Can You Really Be Friends With An Ex?

02-25-2012, 02:15 PM

I think it's possible to be friends with exes when you don't want to 'save' them. That would bring up a huge red light and clanging of bells for me.

I would also ask why are you the only person she can turn to after two years. Has she not got friends of her own; has she not built a life for herself? If not, why not?

You say it wasn't a great relationship for you. Why let her back and bring up what will probably not be great memories for you? Just take some time to consider why she would say that you were the only person who cared for her? Maybe she knows the buttons she needs to press? Just a thought.

Can I remind you that you/we cannot save anyone, they can only do that themselves by actively engaging in whatever problem they have and being proactive on their own behalf.

You will do what you want to do but my counsel would be, tread carefully.

princessbelle · 02-25-2012, 02:29 PM

Yes yes and more yesess to the whole boundary idea. Don't just run out the door and greet her and rescue her and have your heart ripped to shreds. Make a deal with YOURSELF. Make your boundaries and stick to them.

If it starts getting too much and those old feelings start to come up for air, step back. You can always be a friend without getting in too deep. It is your boundary that identifies how far you are willing to let her in...not her decision. That one is yours all by yourself. Don't let her set those standards of your heart. You are in control.

I have exes i would still give a kidney to if they needed it, and truthfully, i would most likely come to any of their aids if they really were in need. But, i know my limits and am not quite the naive person i once was.

Just go in with your eyes wide open and make sure you protect you.

Good luck!!!!!!

02-25-2012, 02:29 PM	#2
princessbelle Infamous Member How Do You Identify?: femme Preferred Pronoun?: femme ones Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Tennessee Posts: 6,100 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 29,380 Thanked 30,496 Times in 5,198 Posts Rep Power: 21474858	Yes yes and more yesess to the whole boundary idea. Don't just run out the door and greet her and rescue her and have your heart ripped to shreds. Make a deal with YOURSELF. Make your boundaries and stick to them. If it starts getting too much and those old feelings start to come up for air, step back. You can always be a friend without getting in too deep. It is your boundary that identifies how far you are willing to let her in...not her decision. That one is yours all by yourself. Don't let her set those standards of your heart. You are in control. I have exes i would still give a kidney to if they needed it, and truthfully, i would most likely come to any of their aids if they really were in need. But, i know my limits and am not quite the naive person i once was. Just go in with your eyes wide open and make sure you protect you. Good luck!!!!!! __________________ ~ I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel. ~ Maya Angelou

02-25-2012, 02:15 PM	#1
Daktari Guest Tournaments Won: 1 Posts: n/a My Photo Gallery	I think it's possible to be friends with exes when you don't want to 'save' them. That would bring up a huge red light and clanging of bells for me. I would also ask why are you the only person she can turn to after two years. Has she not got friends of her own; has she not built a life for herself? If not, why not? You say it wasn't a great relationship for you. Why let her back and bring up what will probably not be great memories for you? Just take some time to consider why she would say that you were the only person who cared for her? Maybe she knows the buttons she needs to press? Just a thought. Can I remind you that you/we cannot save anyone, they can only do that themselves by actively engaging in whatever problem they have and being proactive on their own behalf. You will do what you want to do but my counsel would be, tread carefully.