Long Distance Relationships

[Gemme]

Originally Posted by Glenn

Yes Ms Q Kiwi; The connection has to be perfect to hold up againest the distance.

I think 'perfect' is not only asking too much but will taint the ordinary; the regular but perfectly good connections.

The main thing is to work on it and keep the connection strong. Both parties have to be 'in it to win it' and put the daily effort in for the relationship to thrive. This is true for all relationships but especially so for ones that rely on trust and the unseen and unknown.

[Mtn]

My intention was to rekindle the OP about what we do in LDR'S to make them thrive. Certainly many don't, and many don't want them for whatever reason, and that is totally cool. Some do thrive and turn into LTR's, again see the OP.

[Penelope]

You are right that some LDRs will fare better than others and some will not as 2 people in ANY relationship can be quite different. I personally believe this to be true about non-LDRs as well. LOL

There are things out there that help strengthen a LDR, or at least make it work until you are both at a point where a decision needs to be made (and only the two of you know what that timeline is). I do agree with what some of the others have said about going in to one with the same goal and being honest about your feelings on moving to be with each other.

I've been in several LDRs, a couple of them leading to a live-in situation eventually, and I think there are things you can do to enhance the experience while keeping a level head. It IS easy to get caught up in the emotions of a new relationship and rush in to something before you are both ready. It's much harder to take your time and really get to know one another.

I've spent countless hours on Skype because I feel it helps with communication more so than email, phone or text. It isn't perfect but it's nice to be able to see and talk to someone "in person". We watched a few tv shows/games at the same time but living in different states sometimes made that difficult (renting a movie would probably make more sense).

While it is important to include each other in the day to day normal stuff, you can overwhelm the person. Everyone needs down time and they would certainly be wanting and needing it if you lived together. Another good thing to keep in mind is that you both still need outside activities and friends (this will give you things to talk about if you have nightly conversations!).

I always cherished a good night phone call to tuck me in or a good morning text on the way to work. Those are the little things that help build your relationship when you can't be together. Equal time needs to be paid doing normal things when you are together. I was fortunate in my last LDR (we now live together) that we could visit one another somewhat regularly. We purposefully chose some weekends to not do anything special like go to an event or on a holiday, etc. so we could experience what it would be like to live together. If your ultimate goal is to do just that (and lots of communication should be taking place on it), then you need to see what it is like to live together in exciting times and boring ones, in good moments and bad.

The longer you are in a LDR, the more you both should be looking at options of who would move and why. The first time I moved was because his job was better but we hadn't been dating that long and it was too soon. We didn't know each other's quirks, I knew no one in my new state, and a multitude of other factors that did not weigh in our favor. I knew the second time around not to rush it and really take the time to get to know one another. I also knew that I wouldn't move until I found a job in my new location. Nothing spells disaster for a relationship quicker than money problems.

Being in the community and on the forums for years, I have seen SO many couples rush to take their LDR to the next level only to have it end a month or so later. All relationships take work, and a LDR just as much because you have to really work at being present with the other person even when you aren't. I learned a long time ago that open & honest communication is key but so is keeping your personal life out of the forums. This gives it a chance to develop on its own without other influences.

My advice to anyone in a LDR would be to take your time, enjoy the other person and what the relationship brings to your life. Have those fancy nights out on the town and the quiet evenings at home watching tv. Really get to know your mate - do they like to stay up late during the week and you have to get up early, do they eat fast food on the go when you want to cook a meal at home, how do they handle stresses from work... These are the things you two will have to deal with eventually and learning about deal breakers now could save you some heartache.

I would say I was a lucky one but only in that I found such a great guy. We have both worked and continue to work on our relationship every day. We took our time and dated for a couple years before I moved and I think that has benefited us greatly.

Originally Posted by Mtn

My intention was to rekindle the OP about what we do in LDR'S to make them thrive. Certainly many don't, and many don't want them for whatever reason, and that is totally cool. Some do thrive and turn into LTR's, again see the OP.

[Ginger]

For all the LDRs out there.



You can reach me by railway, you can reach me by trailway
You can reach me on an airplane, you can reach me with your mind
You can reach me by caravan, cross the desert like an Arab man
I don't care how you get here, just - get here if you can

You can reach me by sail boat, climb a tree and swing rope to rope
Take a sled and slide down the slope, into these arms of mine
You can jump on a speedy colt, cross the border in a blaze of hope
I don't care how you get here, just - get here if you can

There are hills and mountains between us
Always something to get over
If I had my way, surely you would be closer
I need you closer

There are hills and mountains between us
Always something to get over
If I had my way, surely you would be closer
I need you closer

You can windsurf into my life, take me up on a carpet ride
You can make it in a big balloon, but you better make it soon
You can reach me by caravan, cross the desert like an Arab man
I don't care how you get here, just - get here if you can

I don't care, I need you right here, right now
I need you right here right now, down by my side

I don't care how you get here, just -- get here if - you can.

[lusciouskiwi]

I was looking at resources/ideas for couples in LDR and come across these:

http://www.wikihow.com/Make-a-Long-D...ationship-Work

http://www.lovingfromadistance.com/t...uplestodo.html

http://www.someecards.com/flirting-c...ent-today/6/20

http://www.lovingyou.com/articles/84...distance-lover

http://www.thetravelingjournal.com/shop/

http://www.askmen.com/dating/heidi_2...ting_girl.html

http://www.ivillage.com/global/searc...tnav%3ASearch=

http://howtolongdistancerelationship...sful-long.html

This one is particularly fun, you put in your names and some details and a story is created: http://www.hoochymail.com/

[Glenn]

Paisan; All I can say is LDR's can drive you mad like this..the whole" Does she care about seeing me as I do?" will drive you BONKERS. I had a LDR that lived in Cali and the whole distance thing brought out a bunch of insecurities, trust issues, priority issues, etc. THAT REALISTICALLY COULD NOT BE SOLVED. Bottom Line: One of you move or you will eventually break up. And if it's less than perfect the distance will kill it.

Originally Posted by Gemme

I think 'perfect' is not only asking too much but will taint the ordinary; the regular but perfectly good connections.

The main thing is to work on it and keep the connection strong. Both parties have to be 'in it to win it' and put the daily effort in for the relationship to thrive. This is true for all relationships but especially so for ones that rely on trust and the unseen and unknown.

[StrongButch]

I was in one and its not for me I do have respect for those who can and are willing to do it I do not mind traveling 1 to 2 hours more than that not doing it If it gets serious and we are in love somebody gonna move Good luck to all of you

[ArkansasPiscesGrrl]

I have been in a LDR before, and really wasn't looking for one again. I want and NEED the ability to touch and be touched on a regular basis, to be able to read that person's responses when they are speaking to me, moreso what I can gain from pixels on a screen or a voice over a cell phone.

That being said, earlier this year I took the plunge and registered with a couple of online sites. I was mainly looking for someone to just hang out with occasionally, for dinners or movies or fishing, etc. I had made the decision that my new business and all the chaos with my family was WAY too much and too stressful to begin a new relationship. One where I KNOW I would want to have the woman up my butt, so to speak, and me hers. Just too busy, with me working sometimes 18-20 hrs per day. 7 days a week. Sheesh!

So who do I see? A butch whose profile stated that she was an over-the-road truck driver, and who ONLY would make it home 3-4 days per month!! I don't think I could have found a more perfect arrangement, you know? And when I met her, the chemistry and interests just FIT.

So we find ourselves in a very similar situation as other people in LDRs. Sometimes her "LD" is the next state over, sometimes she is across the country from me. Her schedule this time, for example, kept her from being here for my birthday today, and she will be gone for her birthday on the 28th. But damnit, she is due to roll in on the 29th, so we will have 4 glorious days together to celebrate then!

On the days just prior to her getting here I will work my ass off trying to get as much work done as I can, so I can take a break or at least delegate some of the work, so I can have a bit of time devoted to her and to us. But she understands that I am a business owner, and there might be (ok, probably will be!) interruptions.

While she is out on the road, I track her route with her, and watch the weather channel to track possible storms. Texting and talking before gong to bed works great whenever we can. (sometimes her schedule makes it that she has to be sleeping early evening in order to hit the road with a new load at 2AM) We do the phone sex thing (fun!),and I am lucky enough to have a pretty good body "memory" of her.