Original Bad Prose or Stories!

SoNotHer · 05-08-2012, 08:41 AM

Thank you for this, Miss Tick. We definitely have some contenders in this thread.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Truly Scrumptious

Attention all bad writers: The deadline for the annual Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest is June 30, and winners will be announced in early July.

What does it take to enter? Just write the opening sentence to the worst possible novel!

Last year’s overall winner (there are category winners too) was Sue Frodie, with this sentence:

“Cheryl’s mind turned like the vanes of a wind-powered turbine, chopping her sparrow-like thoughts into bloody pieces that fell onto a growing pile of forgotten memories.”

Lovely use of metaphors, don’t you think?

Entries should be sent to: srice@pacbell.net
Details here: http://www.bulwer-lytton.com/

Hollylane · 05-08-2012, 08:51 PM

The town had been cursed, with a curse that would never go away and could never be chased off. There was an unknown reason for the curse, and no apparent cure for the curse that could not be cured. It was a complete conundrum that perplexed the perpetually confused gals from LA when they arrived in a foreign town, in a foreign country, without a gas station or a pump house, just a dirt town in a dusty landscape, but somehow in this strange land they all spoke another language other than the foreign language of the country they lived in on foreign dirty soil. So, they really hadn't needed to learn to speak a second language, because their first language was the same as these foreigners who apparently were home schooled without any outside contact in a language of another foreign country, for no apparent reason that would make it all clear.

SoNotHer · 05-09-2012, 10:42 AM

Morning Love Song

"Bitch,
I know you
didn't forget
to put some
Jim Beam
in my coffee!"
a coffee mug shatters
and coffee splatters
down the snarled lip
of black velvet Elvis.

==================================================

Variation on William Carlos Williams

This is just to say
I've eaten everything
in the icebox
(belch)

Truly Scrumptious · 05-09-2012, 11:07 AM

Variation on the variation

This is just to say
You wouldn’t have known
How sweet or how cold
Those plums were
Had you not eaten them
Plus you finished all the milk
So no Cheerios instead
Forgive you, seriously?

SoNotHer · 05-09-2012, 11:08 AM

Great pick up and follow through - I'd be in a baton race with you any day, TS :-)

Quote:

Originally Posted by Truly Scrumptious

Variation on the variation

This is just to say
You wouldn’t have known
How sweet or how cold
Those plums were
Had you not eaten them
Plus you finished all the milk
So no Cheerios instead
Forgive you, seriously?

Hollylane · 05-09-2012, 12:10 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by SoNotHer

Morning Love Song

"Bitch,
I know you
didn't forget
to put some
Jim Beam
in my coffee!"
a coffee mug shatters
and coffee splatters
down the snarled lip
of black velvet Elvis.

==================================================

Variation on William Carlos Williams

This is just to say
I've eaten everything
in the icebox
(belch)

Oh jeez....These are effing hysterical....

Quote:

Originally Posted by Truly Scrumptious

Variation on the variation

This is just to say
You wouldn’t have known
How sweet or how cold
Those plums were
Had you not eaten them
Plus you finished all the milk
So no Cheerios instead
Forgive you, seriously?

Ha ha ha!

Hollylane · 05-09-2012, 09:25 PM

Who's smokin'?

It weren't long after
there were peals of loud laughter
I said thong, not bong.

05-08-2012, 08:51 PM	#2
Hollylane Practically Lives Here How Do You Identify?: . Preferred Pronoun?: . Relationship Status: . Join Date: Jun 2011 Location: . Posts: 11,495 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 34,694 Thanked 26,362 Times in 5,875 Posts Rep Power: 21474862	The town had been cursed, with a curse that would never go away and could never be chased off. There was an unknown reason for the curse, and no apparent cure for the curse that could not be cured. It was a complete conundrum that perplexed the perpetually confused gals from LA when they arrived in a foreign town, in a foreign country, without a gas station or a pump house, just a dirt town in a dusty landscape, but somehow in this strange land they all spoke another language other than the foreign language of the country they lived in on foreign dirty soil. So, they really hadn't needed to learn to speak a second language, because their first language was the same as these foreigners who apparently were home schooled without any outside contact in a language of another foreign country, for no apparent reason that would make it all clear.

05-09-2012, 10:42 AM	#3
SoNotHer Senior Member How Do You Identify?: Professional Sandbagger and Jenga Zumba Instructor Join Date: Sep 2011 Location: In the master control room of my world domination dreams Posts: 2,811 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 6,587 Thanked 4,734 Times in 1,409 Posts Rep Power: 21474852	Morning Love Song "Bitch, I know you didn't forget to put some Jim Beam in my coffee!" a coffee mug shatters and coffee splatters down the snarled lip of black velvet Elvis. ================================================== Variation on William Carlos Williams This is just to say I've eaten everything in the icebox (belch)

05-09-2012, 11:07 AM	#4
Truly Scrumptious Member How Do You Identify?: Femme Relationship Status: She's my mirror twin, my next of kin Join Date: Sep 2011 Location: Entre Lajeunesse et la sagesse Posts: 667 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 2,047 Thanked 1,757 Times in 548 Posts Rep Power: 21474851	Variation on the variation This is just to say You wouldn’t have known How sweet or how cold Those plums were Had you not eaten them Plus you finished all the milk So no Cheerios instead Forgive you, seriously?

05-09-2012, 09:25 PM	#7
Hollylane Practically Lives Here How Do You Identify?: . Preferred Pronoun?: . Relationship Status: . Join Date: Jun 2011 Location: . Posts: 11,495 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 34,694 Thanked 26,362 Times in 5,875 Posts Rep Power: 21474862	Who's smokin'? It weren't long after there were peals of loud laughter I said thong, not bong.