The Limp-Wristed Hand Gesture

[dykeumentary]

Originally Posted by Nat

Today at dinner, my mom was describing my grandfather to my partner. While talking about his love of cooking, she said, "because he's a little, you know..." and did the limp-wristed hand gesture suggesting he was gay/prissy.

My reaction was to say, "Mom, don't make that gesture! You're talking to two lesbians." She blew it off, my partner said she wasn't offended, and I pretty much forgot about it.

Until my mom cornered me when we got home, brought it up again and acted hurt that I would suggest she was in some way anti-gay. So now she's sulking and I'm stressed that my mom's upset with me, and I'm also thinking about this gesture.

I don't see people making this gesture much anymore. In high school, junior high, maybe elementary school - this was a gesture that I saw a lot and also performed my fair share of. It never occurred to me back then that it was offensive. Because I sucked.

But now it seems pretty offensive to me.

I'm making a poll for this thread. Basically I thought it might be something worth discussing. It's something I hadn't thought about in years until I saw my mom do it today.

Hi Nat, this is an interesting topic, thanks for starting it.
From your post i can't tell if your grandfather was gay, and it doesn't really matter to me. What i can tell, because i come from a sexist culture, is that for her there was something not "manly" about his love of cooking (in her opinion). That must have been what she was taught.

I think that as a daughter, my mom and i have similar challenges with sexism, and different experiences. When she says sexist things now, I try to move us both forward with compassion and humor. i do address things that come up with her, but i try to do it in the spirit of allies helping each other.

[Nat]

Originally Posted by dykeumentary

Hi Nat, this is an interesting topic, thanks for starting it.
From your post i can't tell if your grandfather was gay, and it doesn't really matter to me. What i can tell, because i come from a sexist culture, is that for her there was something not "manly" about his love of cooking (in her opinion). That must have been what she was taught.

I think that as a daughter, my mom and i have similar challenges with sexism, and different experiences. When she says sexist things now, I try to move us both forward with compassion and humor. i do address things that come up with her, but i try to do it in the spirit of allies helping each other.

My grandfather is beyond complicated. I might share more about that in an inner sanctum thread, but would prefer not to do that here.

I think perhaps the ugliest thing about my mother's gesture is that I probably taught it to her as a kid.