Long Distance - How do you cope?

Sachita · 05-09-2012, 07:15 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by DapperButch

I hear you, but I guess because I would not be willing to date long distance, inside of a month works for me. Meeting people quickly keeps one from getting too emotionally invested.

Yes, I can be pragmatic when it comes to dating!

I am open to face to face right away, no doubt and I agree that chemistry goes a long way, however there are so many factors I need to consider when thinking about a partner. I guess the older I get the more I look at the whole picture and approach relationships as total partnerships. I've done the passionate flights of fancy with no foundation and it really doesnt work for me any more.

Before someone comes into my life they need to understand some things about me. I am tired of investing so much time and energy to have it fall apart in a few months. I'd rather take my time, enjoy that person and learn about them. I want them to know that I can sometimes be aloof, distant and that I'm just not your typical woman. They need to understand that i have strong family commitments and how busy I am. If they are needy and demanding emotionally I may not be the right person for them. You learn this through any type of contact, why not learn this before spending money and too much time? I am also a naturally dominant and controlling woman with a strong maternal side. I can tell people this but they just don't get it until they are interacting with me or they may think they know what it means (most are wrong btw) and learn that really I'm not as hardcore as it may seem.

But I would most certainly be open to them flying in and meeting. I'd like at least a few weeks of talking, discovering and seeing if we may be compatible even as friends. In fact I'd love to start all relationships as friends.

Darbonaire · 05-09-2012, 09:36 AM

[QUOTE=Sachita;581405]I am open to face to face right away, no doubt and I agree that chemistry goes a long way, however there are so many factors I need to consider when thinking about a partner. I guess the older I get the more I look at the whole picture and approach relationships as total partnerships. I've done the passionate flights of fancy with no foundation and it really doesnt work for me any more.

Before someone comes into my life they need to understand some things about me. I am tired of investing so much time and energy to have it fall apart in a few months. I'd rather take my time, enjoy that person and learn about them. I want them to know that I can sometimes be aloof, distant and that I'm just not your typical woman. They need to understand that i have strong family commitments and how busy I am. If they are needy and demanding emotionally I may not be the right person for them. You learn this through any type of contact, why not learn this before spending money and too much time? I am also a naturally dominant and controlling woman with a strong maternal side. I can tell people this but they just don't get it until they are interacting with me or they may think they know what it means (most are wrong btw) and learn that really I'm not as hardcore as it may seem.

But I would most certainly be open to them flying in and meeting. I'd like at least a few weeks of talking, discovering and seeing if we may be compatible even as friends. In fact I'd love to start all relationships as friends.[/QUOTE]

That's the best way to be sure !

dixie · 05-09-2012, 09:52 AM

LDRs suck. We cope though, thru daily phone calls, packages in the mail, and seeing one another as often as possible. We are able to make do with the distance much better than not being together at all...that is how we cope.

Beloved · 05-09-2012, 11:14 AM

No Pressure intended! I can see how it came off that way.

Sachita · 05-09-2012, 03:02 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by dixie

LDRs suck. We cope though, thru daily phone calls, packages in the mail, and seeing one another as often as possible. We are able to make do with the distance much better than not being together at all...that is how we cope.

lol tell us how you really feel!

DapperButch · 05-09-2012, 03:38 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sachita

I am open to face to face right away, no doubt and I agree that chemistry goes a long way, however there are so many factors I need to consider when thinking about a partner. I guess the older I get the more I look at the whole picture and approach relationships as total partnerships. I've done the passionate flights of fancy with no foundation and it really doesnt work for me any more.

Before someone comes into my life they need to understand some things about me. I am tired of investing so much time and energy to have it fall apart in a few months. I'd rather take my time, enjoy that person and learn about them. I want them to know that I can sometimes be aloof, distant and that I'm just not your typical woman. They need to understand that i have strong family commitments and how busy I am. If they are needy and demanding emotionally I may not be the right person for them. You learn this through any type of contact, why not learn this before spending money and too much time? I am also a naturally dominant and controlling woman with a strong maternal side. I can tell people this but they just don't get it until they are interacting with me or they may think they know what it means (most are wrong btw) and learn that really I'm not as hardcore as it may seem.

But I would most certainly be open to them flying in and meeting. I'd like at least a few weeks of talking, discovering and seeing if we may be compatible even as friends. In fact I'd love to start all relationships as friends.

Yes, I was speaking about meeting sooner rather than later, not dating sooner rather than later. Meaning, to me the meeting would be about figuring out if you even want to go on a date.

SleepyButch · 06-11-2012, 01:03 PM

I have to agree that it is important to meet sooner rather than later. If you don't, you may spend all this amount of time and energy on something that may not work once you meet. Of course there is always the possibility that even after you meet several times, spend a lot of money, move in together, that it may not work as well, but at least you can say you tried.

LDRs stink but sometimes relationships right in front of your face do as well. lol

Leigh · 06-11-2012, 03:07 PM

I've done a few LDR's in my life and they never worked out but it certainly wasn't for a lack of trying on our parts and yes we met but life just gets in the way and things happen. My current partner and I are in different countries, hy is in the States and I am in Canada, we spend alot of time chatting on yahoo and I'm writing hym a letter right now as well (hopefully we'll talk on the phone soon too). We plan on meeting in September at the Reunion and I'm really looking forward to getting to spend that weekend with hym! Its all about communication, spending as much time doing things together as chatting online, texting if you can, skyping also if you can, phone calls, letters etc all of those things will help ~ doesn't make the stupid distance any easier, but it does help to strengthen the relationship and bring both people closer together

Teddybear · 06-11-2012, 04:27 PM

I have done LDRs before and I have always met within a 2 month period of starting to talk however this time was different. My girl and I started talking and within 2 and half weeks we had to meet we planned it then we were joking around and I got off work earlier and drove the 6 hrs to see her without a plan on where I was staying, what we were going to do or anything.

The minute we both got out of our cars and hugged for the first time I knew and so did she we had finally found what we had been missing.

We TALK on the phone all the time about everything, in the last month we have over 7000+ texts God only knows how many hrs we spend on the phone.

We have had 2 meetings since the 1st one and another 1 coming up soon. We havent worked out a schedule of our meetings yet however we both know that being apart isnt working for us.

We have plans for differnt things for July, August and I think early Sept however I think as long as we keep true to ourselves and our commitment to our love then this LDR is going to work till we make the final move to live together and be a family in the same space.

Communication is the key. Talk about everything NO matter how difficult it is

That is my .02 worth

Hack · 06-11-2012, 04:51 PM

I have done a few LDRs in my life, including one that was transatlantic (highly romantic, but wholly impractical).

I have found that there have to be some key elements for me:

1. Trust. You have to trust each other, just like in any relationship, I suppose.

2. Communication. It is important to me that my girlfriend knows and feels she can say anything to me. And I mean anything.

3. Go slow. I'm highly averse to the UHaul after one really bad experience in my past. I like taking it slow.

4. Always set the next visit before you leave. That way you both know there's a next visit scheduled -- it helps you plan life and it helps with #3.

5. Live like a local. Too often, I think LDR-ers fall into having serial vacations and not a relationship. I find ways to "live like a local" when I am there. Grocery shop together, run errands, walk the dog, take out the trash, cook together. In other words, play house a bit. Don't make it purely about sexual vacations.

Just some bits of advice.

Jake

06-11-2012, 03:07 PM	#8
Leigh Infamous Member How Do You Identify?: Femme Preferred Pronoun?: She, Her, etc Relationship Status: Single Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Canada Posts: 7,767 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 9,029 Thanked 13,024 Times in 4,784 Posts Rep Power: 21474859	I've done a few LDR's in my life and they never worked out but it certainly wasn't for a lack of trying on our parts and yes we met but life just gets in the way and things happen. My current partner and I are in different countries, hy is in the States and I am in Canada, we spend alot of time chatting on yahoo and I'm writing hym a letter right now as well (hopefully we'll talk on the phone soon too). We plan on meeting in September at the Reunion and I'm really looking forward to getting to spend that weekend with hym! Its all about communication, spending as much time doing things together as chatting online, texting if you can, skyping also if you can, phone calls, letters etc all of those things will help ~ doesn't make the stupid distance any easier, but it does help to strengthen the relationship and bring both people closer together __________________ "When you fall off the wagon ... clutch the sides of it until you get a better grip!"

05-09-2012, 09:36 AM	#2
Darbonaire Timed Out How Do You Identify?: MALE Preferred Pronoun?: He Relationship Status: Working on myself, thank you Join Date: Jul 2011 Location: Virginia Posts: 186 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 343 Thanked 552 Times in 145 Posts Rep Power: 0	[QUOTE=Sachita;581405]I am open to face to face right away, no doubt and I agree that chemistry goes a long way, however there are so many factors I need to consider when thinking about a partner. I guess the older I get the more I look at the whole picture and approach relationships as total partnerships. I've done the passionate flights of fancy with no foundation and it really doesnt work for me any more. Before someone comes into my life they need to understand some things about me. I am tired of investing so much time and energy to have it fall apart in a few months. I'd rather take my time, enjoy that person and learn about them. I want them to know that I can sometimes be aloof, distant and that I'm just not your typical woman. They need to understand that i have strong family commitments and how busy I am. If they are needy and demanding emotionally I may not be the right person for them. You learn this through any type of contact, why not learn this before spending money and too much time? I am also a naturally dominant and controlling woman with a strong maternal side. I can tell people this but they just don't get it until they are interacting with me or they may think they know what it means (most are wrong btw) and learn that really I'm not as hardcore as it may seem. But I would most certainly be open to them flying in and meeting. I'd like at least a few weeks of talking, discovering and seeing if we may be compatible even as friends. In fact I'd love to start all relationships as friends.[/QUOTE] That's the best way to be sure !

05-09-2012, 09:52 AM	#3
dixie Infamous Member How Do You Identify?: I usually just poke it with a stick. Preferred Pronoun?: Bitch Relationship Status: Intertwined deeply Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: We're all a little mad here. Posts: 6,627 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 10,972 Thanked 21,383 Times in 4,808 Posts Rep Power: 21474858	LDRs suck. We cope though, thru daily phone calls, packages in the mail, and seeing one another as often as possible. We are able to make do with the distance much better than not being together at all...that is how we cope.

05-09-2012, 11:14 AM	#4
Beloved Member How Do You Identify?: alive Preferred Pronoun?: um Relationship Status: married Join Date: Sep 2011 Location: on the stars Posts: 460 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 1,415 Thanked 1,653 Times in 298 Posts Rep Power: 19348703	No Pressure intended! I can see how it came off that way.

06-11-2012, 01:03 PM	#7
SleepyButch Senior Member How Do You Identify?: Dude Preferred Pronoun?: He, Him Relationship Status: Taken Join Date: Jun 2012 Location: Hidden Valley Ranch Posts: 3,511 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 6,220 Thanked 11,248 Times in 2,754 Posts Rep Power: 21474853	I have to agree that it is important to meet sooner rather than later. If you don't, you may spend all this amount of time and energy on something that may not work once you meet. Of course there is always the possibility that even after you meet several times, spend a lot of money, move in together, that it may not work as well, but at least you can say you tried. LDRs stink but sometimes relationships right in front of your face do as well. lol

06-11-2012, 04:27 PM	#9
Teddybear Senior Member How Do You Identify?: by my name Preferred Pronoun?: He, him Relationship Status: single Join Date: Jun 2010 Location: Here there everywhere. Posts: 2,097 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 4,620 Thanked 6,233 Times in 1,687 Posts Rep Power: 21474854	I have done LDRs before and I have always met within a 2 month period of starting to talk however this time was different. My girl and I started talking and within 2 and half weeks we had to meet we planned it then we were joking around and I got off work earlier and drove the 6 hrs to see her without a plan on where I was staying, what we were going to do or anything. The minute we both got out of our cars and hugged for the first time I knew and so did she we had finally found what we had been missing. We TALK on the phone all the time about everything, in the last month we have over 7000+ texts God only knows how many hrs we spend on the phone. We have had 2 meetings since the 1st one and another 1 coming up soon. We havent worked out a schedule of our meetings yet however we both know that being apart isnt working for us. We have plans for differnt things for July, August and I think early Sept however I think as long as we keep true to ourselves and our commitment to our love then this LDR is going to work till we make the final move to live together and be a family in the same space. Communication is the key. Talk about everything NO matter how difficult it is That is my .02 worth

06-11-2012, 04:51 PM	#10
Hack Just a guy. How Do You Identify?: Just a guy Preferred Pronoun?: male Relationship Status: Sparkle's consort Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: MA Posts: 1,458 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 807 Thanked 3,776 Times in 958 Posts Rep Power: 21474853	I have done a few LDRs in my life, including one that was transatlantic (highly romantic, but wholly impractical). I have found that there have to be some key elements for me: 1. Trust. You have to trust each other, just like in any relationship, I suppose. 2. Communication. It is important to me that my girlfriend knows and feels she can say anything to me. And I mean anything. 3. Go slow. I'm highly averse to the UHaul after one really bad experience in my past. I like taking it slow. 4. Always set the next visit before you leave. That way you both know there's a next visit scheduled -- it helps you plan life and it helps with #3. 5. Live like a local. Too often, I think LDR-ers fall into having serial vacations and not a relationship. I find ways to "live like a local" when I am there. Grocery shop together, run errands, walk the dog, take out the trash, cook together. In other words, play house a bit. Don't make it purely about sexual vacations. Just some bits of advice. Jake