FTM's Attracted to Femmes

[Leigh]

Just came in to visit and say hi

[Gemme]

Originally Posted by Library_girl

This thread is really interesting to me, especially since I label myself as High Femme. First, I think a lot of us would say that we get to define our own labels. At least, that's what I like to think. The term "high femme" is an old term, as far as I know. To me, High Femme means really femme, extra femme, super femme, lots o' femme goin' on. And to me, it gives a little hint of old school, which is also part of my identity. In my mind, it DOES NOT mean "high maintenance" at all. I agree that high maintenance is a negative term that conjures up thoughts of someone, anyone of any identity, who requires a great amount of attention and care, be that emotional, financial, sexual, or all of the above. Anyone can be high maintenance, and it has nothing to do with High Femme. It's just a coincidence that the word High appears in both.

Also, in my opinion, calling someone or yourself a High Femme does not push that femme "upwards" to a higher level of femme-ness. There is no Femme Summer Camp (although that would be so fun!) or Femme Graduation, or Femme PhD. (If such a thing is ever invented, I want one!)

Moreover, I feel that High Femme does not suggest that there is a lower form of femme. It's interesting that so many people see things in those dichotomous terms. If this thing is high, there must be a low. If this thing is big, there must be a small. That's just not always the case. Sometimes something just IS.

We do have the power to adapt new descriptors, and we already have. Twenty-something years ago, when I was new to the b/f world, we didn't have words like boi or hy, or stone femme. Transgender was a new word. Gender queer didn't exist. Queer was being tossed around as the new cool word to use. Stone Butch Blues and The Femme Mystique had not been written yet. So as our culture evolves, our vocabulary evolves right along with us. It just takes a little while...... Meanwhile, I think a mutual respect of the labels we choose and don't choose to apply to ourselves would be fabulous. Just my humble and long-winded opinion.

Actually, the term Stone has been around for a very, very long time. It just hasn't been acknowledged along the way. And, as Tommi mentioned, Queer has also been around for a very long time. Some of us have been fortunate enough to bring words back that were used in the past to torment and ridicule and turned them around. We've taken them back and redefined them for ourselves instead of others defining us.

Anyone can label themselves what they wish. It's not for anyone to say that someone is not the label that they proclaim.

HOWEVER

There is a hierarchy, for femmes as well as butches. Sometimes it's joked about....."Oh, she's not butch enough for me".....or, on the flip side..."She wears ten inch heels and full face make up all the time....she's too femmey foo foo for me"....but it's there, nonetheless.

Part of the issue, I think, stems from the fact that femme is equated to "womanly" things like heels and purses and frilly dresses and perfectly coiffed hair. And those femmes who are just 'as femme' as the next girl in heels and a foo foo dress, but they wear jeans and a tee and have grease under their nails, get grief because they don't 'look the part'.

It's heteronormative and it promotes a hierarchy. We are all guilty, at one time or another, of contributing to it.

[Gemme]

Originally Posted by Leigh

Just came in to visit and say hi

Hi and

[1ladyface]

This isn't about the FTM/femme dynamic specifically (maybe tangentially) but I thought you folks might be interested:

Today I finally got a letter from my ex and close friend who went to jail on the 6th. He's an alcoholic (the reason we broke up and the reason he's in jail) he got his third DUI in November so he's serving 2-3 months. I've been worried sick this past fortnight. (as in literally sick: hives, vertigo, insomnia, nausea) What if he had been placed in mens jail or if he'd gotten sick or if he couldn't get his testosterone or if he didn't show up on his intake date at all?

As it turns out, he's in a separate medical unit because the judge didn't want to put him in mens jail. And he wasn't able to write me because he didn't have access to money for stamps. Ironically I had sent him stamps in the first letter I wrote him 2 weeks ago but they were sent back to me in an envelope stamped "return to sender, unacceptable jail material". Strange world. But now he's been able to access his money and buy stamps so we should be in regular contact.

I'm so relieved. I was shaking and crying with happiness as I read his letter. Thank goodness he's safe.

And in related news, he will be blogging about his experiences (through written letters I type up and submit) on http://www.originalplumbing.com/

He wrote the first post in the letter I got today and I've submitted it but it isn't up on the site just yet. I think it will be cathartic for him and hopefully his writing will be a valuable resource for the community because there's so little out there about the transmale experience in jail or prison.

I hope you and yours are all safe and cozy tonight!

[DapperButch]

Originally Posted by 1ladyface

And in related news, he will be blogging about his experiences (through written letters I type up and submit) on http://www.originalplumbing.com/

He wrote the first post in the letter I got today and I've submitted it but it isn't up on the site just yet. I think it will be cathartic for him and hopefully his writing will be a valuable resource for the community because there's so little out there about the transmale experience in jail or prison.

That's great. How will we know which one is his? What name will his blog be under?

[1ladyface]

He wants to keep it anonymous so it'll be under Inmate 12004 (his partial inmate number)

[~Softbutch4U~]

Hi.. I read some threads from yall. For myself... very attracted to femmes. Some butches attracted me and Im not interestin in butches. I realized some femmes attracted FTM that i didnt know cuz couple yrs ago I told 3 of my friends that I wanted to b FTM but I was so afraid that femmes, friends or my families wont accept me for what i am. I love my family very much. I should have to do it couple yrs ago. Thanks to 2 of friends from BFP (Kent and Princess). It made me realize abt FTM. I should do it years ago (D'oh).

[1ladyface]

Hi Softbutch4U, it's true, femmes who like FTMs do exist. I have to say it seems to me that a lot of FTMs do date other FTMs so it's always reassuring to me as a femme to hear that there are FTMs who still like the b/f dynamic. Cause sometimes y'all seem elusive like super sexy unicorns.

Originally Posted by ~Softbutch4U~

Hi.. I read some threads from yall. For myself... very attracted to femmes. Some butches attracted me and Im not interestin in butches. I realized some femmes attracted FTM that i didnt know cuz couple yrs ago I told 3 of my friends that I wanted to b FTM but I was so afraid that femmes, friends or my families wont accept me for what i am. I love my family very much. I should have to do it couple yrs ago. Thanks to 2 of friends from BFP (Kent and Princess). It made me realize abt FTM. I should do it years ago (D'oh).

[LadyRieinAL]

I never thought I'd find myself in a place like this again - ten years ago I fell in love with a wonderful man, a gentleman, a fabulous lover (the best ever) male or female - I was married to a bio-male (sorry if the terms I use are not correct and I don't mind being corrected) for five years - the next 22 I spent with a butch, and for a few short years I had two relationships with with one butch and one person who ID as transman and preferred female pronouns because it made life easier for hym- and then I met my first FTM - to I liked him, I liked him a lot, but I wasn't sure that I could allow myself to fall in love with him - he made me see and feel like I was really home when I was in his arms - our transition was an amazing one - he was male - and he snagged me - he swept me off my feet - he spanked my buttocks and made me love it <wink> his level of intelligence and his sense of humor was off the charts and I thought this was the grandest relationship there was ever created on earth - and time pivoted - and then as life does, we changed for so many different reasons - and eventually it was time for both of us to move on - he moved several states away - and I couldn't.
I'm telling you, mark my words, if one of you femmes out there has the chance to meet him - when you are introduced to him, you will find out exactly what I'm talking about.
Because of him, I am hoping that in my new journey of being single I will be lead into the arms of an FTM who wants to co-create a new journey in joy and love - and maybe it will be forever - a femme can dream.

[uniquetobeme]

I think everyone is high-maintenance at different times in their life, and different people have different needs. I probably had been guilty in the past of thinking the more femme someone was, the more high maintenance they were. I have way grown past that. I do think my thinking had to do with an issue I had with femininity. My childhood and what I gathered from society were negative images of women. I had to unlearn a lot. I wasn't comfortable embracing my feminity for a long time. Now, I see things so differently. What a journey. A lot of the process was finding peace with my childhood. My mom was a stay-at home mom, there was a lot of domestic violence and alcoholism. That contributed to my thoughts of being a woman meaning dependant and weak. I didn't want to see myself that way.
As for people not being interested in someone because they are 'too this or too that'.., it just means they aren't the person for you. It doesn't mean there is anything wrong with you or with them. I know, rejection sucks. I've been on both sides of that coin. I kinda believe life is mostly based on fate, with a little wiggle room. The Unoverse, or God, or our higher power brings us who and what we need at the right time. It helps me deal with those derailments in life. I just believe everything will be ok, do my best, and I don't look for a significant other, I feel it will just happen when the time is right. Just live my life, be happy with who and where I am, and maybe our paths will cross, and if not, I'm okay with that too. Please pardon typos, I'm on my iPhone.

[FtMGuy]

Originally Posted by uniquetobeme

I think everyone is high-maintenance at different times in their life, and different people have different needs. I probably had been guilty in the past of thinking the more femme someone was, the more high maintenance they were. I have way grown past that. I do think my thinking had to do with an issue I had with femininity. My childhood and what I gathered from society were negative images of women. I had to unlearn a lot. I wasn't comfortable embracing my feminity for a long time. Now, I see things so differently. What a journey. A lot of the process was finding peace with my childhood. My mom was a stay-at home mom, there was a lot of domestic violence and alcoholism. That contributed to my thoughts of being a woman meaning dependant and weak. I didn't want to see myself that way.
As for people not being interested in someone because they are 'too this or too that'.., it just means they aren't the person for you. It doesn't mean there is anything wrong with you or with them. I know, rejection sucks. I've been on both sides of that coin. I kinda believe life is mostly based on fate, with a little wiggle room. The Unoverse, or God, or our higher power brings us who and what we need at the right time. It helps me deal with those derailments in life. I just believe everything will be ok, do my best, and I don't look for a significant other, I feel it will just happen when the time is right. Just live my life, be happy with who and where I am, and maybe our paths will cross, and if not, I'm okay with that too. Please pardon typos, I'm on my iPhone.

I agree with what you have posted, I know with all the surgeries I have had in the last 2 years I have been very high maintenance!!! to me it is not about femmes and or money, it is more a state of mind, high maintenance is something I would say maybe about anyone that drains the life or energy or money sometimes out of someone else and like I said i know in the past I could be seen to be high maintenance.
Surgeries all finished so right back to normal maintenance!
I do like this thread, I love Femmes and am extremely attracted to Femmes,
Queer Femmes, High Femmes
Femmes in a tshirt and jeans, no makeup ,yup femmes!!
there is nothing sexier then a femme in a mens suit!

[Quintease]

My husband was always into feminine, straight, bi or gay. It makes no difference to him who I fancy, provided he's quite high on the list.

I think ten years back girls like me were just too lesbian to date FTM's, whereas now we're all part of the same community. For the boys, I guess it's a lot safer dating a lesbian once you look like a man. For the girls, I guess we get the authentically queer experience, with someone who's simultaneously breaking as well as maintaining binaries ... or perhaps that's just my take on it all.

It did surprise me that I could fancy the pants off a man, it didn't surprise him that he could fancy me. He led me astray, clearly!

[Leigh]

Just came in to spread my love around for all the amazing guys here