It Hurts Me.

[Toughy]

I went to a party a few weeks ago with someone who wanted to date me. She pulled up outside, and texted me to come on out.

Texting to come out is what I do with friends. Never ever would I do that if I was wanting to date someone or arriving to pick up a date. If this was a date, then I would be wondering lots of things about respect and how she treats dates or lovers or partners and other folks in general.

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I hate the term lady and I cringe every time I see it used in reference to any female-bodied human including femmes. It really does smack of the patriarchy to me. A lady does this and does not do that. Ladies don't show cleavage. Ladies don't act like sluts. Ladies don't swear. Ladies don't walk down the street smoking a cigarette. Ladies cannot open a door for themselves. Ladies do dress conservatively. Ladies wear dresses. Ladies are demur and soft-spoken. I don't think the word lady has come out of my mouth (or fingers) in years upon years.

I really don't treat femmes that much differently than I treat other human beings. I open building doors for everyone including men if I get there first. I open car doors for femmes if we are all dressed up and going on a date.....not likely to do it if we are going to the beach or a hike (but I will come to your door and not text you to come out). I say yes ma'am/sir, no ma'am/sir. I will give up my seat to an elder because I still have trouble remembering I am an elder....laughin....but not always anymore because I sometimes actually do need to sit for my own health reasons.

I think manners and politeness are universal and should be used by everyone. I don't know of a culture that says it's ok to push someone out of the way or knock them down to get ahead in the line. Saying excuse me if you bump someone is another polite thing. Not talking with your mouth full is universal. Burping is ok some places and not others.

Most manners are really just plain old common sense and come from a place of caring, respect and compassion. These things have nothing to do with age....they apply to all age groups.

enough blah blah blah from me

[Quintease]

Originally Posted by Toughy

I hate the term lady and I cringe every time I see it used in reference to any female-bodied human including femmes. It really does smack of the patriarchy to me. A lady does this and does not do that. Ladies don't show cleavage. Ladies don't act like sluts. Ladies don't swear. Ladies don't walk down the street smoking a cigarette. Ladies cannot open a door for themselves. Ladies do dress conservatively. Ladies wear dresses. Ladies are demur and soft-spoken.

I find it interesting how much distaste out there for Lady. I don't use it, yet I know many women who do, I know many gay women who use it regularly. But still it's not common in the gay scene. I went to a lesbian friendly workshop run by a friend of mine. In one of her talks she called us 'you guys' and one of her co-organisers (straight) corrected her with 'ladies'.

[Toughy]

Originally Posted by Quintease

I find it interesting how much distaste out there for Lady. I don't use it, yet I know many women who do, I know many gay women who use it regularly. But still it's not common in the gay scene. I went to a lesbian friendly workshop run by a friend of mine. In one of her talks she called us 'you guys' and one of her co-organisers (straight) corrected her with 'ladies'.

ok..............you reminded me of when I do use it.............it's when I am jokingly sarcastically calling a butch or femme friend(s) a 'gay lady' because of something they are wearing or said or did.....I know, I know, not politically correct but I am like that sometimes.....

(like when a b/f couple end up wearing almost identical clothes and it does happen....they be gay ladies or the ponytail sticking out of the neon orange baseball cap with matching neon orange shorts and an orange striped polo shirt...she be a gay lady)

[Apocalipstic]

LMAO Toughy! Sounds like a University of Tennessee women's basketball game.

I actually do say "lady" for example when I don't know someone's name...ie "the nice lady who helped my aunt".
or the "nice check out lady".

It is a Southern thing, but I probably do need to reconsider its use.

It KILLS me when I go out to eat with obvious Dykes and we get called "ladies"...especially when the wait-person is also obviously a Lesbian. lmaorof.

[BullDog]

Um... when my femme gf and I go to Lady Vols games we are both wearing orange. She likes the term lady for herself, I do not.

[The_Lady_Snow]

Oh my GAY! is the South ever notorious for how women or female bodied folks are addressed. I want to rip eyeballs out when I get the honey, lady, girl, sweetie or missy.

I have a name use it, if not don't.

Arghhh

[Apocalipstic]

Originally Posted by The_Lady_Snow

Oh my GAY! is the South ever notorious for how women or female bodied folks are addressed. I want to rip eyeballs out when I get the honey, lady, girl, sweetie or missy.

I have a name use it, if not don't.

Arghhh

Eeeek, I say all of those things. My personal fav being "Little Missy"

Men get called honey and sweetie too though. Does that help??

Admittedly, a lot of it has to do with me going blank on people's names. lol.

[The_Lady_Snow]

Originally Posted by Apocalipstic

Eeeek, I say all of those things. My personal fav being "Little Missy"

Men get called honey and sweetie too though. Does that help??

Admittedly, a lot of it has to do with me going blank on people's names. lol.

No it doesn't help, it's enabling the shenanigans that you can cross boundaries.

I don't want to walk into a place of business and be spoken to like I'm in pre-school.

The feminist in me SCREAMS when someone dumbs me down or dismisses my wajt with a sugar or a sweetie after I've asked for something 60 x's...

[*Anya*]

Originally Posted by The_Lady_Snow

Oh my GAY! is the South ever notorious for how women or female bodied folks are addressed. I want to rip eyeballs out when I get the honey, lady, girl, sweetie or missy.

I have a name use it, if not don't.

Arghhh

I totally agree!

Unless you are my lover or my mother, do not call me honey or sweetie or any other term that intimates a level of familiarity that we do not possess!

I particularly hate it at the doctor or dentist office.

[Martina]

Bears repeating

Originally Posted by Toughy

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I hate the term lady and I cringe every time I see it used in reference to any female-bodied human including femmes. . . .

I really don't treat femmes that much differently than I treat other human beings. . . .