Insecurities; I worry that women won't/don't like me

Chancie · 03-29-2012, 07:14 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by guihong

...except many people don't accept drinks like that anymore.

At the Reunion, where obviously I already knew everyone was gay, a Butch just came up and simply said "Hi, I'm _____". Simple (unless you're very shy).

Why not? The truth is I don't spend much time in bars.

I'm not very shy in general, but

It would be very hard for me to go up to a stranger to chat or ask them to dance.

I was thinking the bartender would be breaking the ice.

I did initiate contact with Pete, but

She was talking with someone I knew, and

I was with a group of friends.

Gráinne · 03-29-2012, 07:38 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Chancie

Why not? The truth is I don't spend much time in bars.

I'm not very shy in general, but

It would be very hard for me to go up to a stranger to chat or ask them to dance.

I was thinking the bartender would be breaking the ice.

I did initiate contact with Pete, but

She was talking with someone I knew, and

I was with a group of friends.

I don't spend time in bars, either. I should qualify my statement by saying "no one I know accepts a drink sent over; they are too afraid of tampering". I know I wouldn't.

I can't approach anyone to save my life, but if I did, I would use Random's approach.

Glenn · 03-29-2012, 07:46 PM

[QUOTE=guihong;555760]I don't spend time in bars, either. I should qualify my statement by saying "no one I know accepts a drink sent over; they are too afraid of tampering". I know I wouldn't.

I don't go to bars either, but if a bartender made the drink themself, and served it to me, or had someone they knew serve it to me, how could it be tampered with?

Gráinne · 03-29-2012, 07:54 PM

I'm just saying it's my rule that I don't accept drinks sent over. Besides my maybe irrational fear of tampering, sometimes it comes with strings attached and I don't want to invite contact.

I think we're getting away from Dancer's question

.

LaneyDoll · 03-29-2012, 07:57 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by guihong

I'm just saying it's my rule that I don't accept drinks sent over. Besides my maybe irrational fear of tampering, sometimes it comes with strings attached and I don't want to invite contact.

I think we're getting away from Dancer's question

.

I have had a drink tampered with and I lost a weekend because of it.

But, back to the topic...

If you are hanging out at a bar, make friends with the staff. It never hurts for the bartender to know that you are "family" AND single AND possibly looking. Additionally, they might steer away from someone that you really do not want/need to get too close to.

Soft*Silver · 03-29-2012, 08:03 PM

forget the drink. Next time s/he looks over at you, take out your hankie and drop it intentionally while looking at her/him. Smile and then turn away without picking it up.

If you want to dance, dance...

Lazy Daze · 03-29-2012, 08:06 PM

I will also add.. there are plenty of places to look for a potential partner that are Not gay bars! I don't know where you are from, but in Indiana they had "lesbian" meetings, support groups, meet n greets, through the GLBT and here in Florida they have a group called ProSuzy that has meetings, outings, dinners, potlucks, camping trips, sporting events, dances etc that are for gay women (single and couples). Just a helpful hint....

Chancie · 03-29-2012, 08:16 PM

I agree. Bars are not the only place to make friends or to meet someone special though they may be the only game in town in some places. I met Pete in a cafe, and that relaxed atmosphere suits me fine.

Christy51274 · 03-30-2012, 05:22 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by LaneyDoll

I have had a drink tampered with and I lost a weekend because of it.

But, back to the topic...

If you are hanging out at a bar, make friends with the staff. It never hurts for the bartender to know that you are "family" AND single AND possibly looking. Additionally, they might steer away from someone that you really do not want/need to get too close to.

That makes total sense. Wonder why I never thought of that before? LOL

LaneyDoll · 03-30-2012, 05:38 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Christy51274

That makes total sense. Wonder why I never thought of that before? LOL

I have friends that work at alt bars. They are even on my FB page-lol. It is a good way to keep up with them AND what is going on where they work.

Lazy Daze · 03-29-2012, 07:54 PM

Its called the 2x4 syndrome, and sometimes us femmes have to just swing that board hard and pray for the best! Trust me, I worked in a male dominate environment and was asked out and flirted with by mostly men. Politely reject them, and leave it at that. You don't need rainbow flags or anything of the likes... have confidence (most butches find this very attractive), and go up to the butch and say Hi. Flirt your heart out, and if all else fails.. swing that 2x4 hard and tell said Butch you would like to go to dinner (or whatever)! There are no rules in any book that says a butch has to ask out the femme... if that were the case, many of us would still be single! lol

03-29-2012, 07:46 PM	#3
Glenn Senior Member How Do You Identify?: Ol butch bones. Preferred Pronoun?: Old thing Relationship Status: Too old to play. Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: :rolleyes: Posts: 1,547 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 3,602 Thanked 3,729 Times in 1,095 Posts Rep Power: 21474853	[QUOTE=guihong;555760]I don't spend time in bars, either. I should qualify my statement by saying "no one I know accepts a drink sent over; they are too afraid of tampering". I know I wouldn't. I don't go to bars either, but if a bartender made the drink themself, and served it to me, or had someone they knew serve it to me, how could it be tampered with? __________________ 1 Kings 19:12

03-29-2012, 07:54 PM	#4
Gráinne Senior Member How Do You Identify?: Neither, nada, out of the box Preferred Pronoun?: My name always works Relationship Status: Happy whatever happens Join Date: Dec 2010 Location: Little Rock Posts: 1,864 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 2,118 Thanked 7,386 Times in 1,457 Posts Rep Power: 21474852	I'm just saying it's my rule that I don't accept drinks sent over. Besides my maybe irrational fear of tampering, sometimes it comes with strings attached and I don't want to invite contact. I think we're getting away from Dancer's question . __________________ The odds of going to the store for a loaf of bread and coming out with only a loaf of bread are three billion to one. ~Erma Bombeck

03-29-2012, 08:03 PM	#6
SoftSilver Infamous Member How Do You Identify?: femme Preferred Pronoun?: she Relationship Status: Married Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: rose cottage Posts: 5,594 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 8,948 Thanked 15,897 Times in 4,064 Posts Rep Power*: 21474857	forget the drink. Next time s/he looks over at you, take out your hankie and drop it intentionally while looking at her/him. Smile and then turn away without picking it up. If you want to dance, dance... __________________ Pole bachit, a lis chuye. The field sees, the forest hears

03-29-2012, 08:06 PM	#7
Lazy Daze Member How Do You Identify?: * Preferred Pronoun?: * Relationship Status: * Join Date: Sep 2011 Location: * Posts: 1,036 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 1,665 Thanked 2,808 Times in 745 Posts Rep Power: 21474852	I will also add.. there are plenty of places to look for a potential partner that are Not gay bars! I don't know where you are from, but in Indiana they had "lesbian" meetings, support groups, meet n greets, through the GLBT and here in Florida they have a group called ProSuzy that has meetings, outings, dinners, potlucks, camping trips, sporting events, dances etc that are for gay women (single and couples). Just a helpful hint.... __________________ *In a world where you can be anything..be Yourself*

03-29-2012, 07:54 PM	#11
Lazy Daze Member How Do You Identify?: * Preferred Pronoun?: * Relationship Status: * Join Date: Sep 2011 Location: * Posts: 1,036 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 1,665 Thanked 2,808 Times in 745 Posts Rep Power: 21474852	Its called the 2x4 syndrome, and sometimes us femmes have to just swing that board hard and pray for the best! Trust me, I worked in a male dominate environment and was asked out and flirted with by mostly men. Politely reject them, and leave it at that. You don't need rainbow flags or anything of the likes... have confidence (most butches find this very attractive), and go up to the butch and say Hi. Flirt your heart out, and if all else fails.. swing that 2x4 hard and tell said Butch you would like to go to dinner (or whatever)! There are no rules in any book that says a butch has to ask out the femme... if that were the case, many of us would still be single! lol __________________ *In a world where you can be anything..be Yourself*

03-29-2012, 08:16 PM	#8
Chancie Senior Member How Do You Identify?: queer femme-inist Relationship Status: I'm lucky. Join Date: May 2010 Location: Western Mass Posts: 3,774 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 9,518 Thanked 14,540 Times in 2,744 Posts Rep Power: 21474855	I agree. Bars are not the only place to make friends or to meet someone special though they may be the only game in town in some places. I met Pete in a cafe, and that relaxed atmosphere suits me fine.