Baby Butch Journey

The_Lady_Snow · 11-12-2011, 08:39 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by blucollargrl

I think I've met the love of my life, BUT she lives with her girlfriend due to finances. Don't want to lose her, but don't have her anyway. What to do, what to do.

"BUT she lives with her girlfriend"

until that sentence structure changes I would STAY AWAY!

ruffryder · 11-12-2011, 10:26 AM

Is this like a friend girlfriend or an ex girlfriend or what?? I'm confused. LOL

Everyone is quick to tell you to run. I understand what you are going through however. Sounds like you already fell for the girl. Do you spend time with her? Can you spend time with her at your place? Someone else asked if you are able to talk to her whenever?

As I see you may or may not have her. Not sure what is going on with her living with her "girlfriend." Not sure why you are calling this person her girlfriend. I've been in a situation when I've had an ex living with me after we just broke up do to finances and I was dating someone else. It can work and it doesn't have to be all about sex people! Exes can remain friends. They can be respectful of you trying to move on even if they are living with you. Sometimes it's a mutual breakup but they may live together till they figure out finances or out of a lease, etc.

What I would consider in this situation is do you believe you have her, is she with you? Is this supposed to be a committment? Maybe you need to ask her what it is if you are confused.. I say go with your gut. If you feel it's fishy it probably is my friend. Good luck. If you like who she is though I wouldn't give up to easily. You'll figure it out.

kannon · 11-12-2011, 11:01 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ruffryder

Is this like a friend girlfriend or an ex girlfriend or what?? I'm confused. LOL

Everyone is quick to tell you to run. I understand what you are going through however. Sounds like you already fell for the girl. Do you spend time with her? Can you spend time with her at your place? Someone else asked if you are able to talk to her whenever?

As I see you may or may not have her. Not sure what is going on with her living with her "girlfriend." Not sure why you are calling this person her girlfriend. I've been in a situation when I've had an ex living with me after we just broke up do to finances and I was dating someone else. It can work and it doesn't have to be all about sex people! Exes can remain friends. They can be respectful of you trying to move on even if they are living with you. Sometimes it's a mutual breakup but they may live together till they figure out finances or out of a lease, etc.

What I would consider in this situation is do you believe you have her, is she with you? Is this supposed to be a committment? Maybe you need to ask her what it is if you are confused.. I say go with your gut. If you feel it's fishy it probably is my friend. Good luck. If you like who she is though I wouldn't give up to easily. You'll figure it out.

I agree with you ruff.

While her living arrangements are sketchy, it doesn't mean that she is a predator waiting for the next victim to pounce on. I don't think you can make a good assessment of her based on one bit of information. You're limiting yourself if you do that. I suggest you get to know her from a safe emotional distance. Don't let yourself get too emotional or too vulnerable. You should take this approach with anyone you meet online or in person. You really can't get to know someone until you spend time interacting with them. Don't fall too quickly.

Sachita · 11-12-2011, 11:05 AM

Don't be the solution to someone's problem. Let her first work out her problems and challenges, find a place and then begin a new relationship with you.

Hollylane · 11-12-2011, 11:14 AM

Black & white: She has not broken up with her girlfriend. Make it a no go.

Grey area: I live with my ex, we own the home, we live peaceably and amicably under the same roof with separate finances. I am becoming friends with the ex's new girlfriend, who has learned to appreciate me, and I her. The ex and I were always great friends, and made the friendship official by mutual agreement.

If she were in the grey area, in my opinion, there wouldn't be a question, other than your comfort level.

In the black & white area, unless she is in an open relationship(and the girlfriend knows and agrees with this too), again, it is a no go.

Julie · 11-12-2011, 11:29 AM

Okay...

When I met Dreamer, I was still living with my "ex," due to a number of reasons. Bottom line, no matter what, my ex and I were still family and were quite intertwined. We still are in many ways (financially, etc). Though we have not lived together for 18 months, we did. We remain close and continue to love and respect one another. She is an integral part of my life and my children's. EX in the picture does not mean cheating and dishonesty (always).

There was no hidden agenda for our living together, it was open and honest. There are many people who break up and for whatever their reasons are, they must remain that way until the situation can change.

So, don't be so harsh to judge - Because really... You could be speaking about Dreamer and I - And giving the advice to run. And we are still together and strong.

Unless you know the facts -- And unless you (Blu) feel safe in that relationship and have the knowledge and trust this person - see where it goes. The other people could be right, run for the hills. However, it could be as simple as the truth your new person is giving.

There are risks in every new relationship. Go with your intuition. I know Dreamer did.

Julie

Gráinne · 11-12-2011, 06:31 PM

It's great when a situation like this works out as well as Julie and Dreamer's, and part of their relationship, I think, is mutual maturity and honesty from day 1. However, to be honest, it usually just turns into a messy situation. You need to be clear if this is "broken up but both are free to move on" or if there's an element of sneaking around and "not quite broken up". There doesn't seem to be enough information to tell.

If you just met, You may not have enough information on this girl's character, let alone if she's truly your great love. All the better not to get too enmeshed and just see how it goes.

Trust your deepest instincts, and don't make excuses or let this girl pee on your leg and tell you it's raining. Get to know her before you get your heart involved (that's for any relationship, actually

).

Billy · 11-12-2011, 01:31 PM

Hellloooooo Red flag !!!!!!

<-------------red flag hitting you over the head ....

Sounds like a red flag . Just sayin !

princessbelle · 11-12-2011, 03:52 PM

I am with the gray area responses. It depends. A lot of situations have to stay this way...for awhile...but just...for awhile.

But, an additional thought to think about: Make sure that you are not a rebound.

Make really sure enough time has passed since that relationship ended and she has grieved. Ask her about it.

It is an important piece to the breaking up process with a close ex in any situation, especially one where they still live together.

She may be hurt and needing someone. Doesn't mean a relationship right now is a great idea. Try to just be there as a friend first, especially if this is a new breakup.

Lots of good advice here..Red Flags, gut feelings, acting strange on the phone with you when the ex is around...and proper time to have grieved the past relationship.

..i hope you come back and post and let us know how it is going.

11-12-2011, 11:05 AM	#4
Sachita Senior Member How Do You Identify?: Alpha Femme Preferred Pronoun?: Goddess Relationship Status: Completely in love Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Southern Virginia Posts: 3,225 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 2,564 Thanked 8,992 Times in 2,247 Posts Rep Power: 21474856	Don't be the solution to someone's problem. Let her first work out her problems and challenges, find a place and then begin a new relationship with you. __________________ You either like me or you don't. It took me Twenty-something years to learn how to love myself, I don't have that kinda time to convince somebody else. ~ Daniel Franzese

11-12-2011, 11:29 AM	#6
Julie Senior Member How Do You Identify?: Angel * Femme * Lesbian * Girl * Woman * Slut * Bitch * Preferred Pronoun?: She Relationship Status: No longer a Virgin Bride to Dreamer ~ May 17th, 2014 Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: New York Posts: 4,674 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 17,676 Thanked 18,160 Times in 3,633 Posts Rep Power: 21474857	Okay... When I met Dreamer, I was still living with my "ex," due to a number of reasons. Bottom line, no matter what, my ex and I were still family and were quite intertwined. We still are in many ways (financially, etc). Though we have not lived together for 18 months, we did. We remain close and continue to love and respect one another. She is an integral part of my life and my children's. EX in the picture does not mean cheating and dishonesty (always). There was no hidden agenda for our living together, it was open and honest. There are many people who break up and for whatever their reasons are, they must remain that way until the situation can change. So, don't be so harsh to judge - Because really... You could be speaking about Dreamer and I - And giving the advice to run. And we are still together and strong. Unless you know the facts -- And unless you (Blu) feel safe in that relationship and have the knowledge and trust this person - see where it goes. The other people could be right, run for the hills. However, it could be as simple as the truth your new person is giving. There are risks in every new relationship. Go with your intuition. I know Dreamer did. Julie __________________ “Sometimes only one person is missing and the whole world seems depopulated.” ~ Alphonse de Lamartine - 1790-1869 http://i374.photobucket.com/albums/o...ps4d9fb6c0.jpg I Love You ~ I Love Us May 17, 2014

11-12-2011, 06:31 PM	#7
Gráinne Senior Member How Do You Identify?: Neither, nada, out of the box Preferred Pronoun?: My name always works Relationship Status: Happy whatever happens Join Date: Dec 2010 Location: Little Rock Posts: 1,866 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 2,119 Thanked 7,391 Times in 1,459 Posts Rep Power: 21474852	It's great when a situation like this works out as well as Julie and Dreamer's, and part of their relationship, I think, is mutual maturity and honesty from day 1. However, to be honest, it usually just turns into a messy situation. You need to be clear if this is "broken up but both are free to move on" or if there's an element of sneaking around and "not quite broken up". There doesn't seem to be enough information to tell. If you just met, You may not have enough information on this girl's character, let alone if she's truly your great love. All the better not to get too enmeshed and just see how it goes. Trust your deepest instincts, and don't make excuses or let this girl pee on your leg and tell you it's raining. Get to know her before you get your heart involved (that's for any relationship, actually ). __________________ The odds of going to the store for a loaf of bread and coming out with only a loaf of bread are three billion to one. ~Erma Bombeck

11-12-2011, 03:52 PM	#9
princessbelle Infamous Member How Do You Identify?: femme Preferred Pronoun?: femme ones Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Tennessee Posts: 6,100 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 29,380 Thanked 30,497 Times in 5,198 Posts Rep Power: 21474859	I am with the gray area responses. It depends. A lot of situations have to stay this way...for awhile...but just...for awhile. But, an additional thought to think about: Make sure that you are not a rebound. Make really sure enough time has passed since that relationship ended and she has grieved. Ask her about it. It is an important piece to the breaking up process with a close ex in any situation, especially one where they still live together. She may be hurt and needing someone. Doesn't mean a relationship right now is a great idea. Try to just be there as a friend first, especially if this is a new breakup. Lots of good advice here..Red Flags, gut feelings, acting strange on the phone with you when the ex is around...and proper time to have grieved the past relationship. ..i hope you come back and post and let us know how it is going. __________________ ~ I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel. ~ Maya Angelou

11-12-2011, 10:26 AM	#2
ruffryder Senior Member How Do You Identify?: FTM Preferred Pronoun?: guy ones Relationship Status: ... Join Date: May 2011 Location: chillin' in FL Posts: 3,690 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 21,951 Thanked 9,680 Times in 2,875 Posts Rep Power: 21474854	Is this like a friend girlfriend or an ex girlfriend or what?? I'm confused. LOL Everyone is quick to tell you to run. I understand what you are going through however. Sounds like you already fell for the girl. Do you spend time with her? Can you spend time with her at your place? Someone else asked if you are able to talk to her whenever? As I see you may or may not have her. Not sure what is going on with her living with her "girlfriend." Not sure why you are calling this person her girlfriend. I've been in a situation when I've had an ex living with me after we just broke up do to finances and I was dating someone else. It can work and it doesn't have to be all about sex people! Exes can remain friends. They can be respectful of you trying to move on even if they are living with you. Sometimes it's a mutual breakup but they may live together till they figure out finances or out of a lease, etc. What I would consider in this situation is do you believe you have her, is she with you? Is this supposed to be a committment? Maybe you need to ask her what it is if you are confused.. I say go with your gut. If you feel it's fishy it probably is my friend. Good luck. If you like who she is though I wouldn't give up to easily. You'll figure it out.

11-12-2011, 11:14 AM	#5
Hollylane Practically Lives Here How Do You Identify?: . Preferred Pronoun?: . Relationship Status: . Join Date: Jun 2011 Location: . Posts: 11,495 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 34,694 Thanked 26,362 Times in 5,875 Posts Rep Power: 21474862	Black & white: She has not broken up with her girlfriend. Make it a no go. Grey area: I live with my ex, we own the home, we live peaceably and amicably under the same roof with separate finances. I am becoming friends with the ex's new girlfriend, who has learned to appreciate me, and I her. The ex and I were always great friends, and made the friendship official by mutual agreement. If she were in the grey area, in my opinion, there wouldn't be a question, other than your comfort level. In the black & white area, unless she is in an open relationship(and the girlfriend knows and agrees with this too), again, it is a no go.

11-12-2011, 01:31 PM	#8
Billy Senior Member How Do You Identify?: Billy~ Preferred Pronoun?: Mr Princess ~ Relationship Status: Married April 20 2013 Join Date: Apr 2010 Location: Nashville TN Posts: 1,730 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 1,059 Thanked 3,871 Times in 1,053 Posts Rep Power: 20503085	Hellloooooo Red flag !!!!!! <-------------red flag hitting you over the head .... Sounds like a red flag . Just sayin !