Modern Manners - Facebook et al

[genghisfawn]

Originally Posted by adorable

[COLOR="Green"]Why do you care if “she” knows that hy is dating other people since you told him you were happy being single? I think you showed your hand when hys online “relationship” bothered you.

Thanks for your reply!

I wish I could explain what I was actually feeling... when I asked hym to be fair and tell her that hy was seeing other people, it was because hy was complaining to me about her clinginess but also hadn't told her about me or anyone else. So, because I was unimpressed by this disingenuity, I asked hym to at least talk to her and clarify that hy was seeing other people. I was rather upset - I even excused myself very nicely and went home to think.

I started the thread mainly because I wanted to know if this Facebook passive-aggression was common. It's never happened to me because I've been in relationships while Facebook was gaining popularity, and I'm just stymied by how much importance people lend it in everyday life.

[girl_dee]

modern day Dear Jane/John letters...

People either have it in their character to be respectful or they don't.

[adorable]

Originally Posted by genghisfawn

Thanks for your reply!

I wish I could explain what I was actually feeling... when I asked hym to be fair and tell her that hy was seeing other people, it was because hy was complaining to me about her clinginess but also hadn't told her about me or anyone else. So, because I was unimpressed by this disingenuity, I asked hym to at least talk to her and clarify that hy was seeing other people. I was rather upset - I even excused myself very nicely and went home to think.

I started the thread mainly because I wanted to know if this Facebook passive-aggression was common. It's never happened to me because I've been in relationships while Facebook was gaining popularity, and I'm just stymied by how much importance people lend it in everyday life.

Oh, I think most of us have been there with not being able to explain what we are feeling. I think what I have tried to embrace is exactly that. Fighting it seems, well, pointless. It really is ok if I can't explain it. More will be revealed. Always.

I can be guilty of outsmarting myself sometimes. This is why facebook is not so great when you are into someone. The risk is in revealing too much or wanting to know more. Passive-aggressiveness when it comes to dating is common because it's very much a cat and mouse game. Outright aggression is frowned upon, that is why we refer to it as "the dance." Yet, unless we are aggressive somehow, or have some sort of strategy, we will never get what we really want. The trick is in knowing when to risk and what. Being good at poker, or chess, (or a war historian) comes in handy.

Having conversations like the one you described is more like baiting, or hym trying to force your hand. Kind of a high school tactic on hys part, but everyone isn't working at the same skill level. lol.