What are your three non-negotiables (in a relationship)?

Kätzchen · 12-21-2011, 02:29 PM

-be appreciative of wicked smart intelligence
-must love hunting

-sharing a love for all seasons

Truly Scrumptious · 12-21-2011, 02:46 PM

Things like honesty, compassion, sense of humour (including the ability to laugh at oneself) and good hygiene are givens. I mean, I wouldn’t be considering a relationship without them. But assuming those criteria are met, my next 3 are:

Must love to “do” the beach the way I do.
I used to say I wanted someone who loved the beach. Then I learned almost everyone loves the beach, but that saying so means different things to different people. Some people mean they like to look at it, some like to walk on it, some like to spend an hour or so there. I like to get there before anyone else does, and leave after everyone else has. I can spend 9 or 10 hours at a stretch there, and then come back and do it again the next day.

Must love mushrooms.
Two partners who hated them and one who was ambivalent about something I love so much made this a requirement.

Must be able to let things go.
Look, we’re going to hurt each other from time to time . . . it just happens. I try hard to say what I mean, mean what I say, and not say it mean, but every so often I am going to say something I don’t mean, or do something without thinking it through . . . everyone does. I am too old and tired to carry a grudge, or to deal with the silent treatment while I try to figure out what I’ve done wrong, and anyway, I’ve probably already forgotten it. I let these things go quickly. I don’t think everything needs to be hashed out, and could live the rest of my life happily never hearing the words “I need to process this” ever again.

This of course only applies to (what to me are) little things, because there is no coming back from (what to me are) big things like cheating.

twist of lime · 12-21-2011, 03:26 PM

Well, I gave this a go, like, 12 times and it just seems to turn into an insurmountable list.

*feeling a bit unreasonable : /

Dominique · 12-21-2011, 04:28 PM

OK, No wire hangars was funny (I think)

My list is short and sweet.

No cigarettes, no drugs, no drunks

Elijah · 12-21-2011, 05:15 PM

No substance abusers (I am 9 years clean and sober)

Honesty. Period.

A sense of humor.

Kinky or open to it.

No. Drama.

(I don't follow rules so well)

12-21-2011, 04:28 PM	#4
Dominique Member How Do You Identify?: Female/Lesbian/half the athlete I used to be Preferred Pronoun?: she/her Relationship Status: Dates Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: So proud to be a Pittsburgher Posts: 1,484 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 2,645 Thanked 3,730 Times in 1,166 Posts Rep Power: 21474853	OK, No wire hangars was funny (I think) My list is short and sweet. No cigarettes, no drugs, no drunks __________________ As long as there was coffee in the world, how bad could things be??

12-21-2011, 05:15 PM	#5
Elijah Member How Do You Identify?: Genderqueer Butch Preferred Pronoun?: Masculine ones Relationship Status: Open to healthy possibilities... Join Date: Apr 2011 Location: Michigan Posts: 554 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 738 Thanked 1,629 Times in 393 Posts Rep Power: 21474851	No substance abusers (I am 9 years clean and sober) Honesty. Period. A sense of humor. Kinky or open to it. No. Drama. (I don't follow rules so well) __________________ "There is a sacredness in tears. They are not the mark of weakness but of power. They are messengers of overwhelming grief and of unspeakable love." ~Washington Irving

12-21-2011, 02:29 PM	#1
Kätzchen Member How Do You Identify?: Femme Join Date: May 2010 Location: @ home with my granddaughter, chosen friends & family. ツ Posts: 16,129 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 29,542 Thanked 33,557 Times in 10,669 Posts Rep Power: 21474868	-be appreciative of wicked smart intelligence -must love hunting -sharing a love for all seasons

12-21-2011, 02:46 PM	#2
Truly Scrumptious Member How Do You Identify?: Femme Relationship Status: She's my mirror twin, my next of kin Join Date: Sep 2011 Location: Entre Lajeunesse et la sagesse Posts: 667 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 2,047 Thanked 1,780 Times in 557 Posts Rep Power: 21474849	Things like honesty, compassion, sense of humour (including the ability to laugh at oneself) and good hygiene are givens. I mean, I wouldn’t be considering a relationship without them. But assuming those criteria are met, my next 3 are: Must love to “do” the beach the way I do. I used to say I wanted someone who loved the beach. Then I learned almost everyone loves the beach, but that saying so means different things to different people. Some people mean they like to look at it, some like to walk on it, some like to spend an hour or so there. I like to get there before anyone else does, and leave after everyone else has. I can spend 9 or 10 hours at a stretch there, and then come back and do it again the next day. Must love mushrooms. Two partners who hated them and one who was ambivalent about something I love so much made this a requirement. Must be able to let things go. Look, we’re going to hurt each other from time to time . . . it just happens. I try hard to say what I mean, mean what I say, and not say it mean, but every so often I am going to say something I don’t mean, or do something without thinking it through . . . everyone does. I am too old and tired to carry a grudge, or to deal with the silent treatment while I try to figure out what I’ve done wrong, and anyway, I’ve probably already forgotten it. I let these things go quickly. I don’t think everything needs to be hashed out, and could live the rest of my life happily never hearing the words “I need to process this” ever again. This of course only applies to (what to me are) little things, because there is no coming back from (what to me are) big things like cheating.

12-21-2011, 03:26 PM	#3
twist of lime Member How Do You Identify?: femme Join Date: Mar 2011 Location: under a red tiled roof Posts: 364 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 1,223 Thanked 407 Times in 102 Posts Rep Power: 6656175	Well, I gave this a go, like, 12 times and it just seems to turn into an insurmountable list. *feeling a bit unreasonable : /