What makes a Butch "Butch"

[Parker]

I havent yet evolved to the point where being called sir or having mail addressed to Mr. Wolf doesnt bother me. I would like to say that I have but it would be bullshit - it hurts and pisses me off at the same time - which is interesting, seeings how it happens all the time - you'd think I'd be used to it by now.

Like Wolfsong, I am surprised they dont see these huge tits - even in an over-sized t-shirt, they are still quite prominent and enter a room a few minutes before I do. I would love to get a breast reduction if for no other reason than to be able to lay on my stomach without having to adjust them and move them out of the way.

But I digress with my TMI ...

I have to agree with what Wolfsong said about being invisible - no, I dont expect strangers to know anything about my sexuality or gender identity, but being invisible as a woman simply because I am masculine gets tiresome - hell, it even happens on sites like this where "he/hy" is still the default for a lot of folks when addressing butches.

I dont like being invisible, but I refuse to change who I am or how I dress in order for others to "see" me; so I just have to suck it up and find a way to get past the hurt and anger and come to understand that no harm is meant - some people will just never see me.

I hope one day to evolve into that state of Zen where things like that dont even come up on my radar of things that bug the crap out of me.

[BullDog]

I don't pay much attention to whether someone calls me Sir, Ma'am, he, she etc when it's coming from store clerks or some other customer service person. I figure they are either required to say it or they are saying it out or habit. Not everyone who says "have a nice day" truly means it, lol.

When it comes to butch femme communities it is extremely invalidating and frustrating when male defaults are used. Most butches are not male or male id'd so why this continues to be perpetuated is truly beyond me. I thought we were trying to get past the binary. It's certainly not as bad on this site as others but it still occurs.

I am happy to refer to anyone by he or hy if that is what that individual prefers. However most butches are not he/hy and when it is used as a default I just feel the person doing it must be truly out of touch with the reality of how most butches live or they do it to not offend males (which is another sign of male being valued over female). The argument that we have to use he/hy for butches and she for femmes to tell the difference between the two is truly beyond ridiculous to me.