Friends of Bill W.

[Ccrider]

Originally Posted by LeftWriteFemme

November 14


Clean Underwear


The ease of the trip is often determined by the quality of the packing. When I am entirely ready travel is easier. I wash the laundry early to give myself a head start. Lay everything out and walk through each day’s needs; roll up my outfits and tuck each into my bag. I try to take less than half of my ‘what if’ worry items and cut short my ‘disaster plan’ thinking. If I pack positive thoughts and clean panties I am fine and if I forget them I can always pick some up along the way.






Retreat is not the same as change

*

THE STORYTELLER

Funny stories I long to share with new friends
Have to be put aside while the core of this entity is built.
Mutual memory is the siding on a house framed in integrity.

Treading together through the past
We strengthen each others perception
Which is the only support
That can be offered without time travel.

We take hands, link arms and wander
Happily towards the future
Having the keys to history jangling in our fists
We can return whenever prudent or necessary.

We forge a fresh path and hope for a pleasant journey
Between us we figure to have slain all the dragons.

Amen to this and that here, love it hon!

I was thinking of bags and baggage this morning as well. It helps emmensely that I have not kept a lot of 'baggage of my past'. Been actively doing much housework these last few months, which have been very life altering, life affirming. Life is so very good right now.

That was then though and this is now. Today... I am quite literally packing up to go home. Been in-patient since Dec 5th. Will be so good to be home for the holidays. My knee is doing awesome. I don't have the weight, the burden of a bad right knee anymore. It was on my list of things that needed attending, so I could face life on life's terms. One thing is checked off. Preparation is vital if we are to succeed and accomplish the things we would like to.

For me, being able to quite literally move has been wonderful. I wish, but of course I had done it sooner.

Why is it we have to have life slap us in the face sometimes to make the change, pack our suitcases as it were... so life is less stressful. So we can be more able take each day as it comes, prepared for whatever may be in front of us.

Wish I had packed better... but there is progress. Giving away so much 'stuff' these last few months mean that the stuff I do have is stuff I am actually using, needing to have around. My criteria was sound.

I applied the principles in all of my affairs as we like to say in these rooms. Thus if I am not using something for a good long time, I have to ask myself why do I still have it. I refuse to have my next move be anything like this last one was. I will have much less to pack and things are now beautifully organized. Yes, I still have further to go along those lines. There is always room for improvement, no?

Yes. Yes indeedy. I love life today, clean and sober with a damn good knee. No it is beyond good, it is a great new knee. So happy with everything about this. My surgeon was to die for, I adore her. Best damned knee doc in the country, imo. She has also been quite sweet to me, introducing me to other doctors who she wants me to meet, along this road less traveled.

Amazingly... she wants me to meet a woman doctor, who she says in my doppleganger. I am intrigued. As this woman also introduced my surgeon to her one and only. It was a blind date that my doppleganger had arranged. She obviously has a bit of the yenta in her, as do I.

The interesting thing is this. Had I not been clearing away the wreckage of my past, I would not be able to have met someone as this new doc. Today, because now I travel light, pack a light bag... I can proudly meet this woman and bring her into my home. I have no shame anymore. I am proud not only of myself, my progress, but of my environment, which is welcoming and beautiful now.

All because I have learned to travel light. Tripping on the Light Fantastic...


Life is Beautiful.


ODAAT,
Lady Di

[Ccrider]

Opps, on my friend's account... sorry CCrider, you must have logged in here last on this machine. Will log out and clear out your password. I was auto logged in here. Obviously, eh?

btw, for those that do not know, CC is a friend of mine's daughter. I went to Europe with her mother back in 1973. She and her mom came out to Loveland when I ended up here after a somewhat bad situation came to a head. All is good now and everything was meant to be.

But CC only joined here for me, because I was not a member and had was giving respect to someone I care for, who at one time was uncomfortable here... Hence I did not join here, giving hym space and time, etc.

CC is not even queer, happily married, but very cool kiddo. Yikes, she is a mom, not a kid anymore, LOL

life changes, no?

anyhows, this is Lady Di and I will be signing off this computer and deleting her password here, so this will never happen again. Sorry for any confusion. CC was just being helpful to me, wanted to know what in the heck happened and why, where, how, etc. Who knows, I say. What is is and what was was. Now is a new day.

And life is good, no?

Hasta Luego.


ODDAAT
Lady Di who is not CC, but is a good friend of her and her family

*thank goodness for old friends who always have my back, no matter how many years there has been between seeing each other*

Blessed and knows it!

[LeftWriteFemme]

December 23



Lame



I easily identify the big mistakes of my life, but fail to recognize or report the little mistakes that I make, mistakes, which cost me so much. Repetitive irresponsibility has the effect of water torture; drip, drip, drip and my peace of mind is worn away. What can I say of what I refuse to see? It was there all along like the view covered by the shade. Who is to blame for not raising the curtain? It may be me. may not, but I am the one who suffers, I am the one who misses out. Missing the opportunity to grow out of these small deficiencies leaves me with a lifelong handicap and I am not just speaking of my blindness, but also how they make me lame.




Protest ignorance

*




Beginning and End

She stepped through my window and the clock stopped.

The shock of her arrival heart pounding fun and fury.

Forever I felt as if she weren’t there.

Fear lurked in my eyes.

Smile enchanting.

Exit at hand.

Good-
Bye.

[LeftWriteFemme]

December 24


Scalene


Strangeness is attracting, I don’t try to deny it. I have looked longingly at oddness and every skewed thing. Though I try to divert my gaze the acute angles draw me back to peer again and again. Strange attractors have an unexplainable beauty to me. The wane charisma digs its hooks into my soul and I carry it off like a burr stuck to my hide. What does this say of me, I am not sure? What does it say of the sidelong loves of mine? Volumes, I think it speaks volumes, all of it unknown to me.



Collect friendly faces


*
WHAT’S LEFT AFTER HOPE RUNS AWAY


shoes and socks
old post cards
tennis balls with no more bounce
memories that have lost their fun
dreams left in the box
earrings with the clasp askew
things I’ve said
dead thoughts, too
stacks of books
letters written
tender feelings
wonder---smitten
the pain is left
and runs around wildly
my face is stained
and left untidy
I can never fill the space
Which hope leaves behind it
The stage is dark
And everything quiet

[LeftWriteFemme]

December 25



Home Fires Burning


I have trouble living with myself that is why I live with you. It takes my mind off the things I don’t wish to face. What I can busy myself with in your service lightens the load of expectation heaped in my DNA by my Higher Power and Fate. Worry is time consuming and I wile away hours fretting over you and all your unresolved trifles while turning my back entirely on my life. I couldn’t be happier to have you, though from the corner of my eye I glimpse G-d packing your bags.



Wash like you matter to yourself
*


FOR THIS TIME


Your desire is an ephemeral gift I treasure

A snowflake on my fingertip, a raindrop on my tongue

Your passion is a savory treat in season for this moment

Pomegranate seeds and rich truffles tempt and delight me

Your kind touch brands me flush, anticipation spreads like flame

Wind whips the breath of my wish to the four corners

Your acuity plucked me from the page and slipped me in your pocket

I nestle quiet with the lint and the cookie remnants

[LeftWriteFemme]

December 26


A Thousand Windowed House



I am like a house with a thousand windows. When I am lit up inside you can see all the way through; when I go dark the reflection of the world around me is all that is visible when you look my way. My sprawling mind is what creates this effigy of me. A tribute when I am well tended and a fire trap when I neglect my duties. If I learn to celebrate in all the rooms this house is my home, so I must practice; dance and sing in the hallways so I can pirouette into the rooms with full voice. For what is the point of being a house with a thousand windows, if I don’t live there?





Host sympathy
*

Love Lets


Love melts the icicles in my heart
Allows the oxygen to my brain
Lets me work unfettered

Love pours the warm bath
Heats my bones
Lets my breath come easy

Love wakes me to sunrise
Beds me at dusk
Lets my body unfurl

Love builds me a pantry
Fills it with goods
Lets me eat my fill

Love rights my boat
Bails my bilge
Lets me sail on home

Love dresses me in safety
Undresses me in secret
Lets me see myself



Love opens doors
Closes windows
Lets me go my way

Love puts a penny in my hand
A dollar in my pocket
Lets me save the fare

Love burns your image in my brain
Holds you tight within my heart
Lets me dream of you

[LeftWriteFemme]

December 27



Harriet Powers


Like a creature with a long tale told in a hushed voice. The whispers tell the story with inflection and innuendo. I slink away from the mirror and the disembodied voices it engenders. Thirty versions of my past spin away from me in the eddies of time gone and misremembered. I gather my fragments and tatters; I thread my needle and sit to quilt me into the present. The odd assortment left from all which has worn out or been pulled apart fit in a pinwheel pattern and turn toward a better day. The night is warmer for now I have it covered, settled and safe, perhaps now I might even sleep.




Use a crutch if you have to but move
*





Best so Far

Being the best so far doesn’t mean so awful much
Makes you the current standard bearer is all
Not even keeper of the watch.

I can’t give you a torch to hold
Certainly not a title either of Daddy or of Din
You will find your way through this morass
Keep your courage if not your cast
But this is a hard thing my dear, dear friend
Because the old tricks they don’t work no more
And the new tools ain’t broke in.

And lest I should forget
Just because you say you have a sense of humor about yourself
Doesn’t mean you have it
And when you try to take me to hand
It doesn’t mean you ken it
And all the days that dreams drift by
It doesn’t mean they’re yours and mine

For time must play its evil trick
And leave good things to pass by us
But this doesn’t mean that hope is lost
Or even that I’ve found it
Only that peace is a thing which seeps
And pressing will confound it

So maybe when you are pushing seventy
And are sober nearly as I am now
I will read this to you
And we will laugh
For by then being the best so far
Will matter a little more and hurt a little less.