Original Bad Prose or Stories!

Hollylane · 01-20-2012, 02:32 PM

Bought a used mattress
Scratch, scratch, scratch. Fumigation
The bedbug horror.

*Anya* · 01-20-2012, 03:09 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Hollylane

Bought a used mattress
Scratch, scratch, scratch. Fumigation
The bedbug horror.

Ok, now get out of my head!!

I just spent a weekend in a hotel (!

) and when I got home, had to unpack everything in the garage, put it all in the wash and leave my suitcase in the garage (for next time) encased in a plastic bag.

No it was not a fleabag and was a nice hotel but I keep reading about the bedbug epidemic and it freaks me out.

I now return you to your usual programming....

(public service, among other things, announcement)

SoNotHer · 01-21-2012, 12:44 PM

TS gives this a thumbs up, and Hollylane is right. This needs to be shared here as well. As usual, Fry and Laurie nail "bad poetry":

“Mr. Drip tells me that it’s one of the most mature and exciting poems he’s received in some time. Don’t suck your thumb boy.”

“’Inked ravens of despair crawl holes in the ass of the world’s mind.’ What kind of title for a poem is that?"

“Scrotal threats unhorse a question of flowers.”

“I asked for answers and got a head of heroine instead.”

“When time fell wanking to the floor…”

“My body disgusts, damp grease wafts sweat balls from sweat balls and thigh fungus.”

“Unhappy bubbles of anal wind popping and winking in the mortal bath”

“If this is poetry, then every lavatory wall in England is an anthology.”

Hollylane · 01-22-2012, 02:29 AM

I drank the Patron
I licked the lime and the salt
But still got shivers

WomenMoveMe · 01-22-2012, 08:30 PM

Never tried Haiku...therefore...writing bad Haiku should be a snap!

She sits idly by
never to let herself live
what's a girl to do

SoNotHer · 01-23-2012, 09:10 PM

From -

http://theverybadpoet.blogspot.com/2...n-19-easy.html

1. Iambic Pentameter can go f%#@ itself

2. Always use clunky words you don’t really know (e.g. incorrigible & verisimilitude)

3. Try to fit a knock-knock joke in whenever possible

4. If you must Haiku, please clean up after yourself

5. Irony isn’t dead but it has been hit on the head with a frying pan

6. Inappropriate rhyming will always save you (e.g. moose and Jews)

7. The good news is no one else knows what e.g. stands for either

8. If you run into writer's block, try writing in a foreign language you don’t speak. It's de rigueur

9. If you write a ‘concrete’ poem, try to use actual concrete or cement

10. If you accidentally use ‘alliteration’ simply type the letter A for the
duration of the poem. This gives it much more meaning.

SoNotHer · 01-23-2012, 09:13 PM

11. Contrary to popular belief, people really do want to know what you had for breakfast as long as it’s in verse form

12. If you’re worried about meaning in your poem, don’t. We’ll all be dead soon enough

13. When making a ‘list’ poem, be sure add toilet paper to it. No one likes to drip dry or use your clean hand towels next to the sink

14. Poems to imaginary childhood friends will most likely win you a Pulitzer

15. Don’t worry about your ‘audience.' They don’t give a crap about you either

16. The best poems are the ones you plagiarize (see previous blog entry)

17. It helps if you were dropped on your head as a child

18. Things you should know as a poet: Along with Leaves Of Grass, Walt Whitman also wrote several Motown hits for Marvin Gaye and Tammi Terrell

19. If you've been looking for your ‘voice’ as a poet and can't find it, there’s a good chance someone stole it on purpose

01-20-2012, 02:32 PM	#1
Hollylane Practically Lives Here How Do You Identify?: . Preferred Pronoun?: . Relationship Status: . Join Date: Jun 2011 Location: . Posts: 11,495 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 34,694 Thanked 26,362 Times in 5,875 Posts Rep Power: 21474862	Anya Inspired Haiku... Bought a used mattress Scratch, scratch, scratch. Fumigation The bedbug horror.

01-21-2012, 12:44 PM	#3
SoNotHer Senior Member How Do You Identify?: Professional Sandbagger and Jenga Zumba Instructor Join Date: Sep 2011 Location: In the master control room of my world domination dreams Posts: 2,811 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 6,587 Thanked 4,734 Times in 1,409 Posts Rep Power: 21474852	"Tossed on a wrecked mucus foam..." TS gives this a thumbs up, and Hollylane is right. This needs to be shared here as well. As usual, Fry and Laurie nail "bad poetry": “Mr. Drip tells me that it’s one of the most mature and exciting poems he’s received in some time. Don’t suck your thumb boy.” “’Inked ravens of despair crawl holes in the ass of the world’s mind.’ What kind of title for a poem is that?" “Scrotal threats unhorse a question of flowers.” “I asked for answers and got a head of heroine instead.” “When time fell wanking to the floor…” “My body disgusts, damp grease wafts sweat balls from sweat balls and thigh fungus.” “Unhappy bubbles of anal wind popping and winking in the mortal bath” “If this is poetry, then every lavatory wall in England is an anthology.”

01-23-2012, 09:10 PM	#6
SoNotHer Senior Member How Do You Identify?: Professional Sandbagger and Jenga Zumba Instructor Join Date: Sep 2011 Location: In the master control room of my world domination dreams Posts: 2,811 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 6,587 Thanked 4,734 Times in 1,409 Posts Rep Power: 21474852	How to write bad poetry in 2 parts, 19 steps and one sigh: From - http://theverybadpoet.blogspot.com/2...n-19-easy.html 1. Iambic Pentameter can go f%#@ itself 2. Always use clunky words you don’t really know (e.g. incorrigible & verisimilitude) 3. Try to fit a knock-knock joke in whenever possible 4. If you must Haiku, please clean up after yourself 5. Irony isn’t dead but it has been hit on the head with a frying pan 6. Inappropriate rhyming will always save you (e.g. moose and Jews) 7. The good news is no one else knows what e.g. stands for either 8. If you run into writer's block, try writing in a foreign language you don’t speak. It's de rigueur 9. If you write a ‘concrete’ poem, try to use actual concrete or cement 10. If you accidentally use ‘alliteration’ simply type the letter A for the duration of the poem. This gives it much more meaning.

01-22-2012, 02:29 AM	#4
Hollylane Practically Lives Here How Do You Identify?: . Preferred Pronoun?: . Relationship Status: . Join Date: Jun 2011 Location: . Posts: 11,495 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 34,694 Thanked 26,362 Times in 5,875 Posts Rep Power: 21474862	I drank the Patron I licked the lime and the salt But still got shivers

01-22-2012, 08:30 PM	#5
WomenMoveMe Member How Do You Identify?: I just wander about and be! Relationship Status: Caution: Dead End Join Date: Oct 2011 Location: Kentucky Posts: 561 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 1,473 Thanked 2,099 Times in 417 Posts Rep Power: 21474851	Never tried Haiku...therefore...writing bad Haiku should be a snap! She sits idly by never to let herself live what's a girl to do

01-23-2012, 09:13 PM	#7
SoNotHer Senior Member How Do You Identify?: Professional Sandbagger and Jenga Zumba Instructor Join Date: Sep 2011 Location: In the master control room of my world domination dreams Posts: 2,811 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 6,587 Thanked 4,734 Times in 1,409 Posts Rep Power: 21474852	11. Contrary to popular belief, people really do want to know what you had for breakfast as long as it’s in verse form 12. If you’re worried about meaning in your poem, don’t. We’ll all be dead soon enough 13. When making a ‘list’ poem, be sure add toilet paper to it. No one likes to drip dry or use your clean hand towels next to the sink 14. Poems to imaginary childhood friends will most likely win you a Pulitzer 15. Don’t worry about your ‘audience.' They don’t give a crap about you either 16. The best poems are the ones you plagiarize (see previous blog entry) 17. It helps if you were dropped on your head as a child 18. Things you should know as a poet: Along with Leaves Of Grass, Walt Whitman also wrote several Motown hits for Marvin Gaye and Tammi Terrell 19. If you've been looking for your ‘voice’ as a poet and can't find it, there’s a good chance someone stole it on purpose