Stone Femme?

[DapperButch]

Originally Posted by boobookitty

Yes, this is the type of woman I learned to address as Ice Queen or Ice Princess, (different than a pillow queen/ pillow princess)

boobookitty, is this what the women call themselves? It sounds like a derogatory word; I have never heard it before.

Originally Posted by CherylNYC

I'm a stonefemme in the first variety, too. Meaning, I have a strong boundary around touching or penetrating a partner's genitalia. BUT, I don't really ID as queer. I sometimes use that word to be inclusive and because it's easy, but it implies an opennes to other genders which I don't really have.

I'm a woman who partners with women, (very, very butch women, but women none the less), which makes me a lesbian. Now that 'lesbian' seems to be an embattled ID within b/f circles, I've become far more cranky about insisting upon using it.

For what it is worth, Cheryl, I have never regarded this being an automatic thing and had no idea that others thought this.

[CherylNYC]

Originally Posted by DapperButch

boobookitty, is this what the women call themselves? It sounds like a derogatory word; I have never heard it before.



For what it is worth, Cheryl, I have never regarded this being an automatic thing and had no idea that others thought this.

I think 'queer' has been embraced by many young people because it's non gender specific, and in some circles claiming a gender has become, well, uncool. (I also think it's attractive partly because it presents an easy solution to the awkward linguistics of LGBTI alphabet soup, but that's not really relevant to this post.) In my experience, the non-gendered word, 'queer', does invite the assumption that the femme who IDs as such would be open to a relationship with males, (trans men or male IDed people). I am not interested in any kind of male. I'm strictly interested in butch women, so I think using queer would be disingenuous for me.

It's been my experience lately that many of the people who ID as queer, do so as a f**k u and your gender, in-yer-face, kind of political statement. Believe it or not, some straight people have even started to call themselves queer. I think, though I can't speak for all of them, that some may do so because they think they're being supportive. Kind of like, "I'm Spartacus". Of course, I find it as offensive as white people calling themselves POCs in a misguided attempt to create solidarity. There are also straight people within the BDSM community who call themselves queer because they think 'queer' should encompass all sexual minorities. Don't get me wrong- I don't think either practice is AT ALL widespread! I sometimes travel in circles that encompass extreme ends of the sexual minority spectrum. Those are the circles within which I've had a few very surprising conversations with people who don't use 'queer' in ways I can relate to.

Regardless of how other people use 'queer', it's not an accurate descriptor for me.

[DapperButch]

Cheryl, I misunderstood what you were saying. I thought you were saying that you thought most viewed stone femmes as being open to dating people other than women identified females. I now understand you were speaking of the descriptor queer.

[Gemme]

Originally Posted by DapperButch

boobookitty, is this what the women call themselves? It sounds like a derogatory word; I have never heard it before.

For many, it is. Pillow princess, pillow queen, ice princess....et cetera.

I know that waaaaay before I figured out I was a Stone Femme, I was told that I was a pillow princess and it wasn't a term of affection. It came hand in hand with the terms 'selfish' and 'defective'.

[boobookitty]

Originally Posted by DapperButch

boobookitty, is this what the women call themselves? It sounds like a derogatory word; I have never heard it before.

YES! that was how she disscribed herself, with great pride and self confidence.
It was at first an insult from a man, whom she had told she was not interested.
Her manner of dress and expression is very feminie and sexually confident. Frankly she liked the effect she had on men (and women) ... Yet, there was to be no touching her... just watching.

I know that using the word, "queen" can be used/taken as an insult, in gay culture has a suggestion of maleness, (because dragqueen is so well known) ... and I will be honest, I adored my 'pillow princess' until she asked to let her husband join us, ...ah, NO.

Since than I have at times refered to her as a 'pillow queen' ... when I was miffed at her.

When I think Ice Princess, I think of all the most beautiful art, lovely to see and impossible to touch or possess. VERY much a compliment!

came back to add: think of the most beautiul female form you can imagine, sculpted in ice (or glass) ... but 'ice' suggest to me you can't keep her... to touch her is to loose her... I don't know but I suspect most pass as straight ...(romanic sigh)