Ask a trans person!

girl_dee · 11-08-2011, 07:53 PM

Hi there,

For the transmen,

I've seen many of you for a long while now on the boards, through your journeys, and I've always wondered about something.

If you are transitioning or already transitioned, what affect did it have on your relationship if you were, or are in one? I recently watched a documentary that showed the femme deciding she could not stay with her partner because he was going to start T, and transition. She truly loved him, but felt she would lose her lesbian card and truly did not want to be with a man. In the end she did stay, but her fear was that the change would change her partner so much, she would not be able to stay.

Someone earlier asked if anyone has dealt with being questioned as to why a lesbian would date a transman. I was just wondering if this happens often.

SelfMadeMan · 11-08-2011, 08:03 PM

I am married to a queer identified woman... she knew I was transitioned when we met - I had been transitioned for years, so even though she didn't have to deal with the person she loved changing genders in the relationship, she did have to deal with how it affected her own identity. She still IDs as queer, she still thinks women are hot, she just happened to fall in love with a transman

As for why a lesbian would date a transman... I don't think we necessarily choose who to love, sometimes love chooses us.

girl_dee · 11-08-2011, 08:05 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by SelfMadeMan

I am married to a queer identified woman... she knew I was transitioned when we met - I had been transitioned for years, so even though she didn't have to deal with the person she loved changing genders, she did have to deal with how it affected her own identity. She still IDs as queer, she still thinks women are hot, she just happened to fall in love with a transman

That's quite a woman ya got there!

SelfMadeMan · 11-27-2011, 12:25 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Cajun_dee

That's quite a woman ya got there!

Thank you so much for that.... she is incredible, she is one of the most - ok, the most, honest person I've ever knowm. She's genuine, she's generous, she's funny and she's my whole world

The Oopster · 03-18-2012, 05:09 PM

Blows the dust off here!

Hey thought I'd throw something out there!

In a week I'm going to meet up with an Aunt and Uncle and their son and his family.

As far as I know they have no clue of my trans status! Right now I'm just figuring to just show up and make no big deal of it! I don't foresee any issues with them or I would address it before hand. In this case it just seems easiest to handle it as it comes.

When I came out as gay 10 years ago they were very very excepting! Even my tough navy officer uncle!

I'm staying with the cousin but I have hotel reservations for that night that I can cancel up til 4 pm that night and will hang onto them til that day. That's also partly due to health issues my uncle and aunt have. Figure it's just easier to hold onto it and cancel it when i'm sure I don't need it!

any thoughts?

Linus · 03-18-2012, 08:18 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by The Oopster

Blows the dust off here!

Hey thought I'd throw something out there!

In a week I'm going to meet up with an Aunt and Uncle and their son and his family.

As far as I know they have no clue of my trans status! Right now I'm just figuring to just show up and make no big deal of it! I don't foresee any issues with them or I would address it before hand. In this case it just seems easiest to handle it as it comes.

When I came out as gay 10 years ago they were very very excepting! Even my tough navy officer uncle!

I'm staying with the cousin but I have hotel reservations for that night that I can cancel up til 4 pm that night and will hang onto them til that day. That's also partly due to health issues my uncle and aunt have. Figure it's just easier to hold onto it and cancel it when i'm sure I don't need it!

any thoughts?

I'm always amazed at how well my family receives me. The biggest challenge with distant relatives (my aunts and uncles live in Canada so I only see them maybe once or twice a year) is that they forget pronouns. Personally I don't make it a big deal because I see them so rarely. They try and still love me for who I am (the more important fact, IMO).

I think you have a plan and if things don't go well, you have an out if need be. Just be positive and open to any questions. Do you think they know? (say from other family members)

The Oopster · 03-19-2012, 12:36 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Linus

I'm always amazed at how well my family receives me. The biggest challenge with distant relatives (my aunts and uncles live in Canada so I only see them maybe once or twice a year) is that they forget pronouns. Personally I don't make it a big deal because I see them so rarely. They try and still love me for who I am (the more important fact, IMO).

I think you have a plan and if things don't go well, you have an out if need be. Just be positive and open to any questions. Do you think they know? (say from other family members)

They possibly could but the only people the would hear it from would be my parents and I just don't see my parents having said anything because they are pretty private.

Certain people get passes on the pronouns and name game, that's really not an issue for me, I just really try to be sensitive to the other people involved and the best way to deal with it for them. Some of my other relatives I would definitely deal with it before hand but this side of the family is pretty laid back.

Nadeest · 03-18-2012, 08:42 PM

It sounds like a good plan to me. I'd also have a way to get out of there quickly, just in case. Then again, I'm not particularly trusting, either.

msW8ing · 11-09-2011, 12:03 AM

*snipped*

Quote:

Originally Posted by SelfMadeMan

As for why a lesbian would date a transman... I don't think we necessarily choose who to love, sometimes love chooses us.

So very well said..everyone should be so blessed to find what you and your wife have.

11-08-2011, 07:53 PM	#1
girl_dee Practically Lives Here How Do You Identify?: Femme Preferred Pronoun?: dee Relationship Status: Hitched up Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Livin’ the Dream Posts: 24,079 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 30,560 Thanked 54,830 Times in 13,908 Posts Rep Power: 21474873	Relationships Hi there, For the transmen, I've seen many of you for a long while now on the boards, through your journeys, and I've always wondered about something. If you are transitioning or already transitioned, what affect did it have on your relationship if you were, or are in one? I recently watched a documentary that showed the femme deciding she could not stay with her partner because he was going to start T, and transition. She truly loved him, but felt she would lose her lesbian card and truly did not want to be with a man. In the end she did stay, but her fear was that the change would change her partner so much, she would not be able to stay. Someone earlier asked if anyone has dealt with being questioned as to why a lesbian would date a transman. I was just wondering if this happens often.

11-08-2011, 08:03 PM	#2
SelfMadeMan Member How Do You Identify?: Transsexual Man Preferred Pronoun?: Male Relationship Status: Married to The Woman of My Dreams <3 Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Minnesota Posts: 802 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 796 Thanked 2,668 Times in 527 Posts Rep Power: 18972345	I am married to a queer identified woman... she knew I was transitioned when we met - I had been transitioned for years, so even though she didn't have to deal with the person she loved changing genders in the relationship, she did have to deal with how it affected her own identity. She still IDs as queer, she still thinks women are hot, she just happened to fall in love with a transman As for why a lesbian would date a transman... I don't think we necessarily choose who to love, sometimes love chooses us. Last edited by SelfMadeMan; 11-08-2011 at 08:06 PM.

03-18-2012, 05:09 PM	#5
The Oopster Senior Member How Do You Identify?: transgender male Preferred Pronoun?: he Join Date: Jan 2010 Location: carson city nv Posts: 1,987 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 303 Thanked 2,654 Times in 759 Posts Rep Power: 20061509	Blows the dust off here! Hey thought I'd throw something out there! In a week I'm going to meet up with an Aunt and Uncle and their son and his family. As far as I know they have no clue of my trans status! Right now I'm just figuring to just show up and make no big deal of it! I don't foresee any issues with them or I would address it before hand. In this case it just seems easiest to handle it as it comes. When I came out as gay 10 years ago they were very very excepting! Even my tough navy officer uncle! I'm staying with the cousin but I have hotel reservations for that night that I can cancel up til 4 pm that night and will hang onto them til that day. That's also partly due to health issues my uncle and aunt have. Figure it's just easier to hold onto it and cancel it when i'm sure I don't need it! any thoughts?

03-18-2012, 08:42 PM	#8
Nadeest Member How Do You Identify?: as myself Preferred Pronoun?: She Relationship Status: Single Join Date: Sep 2011 Location: Leesburg, FL Posts: 595 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 2,876 Thanked 2,118 Times in 501 Posts Rep Power: 17077997	It sounds like a good plan to me. I'd also have a way to get out of there quickly, just in case. Then again, I'm not particularly trusting, either.