Long Distance Relationships

[Ciaran]

Originally Posted by Strappie

160 Miles? Jesus I would do ANYTHING to be only a 160 miles away from her!!

In my experience, the concept of distance and travelling times are amongst the things that differentiate folk from both sides of the pond. Here, in the British Isles, a car journey of 160 miles would be viewed as a significant length.

Added to that, we don't have comparable "freeways" and, generally, have more traffic so travelling time for 160 miles, depending on destination, could be significant. Certainly, the last time I was on a car journey of more than 160 miles in the UK was more than 20 years ago.


Sorry for that nerd-ish diversion.

On the actual issue of LDR, I've been there and done it. In my opinion, it can work but, for me anyway, it's dependent upon two factors. Firstly, irrespective of the distance, there needs to be fairly real contact i.e. skype, phone, email, webcams are all well and good but, for me, no relationship can work without some form of regular face-to-face contact and spending real time together.

Secondly, at some stage, both parties need to consider the longer-term i.e. can it work out for the long-term and, if so, what compromises are going to be made and by whom? In other words, if both parties are tied to their present arrangements and unwilling or practically unable to move, then they need to decide whether, despite their shared affection / love / whatever, it's in their interests to continue or whether that will just lead to a limbo situation that's to no one's ultimate benefit .....

[1QuirkyKiwi]

Originally Posted by Ciaran

In my experience, the concept of distance and travelling times are amongst the things that differentiate folk from both sides of the pond. Here, in the British Isles, a car journey of 160 miles would be viewed as a significant length.

Added to that, we don't have comparable "freeways" and, generally, have more traffic so travelling time for 160 miles, depending on destination, could be significant. Certainly, the last time I was on a car journey of more than 160 miles in the UK was more than 20 years ago.


Sorry for that nerd-ish diversion.

On the actual issue of LDR, I've been there and done it. In my opinion, it can work but, for me anyway, it's dependent upon two factors. Firstly, irrespective of the distance, there needs to be fairly real contact i.e. skype, phone, email, webcams are all well and good but, for me, no relationship can work without some form of regular face-to-face contact and spending real time together.

Secondly, at some stage, both parties need to consider the longer-term i.e. can it work out for the long-term and, if so, what compromises are going to be made and by whom? In other words, if both parties are tied to their present arrangements and unwilling or practically unable to move, then they need to decide whether, despite their shared affection / love / whatever, it's in their interests to continue or whether that will just lead to a limbo situation that's to no one's ultimate benefit .....

NZ is very much like the UK in terms of travelling, as Ciaran has described, only we have significantly more Sheep causing traffic jams! LOL!

I’ve had two LDR, but, the distance across the pond and whilst I have no problems with relocating….at this moment in time, it’s not a possibility as I’ve had to put things on hold for a year. I also have job possibilities being offered to me, as well as other opportunities that I may want to pursue.

At this stage in my life, the logistics for me to move outside of Europe are a nightmare…. I have to find a Neurologist and Spinal Orthopaedic Surgeon for my SB. I’ve my cats, furniture….my whole life to pack and move, etc.

It’s more feasible for me to see my partner more often within the UK and Europe, especially with cheap-ish flights across Europe to and from the UK.

I’m not comfortable with constantly emailing, texting and talking on the phone with no real contact, especially with the 6 hour plus time zones across the pond…. my internet connection doesn’t support Skype, so, I’m limited and it hurts too much when we’re missing each other and we have X-amount of weeks to wait before we see each other for only a week or two.

It would be different if I or She/hy won millions on the Lottery, then we could spend time together at our leisure, but, I’ve more chance of walking into a Lamppost whilst admiring a handsome Butch, lol!

[Glenn]

If your gut's telling you there's something bothering it about your LDR, then trust it. It's telling you the truth.

[1QuirkyKiwi]

Originally Posted by Glenn

If your gut's bothering you about your LDR, then trust it. It's telling you the truth.

I agree! I always go with my intuition and if it doesn't feel right....I know it's not and will openly and honestly say how I feel. I won't be in a relationship just for the sake of being in one.

[Glenn]

Yes Ms Q Kiwi; The connection has to be perfect to hold up againest the distance.

[girl_dee]

Do you think that the distance helps keep things alive? Someone mentioned one time on the forum, that every time she dates long distance the romance is alive, the fun never stops but when she moves into the real time, it kinda dies. The honeymoon is over so to speak.

I believe that to be true to a point. I feel the distance keeps the fantasy alive, well it has for me anyway. I can't do the distance for very long, I need to be in the here and now and learn what I am either spending my time wisely for or seeing if I am really wasting my time. The distance is good for covering up the hard cold facts on both sides, however unintentional.

[WolfyOne]

many years ago, I had to give up a LDR because neither of us would budge on moving
After a year, it was too much (not monetary) to travel every other weekend on a plane to visit
I'm not saying I wouldn't considerate it again
I just wouldn't want to invest my time and feelings if a compromise could not be made on where we'd live if we get serious

Once again, it goes back to communication
Live, but listen and learn

[Ciaran]

Originally Posted by Cajun_dee

Do you think that the distance helps keep things alive? Someone mentioned one time on the forum, that every time she dates long distance the romance is alive, the fun never stops but when she moves into the real time, it kinda dies. The honeymoon is over so to speak.

To me, that's clearly not a relationship and I wouldn't even attach a "dating" label to it. In my view, it's more like flirting and "dipping your toe in the water" with a prospective date. In itself, it's perfectly harmless.

That said, for some clearly it can be all too easy to let dreams get in the way of reality. I'm genuinely not trying to come across as harsh or judgemental, but on this type of forum, I've often seen people make gushing references to "being in love" and that their "partner" is "the one" and "so right in everyway" and planning a shared future together when they haven't actually even met in real life. That's something I just cannot get my head around.