Is Marriage for you?

[Martina]

i am not responding to the do i believe in love or longterm partnerships for me or others part of this. In fact, i do.

Legal marriage has never appealed to me. If i were straight, i would not marry. i'd have to desperately need the insurance or something like that.

[Glenn]

Sometimes a prenup won't work. Example: Say your partner signs a prenup and legally marries you, and a few years later you open the business of your dreams and over the next several years you work your ASS off to make lots of $$$$...You put your heart and soul into the business. You're making money, you're giving them the best things in life---cars, clothes,,etc., but then they complain your spending too much time working, so they divorce you for aleiniation of affection or something. Folks, even if the business is not in their name, they can still get 50% of it's earnings because a defense attorney may be able to convince a judge they helped you succeed and they can still continue to earn money from their own career! So, if you're a person that works hard and has money, if you get married, you're gonna lose out to some degree if your partner asks for a divorce. You may not lose 50%, but you'll certainly not MAKE any money from a divorce. Now, just because you signed a pre nup, your still trusting your partner not to put up a fight and just walk away. At the very least, they can still take you to court and that costs time and money.

[DapperButch]

Originally Posted by Glenn

Sometimes a prenup won't work. Example: Say your partner signs a prenup and legally marries you, and a few years later you open the business of your dreams and over the next several years you work your ASS off to make lots of $$$$...You put your heart and soul into the business. You're making money, you're giving them the best things in life---cars, clothes,,etc., but then they complain your spending too much time working, so they divorce you for aleiniation of affection or something. Folks, even if the business is not in their name, they can still get 50% of it's earnings because a defense attorney may be able to convince a judge they helped you succeed and they can still continue to earn money from their own career! So, if you're a person that works hard and has money, if you get married, you're gonna lose out to some degree if your partner asks for a divorce. You may not lose 50%, but you'll certainly not MAKE any money from a divorce. Now, just because you signed a pre nup, your still trusting your partner not to put up a fight and just walk away. At the very least, they can still take you to court and that costs time and money.

I guess my thinking about a prenups is being able to protect the assets you have coming into the marriage, rather than protecting the assests you accumulate while in the marriage. This is what I would be most conscious of. Is it really fair for me to get half of the 50K of my partner's inheritance that she came into the relationship with? I say, no. Do we each deserve half of the 50K we have put into one or the other's 401K (retirement plan) while married? Yes, I think so.

[theoddz]

This from the script of one of my most favorite scenes in one of my most absolute favorite movies, "Out of Africa" (1985). I'm posting it because it deals with marriage and hits the nail on the head with how I feel about marriage.

Scene5

Karen: When you go away on safari, are you ever with someone else?

Denys: I'd be with you if I wanted to be with anyone.

Karen: Do you ever get lonely?

Denys: Sometimes.

Karen: Do you ever wonder if I am lonely?

Denys: No, I don't.

Karen: Do you think about me at all?

Denys: Often.

Karen: But not enough to come back.

Denys: I do come back all the time. What is it?

Karen: Nothing. Bror has asked me for a divorce. He found someone that he wants to marry. I just thought we might do that someday.

Denys: Divorce? How... How would a wedding change things?

Karen: I would have someone of my own.

Denys: You wouldn't.

Karen: What's wrong with marriage, anyway?

Denys: Have you ever seen one you admire?

Karen: Yes, I have. Many. Belfields, for one.

Denys: He sent her home for the rains in 1910. Didn't tell her they were over till 1913.

Karen: It's not a joke. People marry. It's not revolutionary. There are animals that mate for life.

Denys: Geese.

Karen: You use the damn animals for your own argument. You won't let me use them for mine.

Denys: I'd mate for life. One day at a time.

Karen: I'd just like someone to ask me once, that's all. Promise me you'll do that, if I promise to say no?

Denys: Just trust you, eh?

Karen: When you go away, you don't always go on safari, do you just want to be away.

Denys: It's not meant to hurt you.

Karen: It does.

Denys: I'm with you because I choose to be with you. I don't want to live someone else's idea of how to live. Don't ask me to do that. I don't want to find out one day that I'm at the end of someone else's life. I'm willing to pay for mine. To be lonely sometimes. To die alone, if I have to. I think that's fair.

Karen: Not quite. You want me to pay for it as well.

Denys: No, you have a choice, and you're not willing to do the same for me. I won't be closer to you and I won't love you more because of a piece of paper.

Good thread.

~Theo~

[tantalizingfemme]

Had I been asked if I believed in marriage twenty years ago, I would have answered with a resounding "hell no"; but I have come to realize that my perception was tainted by my parents bad marriage and very ugly divorce.

Today, my answer is absolutely. For me, it is the deepest level of commitment, trust and love.

Now, to stray off for a minute, I wanted to say something about this:

Originally Posted by Glenn

Sometimes a prenup won't work. Example: Say your partner signs a prenup and legally marries you, and a few years later you open the business of your dreams and over the next several years you work your ASS off to make lots of $$$$...You put your heart and soul into the business. You're making money, you're giving them the best things in life---cars, clothes,,etc., but then they complain your spending too much time working, so they divorce you for aleiniation of affection or something. Folks, even if the business is not in their name, they can still get 50% of it's earnings because a defense attorney may be able to convince a judge they helped you succeed and they can still continue to earn money from their own career! So, if you're a person that works hard and has money, if you get married, you're gonna lose out to some degree if your partner asks for a divorce. You may not lose 50%, but you'll certainly not MAKE any money from a divorce. Now, just because you signed a pre nup, your still trusting your partner not to put up a fight and just walk away. At the very least, they can still take you to court and that costs time and money.

I guess the way I look at this is:

Let's say that Dapperbutch and I were married and hy started a business that helped people learn how to ask the right million questions to clarify whatever they needed clarification for, in life.

So imagine 10 years down the line, when hys business is successful...when hy is world renowned and featured every Wednesday night at 8:00pm on OWN TV for hys expertise on the Art of Questioning, I decide I want a divorce. Is it hys success and hys success only? No. Because 10 years earlier, hy wanted to start a business and he needed support. For hym to start this business, hy needed to rent space to be able to work (because I don't think the marriage would have lasted that long had it been run out of the house) and that costs money, as did all necessary equipment, services, business license, insurance etc...

Now, as we all know, businesses normally do not make money for the first few years, and most of hys time would be at the site. Well, I imagine it would have been my salary that would cover the loan payments, and bills for a while, along with my having to cover hys medical and dental insurance through my agency. Not just the money I paid out, but I would have managed the household, the household bills and any issues that come up at home so that hy was able be able to concentrate on building hys business.

And let's not forget emotional support. I was the one that was there for hym, during the ups and downs all these years, cheerleading him on. (imagine the pom pom smiley here)

Would it seem reasonable that when we divorced that I don't get anything from the business? To me it doesn't. And for most people I know who own their own businesses, the spouse is the person that does everything outside of the business to make it possible for that person to focus on the business and not have to worry about household/child issues. So I believe that I would be entitled to a percentage of the business, as I did help to build it.

I hope that all made sense.

Thanks for letting me ramble.

[Trey339]

A Definite 'Yes'

[Glenn]

Originally Posted by Martina

i am not responding to the do i believe in love or longterm partnerships for me or others part of this. In fact, i do.

Legal marriage has never appealed to me. If i were straight, i would not marry. i'd have to desperately need the insurance or something like that.

You can still protect your assets by going to an attorney and signing a non marital co habitation agreement. It's a legal document that protects both of your assets.

[Nadeest]

Given that I am mostly attracted to women, and my 'preop' status, I could get married if I wished. In fact, given that I am living in Texas, it might be rather fun to walk into the Clerk of the Court's office with my partner and request a marriage licence.
At the moment, however, I don't have a partner, and none seems to be appearing over the horizon, either. Still, if it was with the right person, I think that I'd get married again.

[AtLast]

Yes. No reason to explain why it is for me other than to someone I want to marry and shares the same sentiments about marriage.

[tazz]

simply put; i'm not wired for marriage.

[Dude]

my state just legalized it this week (55-43)

largely due to this woman's devastating story and what she did with it.

http://www.snagfilms.com/films/search?q=for+my+wife <==

yes, I hope to someday get married and have the right to be with my wife
in the ambulance, hospital or visa versa. definately and without slowing down to show anyone a flippin piece of paper.

[chai~]

Originally Posted by Dude

my state just legalized it this week (55-43)

largely due to this woman's devastating story and what she did with it.

http://www.snagfilms.com/films/search?q=for+my+wife <==

yes, I hope to someday get married and have the right to be with my wife
in the ambulance, hospital or visa versa. definately and without slowing down to show anyone a flippin piece of paper.

I do understand and appreciate the need for these things to change. It breaks my heart to hear this, and what a devastating loss. In the instances such as this, I can absolutely see how equality is needed and it's about damn time. ~bless~