Asking for help.

aishah · 03-23-2012, 04:06 PM

*hugs* thank you both. the comments are really helpful. i'm encouraging him to try and appeal it, but he has to get support from his doctors to be able to go up against the insurance company, and the doctors he works with directly (who are residents) are supportive but their attendings (who would probably be the ones dealing with the insurance company) are not so supportive. we're going to call the fan free clinic on monday to see if they have any ideas, too.

i'm really angry and frustrated right now. people see suicide as some sad tragedy, but in this case, i'm having a really hard time talking him down from an incredibly depressed place, because i know what it is like to want to kill yourself because you don't have access to health care - i've been there with other conditions. i'm just...angry. i'm angry (at the medical industrial complex) that so many trans people commit suicide because of this and it's completely avoidable.

i don't think that there is a huge mental health crisis right now (i don't think that he needs to be hospitalized or anything, i don't want to alarm anyone), but we've had a lot of ups and downs mental health wise over this every time there's been some sort of positive change and then another barrier comes up. and it's becoming harder and harder to think positively or try another option when it seems like none of the options are working.

princessbelle · 03-23-2012, 04:31 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by aishah

*hugs* thank you both. the comments are really helpful. i'm encouraging him to try and appeal it, but he has to get support from his doctors to be able to go up against the insurance company, and the doctors he works with directly (who are residents) are supportive but their attendings (who would probably be the ones dealing with the insurance company) are not so supportive. we're going to call the fan free clinic on monday to see if they have any ideas, too.

i'm really angry and frustrated right now. people see suicide as some sad tragedy, but in this case, i'm having a really hard time talking him down from an incredibly depressed place, because i know what it is like to want to kill yourself because you don't have access to health care - i've been there with other conditions. i'm just...angry. i'm angry (at the medical industrial complex) that so many trans people commit suicide because of this and it's completely avoidable.

i don't think that there is a huge mental health crisis right now (i don't think that he needs to be hospitalized or anything, i don't want to alarm anyone), but we've had a lot of ups and downs mental health wise over this every time there's been some sort of positive change and then another barrier comes up. and it's becoming harder and harder to think positively or try another option when it seems like none of the options are working.

Rather personal but ....is he taking any antidepressants? Maybe try and utilize what insurance will pay for and at least get that. If he is that depressed, he really should talk to someone and find a support group and quick. Even if they are not noted to be trans friendly, the mention that he may be suicidal sent my red flag waving high. It sounds like a desperate situation and maybe should treat with some "life worthy" therapy at the very least.

Another thought...have either of you tried writing to the drug companies that furnish the T? I am almost positive they run into this and may know of a possible solution for you or at least may be a guide. You would be surprised how many of my patients get free meds just by sending an email to the makers of a medication and explaining how they cannot afford it.

But the suicide mention still makes me uncomfortable...please try and see that he gets some type of help even if it is just someone professional to talk to.

Please keep us informed and another huge hug to you hon.

aishah · 03-23-2012, 08:42 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by princessbelle

Rather personal but ....is he taking any antidepressants? Maybe try and utilize what insurance will pay for and at least get that. If he is that depressed, he really should talk to someone and find a support group and quick. Even if they are not noted to be trans friendly, the mention that he may be suicidal sent my red flag waving high. It sounds like a desperate situation and maybe should treat with some "life worthy" therapy at the very least.

Another thought...have either of you tried writing to the drug companies that furnish the T? I am almost positive they run into this and may know of a possible solution for you or at least may be a guide. You would be surprised how many of my patients get free meds just by sending an email to the makers of a medication and explaining how they cannot afford it.

But the suicide mention still makes me uncomfortable...please try and see that he gets some type of help even if it is just someone professional to talk to.

Please keep us informed and another huge hug to you hon.

thanks love. i really appreciate it.

he was in a really bad dissociative headspace earlier but he's feeling more positive about it now. he can possibly pay out of pocket for the t (he has a little bit of money saved) if he can get them to teach him how to do the shots so he can do them at home - i'm hoping that might work while we work on appealing to the insurance company.

he's not on anti-ds - he's been on them in the past but they interact really badly with his seizure meds. he is in a counseling program for anxiety currently so i'm hoping he can get some support through that. i tried to get him into the free psych clinic at uva (where i went when i lived there) but unfortunately they turned him down because his case was "too complex." he'll have better counseling resources on campus when he starts school again in the fall, but that's not much help right now :\

the closest transgender support group is in richmond, which is where most of his close-by trans friends live (they all go to the fan free clinic for their t, from what i understand). but he's a bit isolated unfortunately as he can't drive. he has reached out to them online i think, so that helps.

Liam · 03-23-2012, 04:33 PM

I realise that you and your partner are not in Colorado, but you might want to give the Gender Identity Center of Colorado, a call or send them an email. They might be aware of resources that you aren't, and they're an extremely compassionate and helpful bunch of folks.

303-202-6466
info@gicofcolo.org

Best of luck to both of you.

Random · 03-23-2012, 04:44 PM

One of my ex has GID and said there was a *easy* test...

Close your eyes and picture yourself in your mind...

Are you a girl or a boy or are you both?

I don't know if it's true or not... I see a girl when I think of myself..

But it popped into my head while I was reading your thread...

SelfMadeMan · 03-23-2012, 07:58 PM

I'm waiting to hear back from a couple of contacts about possible resources, but in the meantime, I did find that UVA has a Queer Student Union that has meetings and seems like lots of resources locally, and it isn't a student only group, but also welcomes community members as well. They have a website at: http://www.queeratuva.com/ - and if it's anything like the Queer group on my campus, he will find it to be a wonderful resource! I'll keep poking around and if I hear back from my contacts, I'll let you know!

aishah · 03-23-2012, 08:25 PM

we have both been involved with the uva queer community for a long time. my partner is the queer health coordinator person this year. the current leadership of qsu is really transphobic (going so far as to refer to my partner as "it" and dehumanize him in front of us, posting transphobic messages on facebook, etc.), unfortunately. the lgbt resource center is a bit better but there's not much in the way of trans* resources...there are a couple of other openly trans people in the community that we're friends with. but most trans folks i know in c-ville have found the university and the city as a whole to be a somewhat unfriendly place to live as a trans person, unfortunately :\

thank you so much for checking into other resources! i really appreciate it.

Random · 03-23-2012, 08:43 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Random

One of my ex has GID and said there was a *easy* test...

Close your eyes and picture yourself in your mind...

Are you a girl or a boy or are you both?

I don't know if it's true or not... I see a girl when I think of myself..

But it popped into my head while I was reading your thread...

I'm sorry, I put this in the wrong thread... Not sure how it happened as I don't remember being in this thread...

aishah · 03-23-2012, 08:44 PM

that's okay! hehehehe. <3

aishah · 03-23-2012, 09:49 PM

i also wanted to say thank you. i'm really grateful to you all and to have this space. i was freaking out a bit earlier and we're both still stressed but we're feeling much better now. the support means a lot. <3

Corkey · 03-23-2012, 09:58 PM

Maybe he would like to be a part of our community?

03-23-2012, 04:33 PM	#4
Liam Senior Member How Do You Identify?: Guy Preferred Pronoun?: He, Him, His Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: The Evergreen State Posts: 2,269 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 14,865 Thanked 6,875 Times in 1,861 Posts Rep Power: 21474854	I realise that you and your partner are not in Colorado, but you might want to give the Gender Identity Center of Colorado, a call or send them an email. They might be aware of resources that you aren't, and they're an extremely compassionate and helpful bunch of folks. 303-202-6466 info@gicofcolo.org Best of luck to both of you. __________________ <3 Love is weird.

03-23-2012, 04:44 PM	#5
Random Senior Member How Do You Identify?: femme Relationship Status: Married Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: back in the land of trees and snow Posts: 2,072 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 8,017 Thanked 5,327 Times in 1,378 Posts Rep Power: 21474854	One of my ex has GID and said there was a easy test... Close your eyes and picture yourself in your mind... Are you a girl or a boy or are you both? I don't know if it's true or not... I see a girl when I think of myself.. But it popped into my head while I was reading your thread... __________________ ~Volunteer~ "It gets in your blood"

03-23-2012, 09:58 PM	#11
Corkey Infamous Member How Do You Identify?: Human Preferred Pronoun?: He Relationship Status: Very Married Join Date: Dec 2009 Location: Where I want to be Posts: 8,155 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 47,491 Thanked 29,268 Times in 6,637 Posts Rep Power: 21474859	Maybe he would like to be a part of our community? __________________ "Many proposals have been made to us to adopt your laws, your religion, your manners and your customs. We would be better pleased with beholding the good effects of these doctrines in your own practices, than with hearing you talk about them". ~Old Tassel, Chief of the Tsalagi (Cherokee)

03-23-2012, 04:06 PM	#1
aishah Member How Do You Identify?: queer stone femme shark baby girl Preferred Pronoun?: she, her, little one Relationship Status: dating myself. Join Date: Jan 2012 Location: dallas, tx Posts: 1,495 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 13,823 Thanked 6,440 Times in 1,288 Posts Rep Power: 21474851	hugs thank you both. the comments are really helpful. i'm encouraging him to try and appeal it, but he has to get support from his doctors to be able to go up against the insurance company, and the doctors he works with directly (who are residents) are supportive but their attendings (who would probably be the ones dealing with the insurance company) are not so supportive. we're going to call the fan free clinic on monday to see if they have any ideas, too. i'm really angry and frustrated right now. people see suicide as some sad tragedy, but in this case, i'm having a really hard time talking him down from an incredibly depressed place, because i know what it is like to want to kill yourself because you don't have access to health care - i've been there with other conditions. i'm just...angry. i'm angry (at the medical industrial complex) that so many trans people commit suicide because of this and it's completely avoidable. i don't think that there is a huge mental health crisis right now (i don't think that he needs to be hospitalized or anything, i don't want to alarm anyone), but we've had a lot of ups and downs mental health wise over this every time there's been some sort of positive change and then another barrier comes up. and it's becoming harder and harder to think positively or try another option when it seems like none of the options are working.

03-23-2012, 07:58 PM	#6
SelfMadeMan Member How Do You Identify?: Transsexual Man Preferred Pronoun?: Male Relationship Status: Married to The Woman of My Dreams <3 Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Minnesota Posts: 802 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 796 Thanked 2,668 Times in 527 Posts Rep Power: 18972345	I'm waiting to hear back from a couple of contacts about possible resources, but in the meantime, I did find that UVA has a Queer Student Union that has meetings and seems like lots of resources locally, and it isn't a student only group, but also welcomes community members as well. They have a website at: http://www.queeratuva.com/ - and if it's anything like the Queer group on my campus, he will find it to be a wonderful resource! I'll keep poking around and if I hear back from my contacts, I'll let you know!

03-23-2012, 08:25 PM	#7
aishah Member How Do You Identify?: queer stone femme shark baby girl Preferred Pronoun?: she, her, little one Relationship Status: dating myself. Join Date: Jan 2012 Location: dallas, tx Posts: 1,495 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 13,823 Thanked 6,440 Times in 1,288 Posts Rep Power: 21474851	we have both been involved with the uva queer community for a long time. my partner is the queer health coordinator person this year. the current leadership of qsu is really transphobic (going so far as to refer to my partner as "it" and dehumanize him in front of us, posting transphobic messages on facebook, etc.), unfortunately. the lgbt resource center is a bit better but there's not much in the way of trans* resources...there are a couple of other openly trans people in the community that we're friends with. but most trans folks i know in c-ville have found the university and the city as a whole to be a somewhat unfriendly place to live as a trans person, unfortunately :\ thank you so much for checking into other resources! i really appreciate it.

03-23-2012, 08:44 PM	#9
aishah Member How Do You Identify?: queer stone femme shark baby girl Preferred Pronoun?: she, her, little one Relationship Status: dating myself. Join Date: Jan 2012 Location: dallas, tx Posts: 1,495 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 13,823 Thanked 6,440 Times in 1,288 Posts Rep Power: 21474851	that's okay! hehehehe. <3

03-23-2012, 09:49 PM	#10
aishah Member How Do You Identify?: queer stone femme shark baby girl Preferred Pronoun?: she, her, little one Relationship Status: dating myself. Join Date: Jan 2012 Location: dallas, tx Posts: 1,495 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 13,823 Thanked 6,440 Times in 1,288 Posts Rep Power: 21474851	i also wanted to say thank you. i'm really grateful to you all and to have this space. i was freaking out a bit earlier and we're both still stressed but we're feeling much better now. the support means a lot. <3