7 Rules for Building Safer/Saner Online Communities

[dark_crystal]

i was very badly burned in 2007-2008 by an online butch from another site who encountered me when i was at the very lowest i have ever been and created an illusion of dependability, which hy then used to browbeat me into free room and board and access to my bank account for a year.

i felt horribly humiliated when it was over, but when the exact same red flags came up in 2010, with someone (who was eventually and unrelatedly permanently banned) from this site, it only took me a week to spot it!

[Dominique]

The crimes committed on the internet (E-CRIME) is the fastest growing crime there is. Thats something to think about.

And if you have children, PLEASE watch them. If stuff happens to us, imagine what can happen to them!

[Medusa]

Yellowband - You bring up another train of thought for me.

People, PLEASE be super careful about posting photos of your children or grandchildren on the internet. Even if they are wearing a parka, you can guarantee there is a pervert out there who will find a way to get off on it.

[Trey339]

Well,,,I met my ex online and we shared 10 good years together,,,,,,now I see that things have seriously changed,,, that we should all use common sense and honesty when meeting new friends or possible mates,,,and yes Ive been a sucker for a sob story as well,,,,,,but now its a new day and a new chance for hope of a fantastical future that we all deserve!

[Trey339]

Originally Posted by Trey339

Well,,,I met my ex online and we shared 10 good years together,,,,,,now I see that things have seriously changed,,, that we should all use common sense and honesty when meeting new friends or possible mates,,,and yes Ive been a sucker for a sob story as well,,,,,,but now its a new day and a new chance for hope of a fantastical future that we all deserve!

although Ive not been here long, and Im not on much, this seems like a real nice place

[Admin]

****Bumpity Bump****

[Admin]

Bumping thread for the new folks!


Hello All,
I wanted to take a few minutes to post some information that I think is helpful for folks not only on this website but the internet in general.

The internet is a big place. It is often a place where people who don't get the kind of social interaction they desire go to find others with similar interests/backgrounds/likes. While most people just want to have fun or meet someone new, there are people out there who have zero qualms about hurting other people, telling lies, scamming money, or playing chess with people because they don't have anything positive going on in their own lives.

Below is a list of things to keep in mind when traversing the online world:

1. Financial Con Artists - Never EVER give money to someone on the internet unless you are prepared to never see it again, find out they spent it on their girlfriend, or aren't really dying of brain cancer.
People lie, especially when it comes to money. That sweet little thing you have been talking to who says they only need $75 for their light bill could very well be a married man who is just really good at schmoozing.
Giving your money to someone on the internet whom you have either never met or have very little information about is the same as setting it on fire in your driveway.

2. Love Con Artists -
There are some folks out there who will jerk your heart around, want to marry you after having never met you, or profess their undying devotion to you after seeing one picture. This behavior should raise a red flag for you. If someone is moving fast to call you their girlfriend/boyfriend, talking about marriage after 1 date, or trying to move in with you after a phone call, you should stop and ask yourself if they are running toward you or away from something.
Love can feel real good at first. It can make you believe that the fairy tales exist, and they do!, but slowing things down, meeting the person, and taking the time to get to know them never hurt anyone. It may actually prevent you from getting your heart broken and your wallet drained.

3. Gossip is Sometimes not Just Gossip -
If you have heard from 9 different people who are not connected to one another that "Bill" is a con artist, thief, liar, and really doesn't have a mansion in Beverly Hills, then it's probably safe to assume that 9 different, unconnected people didn't get together one day and decide to put a target on someone's back without reason. Sure, gossip is dangerous and ugly but if you hear the same thing from multiple sources? There might be a reason for you to consider the possibility that there might be something going on.

4. Safety Is as Safety Does -
We here at the Planet want to make sure that everyone has a good experience on this site and will do whatever we can to make that happen but you have to take responsibility for your personal safety.
You have to maintain your own safety by not giving strangers on the internet your personal information, money, or even time if you don't know them that well. We can make general rules for what happens in this space but you have to also help yourself by maintaining healthy boundaries. Protect yourself.

5. What You "Know" is Sometimes NOT What You "KNOW" -
Please consider that just because you "heard" that "Jane" is the President of Sony records and a great girl doesn't make it true. Investigate things for yourself. Don't take someone's word, even a friend, if you have the slightest doubt about what someone is telling you. Sociopaths will often come across as very seductive, convincing, and magnetic and can often provide "proof" of what they tell you is true about themselves.
Remember, College "degrees" can be purchased online for about $5 if someone is claiming to be a Nuclear Engineer.

6. Keep it Sane, Silly -
If someone is constantly in crisis, constantly at the center of drama, or always talking about how people are "setting them up", you might want to ask yourself how much time you want to devote to what could be a pretty draining situation. Normal people with normal lives who are functioning on a sane level do not have continuous drama. They also are able to maintain their finances, hold a job, and probably have friends who are longer term than a few months. Ask yourself "Does that sound reasonable?" if someone makes wild claims or tells grandiose stories.

7. Ask for Help -
If you get in a situation where someone is harrassing you, making threats, or generally fucking with you, ask for help either by notifying me or a Moderator. Beyond this site, if you feel that someone is harrassing you notify the proper authorities, their Internet Service Provider, etc.
Lean on your friends and the people who love you as well.


These rules/tips aren't meant to scare or frustrate anyone, just some simple reminders for people making connections in cyberspace.

I have personally made some very dear, long-term friends out in cyberspace - people who have been to my home and who have access to my personal life. I have also been on the receiving end of unwanted attention, con artists who wasted my time and energy with their bullshit drama, and people who have poor social skills trying to spread their damage into the universe.

I choose to believe that most people have good intentions but guard my personal space well against people that I don't know. It might take a little longer to make friends but you can bet your ass that they will be quality friends at the end of the "honeymoon phase".

Feel free to discuss or add to this list. Please do NOT use this thread to make swipes at other people or post passive-aggressive shit at someone you are having issues with...cause that makes me real cranky.

Here's to safer and saner community!