Friends of Bill W.

[LeftWriteFemme]

Originally Posted by Incubus

Day 11...

...and another great nights sleep. Feeling a bit odd today though, sorta shaky and and a bit anxious but I'm sure I'll cop; it's just one of those days. It's better than feeling hung-over.

I'm going to go my first meeting in 26yrs tonight at the local Friends Meeting House which is a 5minute bike ride away. I have a little anxiety about it but I know folks will be friendly and I'll just slip right in there......I'm not a shy chap

Hope you have a great meeting! Glad you're sleeping! Is school going well? I bet doing homework sober is going to be a kick!

Originally Posted by LeftWriteFemme

Hope you have a great meeting! Glad you're sleeping! Is school going well? I bet doing homework sober is going to be a kick!

Thanks lovely girl. It's weird going back to meetings that are the same venue as ones I used to do back in the day.

School is a different matter; I'm having to play a big catch up game but I have the official dispensation to do so thankfully. I'm finding it hard to concentrate on study but I'm sure that will get easier. It's weird having a little bit of memory function coming back.

I've never actually studied when not smoking and/or drinking before...it will take time to adjust!

[LeftWriteFemme]

February 11

UNIFIED THEORY




When I build the circuit correctly the light comes on. When I heal the shards together the bell rings. If I am meticulous and attentive, if the world is gracious and bares herself to my mind, I will see how everything fits. I know the reflexive nature of things, and the way life folds one thing inside the other. Whale song is a long slow underwater birdcall. Moon rise, sun rise, then the moon again. The universe works without my interference but also without my complete understanding. I am learning how to be a part of this beautiful maze; I long to comprehend it. The weeds are trying to take back the city. If I lay down maybe they will take me back, too. If I keep my eyes open I might see it all unfold. Conception without is my desire within.


Make emotional bouquets for your mind.
*


Recognition

All I have are these two hands
I can not lift the world
All I have are these two legs
I can not flee the hoards

All I have is this one heart
though need and want prevail
All that’s left is this one mind
to try to tell this tale.

Everything in this bright orb
is there for me to see
Everything laid out before me
all that I can be

Everything that I perceive as wrong
and know it in my heart
Everything I think to touch
and change believing it’s my art

Once I take the giant reins
acceptance escapes the scene
Once the fates are in my grasp
chaos is the theme

Once the sight of my right place
is lost from in my mind
Once I try to fill the great big shoes
is the day that I go blind.

Day 12...

...I'm all at sea.

I went to my first meeting in 26yrs last night. I almost cried as I left. Nothing, not one damn thing has changed in that 26yrs. The only thing different was that last time I was in that room the chairs faced a different way.

Day 13

This is the second day I've woken up feeling like crap. I'm hoping it's just my body readjusting to life without alcohol. I never expected to wake up feeling like I have a lil hangover, which is what's happened the last two mornings. I want to sleep and sleep. It's not a huge issue, it's not a threat to my sobriety, it's just disappointing.

I'm still reeling from the lack of progress and modernity at meetings. I just don't know what to do with myself about that one.

[LeftWriteFemme]

February 12

MY TALE



I must be my own tattletale. I must give my sponsor bullets to shoot down my disease. Anything I protect and nurture will grow and overtake me. It is up to me to choose if I will feed my ailment or my health. My life will be consumed, that is a guarantee; all things feed into others. The direction this meal takes is my daily decision. The bull’s eye can be hit if I describe the target. The ending will be happy if the story I tell is my own.


Calculate the risk and build a bridge.



*

Rebellion Dogs

“Rebellion dogs our every step at first”
AA’s 12 and 12

They won’t come to heal, won’t sit, won’t stay,
these dogs circle waiting for signs of weakness
or vulnerable skin, but there they are;
they have been found out.

The ones that worry me more
are those that took show and place,
the dogs that stand in the shadows and lurk in the wing.

What are their names I wonder?
Their distinctive smell?
Must I identify these writhing mutts
or simply call animal control?

Though this never worked with rebellion dogs
these lesser pups surely would run
from would be dog catchers and leave me to my dreams.

Alas, I name them and show them to my friends;
we like they run in packs
and are served well by honest disclosure.

[LeftWriteFemme]

Originally Posted by Incubus

Day 13

This is the second day I've woken up feeling like crap. I'm hoping it's just my body readjusting to life without alcohol. I never expected to wake up feeling like I have a lil hangover, which is what's happened the last two mornings. I want to sleep and sleep. It's not a huge issue, it's not a threat to my sobriety, it's just disappointing.

I'm still reeling from the lack of progress and modernity at meetings. I just don't know what to do with myself about that one.

Have you started to itch yet? I believe the feeling like crap and needing extra sleep is part of the healing process, but that doesn't make it feel any better. I sure hope this phase is short and you are feeling better soon! I know you don't eat sweets and I'm not suggestion that you start, but making unsugared undutched coco, kind of like black coffee, is a local cure around here suggested to newcomers, it might be worth a try.....let me know what you think. I hope today is better than yesterday, my friend!

Originally Posted by LeftWriteFemme

Have you started to itch yet? I believe the feeling like crap and needing extra sleep is part of the healing process, but that doesn't make it feel any better. I sure hope this phase is short and you are feeling better soon! I know you don't eat sweets and I'm not suggestion that you start, but making unsugared undutched coco, kind of like black coffee, is a local cure around here suggested to newcomers, it might be worth a try.....let me know what you think. I hope today is better than yesterday, my friend!

Ta ever so much for being so lovely.

Nope, no itching thank goodness; the headache and feeling a little bit crap is enough for now. I figured it was all just part of the whole re-jiggling of the inner balance of things. It appears that the unsweetened non dutched cocoa ain't so freely available here so I shall do a full search of resources available. I've found one place but it's rather expensive. I will keep you posted.

I've treated myself to a total pit pj day and don't feel half so bad as I did this morning/lunch-time. I have high hopes for a better day tomorrow as I'm going to take advantage of the free acupuncture session at ADS again.

Wishing you a wonderful day lovely girl