Insecurities; I worry that women won't/don't like me

Gráinne · 03-29-2012, 07:54 PM

I'm just saying it's my rule that I don't accept drinks sent over. Besides my maybe irrational fear of tampering, sometimes it comes with strings attached and I don't want to invite contact.

I think we're getting away from Dancer's question

.

LaneyDoll · 03-29-2012, 07:57 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by guihong

I'm just saying it's my rule that I don't accept drinks sent over. Besides my maybe irrational fear of tampering, sometimes it comes with strings attached and I don't want to invite contact.

I think we're getting away from Dancer's question

.

I have had a drink tampered with and I lost a weekend because of it.

But, back to the topic...

If you are hanging out at a bar, make friends with the staff. It never hurts for the bartender to know that you are "family" AND single AND possibly looking. Additionally, they might steer away from someone that you really do not want/need to get too close to.

Soft*Silver · 03-29-2012, 08:03 PM

forget the drink. Next time s/he looks over at you, take out your hankie and drop it intentionally while looking at her/him. Smile and then turn away without picking it up.

If you want to dance, dance...

Lazy Daze · 03-29-2012, 08:06 PM

I will also add.. there are plenty of places to look for a potential partner that are Not gay bars! I don't know where you are from, but in Indiana they had "lesbian" meetings, support groups, meet n greets, through the GLBT and here in Florida they have a group called ProSuzy that has meetings, outings, dinners, potlucks, camping trips, sporting events, dances etc that are for gay women (single and couples). Just a helpful hint....

Chancie · 03-29-2012, 08:16 PM

I agree. Bars are not the only place to make friends or to meet someone special though they may be the only game in town in some places. I met Pete in a cafe, and that relaxed atmosphere suits me fine.

Just_G · 03-29-2012, 09:16 PM

For me, all it takes is some good eye contact and a smile! If I see that, I will come up and talk to you in a heartbeat, ask you to dance if we are in a club, or just continue flirting across the room....all because you sent me a good signal.

I get that people are shy...I know I sure can be, depending on where I am. (shocking, I know!)

You don't need to change the way you dress, or even tote around a rainbow flag...if you see a butch that interests you, flirt. Smile. Say hi. The simplest of gestures to a butch makes all the difference in the world...at least to this butch!

(not all of us like to be hit with lumber...we can take subtle hints and flirt back from there...lol)

Quintease · 03-30-2012, 12:37 PM

I pulled all of my partners in seedy bars. Even my current partner was someone I kissed while mashed into an all dyke group in a dark and smoky venue.

The easiest way to pull someone is indeed, 'Hi'. It is also incredibly scary and don't let anyone tell you otherwise! I used to run on the premise that once she(or he) noticed that I'd opened my mouth to speak to him/her, then I had to continue or risk looking the fool.

Most people were polite. One person rolled her eyes and turned her back on me. Quite a few people were charmed

If nothing else it teaches you humility. When someone starts flirting with me now I always give them a moment, even if I'm not interested in them. Partly because I like the attention and partly because I know how much it stings to be instantly rejected.

CA_BabyCakes · 03-30-2012, 02:11 PM

I always have the same problem, or the only time i get approached is when someone has drinken enough to give them guts, and then they are usually alittle too drunk and it weirds me out

it sucks.

Christy51274 · 03-30-2012, 05:22 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by LaneyDoll

I have had a drink tampered with and I lost a weekend because of it.

But, back to the topic...

If you are hanging out at a bar, make friends with the staff. It never hurts for the bartender to know that you are "family" AND single AND possibly looking. Additionally, they might steer away from someone that you really do not want/need to get too close to.

That makes total sense. Wonder why I never thought of that before? LOL

LaneyDoll · 03-30-2012, 05:38 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Christy51274

That makes total sense. Wonder why I never thought of that before? LOL

I have friends that work at alt bars. They are even on my FB page-lol. It is a good way to keep up with them AND what is going on where they work.

03-29-2012, 07:54 PM	#1
Gráinne Senior Member How Do You Identify?: Neither, nada, out of the box Preferred Pronoun?: My name always works Relationship Status: Happy whatever happens Join Date: Dec 2010 Location: Little Rock Posts: 1,864 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 2,118 Thanked 7,386 Times in 1,457 Posts Rep Power: 21474852	I'm just saying it's my rule that I don't accept drinks sent over. Besides my maybe irrational fear of tampering, sometimes it comes with strings attached and I don't want to invite contact. I think we're getting away from Dancer's question . __________________ The odds of going to the store for a loaf of bread and coming out with only a loaf of bread are three billion to one. ~Erma Bombeck

03-29-2012, 08:03 PM	#3
SoftSilver Infamous Member How Do You Identify?: femme Preferred Pronoun?: she Relationship Status: Married Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: rose cottage Posts: 5,594 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 8,948 Thanked 15,897 Times in 4,064 Posts Rep Power*: 21474857	forget the drink. Next time s/he looks over at you, take out your hankie and drop it intentionally while looking at her/him. Smile and then turn away without picking it up. If you want to dance, dance... __________________ Pole bachit, a lis chuye. The field sees, the forest hears

03-29-2012, 08:06 PM	#4
Lazy Daze Member How Do You Identify?: * Preferred Pronoun?: * Relationship Status: * Join Date: Sep 2011 Location: * Posts: 1,036 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 1,665 Thanked 2,808 Times in 745 Posts Rep Power: 21474852	I will also add.. there are plenty of places to look for a potential partner that are Not gay bars! I don't know where you are from, but in Indiana they had "lesbian" meetings, support groups, meet n greets, through the GLBT and here in Florida they have a group called ProSuzy that has meetings, outings, dinners, potlucks, camping trips, sporting events, dances etc that are for gay women (single and couples). Just a helpful hint.... __________________ *In a world where you can be anything..be Yourself*

03-29-2012, 09:16 PM	#6
Just_G Senior Member How Do You Identify?: Butch, Switch, Comedian...G...whichever. Preferred Pronoun?: He....with an e! Relationship Status: I'll take kinky & twisted for $200, Alex!! Tournaments Won: 1 Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: in the middle Posts: 2,281 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 874 Thanked 6,165 Times in 1,450 Posts Rep Power: 21474855	For me, all it takes is some good eye contact and a smile! If I see that, I will come up and talk to you in a heartbeat, ask you to dance if we are in a club, or just continue flirting across the room....all because you sent me a good signal. I get that people are shy...I know I sure can be, depending on where I am. (shocking, I know!) You don't need to change the way you dress, or even tote around a rainbow flag...if you see a butch that interests you, flirt. Smile. Say hi. The simplest of gestures to a butch makes all the difference in the world...at least to this butch! (not all of us like to be hit with lumber...we can take subtle hints and flirt back from there...lol) __________________ Happy are those who dream and are ready to pay the price to make them come true!

03-30-2012, 12:37 PM	#7
Quintease Member How Do You Identify?: Rainbow femme Preferred Pronoun?: princess Relationship Status: Married Join Date: Apr 2011 Location: United Kingdom Posts: 514 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 508 Thanked 1,817 Times in 417 Posts Rep Power: 10560327	I pulled all of my partners in seedy bars. Even my current partner was someone I kissed while mashed into an all dyke group in a dark and smoky venue. The easiest way to pull someone is indeed, 'Hi'. It is also incredibly scary and don't let anyone tell you otherwise! I used to run on the premise that once she(or he) noticed that I'd opened my mouth to speak to him/her, then I had to continue or risk looking the fool. Most people were polite. One person rolled her eyes and turned her back on me. Quite a few people were charmed If nothing else it teaches you humility. When someone starts flirting with me now I always give them a moment, even if I'm not interested in them. Partly because I like the attention and partly because I know how much it stings to be instantly rejected. __________________ It is not worth an intelligent person's time to be in the majority. By definition, there are already enough people to do that.

03-29-2012, 08:16 PM	#5
Chancie Senior Member How Do You Identify?: queer femme-inist Relationship Status: I'm lucky. Join Date: May 2010 Location: Western Mass Posts: 3,774 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 9,518 Thanked 14,540 Times in 2,744 Posts Rep Power: 21474855	I agree. Bars are not the only place to make friends or to meet someone special though they may be the only game in town in some places. I met Pete in a cafe, and that relaxed atmosphere suits me fine.

03-30-2012, 02:11 PM	#8
CA_BabyCakes Member How Do You Identify?: All Femme Join Date: Mar 2012 Location: \ Posts: 364 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 231 Thanked 1,174 Times in 282 Posts Rep Power: 7129097	I always have the same problem, or the only time i get approached is when someone has drinken enough to give them guts, and then they are usually alittle too drunk and it weirds me out it sucks.