Your Death and Post-Death Preferences

JustJo · 10-24-2011, 04:13 PM

I don't think this is morbid at all...realistic is more like it.

My mother and I have had several conversations about this lately since her cancer is what it is. She has decided to donate her body to research on Crohn's disease. As a 50 year survivor of it, they may be able to learn some things from her body after she's gone. She wants no funeral at all....it's a family tradition. We just don't do them. She said that her friends can gather at Dunkin Donuts and have a cup of tea and a cruller in her honor. Her family can do what they want (since they always have...and none of them are close).

As far as my own body, I'd like to donate whatever is usable, although I doubt any of it will be given my health issues. What's left can be cremated. I like roses, and roses like ashes....act accordingly.

Everything I own goes to my son.

tapu · 10-24-2011, 05:52 PM

Very interesting thread.

This book is the famous (infamous?) expose of the American funeral industry. It is extremely informative, and wicked funny! It's by Jessica Mitford. I had to have it, if only for the cover.

[ame="http://www.amazon.com/American-Way-Death-Revisited/dp/0679771867/ref=sr_1_2?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1319499717&sr=1-2"]http://www.amazon.com/American-Way-Death-Revisited/dp/0679771867/ref=sr_1_2?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1319499717&sr=1-2[/ame]

DapperButch · 10-24-2011, 06:11 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by tapu

Very interesting thread.

This book is the famous (infamous?) expose of the American funeral industry. It is extremely informative, and wicked funny! It's by Jessica Mitford. I had to have it, if only for the cover.

http://www.amazon.com/American-Way-D...9499717&sr=1-2

Wait a minute. Didn't somebody post a similar picture of themselves..and maybe with their partner? I feel like people were having a picnic or something. Was it Medusa? Like a year or so ago.

DapperButch · 10-24-2011, 06:36 PM

So.

When I was dealing with colon cancer last/this year I thought about death for the first time. Well, it was the first time I thought about my death, anyway.

What struck me was that it was important to me that people remembered me after I died. Not remembered me FOR something. Just remembered me. I thought about how when an acquaintance dies I might feel sad about their loss, but that eventually I think about the person less and less.

My thought was that it was important to me that the people who were close to me not forget me quickly. What that means exactly, I don't know. I just know I had that thought often during my surgery/chemo induced haze (that really I swear I didn't come out of until like a month ago even though I finished chemo 6 months ago). I am not so sure what all is behind that psychologically, but this is what I remember focusing on.

In terms of my own funeral/burial, etc. I signed up to donate all organs, but I suppose now that wouldn't make sense since I had cancer/chemo? Or, at least they shouldn't take my parts I don't think. Sure, all of us have cancer cells floating around, but most likely I have more than most. And not to be morbid or anything, but there certainly is a solid chance that I have a tiny tumor in an organ somewhere that will become known to me in a few or more years. A tumor that is currently too small for a scan to pick up on. No, I do not think anyone should have my organs.

Anyway...

I don't really care what happens with my body. I do want to be cremated and don't want my body to be viewed. My mother will no doubt want some sort of service at her church and I am fine with that. I also have a plot next to my mother and father (evidently, they were cheap at the time, so my parents figured they would buy me one too, "in case I never got another plot and needed it"...thanks mom and dad!). If I die any time soon I am ok with my ashes being buried there. Otherwise, it really doesn't matter to me.

tapu · 10-24-2011, 06:43 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by DapperButch

Wait a minute. Didn't somebody post a similar picture of themselves..and maybe with their partner? I feel like people were having a picnic or something. Was it Medusa? Like a year or so ago.

My good DB, are you high? It shows Jessica Mitford in a crematorium.

DapperButch · 10-24-2011, 06:55 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by tapu

My good DB, are you high? It shows Jessica Mitford in a crematorium.

Ok, so in looking at my last post, one may think so. LOL

Now I am thinking that I dreamed it. But, there was someone that posted some sort of picture similar to this. Seriously. Maybe not a picture with members here, but something was posted in a thread somewhere. I swear.

Ask someone with a good memory for these types of things. Snow or June or something.

DapperButch · 10-24-2011, 06:57 PM

http://www.butchfemmeplanet.com/gall....php?photo=500

Medusa at mausoleum. :-)

socialjustice_fsu · 10-24-2011, 07:56 PM

As a hospice social worker I am so pleased this is being openly talked about. Please, if you do nothing more than this it may ease not only your mind but also who might be overseeing your final arrangements: WRITE YOUR WISHES DOWN. Give a copy to someone you trust. Most physicians will even keep this info. for you in their file. I promise you...it is not good enough to simply speak your wishes. When family and friends have differing thoughts about what you 'might' want it can get terribly ugly. I could supply you with example after example of things gone awry in the face of a death.

And, take a look at advance directives in your state. Many of the forms can be downloaded in a matter of minutes. These include living wills, health care proxy statement, health care surrogate, durable power of attorney. Some will require a notary seal depending on the format. Insist your partner complete the same documents. If you assign a DPOA - keep a copy in the glove compartment - hopefully, you will never need it - but in an emergency you want to know where to look first.

As far as organ donors...most states have a registry that you can access to be sure you are actually listed. In Florida it is donatelifeflorida.com.

Please, have this discussion - outloud - and then commit it to paper.

Do this for yourself. And do it for the loved one's in your life. They will be forever grateful.

tapu · 10-25-2011, 04:27 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by DapperButch

http://www.butchfemmeplanet.com/gall....php?photo=500

Medusa at mausoleum. :-)

No. Frigging. Way. I can't believe that! Hope she sees this. It's kind of... double eerie.

10-24-2011, 04:13 PM	#1
JustJo Infamous Member How Do You Identify?: pushy broad Preferred Pronoun?: she Relationship Status: Follow your heart; it knows things your mind cannot explain. Join Date: Jan 2010 Location: Southeast corner Posts: 5,633 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 24,417 Thanked 25,404 Times in 4,660 Posts Rep Power: 21474857	I don't think this is morbid at all...realistic is more like it. My mother and I have had several conversations about this lately since her cancer is what it is. She has decided to donate her body to research on Crohn's disease. As a 50 year survivor of it, they may be able to learn some things from her body after she's gone. She wants no funeral at all....it's a family tradition. We just don't do them. She said that her friends can gather at Dunkin Donuts and have a cup of tea and a cruller in her honor. Her family can do what they want (since they always have...and none of them are close). As far as my own body, I'd like to donate whatever is usable, although I doubt any of it will be given my health issues. What's left can be cremated. I like roses, and roses like ashes....act accordingly. Everything I own goes to my son. __________________ I'm not tall enough to ride emotional roller coasters

10-24-2011, 05:52 PM	#2
tapu Senior Member How Do You Identify?: Understated butch. Preferred Pronoun?: I Relationship Status: Party of One Join Date: Jun 2011 Location: Maine Posts: 1,654 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 1,324 Thanked 3,115 Times in 1,103 Posts Rep Power: 21474852	Very interesting thread. This book is the famous (infamous?) expose of the American funeral industry. It is extremely informative, and wicked funny! It's by Jessica Mitford. I had to have it, if only for the cover. [ame="http://www.amazon.com/American-Way-Death-Revisited/dp/0679771867/ref=sr_1_2?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1319499717&sr=1-2"]http://www.amazon.com/American-Way-Death-Revisited/dp/0679771867/ref=sr_1_2?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1319499717&sr=1-2[/ame] __________________ Really? That's not funny to you? Last edited by tapu; 10-24-2011 at 05:56 PM.

10-24-2011, 06:36 PM	#4
DapperButch Roadster Guy How Do You Identify?: FTM, Stone Butch Preferred Pronoun?: He Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Northeast Posts: 7,745 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 26,545 Thanked 26,809 Times in 5,771 Posts Rep Power: 21474858	So. When I was dealing with colon cancer last/this year I thought about death for the first time. Well, it was the first time I thought about my death, anyway. What struck me was that it was important to me that people remembered me after I died. Not remembered me FOR something. Just remembered me. I thought about how when an acquaintance dies I might feel sad about their loss, but that eventually I think about the person less and less. My thought was that it was important to me that the people who were close to me not forget me quickly. What that means exactly, I don't know. I just know I had that thought often during my surgery/chemo induced haze (that really I swear I didn't come out of until like a month ago even though I finished chemo 6 months ago). I am not so sure what all is behind that psychologically, but this is what I remember focusing on. In terms of my own funeral/burial, etc. I signed up to donate all organs, but I suppose now that wouldn't make sense since I had cancer/chemo? Or, at least they shouldn't take my parts I don't think. Sure, all of us have cancer cells floating around, but most likely I have more than most. And not to be morbid or anything, but there certainly is a solid chance that I have a tiny tumor in an organ somewhere that will become known to me in a few or more years. A tumor that is currently too small for a scan to pick up on. No, I do not think anyone should have my organs. Anyway... I don't really care what happens with my body. I do want to be cremated and don't want my body to be viewed. My mother will no doubt want some sort of service at her church and I am fine with that. I also have a plot next to my mother and father (evidently, they were cheap at the time, so my parents figured they would buy me one too, "in case I never got another plot and needed it"...thanks mom and dad!). If I die any time soon I am ok with my ashes being buried there. Otherwise, it really doesn't matter to me. __________________ -Dapper Are you educated or indoctrinated?

10-24-2011, 06:57 PM	#7
DapperButch Roadster Guy How Do You Identify?: FTM, Stone Butch Preferred Pronoun?: He Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Northeast Posts: 7,745 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 26,545 Thanked 26,809 Times in 5,771 Posts Rep Power: 21474858	Thanks to the lovely tantalizingfemme! http://www.butchfemmeplanet.com/gall....php?photo=500 Medusa at mausoleum. :-) __________________ -Dapper Are you educated or indoctrinated?

10-24-2011, 07:56 PM	#8
socialjustice_fsu Member How Do You Identify?: Feminine Preferred Pronoun?: She, her Relationship Status: It’s all good. Join Date: Dec 2009 Location: The gulf waters are sapphire blue and the beach sand is white as snow. Posts: 607 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 6,866 Thanked 2,155 Times in 439 Posts Rep Power: 21474852	What a great thread... As a hospice social worker I am so pleased this is being openly talked about. Please, if you do nothing more than this it may ease not only your mind but also who might be overseeing your final arrangements: *WRITE YOUR WISHES DOWN*. Give a copy to someone you trust. Most physicians will even keep this info. for you in their file. I promise you...it is not good enough to simply speak your wishes. When family and friends have differing thoughts about what you 'might' want it can get terribly ugly. I could supply you with example after example of things gone awry in the face of a death. And, take a look at advance directives in your state. Many of the forms can be downloaded in a matter of minutes. These include living wills, health care proxy statement, health care surrogate, durable power of attorney. Some will require a notary seal depending on the format. Insist your partner complete the same documents. If you assign a DPOA - keep a copy in the glove compartment - hopefully, you will never need it - but in an emergency you want to know where to look first. As far as organ donors...most states have a registry that you can access to be sure you are actually listed. In Florida it is donatelifeflorida.com. Please, have this discussion - outloud - and then commit it to paper. Do this for yourself. And do it for the loved one's in your life. They will be forever grateful. __________________ If you are going through hell, keep going. Winston Churchill