Is Marriage for you?

[Greyson]

Originally Posted by MsTinkerbelly

I think this would be the ideal situation...I love living with Kasey and the family we have made...I love coming home to her, and watching her sleep...but I would LOVE to have a couple of days a week, month, whatever to myself. I crave alone time, and now that she works from home I get very little.

Although I am not married, I am in a 3 year monogomous relationship with my girlfriend. I spent many years living alone. Either I was "dating" or in a serious long distance relationhip. I discovered the joys of alone time.

Logistically I have the best scenario going, for me. I live next door to my girlfriend. Our schedules allow the two of us some alone time at least once a week. My gf has joint custody of her 9 year old daughter and finding alone time can be a challenge.

I am not complaining. What I am saying is that I have found that the "traditional" set up may not always work in the best interest of my relationship and maybe for others.

[ScandalAndy]

I love the thought of marriage as I interpret it: A public, ceremonial, legal bond between two (or more) individuals who love and respect each other, and wish not to be parted. It seems very romantic to care for someone so much that you give them the gift of yourself, and accept the gift of themselves to you in return.

That being said, I am never going to find anyone who can put up with my ass from now until eternity, so I'm just content with the thought of it.

[Dude]

I have read the opening post again and simmered down a bit.
No , I would not get married tomorrow just because I could as
I am single and would need a long ( a few years) engagement prior.

It would require a lot of thought and the right person for me of course.
I dont believe in the complete each other crap and know how much
work long term relationships can be.
If it was based in reality and not the fantasy of it , yes , I would.

[Okiebug61]

As long as any form of the Government has a legal foot in marriage Red and I are out. We are suppose to be guaranteed the separation of church and state. Seeing as marriage is considered to be a religious ceremony the states the feds need to back off.

[girl_dee]

Originally Posted by Okiebug61

As long as any form of the Government has a legal foot in marriage Red and I are out. We are suppose to be guaranteed the separation of church and state. Seeing as marriage is considered to be a religious ceremony the states the feds need to back off.

i agree, what does the government care who we sleep with/marry?

BUT that ceremony gives us rights to things we want and need.

[aishah]

Originally Posted by Cajun_dee

i agree, what does the government care who we sleep with/marry?

BUT that ceremony gives us rights to things we want and need.

it upsets me that it's either/or. there are plenty of other ways the government can provide those rights without taking such a religious, moralizing stance on who deserves to receive them and who doesn't. imho it would be better to reform the way those benefits are allotted altogether and separate them from the romantic commitment or religious aspects of marriage - i.e. provide civil unions/domestic partnership benefits to people in committed relationships regardless of gender, sexual orientation, or monogamy/nonmonogamy - then leave it up to individual churches, temples, and other religious institutions or people who perform civil ceremonies as to whether they choose to perform the ceremony for a certain couple.

[MsTinkerbelly]

Originally Posted by Okiebug61

As long as any form of the Government has a legal foot in marriage Red and I are out. We are suppose to be guaranteed the separation of church and state. Seeing as marriage is considered to be a religious ceremony the states the feds need to back off.

There are many people who feel the same way

[1QuirkyKiwi]

Yes, marriage is for me; or at the very least a commitment ceremony. Love, loyalty, devotion and commitment come from the heart to each other, yet, I want to celebrate that with my friends and family as well as my partner; whom ever she/hy maybe (K and I are no where near this stage).

The only thing I will insist on is keeping my name and hyphenating it with hers/hys. Maori women keep their maiden names and take their husbands’ as well; hyphenating the two.

[Cin]

For me, there has always been marriage between myself and those I love, whether it was legally sanctioned by the state or not. Marriage means a commitment of my heart. And I wouldn’t be with you if I were not committed to you. Well, it happened once. However, I prefer to believe that was an anomaly brought about in response to a unique set of circumstances and not likely to reoccur. So when I partner it has always been a marriage to me. However the benefit of a legal marriage is another matter and one I had not considered important until recently.

Truly Scrumptious and I lived in different countries and when we first began our relationship neither country recognized same sex marriage. However, Canada recognized common law or conjugal relationships between same sex partners for purposes of immigration. The U.S. has no provision for same sex partner immigration, so there didn’t need to be a lot of conversation about what we were going to do.

It was right around the time of my moving to Quebec, that Canada decided to recognize gay marriage federally. It would be another six years before we would get married.

I married Truly because I love her, of course, but also for legal purposes and in the hopes that someday I might be able to bring my wife home to be near the other love of my life, the Cape Cod National Seashore. I married for the ease and convenience that marriage affords. Although I had a hard time figuring out what those conveniences were living here. In Canada one need not be married to claim one another for income tax purposes. In Quebec, if they offer health insurance, employers are required by law to insure the partners of employees including same sex partners, or any common law/conjugal partner of any sex. Also in Quebec when you marry no names are changed. If you want your name changed you need to go and do it legally and pay for it. It is not an automatic thing. So really I was hard pressed to imagine what the difference a piece of paper could possibly make. I did figure it would make things easier in the event of illness or death. Although a friend who gives financial advice for a living recommends a will for ease and speed. Yet, I could not help but think if we were married it would appear more of a commitment.

Although we could have gotten married in Montreal, we chose to marry in Vermont in order to keep a foothold in the U.S. On the off chance that the U.S. would recognize gay marriage on a federal level, we thought it would look good if we could say we had been married in the U.S. It is a way of keeping the possibility of coming back there to live with my wife a viable option should anything change. I did not choose to leave my country. My country pushed me away when it refused to allow me to sponsor the woman I loved for immigration. When it would not let me bring her home, the U.S. gave me no choice but to change my home so that my heart could stay in my chest rather than follow Truly to Canada alone. It is more difficult than I imagined to love two countries. Canada has earned my loyalty but the United States holds my history. I thought I would walk away from the U.S. and never look back, especially considering how pissed off I was about how things ended between us. But it is not that easy to turn one’s back on one’s roots. Besides I may have been forced to leave if I wanted to be with the woman I love, but I’m not letting them take any more away from me. It’s not that easy to get rid of me. So I still vote in U.S. elections and stay involved in U.S. politics. For me, legalizing marriage on the federal level in the U.S. means moving back there with my wife becomes an option. That is one benefit gay marriage affords us. The residing country for those in binational relationships becomes one of choice. Instead of a hmmm, what country will have us, then let’s move there, kind of thing. Not that we might not have chosen Canada anyway given socialized medicine, which is awesome by the way. As well as how the heart of the distinct society called Quebec matches mine so well. But it would have been our decision. And the pain of missing my ocean would feel different if I had chosen it.

When we decided to get married, I never imagined it would feel any differently. I knew I could not love T.S. more because of a piece of paper. I believed it would have no effect whatsoever. I was wrong. It deeply moved me. The ceremony itself and the reality of being married, of being legally required to be here, has been profoundly affecting.

I’m not a fan of prenups. I get why they are important but it feels like I’m betting against myself.

The idea of keeping separate condos or houses is an interesting one, but it is unlikely that the average couple could afford to maintain two homes, regardless of how independent they would like to remain. I guess it’s a good option if you have the finances for it. It is difficult enough for most people I know to live with roommates or partners sharing expenses. A singular existence is becoming more and more economically difficult in these hard times. I guess one could keep the apartment one has with one’s roommate or roommates. But I would imagine for many, if they have to live with someone, pool finances and share expenses it might as well be their spouse. Most will likely have to settle for reading a book in another room, or if they only have one room, they will have to take long walks alone, wander through a bookstore, take in a soft ball game at a neighborhood park or find some other affordable way to get the valued time alone they crave.

[Christy51274]

Being married is fun, so long as it's with the right person. Been married twice and they say the third time's a charm. Of course, it's not for everyone, but I kinda like it.

[RockOn]

If my partner picker wasn't broken, I would say "yes." But since that is not the case, my answer is "no".

[WolfyOne]

I didn't answer your poll because the question is different from the poll you actually have up.
You seem to want a status rather than a yes or no to is it for me.

As for marriage being for me, I never say never.
I guess it just depends on the one that I give my heart to the next. time

[MsTinkerbelly]

Originally Posted by WolfyOne

I didn't answer your poll because the question is different from the poll you actually have up.
You seem to want a status rather than a yes or no to is it for me.

As for marriage being for me, I never say never.
I guess it just depends on the one that I give my heart to the next. time

Things morph and change (like marriage or not marriage), and I was really hoping for some discussion...your answer is perfect!

[wetfromashower]

I would love to marry... But when and if I do... I'm only doing it once... I'm a forever kind of person... I want that kind of love... It's why I've been single for so long... I'm looking for Ms. Right not for Ms Right now...

[StrongButch]

I would only marry after several years of dating. I would marry traditionally the way my ancestors have married for hundreds of years. I am native and believe our ways need to be kept alive and passed on from generation to generation.

[*Anya*]

Yes I would marry and yes I want to marry again (once to a bio man long, long ago).

Underneath it all, I am an old-fashioned traditionalist.

I still believe in what marriage stands for.

To me, it is a real commitment, with all the legal benefits and protections, a confirmation of our love, sticking around through thick and thin, good times and bad and working through the hard times. Not quite as easy to just walk away.

This is how I feel.

Other posts reflect different perspectives.

[G Snap!]

I was married in '92 to a bio-male. We dated for over 6 years before we got married, but the one thing he refused to do was live together.
Big mistake. He was a momma's boy and after doing ALL the housework for two years I had enough. There is more I was unhappy about, I will not list them.

I swore for years I would never get married. I was so eager to get out of the marriage I forgot to request I could resume using my maiden name. Filing the legal request, and all of the time and expense of changing my name back - on everything, driver's license, ss card, etc. - was a pain in the arse.

I swore left right up and down I would never do it again. Besides, I think a relationship takes more commitment when you are not legally obligated.

But here I am now, two + years later and I am considering it, heck I even asked him to marry me. I LOVE living with chefhmboyrd. I am in no rush, and we can't be legally married in TN anyways. TN would be last on that policy, for sure, since legal marriage (according to the state) is a union between a male and a female in front of a priest. I have already been married once before god, and it failed. So I won't do that again.

We have a domestic partnership, notarized per his employer's policies, so I am on his health insurance and such. I would like to file for marriage in Massachusetts, but we haven't found the time or resources for that yet. We were both born there, so it seems fitting, and I feel if same-sex marriage is ever recognized federally, our MA union would hold.

My divorce left me with the opinion that marriage is a legal union between two people, sort of like a corporation, a contract binding the two. I do believe in commitment /marriage ceremonies and what they stand for, look up "marry" in the dictionary. However, I feel if two people take legal steps to form a union, they should be recognized by the law and not be invalidated because the union was between two parties of the same gender.

I step down from the soapbox. Carry on, my fellow love bunnies.

[Okiebug61]

Red and I will celebrate 9yrs in December. We fall into the 24/7 box however. Here is a typical day.

5:45 -I get up and turn on the coffee maker, let 2 of the 5 dogs out. I then sit at the computer and have my cup of coffee reading the news.

6:15-I take a shower and get ready for work.

6:45-Red gets up which is usually a major chore she is not a morning person. I make her a cup of coffee and sit it on her makeup desk. I spend the next 20mins trying to get the 3 amigos to get out of bed and go outside.

7:15-Red is heading out for work. She is a school teacher and works 8:00-5:30. Her commute is 45mins. Two nights a week she does after school daycare which means she gets home around 7-7:30. Then there are those days where there are unscheduled parent teacher meetings and various other last minute things that commonly happen in a school enviroment.

8:00-I work on commission only so I do not have a set time table. If I have a lead I schedule the time myself. My days vary so much that I can not even think of what a real schedule looks like.

6:00-7:00 pm Red usually wonders in around this time. I am here sometimes and sometimes I am on a sales lead. We aren't very good about planning dinner so we usually just figure something out when we both get home.

10:00pm-It's pretty much bed time for the both of us. So during the last 3 hours we haven't really done much but cook dinner, sit down for a few minutes and work on what's happening the next day.

So If we sleep 8 hours and we work 12 hour days that leaves 4 hours a day that we may have time to do something together during the week. Weekends are usually filled with getting ready for the next week.

Red travels alot during the summer and I usually have 2-3 weeks alone time. I have things I do that she doesn't partake in so we feel we have the me time.

To sum it up 24/7 works for us, if we were apart anymore we'd not know much about each other.

[Sassy]

My experiences have been dismal.

These days, I take each day as it comes. I wake up and say "this is where I want to be" and that's good enough for now.

Could I, would I, want more from a relationship in the future? Could I, would I, ever again consider promising a lifetime commitment? ...

Perhaps.

After a very long engagement. And a rock solid prenup.

Not very romantic, I know.

[Quintease]

My husband and I got engaged after only 3 months together, so clearly marriage is for me

I can only hope that if we ever separate, that I'll remember how happy I was the day we said our vows.