Stone Femme?

[Cid]

Originally Posted by SweetJane

As I posted in another thread, I have appreciated the freedom that an identity serves. When I came to the insight that I was a stone femme, it explained a lot and allowed me to accept all that I was and what I could give---without guilt. That's the big thing here.

Being stone sets boundaries. But in some circles where there is little understanding, it makes us selfish or cold in some way.

There is another connection in stone intimacy that we don't talk about. That "energy" that emerges between two stones is more than just lust. Sometimes it takes on a spiritual note because of the level of trust that is being offered. And if that couple explores areas that slip beyond vanilla, the trust and caring is magnified.

But finding that counterpart is a challenge. I am reluctant to mingle in the wider lesbian community in real time and lead with my heart because I do not want to become fond of someone, knowing I can't deliver what they want and need.

It is often a lonely road we stones walk, ever alert for that person who is our complement. But that is also what makes us who we are.

I just started reading this part of the board and I'm so glad I took the time. I've struggled with this for a long time. When I first started dating a woman she was a stone butch. I didn't really know anything about anything at that time, but I did know that having sex with her was amazing. At the same time, I felt like I was being selfish and that I wasn't doing what I needed to do to please her. It took quite a bit of convincing, but I got it. After that, the sex was so amazing. And as you said Jane, the energy was like nothing I've ever felt before. I felt like I could fly, it was so intense.

When we parted, I started dating a butch, but she wasn't stone. I tried to please her, but it was more of a struggle for me and I just couldn't do it. Eventually that partnership ended. I knew that I couldn't give her what she need or wanted and the guilt made it too hard to live with.

So now I know that I'm not defining myself by what someone else wants, it's what I want. And the best thing about it, is that I don't have to feel guilty about it.

[DapperButch]

Originally Posted by Cid

So now I know that I'm not defining myself by what someone else wants, it's what I want. And the best thing about it, is that I don't have to feel guilty about it.

Love the sense of empowerment in this statement!

[ValKyrie]

Wow... this has been really amazing for me to read. Up until a little more then a year ago, I had never heard the word stone in relation to butch and femme. I was pretty sheltered, though. Even though I have known that I preferred women (the butch kind) since I was a teenager, I only just came out last August. I've been married twice to bio men, and have had sex with a lot of bio men, trying to convince myself that I really was hetero. I have had a lot of secret trysts with butches over the years before I came out, but I still never heard the term stone.

As I am reading these threads about stonefemme and stone butch, I am realizing that I really fit here. I was drawn to these threads because I am currently in a committed relationship with a stone butch, and it has been hard to find others who understand what that is. And after reading I'm starting to wonder if I am stonefemme. I LOVE being with my guy! She rocks my world in ways I didn't know were possible. At first it was difficult for me to understand that she didn't want me to touch her certain ways, or only wanted me to touch her in certain places if she actually put my hand there, and she told me before we ever had sex that she never wanted to recieve oral or be penetrated in any way. I had the kind of mindset that I needed to please my sexual partners, and if I didn't instigate touching her that I wasn't really pleasing her. She was really patient and gentle with me and I came to an understanding about what pleases her.

So on to me and my possible stoness (is that a word? ha!)... Being with my stone, I have discovered what it is to feel true pleasure. I have struggled with past sexual encounters, to reach an orgasm. In my current relationship I am multiple orgasmic. I have reached an orgasm just from her whispering in my ear and telling me to cum. Thinking about it, I really think it has to do with being able to let go and just be in the moment with my partner. I don't spend the whole time thinking about whether I'm touching them right, or if they like what I am doing. I don't have to guess. I am realizing that in the past, I did so many things with partners, that I really didn't like, didn't feel comfortable with, or just plain disgusted me. But I did it, because I felt like I had to please my partner. With my current partner, it really gets me off to know that she gets so caught up in my pleasure that she is pleased. I don't have to think about every little touch, or sound I make. I can let go and just feel and react to her, and if she wants more or different she shows me what it is. I can't imagine going back to being with someone who was not stone. I don't want to wear a strap on... not ever! And I have found that I like touching her in some areas but only when she is guiding me and showing me and telling me. Maybe it has more to do with a dominance thing? I am really fierce and more dominant outside of the bedroom, but I am really submissive when it comes to sex.

So I still don't know for sure... I don't really like labels, but it is relieving to find others who feel similar to me. Thank you... I will continue to read and absorb from this weatlh of information and experience.

[Jhenay]

Hi there,
I just started making postings tonight. ValKyrie, your post could have almost been my own. I fell for a Stone Butch top a couple years ago, and I was hooked. Until then I had only been involved with men, and unhappily so. Unfortunately the distance was a deal breaker, though we have remained best friends.

When I started dating again at 50, I knew I would probably never again be attracted to a man...beyond a certain point. But trying to find a stone butch on a dating site....is the proverbial needle in a haystack!

I absolutely LOVE stone butch, especially dominant ones with a little "edge". And I really HATE the term "pillow princess". As if the Stone Femme is always selfish and has nothing to give back. Sure there are women like that, lesbian or straight... but I love to make my stone butch partner happy....in whatever ways hys heart desires.

[sofimichi]

I think that butch-femme dynamics are fascinating. However, I feel that the term "stone" femme is far too confusing because it can relate to
1) being "stone" or being a Top and Dominant
or, 2) being reciprocal to a "stone" partner.
Can i humbly propose "feather" as a term for the reciprocal partner? I think it's a funny nod to the idea of being a "pillow queen" as well as being reciprocally "soft" for a "hard" partner.
(I don't mean any disrespect, I just have the hardest time following this thread!)

[Redsunflower]

I love this site and have particularly loved this thread. The reason is that without this safe place, I would have never have learned about my own sexuality or succeeded in correctly identifying, without shame, my own needs and desires, and the potential partners with whom I may fit.

I am a stone femme and proud.

Love to you all.

[Red Dirt Girl]

Originally Posted by Redsunflower

I love this site and have particularly loved this thread. The reason is that without this safe place, I would have never have learned about my own sexuality or succeeded in correctly identifying, without shame, my own needs and desires, and the potential partners with whom I may fit.

I am a stone femme and proud.

Love to you all.

Yes! Yes! Yes! As I've said before, it was such a joy and relief to discover that stone femme was an option, and that it was a preferred option for some partners. Yay for enlightenment and embracing ourselves!!!