FTM's Attracted to Femmes

[1ladyface]

This isn't about the FTM/femme dynamic specifically (maybe tangentially) but I thought you folks might be interested:

Today I finally got a letter from my ex and close friend who went to jail on the 6th. He's an alcoholic (the reason we broke up and the reason he's in jail) he got his third DUI in November so he's serving 2-3 months. I've been worried sick this past fortnight. (as in literally sick: hives, vertigo, insomnia, nausea) What if he had been placed in mens jail or if he'd gotten sick or if he couldn't get his testosterone or if he didn't show up on his intake date at all?

As it turns out, he's in a separate medical unit because the judge didn't want to put him in mens jail. And he wasn't able to write me because he didn't have access to money for stamps. Ironically I had sent him stamps in the first letter I wrote him 2 weeks ago but they were sent back to me in an envelope stamped "return to sender, unacceptable jail material". Strange world. But now he's been able to access his money and buy stamps so we should be in regular contact.

I'm so relieved. I was shaking and crying with happiness as I read his letter. Thank goodness he's safe.

And in related news, he will be blogging about his experiences (through written letters I type up and submit) on http://www.originalplumbing.com/

He wrote the first post in the letter I got today and I've submitted it but it isn't up on the site just yet. I think it will be cathartic for him and hopefully his writing will be a valuable resource for the community because there's so little out there about the transmale experience in jail or prison.

I hope you and yours are all safe and cozy tonight!

[DapperButch]

Originally Posted by 1ladyface

And in related news, he will be blogging about his experiences (through written letters I type up and submit) on http://www.originalplumbing.com/

He wrote the first post in the letter I got today and I've submitted it but it isn't up on the site just yet. I think it will be cathartic for him and hopefully his writing will be a valuable resource for the community because there's so little out there about the transmale experience in jail or prison.

That's great. How will we know which one is his? What name will his blog be under?

[1ladyface]

He wants to keep it anonymous so it'll be under Inmate 12004 (his partial inmate number)

[~Softbutch4U~]

Hi.. I read some threads from yall. For myself... very attracted to femmes. Some butches attracted me and Im not interestin in butches. I realized some femmes attracted FTM that i didnt know cuz couple yrs ago I told 3 of my friends that I wanted to b FTM but I was so afraid that femmes, friends or my families wont accept me for what i am. I love my family very much. I should have to do it couple yrs ago. Thanks to 2 of friends from BFP (Kent and Princess). It made me realize abt FTM. I should do it years ago (D'oh).

[1ladyface]

Hi Softbutch4U, it's true, femmes who like FTMs do exist. I have to say it seems to me that a lot of FTMs do date other FTMs so it's always reassuring to me as a femme to hear that there are FTMs who still like the b/f dynamic. Cause sometimes y'all seem elusive like super sexy unicorns.

Originally Posted by ~Softbutch4U~

Hi.. I read some threads from yall. For myself... very attracted to femmes. Some butches attracted me and Im not interestin in butches. I realized some femmes attracted FTM that i didnt know cuz couple yrs ago I told 3 of my friends that I wanted to b FTM but I was so afraid that femmes, friends or my families wont accept me for what i am. I love my family very much. I should have to do it couple yrs ago. Thanks to 2 of friends from BFP (Kent and Princess). It made me realize abt FTM. I should do it years ago (D'oh).

[~Softbutch4U~]

Hi, 1Ladyface, I never knew FTM do date other FTM.. I think its weird but really interesting. Labor wkend in MN for mini bash.. First time I met FTM from B-F. And I looked at him and I was thinkin in my mind say.. Wow, Sure its look so much like a man. I know I met some MTFs before.

[AtLast]

I think that like every other population in the world, individuals are attracted to they simply are attracted to. Yes, data (as it stands presently), shows that many FtM's have relationships with one another as well as with butches (and some butches like other butches best). some of this makes sense when biological studies are considered about gay me and testosterone levels- they are higher than heterosexual men in significant values.

However, why wouldn't some FtM's be mainly attracted to femmes, too? Personally, I don't think that there is enough sound or replicated (which leads to the actual scientific validity of most of the variables involved here to make generalizations about. I certainly know fully transitioned FtM's that are straight (desiring femmes as well as other women), gay and bisexual. I have just never been willing to make any generalizations based upon my own subjective observations and like I said, this whole area of study just doesn't have a very long history of scientific data to consider. It always feels like so many conclusions are drawn about transpeople anyway without research, reading material available, or unfortunately, based upon bigotry/bias- even within the queer community.

I know it is difficult sometimes to "get" why let's say, a butch prefers other butches (I have often just not understood this myself) just because one is a butch that is totally attracted to femmes. Same applies to FtM's sometimes. But, haven't we all been quite puzzled by human attraction at times? From not being able to figure out why 2 people are even with each other? Who knows! hell, there have been times post dating someone and wondered "what was I thinking?"

In these types of discussions, I always fear assumptions or generalizations about people that are just not based upon fact- or that are based upon stereotypes, transphobia or just plain lack of information.

[FtMGuy]

Originally Posted by 1ladyface

Hi Softbutch4U, it's true, femmes who like FTMs do exist. I have to say it seems to me that a lot of FTMs do date other FTMs so it's always reassuring to me as a femme to hear that there are FTMs who still like the b/f dynamic. Cause sometimes y'all seem elusive like super sexy unicorns.

I love it!! super sexy unicorns!!
I am searching high and low for the perfect femme for me! I am not quite ready for a relationship yet but dating would be nice, just dont seem to be any femmes around where I live that date a guy like me but it could happen, BFP Reunion here I come!!

[Nadeest]

"...I began transition almost 6 years ago and, believe it or not, things are still in transition for me, on some levels. I think it is a continuing process for a lot of us, particularly me, as I was in my mid 40's when I started T and had my top surgery...." theodzz


I think theodzz is right. We don't ever really finish transitioning, in a lot of ways. Mind you, our second puberty takes a lot less time to go thru, mentally, then our first one, but still. We just don't, and probably never will have the same amount of emotional and social experience that other people of our age and gender have. Mind you, we grow up fast, but still, I don't think that we ever fully grow up. We are just starting from too far behind to be able to catch up fully, especially those of us who start transition in our later years.

[LadyRieinAL]

I never thought I'd find myself in a place like this again - ten years ago I fell in love with a wonderful man, a gentleman, a fabulous lover (the best ever) male or female - I was married to a bio-male (sorry if the terms I use are not correct and I don't mind being corrected) for five years - the next 22 I spent with a butch, and for a few short years I had two relationships with with one butch and one person who ID as transman and preferred female pronouns because it made life easier for hym- and then I met my first FTM - to I liked him, I liked him a lot, but I wasn't sure that I could allow myself to fall in love with him - he made me see and feel like I was really home when I was in his arms - our transition was an amazing one - he was male - and he snagged me - he swept me off my feet - he spanked my buttocks and made me love it <wink> his level of intelligence and his sense of humor was off the charts and I thought this was the grandest relationship there was ever created on earth - and time pivoted - and then as life does, we changed for so many different reasons - and eventually it was time for both of us to move on - he moved several states away - and I couldn't.
I'm telling you, mark my words, if one of you femmes out there has the chance to meet him - when you are introduced to him, you will find out exactly what I'm talking about.
Because of him, I am hoping that in my new journey of being single I will be lead into the arms of an FTM who wants to co-create a new journey in joy and love - and maybe it will be forever - a femme can dream.

[Darbonaire]

Originally Posted by LadyRieinAL

I never thought I'd find myself in a place like this again - ten years ago I fell in love with a wonderful man, a gentleman, a fabulous lover (the best ever) male or female - I was married to a bio-male (sorry if the terms I use are not correct and I don't mind being corrected) for five years - the next 22 I spent with a butch, and for a few short years I had two relationships with with one butch and one person who ID as transman and preferred female pronouns because it made life easier for hym- and then I met my first FTM - to I liked him, I liked him a lot, but I wasn't sure that I could allow myself to fall in love with him - he made me see and feel like I was really home when I was in his arms - our transition was an amazing one - he was male - and he snagged me - he swept me off my feet - he spanked my buttocks and made me love it <wink> his level of intelligence and his sense of humor was off the charts and I thought this was the grandest relationship there was ever created on earth - and time pivoted - and then as life does, we changed for so many different reasons - and eventually it was time for both of us to move on - he moved several states away - and I couldn't.
I'm telling you, mark my words, if one of you femmes out there has the chance to meet him - when you are introduced to him, you will find out exactly what I'm talking about.
Because of him, I am hoping that in my new journey of being single I will be lead into the arms of an FTM who wants to co-create a new journey in joy and love - and maybe it will be forever - a femme can dream.

I still love you......I miss you....& I would love "us" again.......thank you for sharing this ! ***

[Nadeest]

The first person that I went out with, after I started transition was an FTM. He was so gentle and caring with me that it was amazing. I was very terrified when it came to sex, and he let me proceed at my own pace, to find out what worked for me, now that I had begun transition. Everything had changed for me, and he understood that. Since then, I've always had a soft spot in my heart for FTM's and would date them a lot quicker then I would a cis-male.

[morningstar55]

good morning FATF dwellers and peekers

i been reading some postings here yesterday and well just can not understand this............
2 people...... doesnt matter if your str8/ftm/mtf/butch femme or what ever.
when a couple has so much love for each other... why can not they make it work???
doesnt love conquer all??? it is soo hard to find true love , a deep love and when you do find it and its mutual , stick with it... its like that song.. if you see a chance take it.. find romance embrace it?? think thats how it goees.. lol its a old Steve Winwood song... heh

Darbonaire n LadyRieinAL life is way way to short.... and in our age group, its soo soo very hard to find someone ... must be something to work out to keep ya'll together. I hate seeing such loving couples fall apart when it could of been prevented. I guess i am a strong believer in working on a relationship when its worth saving.
ya know grandma n grandpa didnt get to there 50th wedding anniversary on a bed of roses, im sure there were some thorns somewhere along the way.
anyways. just my thoughts this morning.... ha and i havnt had my coffee yet.. lol

im heading to Ithaca and then to detroit today.
have a great day everyone.

[Tony]

Originally Posted by LadyRieinAL

I never thought I'd find myself in a place like this again - ten years ago I fell in love with a wonderful man, a gentleman, a fabulous lover (the best ever) male or female - I was married to a bio-male (sorry if the terms I use are not correct and I don't mind being corrected) for five years - the next 22 I spent with a butch, and for a few short years I had two relationships with with one butch and one person who ID as transman and preferred female pronouns because it made life easier for hym- and then I met my first FTM - to I liked him, I liked him a lot, but I wasn't sure that I could allow myself to fall in love with him - he made me see and feel like I was really home when I was in his arms - our transition was an amazing one - he was male - and he snagged me - he swept me off my feet - he spanked my buttocks and made me love it <wink> his level of intelligence and his sense of humor was off the charts and I thought this was the grandest relationship there was ever created on earth - and time pivoted - and then as life does, we changed for so many different reasons - and eventually it was time for both of us to move on - he moved several states away - and I couldn't.
I'm telling you, mark my words, if one of you femmes out there has the chance to meet him - when you are introduced to him, you will find out exactly what I'm talking about.
Because of him, I am hoping that in my new journey of being single I will be lead into the arms of an FTM who wants to co-create a new journey in joy and love - and maybe it will be forever - a femme can dream.

This was so beautifully stated. Your emotions jumped off the page. Sounds like you were both very lucky to have found each other. I hope you find that again. Thanks for baring your heart/soul/emotions with that experience.

[uniquetobeme]

I think everyone is high-maintenance at different times in their life, and different people have different needs. I probably had been guilty in the past of thinking the more femme someone was, the more high maintenance they were. I have way grown past that. I do think my thinking had to do with an issue I had with femininity. My childhood and what I gathered from society were negative images of women. I had to unlearn a lot. I wasn't comfortable embracing my feminity for a long time. Now, I see things so differently. What a journey. A lot of the process was finding peace with my childhood. My mom was a stay-at home mom, there was a lot of domestic violence and alcoholism. That contributed to my thoughts of being a woman meaning dependant and weak. I didn't want to see myself that way.
As for people not being interested in someone because they are 'too this or too that'.., it just means they aren't the person for you. It doesn't mean there is anything wrong with you or with them. I know, rejection sucks. I've been on both sides of that coin. I kinda believe life is mostly based on fate, with a little wiggle room. The Unoverse, or God, or our higher power brings us who and what we need at the right time. It helps me deal with those derailments in life. I just believe everything will be ok, do my best, and I don't look for a significant other, I feel it will just happen when the time is right. Just live my life, be happy with who and where I am, and maybe our paths will cross, and if not, I'm okay with that too. Please pardon typos, I'm on my iPhone.

[FtMGuy]

Originally Posted by uniquetobeme

I think everyone is high-maintenance at different times in their life, and different people have different needs. I probably had been guilty in the past of thinking the more femme someone was, the more high maintenance they were. I have way grown past that. I do think my thinking had to do with an issue I had with femininity. My childhood and what I gathered from society were negative images of women. I had to unlearn a lot. I wasn't comfortable embracing my feminity for a long time. Now, I see things so differently. What a journey. A lot of the process was finding peace with my childhood. My mom was a stay-at home mom, there was a lot of domestic violence and alcoholism. That contributed to my thoughts of being a woman meaning dependant and weak. I didn't want to see myself that way.
As for people not being interested in someone because they are 'too this or too that'.., it just means they aren't the person for you. It doesn't mean there is anything wrong with you or with them. I know, rejection sucks. I've been on both sides of that coin. I kinda believe life is mostly based on fate, with a little wiggle room. The Unoverse, or God, or our higher power brings us who and what we need at the right time. It helps me deal with those derailments in life. I just believe everything will be ok, do my best, and I don't look for a significant other, I feel it will just happen when the time is right. Just live my life, be happy with who and where I am, and maybe our paths will cross, and if not, I'm okay with that too. Please pardon typos, I'm on my iPhone.

I agree with what you have posted, I know with all the surgeries I have had in the last 2 years I have been very high maintenance!!! to me it is not about femmes and or money, it is more a state of mind, high maintenance is something I would say maybe about anyone that drains the life or energy or money sometimes out of someone else and like I said i know in the past I could be seen to be high maintenance.
Surgeries all finished so right back to normal maintenance!
I do like this thread, I love Femmes and am extremely attracted to Femmes,
Queer Femmes, High Femmes
Femmes in a tshirt and jeans, no makeup ,yup femmes!!
there is nothing sexier then a femme in a mens suit!

[Leigh]

Just came to say hi to everyone here, I hope your all having a good Monday so far

[Darbonaire]

This guy has ALWAYS been attracted to femmes & always will be. I like all kinds of folks but, for sexual attraction, dating, marriage.....<never again...lol>.....it's femme for me. I'd like to meet some other guys for chatting & sharing experiences....but just as friends.

[Quintease]

My husband was always into feminine, straight, bi or gay. It makes no difference to him who I fancy, provided he's quite high on the list.

I think ten years back girls like me were just too lesbian to date FTM's, whereas now we're all part of the same community. For the boys, I guess it's a lot safer dating a lesbian once you look like a man. For the girls, I guess we get the authentically queer experience, with someone who's simultaneously breaking as well as maintaining binaries ... or perhaps that's just my take on it all.

It did surprise me that I could fancy the pants off a man, it didn't surprise him that he could fancy me. He led me astray, clearly!

[Leigh]

Just came in to spread my love around for all the amazing guys here