 Posts Rep Power: 21474856	God I hate my new phone ! The experience I mention above stemmed from someone's perceptions of my physical appearance, using this to base their own definition of my Identity and making comments that left me feeling "less femme" in their eyes ...I won't lie, I got pissed...especially since they are a member of the LGBTQ community (however not of this site)... we had a long chat about their perceptions and misguided attempt to TELL me I appear "too butchy" because of my "tomboy tendencies"... Since I joined the online community in 2006...I have come to embrace that I do not fit into certain peoples' definitions of Femme ... and I refuse to allow anyone to make me feel less than simply because of my appearance or notions that Femmes are not 'supposed to" be mechanically inclined ...etc. I got fired up because I never expected someone that identifies such as this individual TELLING ME that I'm not Femme ... I want to learn from this fire I feel and come to understand how to better address the issue if it ever comes up....It took me many years journey to embrace my way of Femme ... thx sighed, Damn Happy to be an incredibly sexy, empowered Alpha Femme __________________ **************************** She has been through hell, so believe me when I say, fear her when she looks into a fire and smiles. ~E.Corona~

10-09-2013, 06:31 PM	#95
ProfPacker Member How Do You Identify?: butch/MOC Preferred Pronoun?: Hy/hym/hys but in circumstances like work and some other places she Relationship Status: single Join Date: Sep 2013 Location: nj Posts: 1,365 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 7,023 Thanked 4,815 Times in 1,187 Posts Rep Power: 21474849	I keep on finding threads on this site that make me want to say Yes, a place for me. I am femme but also like to pack, strap on and use butch and femme cock. I can take it and give it. I am soft and I can be edgy. I a cougar with a mnd and sex of a 30 year old.

10-10-2013, 10:04 AM	#96
GeeGina Member How Do You Identify?: Femme, but flexible. Preferred Pronoun?: Miss Relationship Status: Single. Looking. Available. Open. Join Date: Sep 2013 Location: Philadelphia, PA Posts: 111 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 10 Thanked 410 Times in 76 Posts Rep Power: 4115106	Swirl... I consider myself "femme, but flexible", which reserves me the right to express myself in the manner that feels authentic to me. I make no rules for others and will have no such rules placed on me. So, I will: Make the first move if I want to. Smoke fat cigars while wearing lipstick. Shave my head in the summer, then wear a sundress to a bbq. Wax. Or not. Appreciate the feel of the packed crotch of my partner's jeans against my capri pants. Never change my own oil. Bake like a grandmother. Buy shoes. Mani and Pedi. Burp (though not in public). Drink big beers at the bar. Wear your oversized shirt around the house. Ask you what you need. Make soup. Wear boots. Get muddy, then take a bubble bath. Actually catch a football. Rock a cocktail dress and hit a buffet like I'm going to the chair the next morning. Etc, etc, etc. My point - be who you are and who you want to be, not what society or culture or mores thinks you should be...

10-10-2013, 10:57 AM	#97
imperfect_cupcake Senior Member How Do You Identify?: feminine dolly dyke Preferred Pronoun?: Your Grace Relationship Status: I put my own care first Join Date: Jan 2010 Location: In a gauze of mystery Posts: 1,776 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 2,426 Thanked 9,712 Times in 1,611 Posts Rep Power: 21474853	that seems totally femme in my books and not any different to the ones I've hung out with in the past 10 years.

10-10-2013, 07:44 PM	#98
Crow Junior Member How Do You Identify?: lgbTq...the T...that's me Preferred Pronoun?: Mr. From my head down to my toes. Relationship Status: Sane Join Date: Dec 2012 Location: Toto we're not in Seattle anymore! Posts: 49 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 71 Thanked 196 Times in 43 Posts Rep Power: 2383964	My gosh...but you're the perfect girl.

10-11-2013, 03:04 PM	#99
LexiLove Junior Member How Do You Identify?: Fierce.Lesbian.Femme.Dyke. Preferred Pronoun?: She.Her.Sweetums. Relationship Status: I have her...hoping to keep her Join Date: Oct 2013 Location: NY for now Posts: 53 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 31 Thanked 135 Times in 36 Posts Rep Power: 950353	I am a newbie but I had to post to this thread. I would consider myself a femme for the most part. I love makeup, lace, heels, lingerie, etc BUT I am not weak. I have no problem getting under a car, getting in the dirt, letting my hair get wet, have makeup smeared on my face. I am a chivalrous person and can be very masculine at times yet demure and "delicate" other times. I am so happy that there are other femmes that are like me. I am sort of newly "out" and reading these threads has made me feel far less alone. Thank you.