Privacy?

[Ginger]

Originally Posted by Apocalipstic

I could care less who sees me actually, I just thought it was so freakin cool when I won the lifetime membership and had more options!!! I love options.

I am not and have never tried to sneak around on here lol, but have heard the invisible thing mentioned by several people several times...so some people give wayyyyyyy more thought than I ever have.

So now everyone is making me wonder if I would participate differently on the site, if I were invisible. Is that what we used to call "lurking"? But "lurking" has negative connotations, and I think the invisibility we're talking about here, since condoned, and consensual in that everyone knows the deal, doesn't have any ethical problems associated with "lurking."

[LaneyDoll]

Originally Posted by IslandScout

So now everyone is making me wonder if I would participate differently on the site, if I were invisible. Is that what we used to call "lurking"? But "lurking" has negative connotations, and I think the invisibility we're talking about here, since condoned, and consensual in that everyone knows the deal, doesn't have any ethical problems associated with "lurking."

I know that I would be likely to. A lot of times, I will see that someone looked at my profile so I look at theirs. Or they have something interesting to say so I want to check them out further. But, knowing that they can see me look, makes me less willing to do so. I don't want there to be any assumptions about my intent since it is more curiousity than anything else.

[Corkey]

I don't care as to who visits my profile, the only one I do care about is my wife. Folks are gonna look folks up to post on their profile page so it automatically shows up, unless one is invisible. It's just an operating feature of the site.

[dixie]

Originally Posted by IslandScout

So now everyone is making me wonder if I would participate differently on the site, if I were invisible. Is that what we used to call "lurking"? But "lurking" has negative connotations, and I think the invisibility we're talking about here, since condoned, and consensual in that everyone knows the deal, doesn't have any ethical problems associated with "lurking."

Invisibility had no effect on my participation. I lurk whether I'm invisible or not (not in a bad way, I just like the term) lol

[Toughy]

Can a Sentinel (or above) member see who is invisible? If Apocalipstic is invisible, is she invisible to everyone or just invisible to those who don't have that capability?

I always took lurking to mean following a thread without posting in it.

And then there is 'threading stalking' a person. I thread stalk June because I like to read what she writes.....I have a long standing crush on the poodle and can't help myself....meaning I click on her name and click on the see more posts and then read everything she writes in every thread.

Going to the way back machine and seeing what Toughy posted 10 years ago is an eye opening experience...........laughin.....

[apretty]

yes but, do you pronounce it, 'prehvacee' or 'priiiiivacy'?

[girl_dee]

Sometimes i click a name somewhere along the line and end up on a profile by accident, and i figure that could be how they showed up on mine, i have never felt icky about anyone "being" on my page at all, what's to see anyway? Maybe i am just too boring!


i love the *who's online* function, i love that where we are lurking can be seen by anyone. i have made several posts and then sat viewing who's online and saw someone checking out all my posts, made me feel kinda special

i do follow some people because i find them interesting, or want to see what DaddiB is up to

[JustJo]

Originally Posted by Cajun_dee

Sometimes i click a name somewhere along the line and end up on a profile by accident, and i figure that could be how they showed up on mine

I do this ALL the time...and always end up feeling like I should leave a visitor message that says "sorry, butterfingers again "

[girl_dee]

Originally Posted by JustJo

I do this ALL the time...and always end up feeling like I should leave a visitor message that says "sorry, butterfingers again "

me too, sometimes i say *drive by HELLO!!!!*

maybe butterfingers would be better

[Soft*Silver]

I rather despise the fact that paid members can be invisible. It feels like I am not worthy of protection as an unpaid member. I know I am spied upon. There is a name that NEVER leaves my visitor list. But i also wonder who else watches me silently. It almost feels like how a set of dogs attacks..one from the rear, one in the front.

Yet I remain present. And I do not stop saying anything I want to say. If people want to keep tabs on me, so be it. I just hate that they can use that feature to do so. If I had the means to pay for a membership, i would, so i wouldn't feel shadowed. But not being able to isnt enough to keep me away from a site that otherwise, i feel comfortable in.

I go in the butt and fist threads. Hahaha. I make sure my silent watchers get their monies worth....

[apretty]

I want to speak to your accusations and loaded words, here.

There's some really strong, fierce individuals on this site that 'protect' themselves and each other as needed, daily. If you were treated unfairly or badly in some real situation I and many others would readily come to your defense, despite your conclusion that as a result of a paid-user option, you live in fear of being strategically attacked by a pack of dogs.

This is to say nothing of the real and actual concern that the site administrators give every member on a daily basis. Meaning that your accusations are offensive, given the spirit of the site, and that the owners and the administrators are people I know to care about you and every other member, long after most people would lose interest or tolerance for each of our mini-dramas, our bad days, our exes and their exes, real and imagined, etc.

Those are a couple of things that you might consider, or not.

Originally Posted by Miss_Tia

I rather despise the fact that paid members can be invisible. It feels like I am not worthy of protection as an unpaid member. I know I am spied upon. There is a name that NEVER leaves my visitor list. But i also wonder who else watches me silently. It almost feels like how a set of dogs attacks..one from the rear, one in the front.

[Novelafemme]

Originally Posted by Miss_Tia

I rather despise the fact that paid members can be invisible. It feels like I am not worthy of protection as an unpaid member. I know I am spied upon. There is a name that NEVER leaves my visitor list. But i also wonder who else watches me silently. It almost feels like how a set of dogs attacks..one from the rear, one in the front.

Yet I remain present. And I do not stop saying anything I want to say. If people want to keep tabs on me, so be it. I just hate that they can use that feature to do so. If I had the means to pay for a membership, i would, so i wouldn't feel shadowed. But not being able to isnt enough to keep me away from a site that otherwise, i feel comfortable in.

I go in the butt and fist threads. Hahaha. I make sure my silent watchers get their monies worth....

I have to wonder why you feel so watched, Miss_Tia? And what about someone visiting your page is so threatening to you? I visit a gazillion pages a day (just because I'm nosey like that) and the few times someone has questioned my intent, I simply answer honestly and make a mental note to respect said person's privacy.

I'm not sure if I am still invisible, but for a while I very much appreciated being able to log in here and know not everyone could see which threads I was visiting and where I was on the site. It was a vulnerable time for me. Now I don't feel so sensitive and I don't mind being observed in such a manner.

It is tricky trying to navigate the same space your ex occupies, but it can be done. For me the process has been about learning not to read everything through a "me" lens. And then, of course, being respectful of their right to move forward as they see fit, and vs-vs.

No one here has ever resembled a pack of dogs to me. I'm sorry you feel that way.

[foxyshaman]

I don't have any problems on here. After reading this thread, and this is the first time I have, I find the conversation interesting. Apparently, I am not that interesting. I don't think anyone follows me around.

Wait... .... I could take that personally and be all ... I...... could be boring...

[vixenagogo]

i do think that some people use the *invisible* feature with questionable intent. whether it is "spy" "keep tabs on" or to "silently intimidate" i have no real idea. if someone feels the need to have their travelings stealth...well that's cool. i am not a paid member. so the only way i know that someone is "squatting" on my profile is having a paid member look at my profile and tell me who is a permanent "resident". can i do anything about it? no. just ignore it. it is kind of creepy when they show up as viewing your profile on other sites though.

people are going to be curious and look. it's just how it is. but to discount how it makes someone feel...regardless of the metaphors used to describe those feelings... is not for us to decide right or wrong.

[Toughy]

Originally Posted by Miss_Tia

I rather despise the fact that paid members can be invisible. It feels like I am not worthy of protection as an unpaid member. I know I am spied upon. There is a name that NEVER leaves my visitor list. But i also wonder who else watches me silently. It almost feels like how a set of dogs attacks..one from the rear, one in the front.

Yet I remain present. And I do not stop saying anything I want to say. If people want to keep tabs on me, so be it. I just hate that they can use that feature to do so. If I had the means to pay for a membership, i would, so i wouldn't feel shadowed. But not being able to isnt enough to keep me away from a site that otherwise, i feel comfortable in.

I go in the butt and fist threads. Hahaha. I make sure my silent watchers get their monies worth....

little paranoid darlin??

I am a paid member, but not at a level that allows me to be invisible.

Have you contacted that individual and asked why they 'NEVER leave your visitor list'? Have you reported your concerns about the individual that 'NEVER leaves your visitor list' to the site owners/moderators?

You do realize that your post makes me want to go to your profile page at least once every day and figure out who this 'NEVER leaves your visitor list' might be. Matter of fact, after I hit the reply button I will make a visit to your profile page......shaking my head....

[Cin]

Maybe I’m missing something. I admit to being a bit odd so things that most people get easily, believe emphatically or see as reality I will probably not understand, think is crap or have a completely different take on. But to me it makes no sense to be concerned or feel unsafe or unprotected when people read what you post or look at your profile on a public forum. I mean this is a public forum and no one forces anyone to post on it. But once you do anybody and their grandmother can read whatever you post here without ever signing in. They can follow you around without you ever knowing they exist and read every single word you ever write, all day and all night, over and over a hundred times if they wish. And you might never know.

People who pay for memberships can do the same with the extra added bonus of not leaving a trail and getting to see your profile and your visitor’s page without showing up on it. Other members can just go to see your profile any time they want although they will leave a calling card so to speak. And everybody can read what you post with the exception of must be a member and logged in sections like the red zone. So anything you post there won’t be read by anyone who isn’t a member. But it doesn’t take a lot of fancy credentials and a background check by the FBI to get a membership. Therefore in reality, with a minimum of effort, anyone who wants to can read anything you post and your profile as well.

What puzzles the shit out of me is if this bothers someone in any meaningful way, why would they choose to post stuff on a public forum? Or fill in a profile page? I mean isn’t that the purpose of posting or putting stuff on your profile page? Isn’t it so that other people can read it? Isn’t this even the outcome that is hoped for? I mean how would it feel if no one ever looked at your profile page? That would suck a bit no? Or if no one ever read your posts? I mean sure, mostly I post for myself, but still I want people to read what I write. And I don’t need them to agree. I don’t even need them to like me or me to like them. Not that I can think of anyone off the top of my head that I don’t like. Truthfully I don’t know too many people on here. But regardless of who it is, I still want them to read what I write. I mean we can’t expect that only the people we like or approve of will be allowed to read our words. Or look at our public profile.

And what could possibly happen that we would need to be protected from people who go to read our profile? Even if they camp out there? It’s not like they can set booby traps for us and the next time we open our profiles our computers will explode or god forbid our keyboards blow up leaving our hands and fingers in shreds. I guess the people who don’t like us can glean information about us from the things we say, the threads we post in, the stuff we chose to read and the people who friend us, but seriously what can they do with this information? Other than make fun of us, talk about us with their friends behind or not so behind our backs, spread gossip and rumours about us and generally take every opportunity to bad mouth us whenever and wherever they can, what can they actually do? And the people who want to do shit like that will do it anyway with or without access to your posts, your profile or information about the threads you read.

[clay]

well spoken, Miss Tick!
I have one person who visits my page...every single day...but is a futile visit as what is there to see is limited to contacts and admin/mods!! It bothers me NOT!!! Besides I think that person has a secret crush on me..why else would they need a daily visit..grins...(make it a positive experience!!!)
I totally agree with you...we all know it is a public forum, and we all know what we post is accessible by anyone....so why post if you are worried about being read by anyone else?
It doesn't bother me that the benefits of higher paid memberships have the "invisible" feature. That is one of the perks of the extra membership level. Anyone who chooses has that opportunity. Of course, I am not able to afford a paid one at this time, so I am quite pleased we do have the free one available, and I have never been treated any differently than the paid members are. I am most grateful to Admin. for this perk...CIJS I LOVE the Planet!!!
I also fail to see how it is "stalking" if one chooses to read someone's posts, or maybe goes to visit their page...I go look at profiles or to leave a visitor's message...as I can't always "remember" where they may live, or I may go to click on their statistics page to follow their posts...we have some amazingly talented writers, and some people who are just beautiful with their words.....wit...and knowledge....I don't see the fact I go to read their posts, or subscribe to them, that is "stalking"....I don't think along those lines...I think along lines of "gee I sure do like their posts, or gee I sure do love their wisdom....instead of a negative sense. And I am an open book, so I write from my heart and want others to read it if they enjoy my words. It is flattering to me if they do visit my page, my posts, and leave me user reps..or not.
Anyway, my point is..if I don't want to be seen, then I don't stand in front of a window!...smiles....

[apretty]

There's a minimum of 5 members (that I can see) that have recently looked at my profile--I don't know them, I think nothing of it--I hardly think they have sinister intentions, maybe they found a post interesting/stupid/amazing/strange, maybe they want my body and want to know if I'm single, maybe they're just curious about other members of the community in other parts of the world--Maybe they wonder how E puts up with me! (My therapist doesn't allow the what-if game so I am really going to town, here!)

Also, I randomly look at profiles and also think nothing of it--I had NO IDEA that it caused some such duress, I guess I didn't think anyone thought of me as important enough to think about, let alone apply some meaning over a peek at their profile--Which could even have been accidental as (the same with what someone else posted, above) if I have a few minutes to kill and I use my phone to read the site, I will likely have viewed a couple of profiles, unintentionally.

*Given this new information, I will try not to antagonize anyone by reading their super-secret profile with my spidery eyes.

[Toughy]

Originally Posted by Miss Tick

Maybe I’m missing something.

I snipped the rest of your post......it was far too logical. Logic never runs high on the list of folks who think there is privacy on the interwebz.

[girl_dee]

Originally Posted by June

Sentinels and Lifetime members can see folks who are also Sentinels and Lifetime members, even if they choose to use the invisibility feature. They show up with a * behind their name on the member list to the left for me. The Mods and Admins can see everyone who's online at anytime, even if they're invisible.

dixie* <---like that.

We can also see what folks are doing in the "Who's Online". That's why sometimes you'll get a little note from one of us because we feel you're spending too much time searching the posts of your ex, or your exes new "friend" when we've asked you not to.

Who else wonders what Toughy wants?

*Friend* ? that's cute, my mom still uses that. Hehe