Are butches really a dying breed?

[kittygrrl]

not so much are butches a dying breed but i'm quite sure OS butches are rare everywhere

[TimilDeeps]

Originally Posted by kittygrrl

not so much are butches a dying breed but i'm quite sure OS butches are rare everywhere

Then again, we've always been a rare breed

[LadyRieinAL]

Originally Posted by kittygrrl

not so much are butches a dying breed but i'm quite sure OS butches are rare everywhere

I'm so embarassed to ask, because as long as I have been out, I should know - what is OS Butch? ---- Outstanding?

[LadyRieinAL]

eyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy I think I just figured it out OS = old school?

I'm an old school femme, I think.....
I want someone to open my door
I want someone to pump my gas because they don't want my hands to smell like gas and it isn't offensive on their's.
I want someone who appreciates that I like my make-up and girly shoes and I care nothing about tennis shoes.
The other day, I was chatting with someone who I had met a month or so earlier, and she said her ex told her she wasn't butch enough - and when I asked what did her ex mean - she said, she wanted me to pump her gas, cut her grass, take her garbage out - and she said, I ain't your errand boy...
.so at that point, even though I am capable of doing these things, except for cutting the grass, I'll pay someone to do that, I came to the realization that we were going to be really good FRIENDS.
I've never known any different lifestyle, I've had three relationships, two butch and one ftm and the total of years together is longer than most of the people on here are old - 35 years - so in my mind, it never dawned on me that someone who identified as butch would look at doing these things for their girl would consider this to be a bad thing. But it woke me up to the realization of what is and that I shouldn't just assume. <heavy sigh>

[alexri]

Originally Posted by LadyRieinAL

eyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy I think I just figured it out OS = old school?

I'm an old school femme, I think.....
I want someone to open my door

And as a butch, I totally respect all you want someone to do for you, and that's what I expect/want my roles/jobs to be. And I enjoy doing all that for a femme if it makes her happy. It's done out of love, respect and admiration, or as rituals of the relationship. I do it not because I *have* to but because I *want* to.

In discussions about this w/ other queer friends, some femmes said they didn't want all this because they didn't want to be seen as weaker/lesser, or stuck in 1950's female roles, where the wife just cooked and smiled and looked pretty. I tried to convey that none of these actions are done by a butch to make you feel lesser, not equal, or too weak to handle any of this. And many butches don't do it to carry on hetero roles. It's done as a sign of affection for one's lady. But I don't think some see it that way.

I have heard both extremes from women... that I am not butch enough... and on the other side, sadly from some lesbians, that they might as well just date a guy. I try to explain that we all have our own strengths and weaknesses and sometimes they blur along genderlines.

All the earlier comments about the impact of social media and television make a lot of sense. GLBT visibility is completely different now than it was 10, 20, 30 years ago. When the L Word came out, there were so many Shane look-a-likes it was sad. And when Queer As Folk was out, it was all about the club scene for a lot of gay men. It was like straight teens and fashion magazines... "oh this is what I'm supposed to look like." Just MHO.

[Beloved]

Originally Posted by alexri

In discussions about this w/ other queer friends, some femmes said they didn't want all this because they didn't want to be seen as weaker/lesser, or stuck in 1950's female roles, where the wife just cooked and smiled and looked pretty. I tried to convey that none of these actions are done by a butch to make you feel lesser, not equal, or too weak to handle any of this. And many butches don't do it to carry on hetero roles. It's done as a sign of affection for one's lady. But I don't think some see it that way.

This is a little off topic but the 1950's housewife thing just made me think of it. I have met men and butches who want a 1950's housewife kinda girl and who (butches/men) want to be the head of the house. I find it rather amusing because not only do they want a housewife but they also want their woman to work outside the home. That's NOT a 1950's housewife. That's a slave. They want the feminine person of the relationship to work double time and make all the sacrifices and then have little power in the relationship. No thank you...

[*Anya*]

I do not believe that butches are a "dying breed" (what a phrase!).

There have always been masculine women and there always will be. There always have been the transgendered. There will always be what the Native Americans call the "two spirited".

Any search engine can bring up images of butches from the time that photography was invented and photographers were able to take pictures!

How someone is born is different than whatever role either society or a cohort thrusts upon us.

We may even chose to have roles! (Some femmes may want to be a 1950's housewife!)

There will always be butches and femmes.

How we may chose to live our lives, is something else entirely.

[SleepyButch]

I would hope that we are not a dying breed. Maybe future generations will decide not to use the term Butch.. I don't know.

What I do know is that I would not want to be anything else then what I am right now. If I had a choice in my next life, I would come back as a Butch who loves femmes. I would not want it to be any other way.

[Kobi]

Originally Posted by Beloved

This is a little off topic but the 1950's housewife thing just made me think of it. I have met men and butches who want a 1950's housewife kinda girl and who (butches/men) want to be the head of the house. I find it rather amusing because not only do they want a housewife but they also want their woman to work outside the home. That's NOT a 1950's housewife. That's a slave. They want the feminine person of the relationship to work double time and make all the sacrifices and then have little power in the relationship. No thank you...

I think it helps, maybe, to not confuse id's with personal preferences and basic people stuff.

I have been with femmes who want me to be the head of the house, who wanted to be June Cleaver, who did not want to work outside the home, who were offended if I did a load of laundry or god forbid cooked myself lunch. Didnt work well for me. Does work for others.

People like and want different stuff. Id's do not.

As a female id, feminist butch, I like women who have goals for themselves, personally and professionally, who are looking for a partner to share the load, who strive to develop themselves in ways that help them to refine who they are.

The outside stuff may catch my eye but its the person inside who will hold my attention and gain my respect.

[Beloved]

Originally Posted by Kobi

I have been with femmes who want me to be the head of the house, who wanted to be June Cleaver, who did not want to work outside the home, who were offended if I did a load of laundry or god forbid cooked myself lunch. Didnt work well for me. Does work for others.

I don't think you are understanding my point. It's fine if you want a 1950's housewife that does NOT work outside the home. My complaint is wanting a 1950's housewife AND expect her to work outside the home. That is my complaint. I think it's unfair to try to have it both ways.

If it works for somebody, I guess that's alright. I would feel taken advantage of, personally.