The Limp-Wristed Hand Gesture

[LaneyDoll]

Originally Posted by iamkeri1

This gesture - for me - is part of those words or gestures that are OK with me if you are queer, but which shouldn't be done by straight people, or by queers in front of straight people.

I have always been puzzled as to why people of various groups accept that certain derogatory gestures, names, etc are acceptable when used within the group.

If we are not willing to say "Hey, that is wrong/offensive, even amoungst us," then we really should not be allowed to complain when someone outside of the group does it.

We should all stand up for what we believe to be right-even if the people in the wrong are ourselves or our peers.

[EnderD_503]

I don't like the gesture. It's up there with "that's so gay" for me. It's definitely something I speak up about when I see it.

I think your mom feeling hurt that you would think she was being anti-gay is something that needs to be addressed with all allies, whether we're talking about allies to the queer community, trans community, POC, women etc. Many people think they are allies, and that some things that they do or say they don't "mean" in an offensive way. Unfortunately, intention does not always make it any less offensive or derogatory. I do think there's a difference between being homophobic and saying something homophobic. It's definitely a learning process for allies, since they don't know what it's like to be a part of the queer community (or other similar communities), so sometimes they don't consider how certain comments meant in jest might hurt others. But helping them through that learning process is important, imo.

I also want to make a comment about "being offensive/offended" and the idea that because someone finds something hurtful or offensive that they are being "too sensitive." I don't think understanding the power of words/terms/gestures that target marginalized groups is being "too sensitive." It's understanding privilege and how it functions against certain target groups who don't have that same kind of power.

Originally Posted by LaneyDoll

I have always been puzzled as to why people of various groups accept that certain derogatory gestures, names, etc are acceptable when used within the group.

If we are not willing to say "Hey, that is wrong/offensive, even amoungst us," then we really should not be allowed to complain when someone outside of the group does it.

We should all stand up for what we believe to be right-even if the people in the wrong are ourselves or our peers.

I think it depends on context. For example, if a trans person identifies themselves as a "tranny," a gay man as a "fag" or a lesbian as a "dyke," these are self-identifying terms that are reclamatory. They are not meant in a derogatory sense, nor as a generalisation about all trans people/gay men/lesbians. The use of these terms by straight and/or cis people as generalisations or in a derogatory fashion, on the other hand, is not acceptable, imo. I think the same goes for this gesture in some contexts, among queer men (since they are often the target with that particular gesture) for example.