Poly Relationships

princessbelle · 11-21-2011, 05:01 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by FemmeWriter

This is a rough subject for me. I've always known myself to be monogomous, with no judgment held toward poly-anything. My sister is poly and it's nothing new or shocking to me. What consenting adults do is their business. Part of me even envied her the freedom.

But now I'm in a marriage where, thanks to fighting and emotional roller-coaster riding, our passion is pretty much nil. This is a problem that doesn't seem to be getting better and so we've opened the relationship, both to allow her an avenue to express her past needs to cheat (in prior relationships) and my need to not retire sexually at 37.

We love each other. We've promised super discretion--a tactic that has worked for friends for over a decade--and yet I'm mourning as if I've lost my relationship. My brain tells me that being poly is fine. But I can't get over that this isn't where I wanted to be at this point in my life.

I suppose I'll change my mind once I meet someone I'd be willing to be intimate with, but like I said, I have to mourn first, and THEN get on with my life.

So I appreciate all the advice here. It's given me a lot to think about.

Girl. I wasn't going to respond to this but you did say you welcomed advice. Speaking from someone who had an experience in "going poly" because my relationship was in trouble. It didn't work. More than that, it was horrible. It was hell on earth and just lingered for our relationship to end when it should have ended way before that point.

I am an optimist and it is hard to even type that in response to you. But, wow i see some similarities in what you are saying here. Honestly, i'm worried about you. I wouldn't want anyone to feel the pain i went through with a poly relationship for a fix.

I do believe in poly relationships however, but i certainly don't think they are for everyone for any time in any relationship.

Just wanted to reach out to you, and ask you to really think about it. Love is great but it's not everything. If you are in an unhealthy relationship right now, going this route may only cause you way more pain. I repeat. Way more.

My opinion, of course.

Best of luck.

Sachita · 11-21-2011, 05:24 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by princessbelle

Girl. I wasn't going to respond to this but you did say you welcomed advice. Speaking from someone who had an experience in "going poly" because my relationship was in trouble. It didn't work. More than that, it was horrible. It was hell on earth and just lingered for our relationship to end when it should have ended way before that point.

I am an optimist and it is hard to even type that in response to you. But, wow i see some similarities in what you are saying here. Honestly, i'm worried about you. I wouldn't want anyone to feel the pain i went through with a poly relationship for a fix.

I do believe in poly relationships however, but i certainly don't think they are for everyone for any time in any relationship.

Just wanted to reach out to you, and ask you to really think about it. Love is great but it's not everything. If you are in an unhealthy relationship right now, going this route may only cause you way more pain. I repeat. Way more.

My opinion, of course.

Best of luck.

I remember reading about this in another thread. Big hugz. It;'s true what everyone says- if you don't really feel a poly connection and if monogamy is where you're at then its totally fine. You don't elect poly to fix a relationship but to add to it. Very big difference.

princessbelle · 11-21-2011, 05:33 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sachita

I remember reading about this in another thread. Big hugz. It;'s true what everyone says- if you don't really feel a poly connection and if monogamy is where you're at then its totally fine. You don't elect poly to fix a relationship but to add to it. Very big difference.

Thanks Sachita. I don't mean to keep repeating myself which i know i do. All of that is way in my past but, when i see a sister or brother heading down a road i've been, i can't help but try and reach out.

I suppose that's what older people do...rinse and repeat...at least in thoughts. LOL.

Sachita · 11-21-2011, 05:49 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by princessbelle

Thanks Sachita. I don't mean to keep repeating myself which i know i do. All of that is way in my past but, when i see a sister or brother heading down a road i've been, i can't help but try and reach out.

I suppose that's what older people do...rinse and repeat...at least in thoughts. LOL.

Darling you should repeat yourself. that is the beauty of exchange and sharing and IMO the reason for discussion. I love your candid exchange. Don't ever stop sharing your experiences.

I might can do poly. I sit on the fence with it mainly because I know how complex it can be. It';s not an easy solution nor can it fix anything. In fact, although not an expert, mind you, I feel it is a choice for some. I love the idea of it but wonder about the execution of it. Under the right circumstances I see it as a beautiful and wonderful thing but in most people's reality it is scary and complex dynamic.

girl_dee · 11-21-2011, 07:28 PM

Poly is complex and complicated but with the right people and dynamic it's WONDERFUL.

Syr and I had no idea just how wired we were for poly. My Sister wife is the one who brought to our attention that over the years we all had really been poly, even though I was long distance. She and Syr together for 16 years, Syr and her bois longer than that. Not all members of a poly household have sex, like Syr and her bois. Syr has been Daddi to them for about 20 years. I admired that she was capable of loving people in close relationships for long periods of time. It is an easy transition to meld into the household when you have the grace and love of all of those involved. I was not a new toy Syr brought home without the consent of her wife. Her wife is the one who asked for me, saying that Syr and I loved each other respectfully and platonically for years but it was ok if we wanted to nurture that, and before I knew it, we were all in this thing together. She said she always loved how Syr cared for me, and vice versa and didn't see a reason for that to ever end.

We deal with issues but compared to most mono couples we have it really good! We talk, talk, talk, respect and lean on each other. It's a wonderful connection we all have, we play, we cry, we laugh together.

Some want people a new partner added to the union so they can have sex with multiple partners. That is not always the case. We have our fun but the bond with my Sister, Syr's bois and Syr of course is what draws me to this lifestyle. I want the family.

Leigh · 11-21-2011, 07:55 PM

I really like hearing about how loving your household is Dee

Leigh · 11-21-2011, 07:07 PM

I'm actually glad that this thread has popped up because I have been thinking about going poly for a long time, and I've met someone that I've been getting to know over the past couple of weeks (not from this site) who is poly. Hy is female in body but identifies more as a male, and is married to a bio man who is also poly. They are open about everything and so far I've felt a very deep connection to the person I am talking to. Hy is just the sweetest guy; we seem to have connected on a very deep level so far and I am simply taking things one day at a time. I can say one thing for sure .......... from what I know of hym so far, hy is simply amazing and I'm on cloud nine :-)

11-21-2011, 07:55 PM	#6
Leigh Infamous Member How Do You Identify?: Femme Preferred Pronoun?: She, Her, etc Relationship Status: Single Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Canada Posts: 7,767 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 9,029 Thanked 13,024 Times in 4,784 Posts Rep Power: 21474859	I really like hearing about how loving your household is Dee __________________ "When you fall off the wagon ... clutch the sides of it until you get a better grip!"

11-21-2011, 07:07 PM	#7
Leigh Infamous Member How Do You Identify?: Femme Preferred Pronoun?: She, Her, etc Relationship Status: Single Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Canada Posts: 7,767 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 9,029 Thanked 13,024 Times in 4,784 Posts Rep Power: 21474859	I'm actually glad that this thread has popped up because I have been thinking about going poly for a long time, and I've met someone that I've been getting to know over the past couple of weeks (not from this site) who is poly. Hy is female in body but identifies more as a male, and is married to a bio man who is also poly. They are open about everything and so far I've felt a very deep connection to the person I am talking to. Hy is just the sweetest guy; we seem to have connected on a very deep level so far and I am simply taking things one day at a time. I can say one thing for sure .......... from what I know of hym so far, hy is simply amazing and I'm on cloud nine :-) __________________ "When you fall off the wagon ... clutch the sides of it until you get a better grip!"

11-21-2011, 07:28 PM	#5
girl_dee Practically Lives Here How Do You Identify?: Femme Preferred Pronoun?: dee Relationship Status: Hitched up Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Livin’ the Dream Posts: 24,079 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 30,560 Thanked 54,833 Times in 13,908 Posts Rep Power: 21474873	Poly is complex and complicated but with the right people and dynamic it's WONDERFUL. Syr and I had no idea just how wired we were for poly. My Sister wife is the one who brought to our attention that over the years we all had really been poly, even though I was long distance. She and Syr together for 16 years, Syr and her bois longer than that. Not all members of a poly household have sex, like Syr and her bois. Syr has been Daddi to them for about 20 years. I admired that she was capable of loving people in close relationships for long periods of time. It is an easy transition to meld into the household when you have the grace and love of all of those involved. I was not a new toy Syr brought home without the consent of her wife. Her wife is the one who asked for me, saying that Syr and I loved each other respectfully and platonically for years but it was ok if we wanted to nurture that, and before I knew it, we were all in this thing together. She said she always loved how Syr cared for me, and vice versa and didn't see a reason for that to ever end. We deal with issues but compared to most mono couples we have it really good! We talk, talk, talk, respect and lean on each other. It's a wonderful connection we all have, we play, we cry, we laugh together. Some want people a new partner added to the union so they can have sex with multiple partners. That is not always the case. We have our fun but the bond with my Sister, Syr's bois and Syr of course is what draws me to this lifestyle. I want the family.